Chapter 23: In Which Snape Prepares
By his nature, Snape was a tidy man, but as his mother pointed out to him in numerous teenage arguments, tidy and clean are not the same thing. It was with that in mind that he stopped working early Friday, and began to assess his home with an eye toward clean.
He started in his bedroom, looking at it critically.
"Laundry." He was relieved to hear her voice again.
He turned to look at Lily. "Laundry?"
"Yes, wash everything. Especially the bedding and towels. Your pillows could use some fluffing and airing as well. Open the windows, some air would do the whole room good." He moved to the windows while spelling the sheets into a bundle. They floated in the air behind him as he drew back the curtains and opened the windows. Warm summer air filled the room.
He walked towards his laundry room, bedding floating behind him. Several minutes later and the gentle sounds of swishing water arose from the room.
"Now what?" he asked Lily as he stepped back into his bedroom.
"Back to the bathroom. It needs to be clean and woman friendly."
"Woman friendly?" She rested her hand on his shoulder as they stood at the door of his bathroom. Lily then brushed past him to stand in the middle of the small room.
"You know the obvious ones: put the toilet seat down and hide the porn." She looked into the toilet, and shuddered. "Uggh. When was the last time you cleaned inside the toilet? I know, I know, you never have. Here's a hint, inside the bowl is supposed to be the same color as the outside of the bowl." He started using a scouring charm while she inspected the shower. His toiletries were neatly arranged on a shelf in a shower streaked with rust stains and soap scum.
"With the exception of the walls and the shower mats, you need to get some of those by the way, she won't want to stand in a puddle when she's in here, everything in this room should be shiny. If it's not shiny, it's not ready."
Snape continued cleaning while Lily gave his toiletries the once over. One bar of soap, one bottle of shampoo, and one tube of shaving lotion, all his own creations, sat in the shower next to his razor. "Hair conditioner and some sort of sponge. Once you have those and the shower mats, this room will be done."
Lily leaned against the sink while soap scum and rust stains vanished from the shower. She turned around, looking at the sink and the cup on the sink with a manky looking toothbrush sticking out of it. "Spoke too soon. You need new toothbrushes, get one for her as well."
A moment later Snape looked up from the mirror which his spell work was polishing little bits of toothpaste spittle off of. "Toothbrushes, bathmats, conditioner, and a sponge… anything else I need to get?"
She looked around the room. "I think that's it for in here. Bedroom time." She stepped back into the bedroom, and settled herself cross-legged on his bed. He began the dusting charm before she had time to speak.
"Good first choice. Besides that, I think this room is in good shape. It's tidy, and once you get the clean linens on the bed, you'll be all set."
After he finished the dusting, they walked downstairs to his kitchen. Because Snape actually enjoyed cooking, and demanded his tools be kept in fine shape, his kitchen was the cleanest room in the house. (Actually his lab was the cleanest room, but in that it was located in what appeared to be a shed in the back garden, it was not actually located in the house.) As soon as he got to the main floor, he performed the dusting charm again. Dust flew off of his bookshelves. He and Lily stood in his kitchen looking at the pantry.
"Are you all set for breakfast?"
"Bacon, eggs, bread for toast, butter, jam, strawberries and cream."
"Lovely. Coffee and tea?" He gave her a look that said, 'Of course, when do I not have coffee and tea?' while gesturing to the three types of coffee, and a shelf of teas, most his own blends.
They walked into his living/dining area where the dust had just vanished. "Open the windows again?" he asked.
She sniffed. "Yes. Fresh air is always a good thing." At that point the sound of the laundry drying itself went quiet. He, Lily, and the laundry floating behind him went back to his bedroom. As the sheets began to fit themselves back over his bed, he asked, "Should I get new sheets or towels?"
"She already knows you've got black and white sheets, so I wouldn't go get new ones. The towels are in good shape and they match your bath and the sheets. So stay with them, unless you can't find any bathmats that go. Eventually you'll probably want to add some more colours to your house, but by that point she'll probably want to be involved in picking them out.
An hour later, Snape was placing his new, black bathmats in his bathroom. Two toothbrushes sat in his toothbrush cup. He had gotten green and red on purpose. Every surface that should be shiny was. Conditioner was sitting next to his shampoo, and a natural sponge was on the other shelf in his shower.
His bedroom was aired out. His sheets were fresh and crisp. He had even brought an extra blanket for the bed in case she got cold during the night. While at the store he decided some candles would be in order, and had spent several moments debating scented versus unscented. He had gone with unscented, white pillars. They matched the décor, and there was no chance she wouldn't like the scent.
His home was ready.
Now it was time for him. The water felt wonderful, and he realized he actually liked not being afraid to touch the walls of the shower. He shaved carefully, making sure he didn't miss any bits.
It had been eight months since he last went dancing. It was his usual preferred form of getting to meet a woman, have a shag, and then go back to his life. Usually his next step was to get out of the shower, cast a glamour, and then get dressed. But that really wouldn't work for tonight. For one thing Hermione had already seen him naked, and was unlikely to have forgotten how he looked. For another she'd probably be more than a bit surprised if he showed up looking like Goran Visnjic's older, larger nosed, English, brother.
He walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. Lily sat on his bed. "There's one good thing about wearing your own face. No one knows it, so you won't have anyone recognize you and yell at you for never ringing again."
"There is that. On the downside, it's my face."
"It's a good face, Sev."
"Now who's lying?"
"No, I didn't say it was a handsome face, but it is a good one. It's unique. It's lived in. It's got character."
"Come on, it's not a bloody house."
She stood up and placed her hand on his cheek, her forehead against his. "It's not a handsome face, but Hermione could have a handsome face if she wanted one. It's a good face, a warm face, an expressive face, and the fact she wants that shows good taste on her part." She gestured to the clock. "Let's get you dressed and on your way."
Unlike Wednesday, when Snape was uncertain of what to wear, today he knew what he wanted. The pants were black denim. Standard jeans, with one slight modification, a wand pocket along the right leg side seam. His shirt was new, bought special for this night, a deep crimson button down. It took him less than a minute to get into his clothes. He was about to push his sleeves up when he realized that the really cool scar that the Muggle women all thought was so interesting might not be a selling point for Hermione.
He left his sleeves down and buttoned the shirt. Top two buttons undone. He reached for one of the two bottles on his dresser. As he opened it, the blend of sandalwood, lime, and a hint of oakmoss wafted through the room. He splashed some on.
His final preparation for the night was in the other bottle. He picked it up, drank, and winced slightly. He had yet to find a way to make the contraceptive potion taste good, but he had been working on it on and off for a few years now. With any luck he'd have it down by the time the law was lifted and more wizards were in the market for contraceptives.
"How do I look?"
"Great! Go out and have fun."
He walked downstairs to his floo, spoke her name, and was off.