Chapter 13 – Delicate matters

Third Age 2700

Elrond's head shot up at the quiet knock on his door. "Come." In poked the familiar face of Elrond's high counselor. The dark haired ellon carried a large pile of scrolls. "Good afternoon, Erestor." He shifted his gaze to the letters Erestor piled on a side table. "Please tell me I don't need to look through all of those as well."

Erestor shook his head and smiled at the sullen look on Elrond's face. "No, no, I've gone through them all and sent replies as needed."

Relief filled the Lord at his counselor's reply. "I thank you, my friend."

Erestor bowed his head slightly, accepting his Lord's gratitude. "No need for thanks. It is my job. I do it gladly." And it was the truth, though like any ellon, Erestor was grateful that his hard work was appreciated.

Erestor studied the elf Lord a moment and the counselor's expression grew serious. He had a matter of some delicacy to discuss with Elrond and he was somewhat reluctant to begin. "I do, however, wish to discuss another matter with you."

Elrond noted the shift in his companion's demeanor. "Of course," he gestured to the chair opposite his desk, curious as to what it was that had brought about the sudden change, "please sit."

Erestor was not sure where to begin. He was not one to tread lightly on subjects that required a straightforward approach and so at last he decided it was best not to skirt around issue. "Arwen spoke to me of her desire to visit her grandparents."

Elrond's mood darkened instantly. He said nothing for some time, staring past Erestor with unfocused eyes. What those eyes saw, the councilor could only imagine.

After a time, Elrond returned his attention to his friend. Elrond's voice echoed painfully in his ears. "She spoke to me the other day of her longing to return to the Golden Wood."

Erestor understood well the concern Arwen's request stirred in her father's heart. The loss of Lady Celebrían was felt by all in Imladris, but Erestor had seen first hand the devastation her departure wrought on Elrond. And now, for him to part with his beloved daughter, seemed almost too much to ask, never mind that Arwen's request took her through the Redhorn Pass. "Will you give her leave to go?"

A mournful sigh escaped the elf Lord. He looked down at his hand as if the answer to Erestor's question could be found there. "I do not wish to," he admitted to the counselor. A humorless smile curled the edge of his lips, "but as my daughter was quick to remind me, if we live our lives in fear of the Shadow, it will consume us all."

Erestor heard defeat in Elrond's voice. It appeared he'd made up his mind to let Arwen go, no matter how much it grieved him. "Your daughter is wise," Erestor gave his friend an understanding smile, "like her father."

Elrond grumbled at his friend's last statement. "My heart would rather that I was a stubborn, short-sighted fool in this particular matter."

"I understand." Erestor said gently. The counselor allowed his Lord time to master the emotions he held barely in check. Elrond's eyes seemed to clear as if he'd only just thought of something and he raised his head to address Erestor.

"Why do you bring this up?" Elrond wondered why his counselor wished to discuss this particular topic as he knew Erestor would not question him out of mere curiosity.

It was Erestor's turn to look disgruntled. "Eruanna has asked if she may accompany Arwen to Lothlórien. She has read much of the Golden Wood, and has expressed a desire to travel there."

Erestor had not taken well to the idea of Eruanna leaving Rivendell when she first approached him about the possibility. The logical part of Erestor's mind told him the child had made the long journey from Mirkwood safely once before, and so she was not completely ignorant of the dangers of the outside world. Unfortunately, that fact did little to comfort him. Elrond was not the only member of the house to feel the Shadow growing. Evil had returned to Middle Earth and a fear Erestor had never known before gripped his heart at the thought of Eruanna sharing Celebrían's fate. Still, he knew imprisoning Eruanna in Imladris forever was no answer.

"She wishes to go as well?" Elrond did not know if his heart could take both his daughter and his ward facing the perils of the Misty Mountains. "Have you spoken with Glorfindel? Does he think her ready?"

Erestor shrugged- a gesture he was not known for and one that marked the depths of his unease. "He tells me she has much improved in the art of stealth and her skill with sword and bow is sufficient." He looked up at Elrond with humor in his eyes. "Of course, Glorfindel demanded to be part of any guard that escorts Arwen and Eruanna to Lórien."

"Of course." Elrond smiled a small but genuine smile. It was no surprise that Glorfindel wished to accompany them. Elrond knew the great warrior had felt much guilt at not having been at Celebrían's side when she returned from Lórien and he was not the only ellon to feel thus. "I will have to send for Elladan and Elrohir as well. They will never forgive me if I allow Arwen to travel without her brothers at her side."

Erestor was glad that Elrond seemed to be taking the prospect of his daughter travelling in stride, but hesitated to add his final request. It was difficult for Erestor to ask, as he felt a powerful need to remain at Elrond's side as he'd done for nearly an age. "I would ask for leave to go as well, my Lord. I have not seen Lórien in a long time and know not if I shall have the opportunity again."

Elrond's attention was caught by his high counselor's strange request (as well as the formal manner in which it was made). Erestor had never before asked for leave to travel and in fact, had been known to grumble quite loudly when his presence was requested in one of the other elven realms. That he should wish to travel now surprised Elrond. "Is that the only reason you have for asking, my friend, or is there something more you do not tell me?" Elrond questioned gently. He did not wish to interrogate his friend if there be no reason.

Erestor squirmed under Elrond's concerned gaze. He'd known this conversation was coming but had hoped to avoid it. "I suppose…I do not wish to be parted from my apprentice s o soon."

Ah, as I thought. Elrond found himself smiling more broadly at the ellon before him. Erestor had changed these last hundred or so years, in countless small and subtle ways. "Quite a reversal from when you first agreed to tutor her."

Erestor found himself becoming uncomfortable. He did not like discussing his personal feelings, even with friends. Alas, he was unable to avoid doing so and perhaps it was not so difficult to speak of such things with an ellon who so unashamedly expressed his love for his children. "I admit to having developed…an attachment to the elleth."

Elrond shook his head at his friend, laughing heartily at the ellon's confession. "Your capacity for understatement never ceases to amaze me."

Erestor gave his companion a sharp look which only fueled the elf Lord's laughter. He conceded that his choice of words might not have been what Elrond would have used. "Perhaps 'attachment' is not the proper word."

Elrond quieted his laughter. He knew what Erestor wished to say. It was written in the ellon's voice and eyes when he worked and spoke with Eruanna. Still, Elrond wished the old ellon would admit his feelings for the elleth to himself, even if he could not speak of them with any other. To his great surprise, Erestor continued. Elrond kept silent, allowing his friend to express the feelings he'd kept hidden (or so he thought) from everyone else.

Erestor thought long on all of the elflings he'd taught and the countless others who'd crossed his path over the ages. "I was never fond of elflings before I met Eruanna, students, yes, but not young ones in general. Though I suppose, Eruanna was not really a child, even when she first arrived in Imladris."

The counselor thought back over his lifetime. His mind recalled the faces of numerous ellith who wished to be courted by him and though lovers and friends filled the days of his life, he'd never found another to share his life with. "In all my long years, I never found an elleth with whom I wished to pass the ages, and so I never thought much about having children of my own. I had other people's children to teach and tuck into bed when I so desired."

So many children…Elrond's sons and daughter among them, but they were not his children. But Eruanna…she had no one, no father or mother and her grandparent's across the sea. He never saw it coming, never thought on it or asked for it or willed it to be so, but one day Erestor awoke with a rather startling thought…'where is my child this morning?'. My child! He nearly fell out of bed at the absurdity of the thought, but it was not the last time his heart had claimed possession of her.

Erestor knew his Lord watched him carefully. He felt ashamed at his own inability to speak his feelings aloud, when the ellon before him had no trouble doing so. His usual easy eloquence abandoned him and he was like a young ellon trying desperately to explain away a mistake he'd made. But his heart knew long ago that it was no mistake, it simply took his mind a bit longer to catch up. "When I began working with Eruanna, it was as if Ilúvatar had sent her here just for me. As if he knew she would fill the place in my heart that unknowingly yearned for a child's love."

Elrond understood well how a single person could change the makeup of one's soul. He understood, too, Erestor's fears in admitting such a thing to himself. The counselor had seen first hand what love can do to an ellon, when the one they hold dear is ripped away. Elrond suddenly remembered the question that had first brought this subject to light. "I give you leave to go, Erestor."

Erestor breathed a sigh of relief at his Lord's decision. He was also grateful that Elrond had allowed him to speak without interruption or judgment. "I will write the necessary papers. It should not take too long for your sons to return, once we figure out where they are."

"They will not be pleased." Elrond could only imagine the argument they would have when his sons arrived.

"Let Arwen deal with them," the counselor suggested, knowing the Lady had her own methods of handling her brothers.

Elrond laughed at that. Arwen could be quite persuasive in her own right. Her will was as strong as those of her mother and grandmother. He gave Erestor a nod and the counselor stood and headed for the door. As the door swung open Elrond called out to Erestor, "Take care of my child Erestor…and yours."

The counselor turned back to Elrond and lifted his hand to his heart. "I will."

Erestor followed the paths that led to the training fields. He looked across the open expanse and spotted Eruanna and Glorfindel in a far corner beneath the shade trees. He made his way toward them, watching as Eruanna was dumped repeatedly onto the ground by Glorfindel who then helped her back to her feet. The repetitive nature of the scene was quite humorous, though Erestor's enjoyment was tinged with concern for what would no doubt be quite a sore backside before the lesson was done.

"Here you are. And what are we learning today?" Erestor's voice distracted Eruanna momentarily and she landed in the dirt once more.

Eruanna glowered at Glorfindel for taking advantage of her while she was distracted but said nothing, knowing the ellon would merely admonish her for taking her eyes off her opponent. She climbed back to her feet. "We are practicing hand to hand."

"Have you not practiced enough today?" Erestor asked, eying her practice uniform now covered in mud.

"One can never train enough, Erestor." Glorfindel lectured his friend in a voice that sounded rather similar to the one Erestor used when drilling Eruanna in her studies.

Eruanna gave a sidelong glance at Glorfindel who'd just thrown a none too veiled jab at Erestor's often draconian teaching methods. "And besides," she offered to Erestor, "Glorfindel is harder to land a blow on than Arwen. I have already sparred with her today and did rather well."

Glorfindel nodded in agreement, "She did well, so I decided to take over and give my student a greater challenge."

"A greater challenge, indeed." Erestor noted the fact that Glorfindel's uniform was spotless. It appeared the old warrior was not so much sparring with Eruanna as he was dumping her in the mud. "I recall the last time you sparred with Glorfindel, he gave you a black eye."

"Only because I slipped." Eruanna was quick to defend herself and her teacher. Hearing a snort of laughter escape Glorfindel, she shot a challenging look his way. "He will not be so lucky this time."

Glorfindel's eyebrow rose at the elleth's challenge. "We shall see."

"I hate to interrupt your… training, Glorfindel" Erestor raised his hand before their knock-down session could resume, "but there is an important matter I need to discuss with Eruanna." Erestor gave Glorfindel a knowing look. He'd told the Seneschal he was going to speak with Elrond about her travelling to Lórien.

Glorfindel nodded, "Very well." Turning to Eruanna, he added, "We will continue tomorrow morning, bright and early."

"I'll be here." She bowed politely and watched the ellon's retreating form as he left the practice field. Her attention returned swiftly to Erestor at the sound of his words.

"I have spoken to Lord Elrond…," Erestor was cut short by a barrage of excited questions from Eruanna.

"What did he say? Will he let us go? Can you come too?" Eruanna could barely contain her excitement.

Erestor raised a hand, signaling that all would be answered if Eruanna would give him the chance to speak. "He has given us leave to travel. When the mountain passes open and Elladan and Elrohir arrive, we will depart."