Chapter 13: In which there is a Declaration of Sorts
When Lupin finished his explanation Minerva sat and stared silently. She had known that whatever was wrong with the two professors' friendship had been serious, but she would never have guessed this. "Let me get this straight." she said slowly, sounding uncharacteristically like a third year student. "You're in. love." she struggled mightily with the word, as if it was unfamiliar and wholly unpleasant, "with Severus." She shook her head to clear it. "Does he know?"
Lupin looked at her askance. "Of COURSE not!" he said emphatically. "DO you think he would - even for a moment - even consider continuing our friendship if he knew??" He rose from his chair and paced, distractedly waving his arms in the air as he continued to talk. "What about if he knew WHY I wouldn't - couldn't really - help him with his Hermione infatuation? That I was JEALOUS? That I wanted to die?" the last question was asked with such finality and sorrow that Minerva felt a sob welling up in the back of her throat.
"So what are you going to do?" she asked softly, kindly. "Obviously you can't have your normal friendship back, at least not yet." She stood and walked to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But he needs you now more than he ever has or will, and as his friend you cannot refuse him Remus. You know you can't"
A shudder ran though Remus' frame, followed closely by another. Silent sobs convulsed him as he stood, his back to Minerva, tears streaming down his face. He knew what he had to do, but it wasn't going to be easy. He had to, for the second time in his life, give up his own happiness for that of a friend. He knew he would do it, and that it would be no easier than the last time.
/The last time./ Remus allowed himself to be guided back to a chair by the none-too-gentle hand on his shoulder while his mind drifted back in time.
~
/Cold air slapped his face as he walked out across the moor. It had been two days and the pain was still as acute as it had ever been. He hadn't really expected this type of anguish. After all, it wasn't as if Lily had died, she had simply moved on - away from Remus and towards James.
Pretty, vivacious Lily Potter. It was practically impossible to begrudge her the happiness she had found in her new lover. Her history was not unhappy, but neither was it something to be coveted. Her father and mother had pampered their youngest to a fault, and her sister and she had gotten along famously. At least until the letter came. He remembered talking to Lily in Second year. She had been crying in the library and he had gone over to give her a hug. She had blubbered all over his robes, spilling out her sad tale one brokenhearted sob at a time.
Her sister, her beautiful, perfect, loving sister had turned formal and stiff. No longer was she the comforting young woman Lily had known. She dreaded going home for Christmas. Remus held her gently and rocked her until her weeping subsided and she fell asleep in his arms.
That evening had started a strange relationship. For months the pair danced around each other and the topic of their relationship, meeting in secret, exchanging brief, awkward kisses in a secluded section of the library. It took months before any of the Marauders caught on to Lupin's secret, and by the time they did it was too late. He was in Love.
His first real Date with Lily had been in his third year. In the spring he had asked Lily to accompany him to Hogsmead. That was the day his relationship with her began as well as the day it began to unravel.
Lilly Evans had never talked to James Potter until she arrived at Hogsmead that Saturday. They had always been in the same classes, but, ever the conscientious student, Lily had held very few friends who were not in Ravenclaw, and would never have considered James as a friend without a push from Remus. And just as he could not begrudge Lily her happiness, Remus could not fault himself for encouraging Lily to befriend James.
The first meeting between Lily and James had been an awkward one. Lily had noticed the popular Gryffindor several times, but did not hold any high opinions of him, in fact she found him arrogant and despised his treatment of Severus Snape, and other unpopular students, finding it despicable. She had even attempted to persuade Remus that James wasn't worth the effort of befriending. James on the other hand was fascinated by the pretty and unattainable prefect. Their first meeting in Hogsmead began James' three year quest to bring himself into Lily's favor.
As the years passes Lily continued to resist James' charms and tried repeatedly to convince Remus that James and Sirius Black would only bring him down. He refused to give them up and their relationship became very strained and fragile. Remus was brokenhearted.
In seventh year the inevitable event finally occurred. Lily was made Head Girl and James made Head Boy. Lily was forced by the constant contact to admit she had been wrong about James and she began to succumb to his charms. Remus had watched in anguish as she had slipped away from her.
Remus had begun to spend more and more time by himself in seventh year, using his NEWTs as an excuse for his constant absence from the common room. The moor became a constant haunt and he spent many evenings there, throwing rocks into the surf and slowly relinquishing his attachment to Lily Evans. \
~
Remus had been asked once why he hadn't grieved for Lily, he had never answered, but he had known. There was no need for him to grieve her when that was all he had been doing for three years.
~
Hermione downed the coffee nearly as quickly as she had the martinis at the bar and felt immediately more alert. "What did you put in here?" She asked Ginny suspiciously.
"Sobering potion of course." Ginny announced with an irritatingly smug grin.
Hermione narrowed her eyes. She was annoyed that the perfectly wonderful feeling of obliviousness that the alcohol had provided was now gone, but she was equally relieved that she wouldn't have a hang over to deal with the next morning. "Why?" she asked, her tone petulant.
"Because I was sick of trying to reason with the babbling mass you made yourself." Ginny smiled unrepentantly, "And because you owe me an accurate description of your date."
Hermione smiled and leaned back in her chair. She was ready to spill everything, but hadn't a clue where to start. The evening itself hadn't been that amazing, it was just that she had been able to spend it with him. Wait a second. She thought. That's what people in love think. I'm not in love, I don't even know him.
Ginny watched Hermione thoughtfully as emotions chased each other across Hermione's features. The only thing that kept Ginny from heckling Hermione until her friend spilt the entire sordid tale was the knowledge that unless she had made her sobering potion less potent that particular method would never work. Instead Ginny resisted her instincts and simply sat in silence waiting for the story to begin.
Hermione continued to puzzle over her feelings for Severus Snape for only a few moments before she realized she was being ridiculous and promptly shook herself out of it. Sending a smile towards Ginny who was watching her with uncharacteristic patience, "I guess I should begin after you left me at the flat..."
Ginny listened to the lengthy account in rapt attention not speaking until Hermione was done. Hermione finally finished she had a dreamy smile spread across her face that made Ginny want to snort with laughter. Instead she simply said, "Wow, I had no idea," and left it at that.
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, but their personal reveries were interrupted by the arrival of a small owl. Hermione fought to keep a smile from her face, she didn't want Ginny to know, but this was the same owl that had brought her Severus' last invitation. She carefully untied the bit of parchment from the owl's leg and stroked its feathers lovingly. "Ginny, there's some owl food in the fridge," she said, settling onto her seat to read the note, "would you mind?"
Ginny compiled, and Hermione was left in monetary peace to read the missive.
Dear Hermione,
Friday was wonderful, and I would be honored if you would agree to have dinner with me again on this Saturday night. Draco had been kind enough to offer his flat so I can cook for you without the constant presence of the nosy Hogwarts staff. As much as they would love to see you, I'm not one for sharing, so they will have to wait their turn. If this plan is amenable to you just give me a time, and a few favorite foods and I will get back to you with the details.
Yours irrevocably,
Severus Snape
________________________________________________________________________
A/N: I keep getting reviews telling me my chapters are too short, so I hope no one objects to the length of this one. Also, I don't care if Lily was Gryffindor, for my purposes she was Ravenclaw, or at least only friends with Ravenclaws. :P. And I'm SORRY I took so long. This chapter was hard for me to write and I worked a ton over Christmas. I think those are all the excuses I can come up with. *grins* In other much more interesting (at least to me) new: I finally got my LJ, so I will be posting progress updates and such there it's at so... if you want me to update you might have to visit it :P
As always: A huge thanks goes out to all my reviewers! I didn't get a chance to thank you individually last chapter so. extra huge thanks to: On- A-Rainy-Day, Ironfish, HunnySnowBunny, Anarane Anwamane, Porthos the Pirate (Adore your name BTW), and baboon (hope this length suited you better( )
Kayla: thanks for your input. The whole "same scenarios" occurring to both Severus and Hermione (or Lupin and Hermione as the case may be) was done on purpose to show the character's similarities, (or because in actuality they would both be getting dressed for the same event at the same time) not because I had a lack of inspiration or insight. Thank you for telling me that you saw it differently, it's always helpful to know when my ideas aren't coming across as clearly as I would like.
Hermypenguin - I promise there will be decent dialogue with the Trio eventually, but it's not the time yet. I have lots of background stuff to fit in before there will be anything good for them to discuss. Thanks for the suggestion though. (Although I must add that Ron is probably my least favorite character, so don't be expecting to see too much of him. In my happy little Pursuing-Hermione-World he and Lav are living their off screen romance and have no part in the integral storyline.)
JennyRad - Have I answered some off your Remus questions? I hope so.
Desert Rose6 - Being as Remus Lupin is a fairly undeveloped character, seen only through the eyes of a child (Harry) and not given too large a part I don't agree with you on him being very OOC. I didn't think it was possible for flat characters to be OOC *shrugs* I'm sorry you feel that way, but I hope it doesn't ruin your ability to enjoy my story. I have two versions of Lupin and this one worked for this story.
PLEASE REVIEW! :D
When Lupin finished his explanation Minerva sat and stared silently. She had known that whatever was wrong with the two professors' friendship had been serious, but she would never have guessed this. "Let me get this straight." she said slowly, sounding uncharacteristically like a third year student. "You're in. love." she struggled mightily with the word, as if it was unfamiliar and wholly unpleasant, "with Severus." She shook her head to clear it. "Does he know?"
Lupin looked at her askance. "Of COURSE not!" he said emphatically. "DO you think he would - even for a moment - even consider continuing our friendship if he knew??" He rose from his chair and paced, distractedly waving his arms in the air as he continued to talk. "What about if he knew WHY I wouldn't - couldn't really - help him with his Hermione infatuation? That I was JEALOUS? That I wanted to die?" the last question was asked with such finality and sorrow that Minerva felt a sob welling up in the back of her throat.
"So what are you going to do?" she asked softly, kindly. "Obviously you can't have your normal friendship back, at least not yet." She stood and walked to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But he needs you now more than he ever has or will, and as his friend you cannot refuse him Remus. You know you can't"
A shudder ran though Remus' frame, followed closely by another. Silent sobs convulsed him as he stood, his back to Minerva, tears streaming down his face. He knew what he had to do, but it wasn't going to be easy. He had to, for the second time in his life, give up his own happiness for that of a friend. He knew he would do it, and that it would be no easier than the last time.
/The last time./ Remus allowed himself to be guided back to a chair by the none-too-gentle hand on his shoulder while his mind drifted back in time.
~
/Cold air slapped his face as he walked out across the moor. It had been two days and the pain was still as acute as it had ever been. He hadn't really expected this type of anguish. After all, it wasn't as if Lily had died, she had simply moved on - away from Remus and towards James.
Pretty, vivacious Lily Potter. It was practically impossible to begrudge her the happiness she had found in her new lover. Her history was not unhappy, but neither was it something to be coveted. Her father and mother had pampered their youngest to a fault, and her sister and she had gotten along famously. At least until the letter came. He remembered talking to Lily in Second year. She had been crying in the library and he had gone over to give her a hug. She had blubbered all over his robes, spilling out her sad tale one brokenhearted sob at a time.
Her sister, her beautiful, perfect, loving sister had turned formal and stiff. No longer was she the comforting young woman Lily had known. She dreaded going home for Christmas. Remus held her gently and rocked her until her weeping subsided and she fell asleep in his arms.
That evening had started a strange relationship. For months the pair danced around each other and the topic of their relationship, meeting in secret, exchanging brief, awkward kisses in a secluded section of the library. It took months before any of the Marauders caught on to Lupin's secret, and by the time they did it was too late. He was in Love.
His first real Date with Lily had been in his third year. In the spring he had asked Lily to accompany him to Hogsmead. That was the day his relationship with her began as well as the day it began to unravel.
Lilly Evans had never talked to James Potter until she arrived at Hogsmead that Saturday. They had always been in the same classes, but, ever the conscientious student, Lily had held very few friends who were not in Ravenclaw, and would never have considered James as a friend without a push from Remus. And just as he could not begrudge Lily her happiness, Remus could not fault himself for encouraging Lily to befriend James.
The first meeting between Lily and James had been an awkward one. Lily had noticed the popular Gryffindor several times, but did not hold any high opinions of him, in fact she found him arrogant and despised his treatment of Severus Snape, and other unpopular students, finding it despicable. She had even attempted to persuade Remus that James wasn't worth the effort of befriending. James on the other hand was fascinated by the pretty and unattainable prefect. Their first meeting in Hogsmead began James' three year quest to bring himself into Lily's favor.
As the years passes Lily continued to resist James' charms and tried repeatedly to convince Remus that James and Sirius Black would only bring him down. He refused to give them up and their relationship became very strained and fragile. Remus was brokenhearted.
In seventh year the inevitable event finally occurred. Lily was made Head Girl and James made Head Boy. Lily was forced by the constant contact to admit she had been wrong about James and she began to succumb to his charms. Remus had watched in anguish as she had slipped away from her.
Remus had begun to spend more and more time by himself in seventh year, using his NEWTs as an excuse for his constant absence from the common room. The moor became a constant haunt and he spent many evenings there, throwing rocks into the surf and slowly relinquishing his attachment to Lily Evans. \
~
Remus had been asked once why he hadn't grieved for Lily, he had never answered, but he had known. There was no need for him to grieve her when that was all he had been doing for three years.
~
Hermione downed the coffee nearly as quickly as she had the martinis at the bar and felt immediately more alert. "What did you put in here?" She asked Ginny suspiciously.
"Sobering potion of course." Ginny announced with an irritatingly smug grin.
Hermione narrowed her eyes. She was annoyed that the perfectly wonderful feeling of obliviousness that the alcohol had provided was now gone, but she was equally relieved that she wouldn't have a hang over to deal with the next morning. "Why?" she asked, her tone petulant.
"Because I was sick of trying to reason with the babbling mass you made yourself." Ginny smiled unrepentantly, "And because you owe me an accurate description of your date."
Hermione smiled and leaned back in her chair. She was ready to spill everything, but hadn't a clue where to start. The evening itself hadn't been that amazing, it was just that she had been able to spend it with him. Wait a second. She thought. That's what people in love think. I'm not in love, I don't even know him.
Ginny watched Hermione thoughtfully as emotions chased each other across Hermione's features. The only thing that kept Ginny from heckling Hermione until her friend spilt the entire sordid tale was the knowledge that unless she had made her sobering potion less potent that particular method would never work. Instead Ginny resisted her instincts and simply sat in silence waiting for the story to begin.
Hermione continued to puzzle over her feelings for Severus Snape for only a few moments before she realized she was being ridiculous and promptly shook herself out of it. Sending a smile towards Ginny who was watching her with uncharacteristic patience, "I guess I should begin after you left me at the flat..."
Ginny listened to the lengthy account in rapt attention not speaking until Hermione was done. Hermione finally finished she had a dreamy smile spread across her face that made Ginny want to snort with laughter. Instead she simply said, "Wow, I had no idea," and left it at that.
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, but their personal reveries were interrupted by the arrival of a small owl. Hermione fought to keep a smile from her face, she didn't want Ginny to know, but this was the same owl that had brought her Severus' last invitation. She carefully untied the bit of parchment from the owl's leg and stroked its feathers lovingly. "Ginny, there's some owl food in the fridge," she said, settling onto her seat to read the note, "would you mind?"
Ginny compiled, and Hermione was left in monetary peace to read the missive.
Dear Hermione,
Friday was wonderful, and I would be honored if you would agree to have dinner with me again on this Saturday night. Draco had been kind enough to offer his flat so I can cook for you without the constant presence of the nosy Hogwarts staff. As much as they would love to see you, I'm not one for sharing, so they will have to wait their turn. If this plan is amenable to you just give me a time, and a few favorite foods and I will get back to you with the details.
Yours irrevocably,
Severus Snape
________________________________________________________________________
A/N: I keep getting reviews telling me my chapters are too short, so I hope no one objects to the length of this one. Also, I don't care if Lily was Gryffindor, for my purposes she was Ravenclaw, or at least only friends with Ravenclaws. :P. And I'm SORRY I took so long. This chapter was hard for me to write and I worked a ton over Christmas. I think those are all the excuses I can come up with. *grins* In other much more interesting (at least to me) new: I finally got my LJ, so I will be posting progress updates and such there it's at so... if you want me to update you might have to visit it :P
As always: A huge thanks goes out to all my reviewers! I didn't get a chance to thank you individually last chapter so. extra huge thanks to: On- A-Rainy-Day, Ironfish, HunnySnowBunny, Anarane Anwamane, Porthos the Pirate (Adore your name BTW), and baboon (hope this length suited you better( )
Kayla: thanks for your input. The whole "same scenarios" occurring to both Severus and Hermione (or Lupin and Hermione as the case may be) was done on purpose to show the character's similarities, (or because in actuality they would both be getting dressed for the same event at the same time) not because I had a lack of inspiration or insight. Thank you for telling me that you saw it differently, it's always helpful to know when my ideas aren't coming across as clearly as I would like.
Hermypenguin - I promise there will be decent dialogue with the Trio eventually, but it's not the time yet. I have lots of background stuff to fit in before there will be anything good for them to discuss. Thanks for the suggestion though. (Although I must add that Ron is probably my least favorite character, so don't be expecting to see too much of him. In my happy little Pursuing-Hermione-World he and Lav are living their off screen romance and have no part in the integral storyline.)
JennyRad - Have I answered some off your Remus questions? I hope so.
Desert Rose6 - Being as Remus Lupin is a fairly undeveloped character, seen only through the eyes of a child (Harry) and not given too large a part I don't agree with you on him being very OOC. I didn't think it was possible for flat characters to be OOC *shrugs* I'm sorry you feel that way, but I hope it doesn't ruin your ability to enjoy my story. I have two versions of Lupin and this one worked for this story.
PLEASE REVIEW! :D