Chapter Seven

Just this once, let me do the same for you. If only it were that easy. Keeping to the slanting evening shadows, Seth watched her enter the pavilion for the briefing. As always, Eirika looked travel-worn and the skin on her face was weathered from their time in Jehanna. His chest constricted as he thought once more of the softness of the skin concealed by her garments, the places never touched by the scorching sun of the desert, nor by any man... save him.

The graveness of her features made him want to reach out to her. But the gulf between them was now as wide as ever and he remained at a distance. He had only wanted to catch a glimpse of her.

He had promised her he would stand by and watch– just once– but he had not said he would do so immediately and, instead, he'd searched desperately for some other way to learn what he needed to know– with little success.

He shrank away as Kyle ducked out of the pavilion to speak to one of the soldiers on guard. "Have you seen General Seth?"

"No, Sir Kyle."

"Have someone look for him. We're starting the briefing and Prince Ephraim requires his presence."

"Yes Sir!"

But Seth knew he would not be found. It would be a simple thing to avoid them. He had done so before.

Since their night together he had only once attended briefing– the first day after. Since then, he had made a point of avoiding Eirika more diligently than ever, for the thoughts that tumbled through his mind whenever he was near her now were unbearable. To have had everything he wanted for a moment, for just a moment, and then have it all snatched away... She had said she loved him and she must love him still, but here, now, they were like strangers.

The briefing was like a scene in a play that he's learned by heart: He could remember every gesture, every line, their inflections, their expressions. Even though he could not hear them as he waited at a distance, Seth could play the scene through in his thoughts. He could remember perfectly the slight tremor in Eirika's voice when she asked about tomorrow and facing the Demon King.

The first time, he had dismissed her hesitation as simple nerves, but he knew better now. She had sounded much the same that night when she had spoken of his apparent death. And he realized finally, it was not the Demon King she feared facing but Lyon, her dear and once gentle friend. He had known she was troubled by the notion of facing Lyon, but when he dwelled on it, the thought that she might have to slay him with her own blade... The horror of it seemed more real to him now, for if he kept his promise he might as well be doing the same thing.

But she was right; he could not leave them all like this, on the cusp of battle forever. But even so, there must be a way... There had to be–

"Sir Seth! There you are." Damn it. He'd become distracted and let one of the soldiers notice him. "You're wanted for the briefing."

Seth cleared his throat. "I was just on my way."

All discussion stopped as he entered the war pavilion. "Seth, where have you been?" Ephraim said. "We had to start without you."

Seth bowed low. "My apologies, Lord Ephraim. I... lost track of time."

Ephraim's raised eyebrows spoke volumes to anyone who knew him well, but the prince said nothing and Seth took up a spot behind Eirika where he could at least look at her a while. Even though he'd missed half the briefing, the war plans seemed to take forever and he had no desire to speed things up as he once had. He had already made his decision, though he dreaded it. If Eirika could face Lyon then he could do this terrible this as well.

"In that case I think we can adjourn." The moment Ephraim spoke the words Seth strode out of the pavilion before Eirika could call after him and ask him to spar with her as she did whenever he lingered. He had bared his heart and his body to her; he had nothing left to give. He could not start it all over again and pretend it was the first time. It had to end, one way or the other. But one thing remained before that.

"Sir Seth," Joshua called out to him. "Care for a friendly wager?"

Seth bowed. "No thank you, my lord."

"Lady luck not with you today?" he inquired with a beguiling grin.

"No, I think not."

"My sympathies. But you never know, maybe a coin toss or two and things will look up. What do you say?"

"I'm afraid I have something to attend to," Seth replied.

Joshua shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Seth heaved a sight. He knew all their secrets but he knew them still so little. How Joshua had ever won Natasha's heart was a mystery to him as were Kyle and Syrene's plans for their future. These were not things he could speak of with them even if he dared to ask; trust was not built in a handful of hours. But one secret remained for him to learn, one his lady had told him to ferret out.

It was Ephraim's own tent that the siblings would, as they often had, retreat to to talk. It was larger than most of the regular fare, for though Ephraim wanted to be a soldier while they were at war, he could not deny himself a king, not now when he had won back his country. A short distance away, Seth waited for the twins to arrive and gave them a few moments to settle in.

Every fibre of his being screamed that what he was about to do was wrong, a violation of every oath he had ever sworn to king and country, but he steeled himself and marched up to the guardsman stationed outside Ephraim's tent. The soldier stood a few paces away from the tent's entrance, just enough distance that he would not overhear what his liege was discussing.

"You're relieved until further notice," Seth told him, careful to keep his voice low.

The man's eyebrows arched, but that was the only sign of his surprise and he saluted and left his place to Seth. He watched him go and, when he was certain he had left, Seth took up position, just close enough to the tent's entrance that he could hear their voices even through the heavy material.

"We can't have things go on like this," Ephraim was saying.

"It's really not bad as you say. He's just busy... with the preparations for tomorrow and..."

"Eirika." They were both silent for a moment. Seth's stomach churned. No one walking by would suspect him, but even though she had given him leave that night, it pained him to eavesdrop on his lord and lady. It went against all his training, all his vows. "He's been avoiding you. Even I can see that. Did something happen?" Surely they weren't speaking about–

"No. No... not really. Seth's just...Well you know how he is. He's just concerned."

"This is serious," Ephraim said firmly. "I need to be able to rely on him, especially tomorrow. But right now, in all honesty, I can't say I do. Not entirely, not like I did."

"Don't say that, Ephraim. Seth would do anything for us, you know that." Her protests, more fervent than he deserved, made his heart ache. He had only wanted to protect them both; he had not meant for her to have to defend him. It should have been the other way around. Was this what Eirika had wanted him to know? That his behaviour, his attempts to keep his distance had not gone unnoticed? He had only wanted to protect her...

"What was that today at the briefing? He lost track of time? When have you ever known Seth to be late?"

"Ephraim..."

"If he's come to the point where he's shirking his duties in order to avoid you... I don't want another Carlyle on my hands."

Seth's heart lurched.

"I– I don't know what you mean," Eirika managed, but even from where he listened he could hear her uncertainty like a ringing bell.

"No?" Ephraim said. "A loyal knight who pines away for his queen. That doesn't sound at all familiar?"

If she made any sound at all, it was too quiet to penetrate the walls of the tent.

"Eirika, I'm not blind," Ephraim said gently.

A moment passed in silence. He could hardly bear to stay there, to stand accused before his liege and his lady. He wanted to throw back those tent flaps and take her in his arms to say to her that it was untrue. She would believe him– she knew him, knew he would never... He squeezed his eyes shut and imagined speaking the words to her as he now wished he'd had the chance that night. If he'd known... I could never harm you. I could never betray you. I would leave Renais before I let it come to that. Eirika...

"I'll... talk to him," Eirika said finally. "I know Seth is–"

"Good evening, general!" Seth went rigid as Dozla, accompanied by Garcia, called out in greeting so that everyone within a league could not but hear. Including the prince and princess.

Seth stepped away from the tent's entrance moments before the twins emerged. They would think he had come to speak to them, but even so, how could they not suspect... Making a sudden decision, Seth turned on his heel and strode away. On impulse, he paused a moment to glance over his shoulder– only to lock eyes with Eirika, a stricken air on her features. She knew. He was certain of it.

He kept walking, as quickly as he could without breaking into a run, and didn't turn, even when he thought he heard her voice, calling after him.

Seth was halfway across camp before he stopped to think that he hadn't warned them about the impending attacked. Every day since the third, he had warned them, but she had said to just watch, to let things unfold as they had before... After their night together he had tried several more times to both save her and learn what he needed to. He had tried bringing her with him but each and every time they'd been delayed– by the gwyllgis, by someone recognising the princess and stopping them, by some trick of fate that he could never predict– so that he'd reached the clearing too late. He had tried obtaining a promise from here that she would stay in the healers' tent, but there too someone had summoned her and she'd left, and he could hardly blame her after the scant explanation he had left her with. A princess could not, after all, ignore her duties without good reason. He had tried setting a guard around her and stayed to watch just in case– and luckily, for the gwyllgis had managed to scatter her guards with their fire and, once again, she'd come close to sustaining a serious injury. Fate itself seemed to be working against him. Perhaps Joshua was correct: Lady Luck was simply not with him this day.

"Forgive me, Eirika," he whispered and then strode to the clearing to wait for Garcia and Dozla to come.

When they did, their efforts were as painful to watch as they had ever been. Seth's stomach was in knots as he thought of Eirika, alone, unprotected. He could still change his mind. There was still time and she would never know if he did not keep his promise. He had broken nearly all his vows now; what was one more after that?

But as he remembered the tremor in her voice as she spoke of the Demon King, of her friend whom she would face in battle for the good of her country and the world itself, he could not turn away. He straightened. If she could face such a trial, so, too, could he.

"Here I'll use the staff to heal that in a jiff," Dozla announced– as he always did. Seth's heart was pounding with uncomfortable furor. The sun was low; staying here while his entire being screamed that he had to get back to the other side of camp, back to her, was like trying to keep his hand wrapped around a hot poker.

He stood his ground as Garcia's beard was set aflame and then put out. He had never left later than this and it took all his will to stay in place and watch them, knowing that somewhere on the edges of camp a trio of gwyllgis was creeping toward wherever Eirika was.

"I can fix that!" Dozla insisted to a very miffed Garcia.

"Perhaps we should put an end to our training for today?" Garcia said, watching Dozla with a hint of unease as he continued to grip the staff.

"Just wait! Hold still." Instantly, Garcia froze. Dozla waved the staff around and Seth was certain he could detect a faint glow emanating from the twisted wood. And then, right before his eyes, he could see the beard on Garcia's chin begin to regrow, so that he had a several days' worth of hefty growth on his chin.

The sound of yelling set the two would-be mages spinning towards camp. In defiance of all his training, Seth forced himself to remain still and lock his gaze on the staff. Dozla wasted not a moment. Without a second thought, he threw down the staff and, retrieving his axe that had been laid aside during their training, pelted towards the rising sounds of battle, Garcia following only a step behind.

The discarded staff remained on the grass for only an instant. Seth blinked and suddenly there was someone standing in the clearing, bending to retrieve the staff. As the man straightened Seth could see the withered face of the Blood Beryl of Grado, Riev.

"I grow more tired of those fools every day," he muttered as he clasped the staff. For a moment he held it up before him as if admiring the way the twilight gave it a ruddy glow. His fingers traced its irregular bends and twists where the ancient runes Lute had spoken of were carved. "Soon," he whispered to the staff, gently, almost as if addressing a lover. "Soon I'll know all your secrets and I will be your master." He held it out before him, twisted as he himself was, and then as quickly as he appeared, he vanished.

He knew. Riev was aware what was happening– in fact, Seth felt certain that he was the cause of it somehow. That staff in Riev's possession was somehow turning time in on itself– Time... Eirika!

Seth's feet pounded the earth. Maybe he was not too late. The battle was still raging; he could hear the sounds of it, a familiar cacophony as the cries of men and of demon spawn mingled in the evening air.

He came to a dead halt between the rows of tents some distance away from the place he had long ago agreed to spar with her at Ephraim's prompting that very first day when everything was new, when he had laid down his life for her. But now...

Ephraim was kneeling on the ground, holding her limp body in his arms, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed, face buried against her still form.

All the world fell away in that instant. The battle that continued to rage a short ways away was as nothing. It would have been terrible to see his king cry, but even that was nothing to Seth in this moment. He had kept his promise. He had allowed himself to fail her utterly. She was... dead. His darling Eirika. He loved her so– he could no longer pretend otherwise– and he had left her to die for him. His body began to tremble and he groped for something to hang on to as his knees turned to water.

Oh gods, what if this was the last time? What if this was what fate had intended all along? If she remained– He could not bear to think on it and before he knew what he was doing, he was stumbling away, away from the sight of Ephraim mourning his sister, away from the battle he had not warned them about. He did not stop until he'd circled around to the far edge of Darkling Woods, close enough to sense the darkness that emanated from the woods like a foul miasma that choked his throat and burned his eyes. He did not remember drawing his sword, but he was holding it in a white-knuckled grip.

Too many hours remained in this day to be borne. Surely, though, it would begin again anew? It had to. Oh gods, please, just once more! And if it did not... he would join her.

Gripping his sword, Seth marched into Darkling Woods alone. The demons were not long in coming to greet him and he, in turn, met them with steel.

This time, death came neither as swiftly nor as painlessly as he might have liked.