Chapter 17: In Which Hermione Wanders Around the Castle with Her Thoughts

Wandering about the quite halls of Hogwarts, Hermione thought about the last twenty-four hours. First and foremost: Snape and Lily.

She hadn't had the time to process her thoughts about that, yet. It was certainly a tragedy. She had been on the verge of crying when he got to the point of the story where he was about to die. His attitude toward them and the rest of the world made more sense now. She had lived the last seven years with grief as a companion, how hard would it be to walk with grief and failure?

How hard would that be to imagine? You spent the year after Ron died searching the world for wandless magic, and the year after that studying it because of your deep intellectual curiosity. It had nothing to do with watching him die, helpless to do anything about it because your wand had been stolen. No, not at all. No deep seated feelings of failure there. Yeah, and Filch will come to the next Christmas Ball in a tutu!

She thought about her time looking for a way to make sure it never happened again. A way to make failure into something else, and if that was impossible, then a way to make sure that failure never happened again. She had been lucky; she had parents and friends who understood her demons, and were willing to do anything to help her try to find a way to heal them. She finally learned about an American witch that had spent some time in Britain a few years back. An introduction from a friend of a friend had gotten her to the Watcher's Council in Cleveland, and there she had learned how to never fear the loss of her wand again.

And now she was passing that skill on. Her seventh years who could handle the work were very promising. Many of them were better at wandless magic than she was. Some of them would be heading to the States to learn more. At least they were as of a few weeks ago. I need to talk to Amber, Dean, and Rose, see what they're going to do now that the law passed.

She continued along the now silent corridors. It was good that he had loved someone before. What would she have been looking at had he never loved anyone? Can I compete with a ghost? Will I have to? Oh come on, like Ron isn't looking over your shoulder. And probably doing bloody cartwheels in his grave because of this.

He would have hated this. He never trusted Snape and probably still wouldn't. She remembered Slughorn's words, "... a much better man than most of your Gryffindor colleagues gave him credit for." Would Slughorn still think that if he had known Snape's real motivations? They probably would have made Ron think better of him; if he could have gotten over his scorn. Big if.

Another silent corridor. The school was quiet tonight. Granted, Monday night was usually not a big night for sneaking about. That's why only one professor was on per shift. Her mind wandered around, as she looked at the familiar paintings. Giggling and whispering came from behind a suit of armour ahead. That snapped her mind back to the present. She got her wand out and prepared what she wanted to do.

"Aguamente!" Cold water came splashing down on the semi-naked, whispering lovers. "Break it up. Ten points from Ravenclaw and ten points from Hufflepuff. Back to your dorms." They hustled off, muttering quietly, rearranging their robes.

She watched them walk off and began to think about the other major aspect of last night. She had kissed Snape. She had let his tongue touch her. She had held his body next to hers. And she had liked it. It was his thumb tracing her lip before the actual kiss. There was an unhurried gentleness to it that she had never experience before. That action had set the tone for a kiss unlike any she'd ever had. More relaxed? Less immediate? More kindness and less lust. Of course, it wasn't like she had had a lot of kisses to compare it to. Victor's kiss had the sweet fumblyness of the first time. Ron's were always stolen moments of blessed peace between battles. Xander, also sweet, but a reminder that she wasn't over Ron yet. She had finished that one by crying on him, and hadn't let another man near her in the five years since.

Well, I didn't spend last night crying on him, wishing I had died with Ron. That's a step in the right direction.

No you spent last night listening to him talk about the woman he wished he had died with, followed by breakfast and wondering if he usually sleeps naked, or if you just happened to barge in on him at exactly the right time. Naked Snape. Naked Severus. There were two words that had literally never appeared in her mind at the same time before last night. But naked he had been, and she had certainly gotten an eyeful. The way he had sprung for his wand was impressive. No false concerns about modesty, no fumbling moves, just, perfect, deadly, grace. Had she not summoned it to her as soon as she opened the door, before her light spell, he would have had time to get a hex off at her. Dead asleep to fighting took talent, and too many years of fear. Should have woken him differently.

She went down the staircase to the second floor, feet automatically skipping the missing stairs. Her mind was on his body, the tension in his muscles as his sprang for his wand, the further tightening upon realizing the wand was no longer within his reach, and the defeated slump when he heard her speak Lily's name. She had seen the scar from his dark mark on his arm as he reached for his wand, and how the rest of the night he had carefully kept his arm turned towards himself to shield it from her gaze. He had wrapped the blanket around his waist like a towel, leaving his chest and arms bare. She had liked his arms and shoulders, nicely muscled without being overwhelming. His chest had very little hair. As for the rest of him… she smiled at the thought.

It was during that thought that Professor Sinistra tapped Hermione on the back. Hermione jumped three inches into the air with a small gasp.

Sinistra stepped back. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to startle you."

"I was woolgathering. It's a good thing you got my attention; I would have walked right by you otherwise."

"Then it's also a good thing that I'm here to relieve you. We can't have you wandering about in a fog, strolling by the dallying students."

"Yes, it is. I'm exhausted, and right now nothing sounds better than a long sleep." Sinistra nodded to Hermione, who went home to do just that.

That action had set the tone for a kiss unlike any she'd ever had.