DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me except the plot - the rest goes to Stephanie Meyer.
Author's Note: So, this was written kinda fast, and I just wanted to toy around with some ideas. If it sounds confusing, I plan to edit it a little later as the plot thickens... everything will string up, trust me.
Chapter Two - Explanations
I swayed and fell forward, the smooth bathroom counter crunching beneath my marble skin. I dug my iron-like nails into the stone, creating long scratches on the delicate finish. "ARGH!" I spun around, bumping into a ferociously violent-looking Jasper, who would've been redder than me as an embarrassed human if he had blood rushing through his now-frozen veins. "...Jas...per?" His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. I shrunk against the unused toilet as he stalked toward me, cracking his knuckles.
"Bella... Bella... Bella..." I nodded my head fervently, now crouched in the corner next to a toilet bowl brusher, and wondering how my anger caused this sudden streak of hatred. "Yeah, Jasper?" I asked in a shaky voice. "Bella. Bella. Bella." I cringed as he took his golden hair in his trembling hands. "BELLA! BELLA! BELLA!" That was it. "JASPER, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I lost a bit of my courage as his rigid face leered closer to mine. "All these years, I've hated the hold you have on Edward. Why him? Why would you choose a gutless little brooding chicken when you could have... ME!"
My shock was interrupted by Carlisle, who had suddenly stood up and was in the middle of wrapping a flailing Edward into the shower curtain. I awkwardly turned back to Jasper, who was staring at me with a hungry expression on his face. It was quite disturbing. "Okay, Jasper, I think now would be the time to radiate some calm around here." He was lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, muttering something about "Alice," "cu-tips," and "the camera." I took his face in my hands and shook it back and forth. "WHEN I SAY NOW, I MEAN NOW, BUCKO!" He just kept murmuring his random words.
"Oomph!" Edward had just ripped a tile from the floor and was battering it over Carlisle's head while the latter frantically groped for the tap, ripping off the faucet and swinging it back - "OUCH - HEY!" Rosalie was standing in the doorway, rubbing her shoulder and tossing the faucet behind her, which crashed through the window and into the garden. "HEY - OW!" Esme came blurring up, holding the extremely dented tap in her hand. "Hey ya'll, what's all the commotion?" Emmett came in with Alice on his back, as her eyes suddenly clouded over and she grinned wickedly, grabbing the faucet from Esme and conking it over Emmett's head.
"OWIE, OWIE!" Emmett bounced around the bathroom, knocking everything over and... the camera fell, splintering across the floor and ejecting a charcoal-black tape. He stopped. "Ooo, Emmett likes!" By this time, everyone was clutching their bodies in the pain that Jasper was projecting. Alice blurred over in the sudden rush of enthusiasm and snatched the tape away from Emmett. She grinned. "Just what I've been waiting for!" I lunged for the devilish pixie. "NOOO!"
We crashed through the wall of the bathroom, sailing down through three landings and shattering Esme's glass coffee table in the sitting room. As we wrestled, somehow the tape went flying and landed in Rosalie's arms. She laughed haughtily and dangled it from two fingers. "Is THIS what you're looking for?"
We both froze, and looked over at her slowly. "Hand it over Rose, please, be a sister!" I breathed. Alice gave her sister the best puppy dog face I have ever seen. Evil little pixie. "Rosie, give the tape to me! This is part of... er... THE plan." Rosalie stopped her mocking and gave Alice a curious look. "Oh, so THIS is it? Hah, very smooth." Everyone else except for Jasper looked appraisingly at the seemingly innocent tape and back to the three of us.
Edward rushed over and held me close to his side, threatening Rosalie and Alice with his glare, though he really didn't know what was going on. I realized we were both naked, and grabbed a large pillow to shield both of us as Jasper gawked, pausing in his muttered tirade of, "Alice," "cu-tip," and "tape." Wait - Alice... tape? Then it came to me. "ALICE! This is all you're fault, I know it! Why on EARTH would you put a video camera in OUR bathroom? Our BATHROOM!" Edward also seemed to come to the same realization as me, and tried to run toward Rosalie while I held him back, reminding him he was still totally nude. We both pointed at Alice and Rosalie threateningly. "Give that tape back! Compromising secrets of ages untold are hidden in its darkest depths." Edward waved his fist at the sky. Alice giggled, and looked at the two of us with a sparkle in her eye.
"THAT'S exactly WHY I did it, you sillies. How else am I supposed to know if your love life is going well, what with Edward being so prudent and... well, quite weird, and with you being nervous and shy? Trust me, this is for your own good. Finally, a family video that I will actually enjoy!" I cringed in horror and embarrassment. "Alice, you're a PSYCHIC! If you had to make sure that things were... er... going well, then why couldn't you have just had a vision?" She bounced over to Jasper, who was now huddled in a corner near a flower vase, muttering about cu-tips - he must be obsessed. "Sorry dahlings, but I was a tad... distracted," she simpered as she stroked Jasper's face lovingly. Jasper nuzzled her neck, apparently cured of his stupor and of his odd obsession with me.
Emmett stepped forward. "Okay, I'm still really confused. Why can't you just walk in on them? I do that all the time." Edward rolled his eyes. "What, you think I'm not MAN enough to watch you guys?" growled Emmett. "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Edward bared his teeth. Carlisle stepped forward, calming the two. "Now, it's obvious that we have a problem here. It seems that you two want a bit more privacy -" "Yah think?" Carlisle shrugged. "-but, you are the only couple currently at newlywed status in this house, and if everyone else wants to have a little fun toying around with you, I'm all for it."
Edward and I stared blankly at him. "WHAT? Are you insane?" Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett laughed cruelly. Alice waved the video in the air. "Now, who wants to see Edward and Bella's First Ever Home-Video?" Five hands pointed in the air as Esme pointed at us scathingly while we hobbled up the stairs, covering ourselves with the sofa cushion and attempting to drown out the laughs from our family below. As we reached our room, my love and I looked into each other's eyes, both full of pure hatred and determination - "It's payback time."
A/N: Hooray for the mild cliffy! Even if you hate this, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! It's much appreciated, plus it'll make me develop this story faster. :)