Chapter 12: in which there is Much Drunkenness and Little Talk
"Good evening prossifer." Lupin slurred.
Minerva narrowed her eyes dangerously at the man. "Honestly Remus!" she scolded pushing her way past him and into the room, "Drinking on a school night? What could possibly be that bad?"
Lupin snarled at her in a truly Werewolf-like manner, "You don't want to know." He slammed the door and slunk miserably - and crookedly - to a chair where he threw himself with dramatic flare that would have made even Malfoy jealous.
Minerva waved her wand in an almost casual manner causing ropes to fly from it and bind Lupin to his chair. "Don't tell me what I do and do not want to know Remus Alexander Lupin!" the stern woman snapped. "Now tell me why you're drunk at school, and more importantly why on earth Severus Snape has taken to asking ME for advice." The glint in her eyes suggested quite vehemently that she would use vertiserum, the imperious curse or both to get the answers she was seeking.
A burst of hysterical laughter from the DADA professor reminded Minerva that he was still raving drunk. She waved her wand and murmured a sobering spell, twice. That seemed to do the trick, Remus' laughing face turned angry, his posture beneath the restraints was tense instead of slack, and the string of curses he released in a tone he probably hope she couldn't hear well proved him to be quite lucid. Silencing his muttered tirade with a single Glare Minerva switched back to the matter at hand.
"Now, Lupin, I believe you have al lot of explaining to do," Minerva began in her best teacher-to-misunderstood-five-year-old voice, "and you have one choice: we can discuss this now, or I can bring Dumbledore with me and we can discuss it then."
~
"But what do I DO?" there was a trace if a whine in Hermione's voice as she slumped onto a bar stool.
Ginny took a seat at her friend's side and tentatively reached out a hand to rub her tense shoulders. "First you need to relax." She said in a soothing voice, smothering a smile. A few hours earlier Hermione had called in hysterics babbling something about dinner, fire, awkwardness, and love in an incomprehensible drivel that lasted until Ginny had yelled into the hone that she was coming right over and they would talk then. Dragging Hermione to a near-by bar hadn't been too difficult when she mentioned the enormous quantities of alcohol a person could consume there. Instead the hard part of her plan had surfaced when she tried to get Hermione to talk in an intelligible way about her date.
From the information she was able to glean - before her friend arrived at the bar and began downing martinis at the speed of light - she assumed that the date itself had been a disaster, but that Hermione was convinced that, despite the horrendous dinner experience, she had some compatibility with her former professor. She rubbed her hands in a soothing rhythm across Hermione's back, loosening the knotted muscle with practiced hands. A sigh of contentment escaped Hermione's lips and she placed her head and martini glass down on the table with surprisingly faultless synchronization. Letting out a sigh of her own - which bordered very nearly on a groan - Ginny shook her friend by the shoulders, "Hermione," she hissed, "Hermione." The urge to duplicate her friend's actions and collapse on the table made Ginny laugh aloud. She shook harder, finally raising Hermione from her inebriated state enough to sling one arm around her waist and, tossing some coins on the bar to pay for their drinks, apparated to Hermione's flat.
"Sit!" Ginny ordered, pushing her intoxicated friend into a chair. She moved some pillows around to make Hermione comfortable before wandering into the kitchen to brew some coffee. She wasn't very experienced at dealing with drunks as her brothers had never had the nerve to come home under the influence, but from all she had heard coffee was the best drink to sober someone quickly.
When the drink was ready Ginny filled a pair of mugs and returned to where Hermione lay in a drunken stupor. "Herm!" she shouted, allowing herself a wide grin when Hermione started violently and feel part-way out of her chair. She placed a mug of the hot liquid in Hermione's hands and took a seat opposite her. "Drink that. It'll help" she said, taking a sip of her own. As a stroke of last-minute genius Ginny had added a sobering potion to Hermione's mug.
~
"Look," Severus said, his tone reminiscent of the parent of a three year old being told for the three hundred and forty seventh time to NOT touch the hot stove, "I didn't come here for sex advice from you Draco." He paused, appearing to be pondering a great thought, "I don't believe I even came here for advice from you at all." He turned his gaze to Potter, who had been up until this point sitting in the corner of the room wishing he could simply summon his dad's old invisibility cloak and disappear. "When I owled you I was told Potter here would be more than willing to speak to me." His obsidian gaze turned cold and focused once again on Draco, "Yet you seem wholly unwilling for me to gain the advice I am seeking. I thought you wanted this to work." The accusation in his last sentence hung heavy in the air.
It had been a long night for the Potions master. When he had left his chambers in search of advice his plan had been to go to Lupin. But about half-way to his former friend's quarters he recalled Remus' last bit of advice and had turned instead to Minerva for some sound council. He had hoped she would be as willing to give him advice as she had been before, but his hopes were dashed. Instead of sitting him down for a cup of tea and some spinsterly advice she had flat-out refused to humor him and had only said that he should go to the lady herself for advice from now on, which was preposterous. How could he go to Hermione and tell her he adored her but didn't want to show it too soon at the risk of scaring her away, it would most assuredly defeat the entire purpose. Deciding that Minerva's advice was futile Severus had sought out the only person he knew who might be able and willing to help him - Harry Potter. Of course in his rush he had failed to remember that it was nearly impossible now-a-days to talk to Potter without Draco Malfoy hovering in the background spouting his unsolicited opinions. It didn't help that Draco had been on his fifth or sixth martini when Severus had arrived and alcohol only helped to increase the amount of irritation Severus was able to feel towards him.
Harry cleared his throat somewhat nervously, sending Draco a look that clearly screamed 'be quiet for once'. "Of course we want this to work." He said, "I just don't know what I can tell you that would help. Girls aren't exactly my specialty." He shrugged lightly.
"Nor are they Draco's but yet he seems only too willing to pepper me with ridiculous suggestions." The Potions Master commented dryly, eliciting a laugh from Harry. Truly some of Draco's suggestions had been ridiculous. Harry's personal favorite being 'Just go over there, knock on her door and tell her you want to shag her senseless. It worked for me.'
"Well," Harry began uncertainly, "I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll try my best."
For the next three hours Severus and Harry sat in front of the fire, talking about Hermione. Harry answered all of his former professor's questions and even threw in some entertaining anecdotes. When Severus finally rose to leave both men were smiling with delight at their plans.
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A/N: Ok. I think this chapter is kind of weird, nothing really happens, but it's a perfect set-up for the next one ( which hopefully will be up before Christmas, but I'm not promising anything. Anyhow. THANK YOU to everyone who read my last chapter ( you guys are wonderful.
PLEASE REVIEW!
"Good evening prossifer." Lupin slurred.
Minerva narrowed her eyes dangerously at the man. "Honestly Remus!" she scolded pushing her way past him and into the room, "Drinking on a school night? What could possibly be that bad?"
Lupin snarled at her in a truly Werewolf-like manner, "You don't want to know." He slammed the door and slunk miserably - and crookedly - to a chair where he threw himself with dramatic flare that would have made even Malfoy jealous.
Minerva waved her wand in an almost casual manner causing ropes to fly from it and bind Lupin to his chair. "Don't tell me what I do and do not want to know Remus Alexander Lupin!" the stern woman snapped. "Now tell me why you're drunk at school, and more importantly why on earth Severus Snape has taken to asking ME for advice." The glint in her eyes suggested quite vehemently that she would use vertiserum, the imperious curse or both to get the answers she was seeking.
A burst of hysterical laughter from the DADA professor reminded Minerva that he was still raving drunk. She waved her wand and murmured a sobering spell, twice. That seemed to do the trick, Remus' laughing face turned angry, his posture beneath the restraints was tense instead of slack, and the string of curses he released in a tone he probably hope she couldn't hear well proved him to be quite lucid. Silencing his muttered tirade with a single Glare Minerva switched back to the matter at hand.
"Now, Lupin, I believe you have al lot of explaining to do," Minerva began in her best teacher-to-misunderstood-five-year-old voice, "and you have one choice: we can discuss this now, or I can bring Dumbledore with me and we can discuss it then."
~
"But what do I DO?" there was a trace if a whine in Hermione's voice as she slumped onto a bar stool.
Ginny took a seat at her friend's side and tentatively reached out a hand to rub her tense shoulders. "First you need to relax." She said in a soothing voice, smothering a smile. A few hours earlier Hermione had called in hysterics babbling something about dinner, fire, awkwardness, and love in an incomprehensible drivel that lasted until Ginny had yelled into the hone that she was coming right over and they would talk then. Dragging Hermione to a near-by bar hadn't been too difficult when she mentioned the enormous quantities of alcohol a person could consume there. Instead the hard part of her plan had surfaced when she tried to get Hermione to talk in an intelligible way about her date.
From the information she was able to glean - before her friend arrived at the bar and began downing martinis at the speed of light - she assumed that the date itself had been a disaster, but that Hermione was convinced that, despite the horrendous dinner experience, she had some compatibility with her former professor. She rubbed her hands in a soothing rhythm across Hermione's back, loosening the knotted muscle with practiced hands. A sigh of contentment escaped Hermione's lips and she placed her head and martini glass down on the table with surprisingly faultless synchronization. Letting out a sigh of her own - which bordered very nearly on a groan - Ginny shook her friend by the shoulders, "Hermione," she hissed, "Hermione." The urge to duplicate her friend's actions and collapse on the table made Ginny laugh aloud. She shook harder, finally raising Hermione from her inebriated state enough to sling one arm around her waist and, tossing some coins on the bar to pay for their drinks, apparated to Hermione's flat.
"Sit!" Ginny ordered, pushing her intoxicated friend into a chair. She moved some pillows around to make Hermione comfortable before wandering into the kitchen to brew some coffee. She wasn't very experienced at dealing with drunks as her brothers had never had the nerve to come home under the influence, but from all she had heard coffee was the best drink to sober someone quickly.
When the drink was ready Ginny filled a pair of mugs and returned to where Hermione lay in a drunken stupor. "Herm!" she shouted, allowing herself a wide grin when Hermione started violently and feel part-way out of her chair. She placed a mug of the hot liquid in Hermione's hands and took a seat opposite her. "Drink that. It'll help" she said, taking a sip of her own. As a stroke of last-minute genius Ginny had added a sobering potion to Hermione's mug.
~
"Look," Severus said, his tone reminiscent of the parent of a three year old being told for the three hundred and forty seventh time to NOT touch the hot stove, "I didn't come here for sex advice from you Draco." He paused, appearing to be pondering a great thought, "I don't believe I even came here for advice from you at all." He turned his gaze to Potter, who had been up until this point sitting in the corner of the room wishing he could simply summon his dad's old invisibility cloak and disappear. "When I owled you I was told Potter here would be more than willing to speak to me." His obsidian gaze turned cold and focused once again on Draco, "Yet you seem wholly unwilling for me to gain the advice I am seeking. I thought you wanted this to work." The accusation in his last sentence hung heavy in the air.
It had been a long night for the Potions master. When he had left his chambers in search of advice his plan had been to go to Lupin. But about half-way to his former friend's quarters he recalled Remus' last bit of advice and had turned instead to Minerva for some sound council. He had hoped she would be as willing to give him advice as she had been before, but his hopes were dashed. Instead of sitting him down for a cup of tea and some spinsterly advice she had flat-out refused to humor him and had only said that he should go to the lady herself for advice from now on, which was preposterous. How could he go to Hermione and tell her he adored her but didn't want to show it too soon at the risk of scaring her away, it would most assuredly defeat the entire purpose. Deciding that Minerva's advice was futile Severus had sought out the only person he knew who might be able and willing to help him - Harry Potter. Of course in his rush he had failed to remember that it was nearly impossible now-a-days to talk to Potter without Draco Malfoy hovering in the background spouting his unsolicited opinions. It didn't help that Draco had been on his fifth or sixth martini when Severus had arrived and alcohol only helped to increase the amount of irritation Severus was able to feel towards him.
Harry cleared his throat somewhat nervously, sending Draco a look that clearly screamed 'be quiet for once'. "Of course we want this to work." He said, "I just don't know what I can tell you that would help. Girls aren't exactly my specialty." He shrugged lightly.
"Nor are they Draco's but yet he seems only too willing to pepper me with ridiculous suggestions." The Potions Master commented dryly, eliciting a laugh from Harry. Truly some of Draco's suggestions had been ridiculous. Harry's personal favorite being 'Just go over there, knock on her door and tell her you want to shag her senseless. It worked for me.'
"Well," Harry began uncertainly, "I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll try my best."
For the next three hours Severus and Harry sat in front of the fire, talking about Hermione. Harry answered all of his former professor's questions and even threw in some entertaining anecdotes. When Severus finally rose to leave both men were smiling with delight at their plans.
_____________________________________________
A/N: Ok. I think this chapter is kind of weird, nothing really happens, but it's a perfect set-up for the next one ( which hopefully will be up before Christmas, but I'm not promising anything. Anyhow. THANK YOU to everyone who read my last chapter ( you guys are wonderful.
PLEASE REVIEW!