Chapter 2 - Wartime Tactics
"And they're off! Eight contestants vying for the winner's prize! A year's worth of sake compliments of the Seireitei!" Isane was playing commentator for this year's race.
Fifty feet in and the contestants were faced with their first obstacle; a series of hurdles about two feet off the ground. Ichigo and Ikkaku were running full speed side by side, their shoulders grinding into each other, trying to shove the other away. They proceeded to jump over the hurdles without even looking at them. Iba cleared the first hurdle when something tackled hard into his back. He fell to the ground with an ungraceful "ACK!"
Turned out Yumichika in his inebriated state didn't notice the hurdles at all, therefore he tripped (gracefully I might add. After all, Yumichika was still Yumichika however intoxicated) right on top of the 7th division fukutaichou. They were in a very…interesting position. Iba watched in dismay as the other contestants rushed past him.
"Looking good there Iba!" shouted Hisagi
"Ohh, didn't know you rolled that way!" Matsumoto blew him a couple of kisses.
Kira merely gave him a jaunty wave and Shunsui tipped his hat off to him. Iba tried to pry Yumichika away from his legs, which he was now hugging so tightly that blood circulation was cut off.
"Get. Off. Of. Me." He tugged at the arms with each break in his words.
"But - hic - Iba - hic - hehe, Iba sounds like - hic - baaa. Hehe, I like sheepies. They're - hic - cuddlwy."
If even possible, Yumichika gripped Iba's legs even harder while snuggling into them. Iba had only one choice left.
"Hado no ichi! Shou!"
Due to the close proximity of the weakest of all hado, the blast sent Yumichika flying all the way to the other side of the race course. He smashed into one of the solid ice walls of the maze and was a bit bruised, but nonetheless he was in the lead. He gave Iba a grateful wave and went into the maze after smashing into the wall twice. Iba just picked himself up and ran, muttering profanities along the way. He was very behind.
"Aww, no fair! Prissy boy didn't even do anything!" Matsumoto whined as she climbed up the think rope net, the next obstacle on the course before the maze in which Yumichika was currently in (no doubt giving himself a concussion or ten).
"Ah, you know what they say Rangiku," Shunsui started to say.
"What?"
Matsumoto had finished climbing the net and was starting to cross one of two wooden planks stretched over a pool of shallow water. It was not in her desire to slip; the water would be freezing!
Shunsui did not answer her question so she just brushed it aside, concentrating on more important matters, like say not falling into the water perhaps? Only when she was halfway across did she hear Shunsui whisper in her ear.
"All's fair in love and war."
He used her surprise and gave her an all mighty push. Matsumoto swung her arms wildly, trying to stay balanced but alas it was not meant to be. She tumbled into the pool, shivering as she glared up at Shunsui who gave a mock bow to the cheering crowd before swiftly taking off. Matsumoto could hear a faint "damn" come out of Hisagi. Apparently if Shunsui has stayed there a bit longer he would have joined her as well.
"Ooh, some sabotage tactics from Kyoraku-taichou," Isane commented. "Don't catch a cold Matsumoto!"
Matsumoto scrambled up, cursing every bone in Shunsui's body as she tried to ignore her escalated shivering. The wind just had to pick up force now didn't it?! She ran through the mid-calf water, her feet quickly becoming numb, and manoeuvred around the rope net on the other side; the same net in which Kira was dangling off of because he had tripped.
A hundred meter sprint later and she dashed through the entrance of the fifteen feet tall maze, followed a couple seconds later by Kira who was now in last place. Thuds of varying volumes could be heard throughout the maze and following them, a string of curses that were all very loud. This maze wasn't your king sized labyrinth complete with untamed beasts threatening to devour your flesh, but it wasn't some "oh-turn-right-and-there's-the-exit" maze either.
"Looks like our contestants are all having trouble with the maze. C'mon! It's not that hard!" Isane yelled through the microphone.
"This. Wasn't…WHAT I HAD IN MIND!!" Ikkaku began to furiously beat the icy dead end wall with his wooden sword. A second later and he acquired ten new splinters and several wood chips.
Yeah sure, he first thought it was a straight forward race when he read the advertisement. Why should he care if he skimmed over the words 'sake' and 'obstacle' that preceded the four lettered word? A race was a race, a chance to beat fresh rivals and to gloat at the losers when standing on the winner's podium. Okay, so the obstacles had taken him aback a little he admitted. But obstacles were meant to test the strength and endurance of a man…or a woman in one of eight cases. Never did he think that he would have to do the unthinkable…never did Ikkaku think he would have to…USE HIS BRAIN!
"Yo Cue Ball, finally giving that brain of yours a good workout?" Ichigo smirked.
"I don't see you finding the damn exit!"
Ichigo narrowed his eyes in anger, a vein popping out, before quickly replacing the smirk back on his face. He stuck his nose up in the air and jabbed his thumb towards his chest.
"I'll be long gone when, oopps, I mean if you make it outta here," he boasted.
Without even looking ahead of him, Ichigo made a mad dash to his left. He turned his head forward just in time to forcibly kiss the wall in front of him. He fell to the ground, moaning and clutching his face while Ikkaku's laughter rang loudly in his ear. Ichigo looked up with a hand rubbing his very red forehead and saw an Ikkaku in hysterics on his knees, a hand on the wall keeping the rest of his body from hitting the ground.
"Smart - haha - move genius - haha - you couldn't find - haha - find your way out - haha - of Yachiru's underpants! HAHAHAHAHA!!"
Ichigo was about to retaliate when he suddenly got a bright idea involving the crouched over Ikkaku and the wall behind him. Ikkaku looked up when he heard a loud stamping noise; Ichigo was running full out. Straight towards him!
"Whaddaya thi-"
Ikkaku never finished because it was at that precise moment that Ichigo stepped on his shiny head and used it as a foot up to jump over the wall. When Ichigo landed he looked up and saw the exit straight ahead of him. He smirked at the wall behind him as if it was Ikkaku and took off shouting.
"Too bad they gave you a shiny head instead of some brains!"
Ikkaku twitched and flipped himself up. He had a slightly bloody nose but that was nothing compared to the blood that was rising up to his head. He raised an angry fist up.
"That…little…PUNK!"
He drew his arm back and punched the wall once, twice, three times in quick succession. The whole wall came crumbling down, creating an icy waterfall. Ikkaku didn't even wait for everything to settle on the ground. He ran straight through it and after Ichigo.
"Too bad they gave you a mouth instead of some muscle ya shrimp!"
"Ikkaku literally tears through the maze and is coming out strong. Watch out Kurosaki!"
Ichigo looked back, his jaw dropping to the ground; Ikkaku was quickly catching up with him with a madden look on his face. Poor Ichigo. Not only was a deranged bald shinigami chasing after him but he completely forgot what happened the last time he ran without looking ahead first. Oh dear, it was only a moment ago too.
"Ooooohhhhh," the crowd moaned, some even wincing as a ball struck Ichigo in the side of the face, causing him to stumble backwards right in the path of another incoming ball.
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Ichigo was on the ground, one hand on his red cheek looking at the many tetherball poles surrounding him, the balls' paths being controlled by several shinigamis on the sidelines.
"It looks like the tetherballs have driven Kurosaki into a state of shock," Isane said through the microphone.
Ichigo's ears perked up and he turned to face her, his head blowing up to very comical proportions. "I AM NOT IN SHOCK FROM A BUNCH OF STUPID BALLS!!"
Isane chose to ignore him, continuing with the commentary. "It looks like Ikkaku's catching up, no wait, he surpasses Kurosaki and is now in the lead. Seems like that got Kurosaki going again! Okay so it's Ikkaku in the lead, closely followed by Ichigo. After them, just clearing the tetherball field is Matsumoto, Hisagi and Kyoraku-taichou. Iba and Kira are making their way through the last portion of that field and Yumichika…come to think of it, isn't he out of the maze yet?"
Back in the maze:
Yumichika was standing in front of a dead end, not really caring that it was a dead end. He looked at his reflection in the ice and winked at it, striking a silly pose. He nearly fell over because he was still drunk.
"Oh lovely - hic - I desperately need a three way mirror in my room."