Choice to be Different
Chapter Seven: After the Game Ends
Disclaimer: Premise and characters belong to Akira Toriyama, I'm just borrowing them for some non-profit fun.
When Goku and Goten returned home to Mt. Paouz that night Chichi took one look at her son's tear-stained face and swept him up in her arms. "Goten-sweetie, what happened?" she cried.
"We... Mr. Lizard, poor, poor Mr. Lizard!" Goten managed before bursting into tears again.
As she comforted her youngest Chichi glanced at Goku. Her gaze demanded an explanation.
"We were playing a little rough," Goku said quietly. "There was an accident with one of Bunny's pets."
Chichi winced. This wasn't the first time that there had been an accident due to Goten's inhuman strength. Goten never meant any harm. He and Trunks were both good about watching their strength when they were thinking but when they got excited things just happened.
Chichi had begun teaching Goten martial arts when he was tiny, when she was still stronger than her son. Chichi had wanted to make him aware of how strong he really was and teach him to moderate that strength. Mostly it had worked, but mostly wasn't good enough if he was ever going to be allowed to play with children who weren't part Saiyan.
Goten felt his mother draw away from him. He curled up into a tight ball and started crying even harder.
Chichi sighed and hugged him to her. She knew she never dealt well with reminders of how alien her children truly were. She couldn't help but see that alienness as a threat to her family, fearing that their inhuman abilities would take her boys away from her just as they'd taken her husband away. It had always been hard for Chichi to understand it: Goku was completely Saiyan but his abilities had never seemed so far beyond what was humanly possible when they'd been younger. Occasionally Vegeta had made attempts to explain it to her, once and awhile his explanations were actually sincere rather than being cracks about ' third-class excuses for a Saiyan.'
For Chichi Vegeta's comments about different growth patterns had never really sunk in until she'd seen the fifteen-year-old Goku looking at a picture of his son at age eleven. It was only then that it really hit her that Gohan had been more physically mature at eleven than Goku was at fifteen.
Once Goten had calmed Chichi sat him down so she could make eye contact while she talked to him. "Goten, I know you don't mean any harm. I know you just get excited but you have to be careful."
Goku fidgeted uncomfortably. It didn't seem fair that Goten was in trouble again. "Chichi," Goku said hesitantly. "I talked to him."
"You did?" Chichi blinked. "Well, I guess we don't need to belabor the point. Goten, just remember to be careful okay?"
Goten sniffled and scrubbed at his eyes. He nodded.
"I suppose you two are hungry?" Chichi asked rhetorically.
Goten turned slightly green. "Huh-uh Mommy," he said.
"We already ate," Goku said.
"Poor Mr. Lizard," Goten sniffled.
"You didn't," Chichi said.
Goku shrugged. "If you're gonna kill an animal it ought to be for food."
"And it was one of Bunny-san's pets?" Chichi asked.
The boys nodded.
Chichi grimaced. "Goku, I hope you told Bunny-san what happened to her pet. Trunks doesn't deserve to face that alone."
"She's going to be that upset about her pet?" Goku asked worriedly.
"She's going to thatupset about you eating her pet," Chichi said.
"Oh," Goku said. "Do you think Trunks would have told her already?"
"Were there any witnesses?"
"Um, just the four of us," Goku said. "Why?"
"Then you've got plenty of time," Chichi said.
"I better hurry back anyway," Goku said.
"Good luck," Chichi said.
"Do I have to go back?" Goten asked in a quavering voice. "What if she cries? I don't want her to be sad."
Chichi nodded. "You have to take responsibility for your actions."
Goten winced but nodded solemnly and the two nearly identical boys headed back outside.
It was late by the time Goku finished apologizing to Bunny for eating her pet. Goten had been right, she had cried. All four boys had ended up feeling much worse than if she'd yelled at them. The house was dark by the time Goku and Goten got back home.
"I bet Chichi put left-overs in the fridge for us," Goku said quietly as they slipped inside.
Goten flinched and shook his head. "I'm just going to bed," he said.
Goku watched his future-son worriedly. He hadn't realized how upset Goten would be about eating the dinosaur. After Goten was in bed Goku knocked softly on Chichi's door.
"What is it?" Chichi asked sleepily.
"Goten still doesn't want to eat," Goku admitted guiltily. "I'm getting worried."
"It won't hurt him to go hungry for one night," Chichi said. She led Goku to the kitchen and piles some leftovers on the table. "Honestly, I'm relieved. If the way to the Lookout wasn't through thin air Gohan would have worn a rut in the path saving every animal Goten and Trunks have ever accidentally hurt. This is the first time Goten's remorse has lasted for more than the fifteen minutes it takes for Gohan to come to the rescue."
Goku paused for a moment as he ate. He nodded for Chichi to continue.
Chichi sighed. "I hate that Gohan had to grow up so quickly. He was fighting life and death battles before he was even five years old. But I don't know that it's right that we've sheltered Goten and Trunks so much. They're perfectly normal little boys in every respect... except for one: Either of them could blow up the planet."
"Why did you have to die?" Chichi demanded suddenly. "You were supposed to be here to help me with these things!"
Goku pushed aside the remains of his meal and gave Chichi a frustrated look. "I told you: I don't know. It hasn't happened to yet for me."
"No matter what we do Gohan still carries feelings of guilt over your death. Goten doesn't even know you. Piccolo and even Vegeta are better father figures to your sons than you are because at least they're here!"
"You're not being fair Chichi!" Goku complained. He crossed his arm and scowled.
Chichi met Goku's eyes with an intensity that made him squirm uncomfortably. "I want you to promise me something Goku. Really, seriously promise. I want your word that when you go back to your time you won't always be leaving your family."
"Chichi, that's not fair!" Goku exclaimed. "I don't know why the other me decided to stay dead! I don't know why he thought he had to. It's not fair askin' me to promise that 'cause what if I think he was right when it's me?"
"He wasn't right!" Chichi shouted.
Goku stood up. He strode toward the stairs. Chichi felt a well of frustration bubbling up inside her. This was just like him, he was running away so he didn't have to listen to her. To her surprise Goku stopped with one foot on the stair, he didn't look back at her. "I ain't promising Chichi," he said. "I don't know why and I'm not making a promise I might not be able to keep."
All Chichi could think was that this was just like when he wouldn't promise to keep Gohan from fighting Cell. He wouldn't promise because he already knew he was going to do the exact opposite. He was going to die and leave her alone again. Angrily Chichi snatched up one of the empty dishes on the table and threw it at the back of Goku's head.
Goku shifted to the side and let the dish shatter against the wall behind him. "Stop being a brat, Chichi."
Chichi's mouth dropped open. Goku never called her on her temper, not even when she was wrong, not even when they both knew that she was in the wrong. Then she remembered that when she'd known Goku as a child he hadn't been shy about letting a person, even a friend, know when he didn't appreciate their behavior. She wondered when he'd changed, and why.
Bulma groaned. She sat up in bed and rubbed her sore neck. Vegeta had never been one to toss and turn in his sleep, still Bulma knew when he was troubled by dreams. It was hard to miss it when her favorite pillow turned from flesh into stone. She lay back down and curled up beside Vegeta. Gently she ran her fingers up and down along his arm. She hoped he knew she was with him. She hoped it helped.
"Oh Vegeta-chan?" Frieza's voice bubbled with happiness. "Kiwi noticed that you seem fond of that Trunks creature. I'd like you to kill it."
Vegeta didn't question how Trunks could exist when the face he saw reflected back at him from the shining deck plates in Frieza's throne room couldn't be more than fifteen. He just railed helplessly against what ever it was that made him nothing more than a passenger within his own body.
He wanted to ascend to Super Saiyan and rip Frieza into pieces. The tyrant had no right to exist, no right to use Trunks' name and no right to order him around! He was the strongest now! No one got to order him around anymore! He did nothing, merely knelt before Frieza and listened to the tyrant think up new ways to destroy every good thing about his life.
"Would you take care of that Bulma thing too while you're at it? I don't want any more filthy monkeys cluttering up my universe you know," Frieza continued blithely. "It's one thing to keep a few of you as pets - It does give me such pleasure to humiliate you my dearest little Vegeta. - but I don't want you having lives. You might forget that you're nothing but my toy."
"Of course not Frieza-sama. I'll go kill them right away." Even as Vegeta raged at his traitorous body he became aware of it's thoughts. 'I don't want to but what choice do I have? I have to live. I have to get stronger. I can't fight him now! If I die who will make him pay?'
'He told me that he wouldn't kill them if I was good and did what he said. But he lied. He killed them all. He took away my future. He made me his puppet. He has to pay for what he's done. I have to live. I have to obey. I can't die until after he's paid.'
'Father promised I'd be the Legendary. I promised to be strong. He/I promised I'd kill Frieza and save/avenge our people. Father promised. I just have to bide my time and live.'
As Vegeta's past incarnation tried to justify what he was going to do his feet carried him steadily nearer to his quarters. To Bulma and Trunks.
When the door slid open he saw Bulma sitting on the floor playing with an infant Trunks. Bulma glanced up and greeted him with her quick, lively smile. Trunks stood up on unsteady legs and tottered toward Vegeta with his arms stretched out trustingly.
Vegeta wrenched control of his body back from his past self. He would not kill his family! He couldn't, it would destroy him as effectively as being shot through the heart. He hadn't meant to let them matter to him. He hadn't intended to let Bulma or the boy become so important to him but it had happened. Somehow, without his realizing it they'd become central to his life. Once he had realized that he'd tried to stop caring but he didn't know how. The only thing he could do was accept that he'd acquired two new vulnerabilities and protect them to the best of his ability.
And perhaps he'd even come to enjoy the trap that these two had drawn him into. Vegeta picked Trunks up by the back of the boy's shirt. He moved just fast enough to make Trunks squeal in delight and hold out his arms as if he were flying. Vegeta deposited Trunks in his mother's arms. "Why did you come here? It isn't safe," he asked Bulma accusingly.
"It's where you are," Bulma replied. "Besides, I wanted to see what the fuss was about."
Vegeta caught her face between his hands. "You are an exasperating woman," he declared. His thumb stroked the hollow beneath her jaw. She shivered and his gaze grew heated.
'Both she and the boy are mine!I will never allow Frieza to take anything from me again. I will not tolerate it!'
"Stay here, both of you," Vegeta ordered. "It's long past time that I did something about him. I don't need you getting in the way."
As Vegeta stalked back towards Frieza's throne room he ascended to Super Saiyan. His eyes became chips of ice and raw power crackled around his body like a nimbus.
Vegeta and Frieza clashed and for a moment Vegeta believed he was winning. Then Frieza changed, he grew to immense proportions. With a flick of his fingers he knocked Vegeta off his feet. Then he pinned the Saiyan Prince by the simple expedient of pressing his thumb against Vegeta's chest. "Oh Vegeta-chan, you never learn do you?" Frieza laughed. "No matter how strong you become I'll always be stronger. That's why I allow you to live you know. It is so amusing to watch you struggle and fail to reach your goal over and over again."
"All your life trying to be the best and never quite making it. You never beat me. You never beat Kakarrot. You've been a disappointment to everyone who's ever counted on you."
"I am stronger than you!" Vegeta hissed as he struggled helplessly. "I am better than you!"
Frieza watched him with an amused smirk. "This really is very entertaining but still you know I have to punish you for forgetting your place."
Vegeta froze. An old, unstoppable despair rose up inside of him. It was the same overwhelming sense of futility that had held him paralyzed on Namek while Frieza had beaten him nearly to death.
"How shall I punish you today?" Frieza tapped his fingernail against his chin thoughtfully. "I know!" he exclaimed.
He stretched out his hand, smashing through the walls of the ship and rooted around for a bit. Then he pulled Bulma and Trunks into the throne room like a cat pulling mice from the safety of their hole.
"I'll kill them while you watch. Won't that be fun?" Frieza asked gleefully.
"Kill me," Vegeta heard himself say. "Kill me first, don't make me watch. Not again."
Vegeta's eyes snapped open. "-just a dream," Bulma was saying.
Vegeta suppressed a flash of annoyance that he could be so foolish as to confirm his vulnerabilities to an enemy even if it was just in a dream.
For the space of heartbeat Vegeta allowed himself to fill his sense with Bulma's presence. Then he rolled to his feet. "Go back to sleep woman," he ordered.
Bulma sighed and let him go.
Vegeta made it all the way to the GR before he remembered that his younger counterpart would be there. The boy was living, even sleeping in the chamber's heightened gravity in the hopes of breaking through the Super Saiyan barrier while he was still more than twenty years younger than Vegeta had been when he accomplished the feat.
Vegeta gritted his teeth. The boy was going to fail and in failing he was going to die. Surviving under Frieza's rule required an edge of ruthlessness. Life on Earth dulled that edge in him until it was nothing. The boy was young and malleable, the change in him had happened so quickly that it was impossible to miss.
Vegeta's lips thinned. But the same change had occurred in him as well. More slowly, more subtly, he'd only caught hints of it happening but it had happened. The person he was now wasn't capable of living through the hardships he'd survived as a child. He'd let himself become soft.
He had to go back, had to be strong again. No matter what the cost.
Author's Note: Initially Vegeta's nightmare was going to be a flashback to what his life was like when he was 15, but once I started writing that story just kept growing until it was much too extensive a tangent to put in "Choice to be Different", it messed up the flow of the story. But it was written and I liked it, so I ended up deciding to post it as it's own story: "Set Aside Childish Things".