Chapter 3 - Drunken Hado
"And the contestants minus Yumichika are all on the last hundred meter stretch after making their way almost in one piece through the stakes. Guess you can't teach a strawberry new tricks ladies and gentlemen."
The crowd roared with laughter, the memory of Ichigo running straight into something yet again still fresh in their minds. Ichigo just picked up his pace and reached the small table to the side where their next portion of sake was waiting patiently for them. This time it was a half full bottle of the stuff.
Ichigo took one hearty swig, coughing and spluttering as the burning contents rolled down his throat. Matsumoto and Shunsui had already finished their bottle and were going for their second lap. They looked like they were still sober but if you squint you could see a light waver in their footsteps.
"Matsumoto and Kyoraku-taichou are in the lead and following them now are Hisagi, Kira, Ikkaku and Iba, all of whom drank their sake in record time. Some are starting to look drunk but most of you are holding it in very well. Kudos to you. Hmm, looks like Yumichika is walking out the entrance of the maze and ah, Kurosaki has finally finished his portion of sake. …Huh? What's this?"
Combined a teenager who has never consumed alcohol before in his entire life with nearly a bottle of sake that was drunken in the time span of seven minutes and you get what everyone was staring at; a very smashed Ichigo tottering on the course, flapping his arms like they were wings.
"Hahaha! You- You damn hurmdles can't beat me because I can fly! Weeeee! I am the all mighty Ichi-go Kuro- Kuro…what was it?"
Ichigo stood there with a finger on his lips, trying to figure out how to say his last name. He was swaying from side to side and started to hum when a light bulb went off in his head.
"Aha! I am the all mighty Ichigo Kurosake! Hehe sake, I could use sooolmme."
"It seems Kurosake, I mean Kurosaki is intoxicated. This could make things interesting."
Ichigo looked over his shoulder and waved excitedly at Isane. "Hey healer girl! I'ma gonna winit for you."
One step forward and BAM, Ichigo met face first with the ground. He weakly turned his head, a dazed expression on his face. For someone who looked like he was going to pass out, he was very loud.
"Hey healer girl! Kiss me better already!"
With a small groan Ichigo passed out, a goofy grin still present on his face. Isane was red from his remark. "Someone get him off the course. Kurosaki is officially disqualified. Good thing too." She muttered the last part under her breath.
Hisagi looked back to see Ichigo being carried off to the sidelines. Luckily he decided to look back when there was nothing in front of him to ram into. He went up the rope net for the second time and saw that Shunsui was just a little ahead of him.
Perfect! Haha, this time I'll definitely push him in. Hmm, maybe Iba too.
He was wobbling a bit when he reached the platform but didn't bother to take that into account as he ran towards the 8th division taichou. Too bad he tripped over his own foot. Hisagi turned and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which happened to be Kira's sleeve. And like Jack and Jill they both tumbled straight down into the water. Actually Hisagi was the only one in the water; Kira landed right on top of him.
"There goes Hisagi AND Kira, their little fall effectively putting them in last place. IT'S THE OTHER WAY YUMICHIKA!"
"They should put them warmmings up. Hole equal falling." Kira used both hands to straighten his head as if it had dislocated during the fall. "Eh? The water's dry! Eheheheh dry water! …That's funny. Methinks I saw Isai-sanny." Kira scratched his head in confusion. "ISAI-SANNY! Oh no! What will poor Isai-sanny do without me?!"
Hisagi threw Kira off his back and the 3rd division fukutaichou landed on the side of the small pool of water. Hisagi was flailing about doing the antsy dance.
"COLDCOLDCOLDCOLDCOLD!!"
"I found you Isai-sanny! Eh? Why are you wet? Didn't you find the dry water?"
Hisagi froze mid-dance to stare at his blonde friend. "Huh? Are you drunk already Kira?"
"NO SILLY! If I was drunk then I wouldn't remembery your name Isai-Isay. Hehe, Isai-Isay needs to learn drunkie logic…Eh? Why is Isai-Isay wearing wet clothes?"
"Because I fell in the water and couldn't get up because you were sitting on me!!"
"NO! I'M SORRY ISAI-ISAY! LEMME HELP! HADO NO SANJUUICHI-"
"W-wait a minute Kira!!"
"SHAKKAHOU!"
Poor Hisagi couldn't get away in time. He flew up in the air and landed violently on the table the contestants previously sat at. It effectively broke in half and there was a very nice Hisagi-sized depression in the ground. His skin was smoking slightly and he kind of smelled like half cooked meat. He dragged himself halfway out of the hole before slumping over.
"And it looks like Hisagi's out! Blown away by Kira's Shakkahou. Somebody go help him out of that hole please."
"I'LL DO IT HEALUR GIRL!"
Kira was waving his arm like a schoolkid and proceeded to help Hisagi - shunpo style. He tripped over Hisagi's arm and landed in the hole with a loud "offfh". After dragging himself up in the same manner as Hisagi did before, he grabbed said fukutaichou's hair and slung him over his shoulders.
"Kira, you are officially disqualified for using shu-"
BAM!
Isane looked towards her left at the wall Kira had just shunpo-ed into. He fell backwards onto Hisagi (poor guy never gets a break), eyes swirling.
"So-somebody help, ahhh…"
Everybody sweatdropped.
"Ah, well, that was an interesting turn of events. So we're down to five-no wait, four contestants. Looks like Yumichika was stampeded over. Medic squad front and centre."
The remaining four contestants were currently occupied with the maze again. Matsumoto just happened to stumble upon the large hole made by Ikkaku earlier and Shunsui just happened to be following her. They tripped over the chunks of ice several times before finally making it out.
Meanwhile, back in the maze:
Iba was not having a good time. He rammed into countless walls already and his head was starting to hurt. He turned a corner and saw Ikkaku down the other end. Likewise Ikkaku notice the three Ibas.
"Wha? Why are there three of 'em?"
Ikkaku rubbed his eyes and the three Ibas were replaced with an image of Ichigo. Iba started to back away when he saw the deranged look in Ikkaku's eyes.
"H-hey, you alright Ikkaku?"
"Hehehe, I found you at last. ICHIGO KUROSAKI!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
That would be the sound of Iba screaming as he ran away from Ikkaku who was chasing after him like a hungry cheetah.
"Hado no ichi! Shou! Hado no shi! Byakurai! AHHHHHH! HADO NO ROKUJUUROKU! SOUREN SOUKATUI!"
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Iba rapidly shot down the walls that blocked his path as he ran for his dear life, arms and legs pumping up and down. He must have been so panicked that his thinking was impaired tenfold because: One - who needs a level 66 Hado to destroy a wall? And Two - he completely forgot that he could have used Bakudo to restrain Ikkaku. Then he wouldn't have to run. Oh well, more fun for the spectators.
Iba's comical screams rang through the air along with Ikkaku's thunderous shouts (aka: threats). Iba did not want to see if he could be turned into a human pincushion. After blasting down several more walls did he finally see the exit.
"Yes! Freedom is mine!"
"Here comes the final two contestants after demolishing half the maze! Y-Hey! Give me back the mic!" Isane was chasing Yachiru around on the little stage trying to reclaim her precious microphone back.
Iba shot out of the maze with Ikkaku in hot pursuit. The bald shinigami was going faster than ever. Just when Iba thought he was done for, he tripped. That's right, he tripped and lucky for him he did because in turn Ikkaku tripped over him and collided into one of the cast-iron tetherball poles. As he slid down the pole, a rather large crack appeared on it.
It was ominously quiet for a moment. Then the pole began to fall.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed both Iba and Ikkaku.
Time seemed to slow down as the two tried to scramble away. Coincidentally the pole landed squarely on their backs. A sharp "ACK!" came out from both of them before they became still, an odd leg twitching from time to time.
"Wow! Pachinko Head and Toilet Guy went BAM!" Yachiru threw the microphone back to Isane who wasn't expecting such an action. She juggled the microphone in her hands, trying not to let it fall. Sighing when she finally had it steady, she noticed Yachiru jumping off the podium.
"Where are you going Kusajishi-fukutaichou?"
"Where else healer lady? I'm going to kick those two!"
"…Be sure to bring them here when you're done."
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