I'm back in only a week's time. -- record for me

Thanks in advance to whoever is reading this...

Elizabeth sat on the edge of her bed; the phone hung loosely in her hand. There was silence on the other line- the caller hadn't even taken a breath. Had she not heard too much already, Elizabeth would have just hung up. Sara's words were the fruit and by listening, Elizabeth had bitten. Now all that remained was the wait for the poison to set in.

"Elizabeth…you know…I mean….you remember that yesterday was James' party…for his birthday…" Sara voice was weak and cautious. Elizabeth nodded, biting her lip the whole time. "…we all missed you…" Sara better not be calling on a drunken dare…

"Elizabeth, you still there…?"

"Uh huh… Sara, are you drunk?"

"What! No, I mean…not anymore…what the hell…I don't even…anymore…."

"Try crashing. That usually does the trick."

"Elizabeth, why are you acting this way? How can you be so insensitive to what happened…I mean…" Sara sobbed. Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She was glad she was the drunk who simply passes out instead of going all emotional on anyone who would listen. Why was she listening anyway?

"Don't you….even…care…I mean…I can't say it…I just can't…"

"Then don't. Go lay down for like a good week. No sweat after that."

"I wish it was that simple…"

"Are you alone?"

"Sorta… now. I left so I could call you…they told me to."

"So they did put you up to this…You know we have practice in a few hours…try not to come to school drunk, ok." Elizabeth might have lost some of her credibility after missing the past three days of practice but she was still the captain.

"Yeah, that is going to be a huge problem considering!"

"Yeah, yeah I heard…you are all stoned and drunk…"

"Shit Elizabeth! Listen to me. I just had the shock of my life and no amount of alcohol could make me forget the horror…so shut up about things you have no clue about…I told them you wouldn't care…it's not track related…but I called anyway…since James was your boyfriend…" Sara's sobs grew louder and her voice weaker with every syllable she muttered. Elizabeth's eyes fixed on the light switch in front of her until lack of blinking left them so dry she would need a lake of tears before her vision was anywhere near clear. Anger from cutting Sara off earlier filled her mind, but she was too terrified to take a step in either direction. Nausea struck as the poison seeped in…

"I'm….sorry…" There was coughing on the other line now. Elizabeth's side remained silent as she grasped for the meaning of Sara's words. "I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened…but James, Eric, Lindsay and Claire drove off at around midnight. As I'm sure you can imagine none of them was in any condition to walk… let alone drive. Somehow, after that, I was able to stumble my own way home…so I was around when we got a call from Lindsay's mom. Turns out….th-th-th-….their…car…crashed….head….on….I can't… come to the hospital…I can't do it." More sobbing followed. Before Elizabeth a chance to respond –not that she could even if had the time- Sara ended the call. The phone slid from Elizabeth's hand. Her mind had been wiped clean as if a child had grown weary of his art and shook the etch-a-sketch. Without a single thought or reflection, Elizabeth rose from the bed. Her eyes were blank as she picked up her keys and shuffled out to her car.

The key missed the lock and scrapped against the paint. Elizabeth fumbled to unlock the door, but failed miserably. The keys clattered to the ground. She stared at them as tears of frustration pricked the corners of her eye. The keys were easily in reach. Elizabeth didn't budge; even if she had the strength to bend over, the will to get into the car and drive would elude her. The trace amount of focus she had left would slip, her eyes would flood and the road would be lost. Not that it mattered though. If she too crashed, her destination would remain the same. Elizabeth kicked the keys up her driveway a few paces before making the effort to retrieve them. She was still in her running clothes and for her running usually came as the best solution.

Elizabeth had misjudged the distance to the hospital. After a few wrong turns- it was still dark and all the streets looked the same- and a detour to avoid the main road that passed the sea, her stomach began to feel as if the early morning street workers had taken their jackhammers to it instead of the pavement. Who did she think she was running all this way? She possessed no such talent. The words "worthless" and "failure" crept into her mind. She couldn't run, she couldn't drive, and she could in no way help the situation- whatever it was- she was rushing toward. Her presence would only cause pointless concern and pour salt into the already bleeding wounds of who ever was involved. But no matter how much Elizabeth wanted to throw herself in front of speeding traffic, her course did not change. A hand grabbed at her heart and squeezed; she could not stop herself from coughing. Never since her first year in track had she stopped in the middle of a run…the pad of her foot hit the edge of the pavement nearly twisting her ankle and smashing her knees of the rock below. Elizabeth skidded on her palms over the loose gravel. She had been moving rather quickly and now her body was at rest- the lost momentum had gone into deepening the scraps on her body. Shock struck first then burning; she coughed again, trying to get at least one good breath before pushing her beaten body up. If Elizabeth was sore, she made no sound to reveal it. Her feet fell back into the pace of running. Tears fell freely now, perhaps her pain threshold wasn't so great after all…

The emergency room door whooshed open as Elizabeth approached. Tears and sweat mixed as they dripped down her face and her hair had no order left to it what so ever. She stumbled in- just as her eyes were adjusting to the bright overhead lights and shiny tile a body rushed over and hugged her tightly. Black spots filled her gaze; she would have passed out if not for the voicing calling her name.

"-izabath! Oh no! Your knees look like hell. Did you fall…? Why the hell would you run here? Come on, let's sit down. I'll get you a wet paper towel to clean those cuts with-"

Keeping her eyes shut, Elizabeth held out her hand in objection. She was capable of walking and caring for herself.

"Wahhh! ….Oh right…you hate help. Gotcha."

"Sara? Is that her you are talking too?"

"….Yeah, but she is so bruised already, I hardly want to do anything but direct her to the nearest bed."

"I'm fine." Elizabeth managed to recognize Sara. The other girl had her hand around Elizabeth's wrist- Elizabeth hadn't noticed this until she physically saw it.

"You have rocks caught in her knee!!!"

Elizabeth brushed at her scrapped knee. At least some of the rocks must have dislodged because the stinging grew exponentially. Sara screeched and the other voice gasped. Elizabeth wished she knew what was so shocking to them…

"Dear, you poor, poor thing." Judging from her tone, this other voice was a mother- probably Sara's. The women hugged Elizabeth and led her to a row of benches. Some of the ER's other patients watched the scene wide-eyed. Finally seated, Elizabeth began to rise above the waves of dizziness. The first thing she noticed as she came back to her sense was how much skin she lost on her hands. Quickly, she turned them so she wouldn't have to worry about that again.

"…Sorry…" Elizabeth spat out.

"For what, dear?" The mom rubbed her back. Sara kept quiet.

"I'm a mess…just ignore me...no, I'm fine. Don't give it another thought." Elizabeth's favorite lines fell on deaf ears. The continued attempts to comfort her even the slightest bit failed miserably. Elizabeth slouched over and put her head down so all the hair fell over her eyes. Mother and daughter exchanged glances.

"Uhhh…Elizabeth?" No response. "How much did Sara tell you?" Not a single sign of acknowledgement.

"You have a right to know. James was driving after leaving his party. The car crashed head on into the brick siding of a shopping plaza. There were some witnesses to call the paramedics immediately…They were rushed here as soon as they were cut free from the mess of metal. James wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Elizabeth, James died- most likely instantly…"

"MOM!" Sara's hands covered her ears and water oozed from her eyes. Her mother winced. The whole emergency room seemed to have gone completely quiet. Sara started to put her hand on Elizabeth, but stopped herself.

Elizabeth simply sat in the exact same position. Her hair obscured her eyes, but she didn't cry. There was no reason to. She felt nothing. It was as if she was on a plane soaring high in the sky and below her lie all the emotions she experience those past years. Now they could all fit on the head of a pin…

"And Lindsay?" Elizabeth squeaked. Sara had told her on the phone that Lindsay was in the car too. Surely, she would have had enough sense not to drive with James while he was drunk without a seatbelt, but then again, she was probably drunk too…

"Lindsay's alive! She's unconscious now, but the doctors say she has a fair chance!"

"She suffered a severe head trauma. Only time will tell…"

"Eric and Claire are alive too…you know Claire, right? Eric is in the best shape…"

"Yeah, nothing life threatening. Broke nearly every bone in his body though."

"Stop it, Mom."

"Sara, it pains me to speak of your friends this way, but sugar- coating a horrible accident won't do anything for Elizabeth. She deserves to know the truth as we heard it. They are her friends too."

"What the hell!"

"She's right. All my friends are gone. I got that much."

"Don't say that, Liz. Take it back!"

"Lies hurt more. Hope destroys you gradually. The earlier you accept the truth the less it hurts in the end."

"You…you….you….ROBOT! Do you have no emotions? No compassion….no love? How can you sit there and talk like that? What the hell is wrong with you, Elizabeth? You are a freak!"

The automatic door slid open and in walked Miss Marie. Dark bags under her eye disturbed her complexion. She wore no make-up. Two heads turned to the sound of the footsteps- Elizabeth still hadn't moved.

"Well, you just called the whole freakin' school!"

"The cops told the school. I came as soon as the news reached my classroom."

"How much do they know?" Sara's mother rose to greet the teacher.

"There was an accident. As I was rushing out, I heard talk of a meeting with the teachers so they could all show a universal front against the unavoidable rumors. Elizabeth!" Miss Marie all but threw her arms around the shocked girl. Elizabeth didn't even flinch.

Sara opened her mouth to fill the awkward silence with an explanation, but her mother covered her mouth. Miss Marie stepped away from Elizabeth and looked to Sara's mom, who simply shook her head.

"I wasn't with them." Elizabeth offered no more than the obvious.

"Oh Elizabeth…" Miss Marie reached for Elizabeth's hand. It was limp in her grip. Silence once again won over.

The two women stepped away from the chairs. Miss Marie didn't yet know the details. Sara punched the plastic back of a chair. The whole row vibrated. Somewhere across the waiting room, a baby burst into tears. The shrill noise was rather comforting. Elizabeth finally shifted in her seat.

"Hey?" Sara tried to look Elizabeth in the eyes, but her hair made this difficult. "I'm really sorry, Liz."

Elizabeth pushed herself up and walked off; she exited the stuffy emergency room and entered the brisk dawn air. Only a few patches of faded blue were visible through the steel buildings and parking garage. She could go anywhere. No one would call. She could turn her phone back on. There was no one she was trying to avoid.

"Elizabeth!"

She didn't stop her wandering.

"Elizabeth Swann! I know you are somewhere in there. I implore you to hear me out; if my words are reaching you…You are not alone. You don't need to bar yourself up like this…"

Elizabeth wanted to take off sprinting out of the parking lot. It would be easy enough. No,…she couldn't take another step. She had nothing left. Miss Marie reached her and Elizabeth did nothing to resist the embrace.

"You were probably feeling better too…"

"Yeah, in a way."

"This is not your fault. You did the right thing…sometimes separating yourself from a situation is the best you can do."

Elizabeth bit her lip.

"Elizabeth…"

"No, it isn't like that at all. I was avoiding them…I'm only alive right now because I'm a coward who couldn't face her friends. I abandoned my boyfriend on his birthday…I'm the one who should have died."

"Don't even talk about anyone else dying -especially yourself."

"What's the point?"

"What is the point in death?"

"Not being alone. Joining my friends. Paying for my crimes…"

"You think not going to a party where you know everyone will be drunk is the wrong thing? You think staying home when you don't feel well is a terrible crime? Why, Elizabeth, why? Why won't you-"

"Abandonment is the worst crime. I let everyone down. Release me. Save your kind words for Sara and the other innocent people who had there friends stolen…Punish me. I'm going to go now."

"Ohhhh, no you are not. It is against every ounce of my judgment to let you leave."

"So? I don't care what you think…"

"Elizabeth Swann. I'm a teacher and your coach. You would do well to respect that. I don't know where you get idea you can do whatever you want, but it won't fly as long as I'm around."

Elizabeth said nothing more. She liked Miss Marie; further words would only prove to displace her self-loathing on the coach who had only showed her kindness. Just another of Elizabeth's transgressions…

"Why don't we sit down awhile? We don't need to back in there right away."

"Uh huh." Miss Marie led Elizabeth to a concrete barrier where they sat. Miss Marie studied Elizabeth's now visible wounds. "You were running, weren't you?"

"It was too big a hassle to drive….plus I did miss a few days…"

"You really are quite the perfectionist. It's a good thing to have pride in everything you do…but everything in moderation. You're hurting yourself. I'm not as blind or careless as think. I see how hard you push yourself, but mostly the effect said pursuit has on you and your health. Take your knee there, for example."

"I tripped."

"And you're fine and you don't want me to mention it again, right?"

Elizabeth grunted.

"That is another rotten attitude. How much running do you think you'll do if a simple cut get infected or you over-exert yourself and end up sick. I've seen this before- as a coach and to people I ran with in school- so don't think you are special simply because you are the best."

"It's not that easy…"

"Maybe not, but it doesn't have to be so painful."

The view from Elizabeth's concrete perch was disappointing, to say the least, but the thin slits in the pavement with growth sprouting its small leaves towards the sun served their purpose. As Elizabeth studied the random arrangement of plants, she didn't hear Miss Marie's words. She wondered what the cracks looked like from the sky. Did they together construct a meaningful pattern like Stone Hedge or was it random chaos?

"-I don't want you running. This is all too much. I think the whole team-"

"No! I'm running! I'll run ever faster…for my friends!" Elizabeth jumped from her seat.

"I figured you would say that…but who decides the line when mourning ends and going on begins…"

"Obviously we can't force anyone to run. I'm sure most of the juniors would rather not…whatever…"

"Let's not think about this now, 'kay."

"So true…"

"What do you want to do now?"

Elizabeth sighed. The question was unapproachable. She was on a raft somewhere in middle of the ocean; any direction she turned seemed as unappealing as the next. Except Elizabeth would never have stepped foot on the shore- let alone a raft.

"I'm sure they are wondering where we went…"

"Sara probably wants some time alone to think too."

"I want to go home… and pretend like this never happened…and I'll to school tomorrow and just carry on…"

"Denial isn't healthy."

"Then what is?"

"This is a terrible tragedy. I don't have all the answers…I can tell you that locking yourself away and pushing yourself 'til you feel nothing will only cause more pain in the end. Why don't you go to a friend's house? Just being around another human will help you."

"Maybe…how about you?"

"Huh…oh-"

"You are going to school, aren't you?"

"Yes, I ran off with very little explanation and it is my job. I can't trust any old sub to have a discussion on last night's reading."

"I am going there too."

"That's not the best idea…"

"But didn't you just say I should be with others? There are plenty of 'others' there."

"But…Elizabeth…won't that remind you."

Elizabeth sighed. The words "remind you" were scissors slicing over any scab their conversation had grown. Each time the reality dawned upon her, her heart ached as if she was receiving the news for the first time again. Perhaps denial wasn't so great…

"Rumors spread like wildfire."

Elizabeth and her coach had started walking back toward the building. Just as she made that comment, they stepped back in. Sara looked up from her phone.

"Shit, rumors are trouble. I already got a text asking if I knew what happened…I didn't respond. Best to tell people in person…"

"You had to deliver the sad news once already. I'll talk. I think I know most of his friends…" Elizabeth turned to Miss Marie.

"If that is really what you want." Miss Marie shook her head.

"Elizabeth, the families have all said they want to be left alone. Remember that. These are your friends and teammates. They'll feel similar to you so respect that…I can drive you two to school," Sara's mom said.

"Thanks." There was no point in Elizabeth arguing that.

"See ya later, Coach Marie." Sara waved as the three of them left.

As they walked to the car, Elizabeth wondered why she had even gone. The families didn't want to be bothered. She would never see her friends again. Every other kid in the hall would be talking about the accident by afternoon. Everyone knew James and even those who didn't would be curious. They'd be asking her question. Was she there? Did she see it? Or him? Maybe she should rethink this decision, go home and run away again. Elizabeth scolded herself for evening having that thought. This was punishment for her cowardice. Her team would be in shambles. One of their runners wasn't coming back. No, how could she say that. Lindsay would be waiting in the locker room as she did everyday. They'd have a disagreement about something frivolous and end up walking to the field separately. Then one of them would remember something they had to say and all grudges would be forgotten. After practice, this would repeat. She told Lindsay there was a meet coming up and she needed to stay focused on running and school. Lindsay was her friend- she would listen. Why hadn't she listened…?

Sara placed her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. They were in the car now driving toward school. "Are you sure about this?"

Elizabeth batted at the tears streaming down her face. What was there to be sure about? She didn't reply. Had she not have been in a car, she would have cried. Of this, she was certain.

Yikes. That was somewhat of a milestone for me. I kinda feel bad too...