Chapter 53: In Which We Read Entries

This time Severus woke up pleasantly rested and in a good mood. He was still somewhat discomforted by his earlier dream, but taken in the context of life magic it made sense. At least his rational mind was accepting that fact. It'll still take every ounce of control I have to look Spike in the eye without blushing.

He stretched out and found Hermione was not in bed with him. He sat up, looked around and saw the note she stuck on the mirror. He grabbed his wand and summoned it to him.

S

I'm teaching wandless magic. I'll be back before lunch. Willow tells me to tell you to lie about and take it easy.

H

He looked at the clock and saw that lunch was only a few minutes away. He stood up to get dressed again, and saw a few papers shoved under the door of their room. Severus walked over, picked one up, and looked at it. Ah, the first of the Defeat The Dark Lord entries. Part of him wanted to read them right away, but the majority of him decided to wait to read them with Hermione.

Life magic. Well, that's something different. Unless I want to change my career rather late in life, what good is it? I don't really want to become a healer or assassin anytime soon. Maybe it doesn't need to be 'good for anything.' Maybe it's just good to know. With any luck I'll never be in a situation where I'll really need those skills again.

Or… maybe it's time to think about expanding my garden. If I can grow more of my own ingredients… That may be of use. He continued to ponder the potential for using this newest skill to cut his potion production expenses. He was calculating the cost/return ratio on Bonita's Web Weed if he could grow it himself, while he walked to the kitchen for lunch.

At the door to the kitchen he saw Hermione, sitting with Buffy and Spike, all three of them chatting amiably. Laughing together about something. Willow and Giles joined them. Two options, put your game face on and have some lunch, or go skulk about in the library pretending you aren't hungry. He almost turned to go to the library. A lot of him had no desire to face Spike or Buffy, but he was hungry, and Hermione was in there, and so was Willow, who would know what was up if he didn't show for lunch. Pretend you're a Gryffindor and get in there! Make happy conversation. Look everyone in the eye. And do not blush! His shoulders straight, he walked in, grabbed some food, and sat next to the rest of the group. And much to his great joy, he found that mastering his desire to run away was a lot easier than he had thought it might be. Once the conversation got going, it was easier to be in the present than the past.

He spent the afternoon with Willow talking about what Life magic meant and what one could do with it. They then worked a bit on how to focus and how to do this kind of magic without exhausting himself. He rejoined Hermione and the others for dinner, and then they retired to their room, with a pot of coffee, some cookies, and a bowl of popcorn, to go over the entries to the Defeat the Dark Lord Challenge.

As they walked back to their room Snape said, "We're reading papers, right? This isn't a movie or something?"

"I like to have snacks for this. It's a lot more entertaining than grading papers."

On the floor in front of their door lay a pile of papers. Severus picked them up and placed them on the bed.

"Someone." He looked at the top of the first page of an enormous tome of a paper. "Abby, was really thinking. This one's got to be fifty pages."

Hermione shuffled through them. "I've got the short one here, half a page." They settled down to read. Hermione finished her first one very quickly and sat thinking about it while Snape continued with his.

After several moments of thought she said, "I think we've got a winner."

Snape put the one he was reading down. It was very long, extremely complicated, and made him think that Abby needed to start a sideline writing novels. What it wasn't, at least as far as page six, was a good plan for how to get rid of Lord Voldemort.

"The first one you've read is the winner?"

"Maybe, it's pretty short, fairly elegant, and nothing any of us ever thought of. Let me read it to you: 'Snape kills Dumbledore. New leader of the Order knows Snape is still among the good guys. De-horcrux or kill Harry. Keep this very quiet. If Harry is killed, make sure some sort of double is very visible. Start the Horcrux hunt and make sure everyone knows we're looking for them. Voldemort, being paranoid, gathers his Horcruxes to him, keeping them safe near him. Once he's got them all near him, wait for him to call a gathering of the D.E.s. Snape reports gathering. Use the same version of Fiendfyre that levelled Hogsmeade on Malfoy Manor or wherever they all are. Bye-bye, Voldie!'"

Snape blinked and then shook his head.

Hermione watched him and said, "Do you think it would have worked?"

"Malfoy Manor had old protections, but I don't think they had anything that could have withstood the kind of spell that levelled Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade back in Black June. Gringotts and Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes were the only buildings that stood, right?"

"Yes. Fred and George spent two years trying to get the Death Eaters to attack their store. More than anything, the fact they didn't get to show off their best work in a great magical battle in Diagon Alley depressed both of them. When they finally did get to show off how good a job they did, there was no one left to see it. The store was closed for the funerals. So no one was inside when the spell hit, and no one outside survived."

Severus couldn't think of a good response to that, so he asked about the plan. "Who wrote it?"

"This one is Cindy's. What's the plan you're reading?"

"It appears to be a novella. So far all I've gotten is that Shacklebolt still knows I'm one of the good guys. Although, I've also gotten to read Harry's tear filled departure from Ginny, and how I've been giving you longing looks as I flee the castle, with Draco, who appears to be some sort of Blond-Sex-God, in tow."

"Hmmm… Blond British Sex God, who do we think is crushing on a professor?"

Snape let that slide. He felt a certain unwelcome sympathy for the idea of having a crush on Spike. He mentally shuddered, thoroughly disgusted by the idea. "Yes, and there's about forty-five more pages to go."

"Maybe that one doesn't need to be read all the way through."

"There could be a good plan in there."

"Well, then, read away and tell me more about Draco Malfoy, Blond Sex God's, exploits. He doesn't happen to have a leather coat does he?"

"Urgh."

Hermione placed Cindy's aside and picked up the next plan. It was also short and to the point. As her eyes moved across the page she thought about her earlier conversation with Severus about ruthless efficiency.

"This one kidnapped all the DE children and killed all the Death Eaters in Azkaban as soon as Voldemort rose again."

Snape looked up again. "You said it happened every year."

"Yes, but this is the first year the same plan had both ideas."

She continued to read, and shook her head as she got further. "Ouch. Buffy needs to see this one. Emma may be a bit too enthusiastic. She's added a spell to find everyone with a Dark Mark, and then round them all up and kill them all as well. Once all known Death Eaters are killed, go after Voldemort. Place him in some sort of stasis. Kill Harry. Use Legilimency to find out what the Horcruxes were and where. Destroy him and them."

"I thought they got extra points for keeping Harry alive."

"They do. That's one of the reasons this one worries me. She's not going out of her way to keep anyone alive."

"Well, while you read that page, I've learned that you and I have had a long simmering relationship, never acted upon, involving longing looks on my part, and your deep desire for my mind and body."

Hermione winced. "You really need to show Abby your Greasy Git routine. I don't think anyone was harboring a deep desire for your body back in those days."

"It was a perfectly fine body."

"I'm not saying it wasn't. I'm saying you did such a good job of hiding it under that evil attitude that no one even wondered about it. Plus, she really doesn't seem to have any idea of just how unappealing I was as a teenager."

"You weren't that bad."

"I wasn't that great."

"Well, I'm sure there was the same sort of thing going on. Your body was so well hidden by your bookworm exterior, that no one went looking for it."

Hermione smiled at him and winked. "Or maybe not…"

"Really?" Severus found himself interested. He supposed that wasn't typical male behaviour, but he sort of liked the idea she had some sort of past.

"Somehow Krum noticed me."

He smiled back. "Bulgarian guys like lots of hair."

"Ahh…" Hermione picked up her the next plan and read in silence. Her head rose when Snape laughed. "What?"

"Oh, I just apparated into Grimmauld Place to see you. We've devised a plan. It's not too bad. You tell me about the Horcrux hunt. Then I tell Voldemort. He'll want his Horcruxes moved to safety, and I offer to make sure they are kept hidden. He trusts me because I killed Dumbledore, and then I produce perfect fakes and give you guys the real ones. Somehow, you instinctively know to trust me, and there's lots of repressed sexual tension. And here's where I laughed, we're talking about how Potter can never know I'm one of the good guys because of his connection to Voldemort."

Hermione raised an eyebrow, not immediately seeing the problem. Snape continued, "If he can't hold the idea that I'm one of the 'white hats' safe, how is he supposed to keep the fact that you're destroying the Horcruxes from Voldemort's attention?" Hermione shrugged. It had worked in real life.

Snape returned to reading. "Oh. She came up with an answer for that as well. I've told Voldemort I'd replace the real ones with fakes, and that you'd destroy the fakes, thinking you were killing him. This is getting to be a better plan by the page."

They both went back to their reading. Snape laughed again. Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Ron's being a git, and you're pining for a real man: a dark man with a large nose, a man with experience, and very long fingers…" Snape held up his hand and looked at it critically. "They're not that long."

Hermione gave a short laugh as well. "What's Harry doing?"

"Very little. Mostly moping about missing Ginny and feeling guilty about making everyone's life worse. Add in the occasional blinding headache where he writhes around on the floor screaming, and you've got his entire contribution. Apparently you and I are going to win this single handed."

They both read quietly for several minutes. Hermione stretched, grabbed a drink, and read some more. She put down the plan she was reading, and laid back staring at the ceiling. Snape continued to read his copy.

After several moments of thought Hermione said, "I like this one. Capture Voldemort, cast a resouling spell, kill him."

"Who wrote that?"

"Judy."

"Are there resouling spells?"

"Willow's got one."

"Would it work?"

"No way to know without trying. How is your plan going?"

"Ahhh…. too much time has gone by without you finding a real Horcrux. So now I'm offering to lead you to them to speed up the day when Harry comes to find Voldemort."

"How did you get Voldemort to believe that we'd believe you?"

"Oh, I've got you under the Imperius, and Potter and Weasley will do anything you tell them to."

"He believes that?"

"In this story he does. So now I'm meeting with you openly, at least to the Death Eaters, and speeding up the process by hiding the 'fakes' and telling you where to find them. Ron and Harry haven't noticed your increasingly long absences while the two of us talk strategy and gaze longingly at each other." He read a few more lines. "Oh, you just touched my face and told me to be careful. And I've left in a confused huff, uncertain what to do with your affection, and feeling guilty about the fact that I'm twenty years older than you."

They went back to reading. Eventually Hermione said, "Oh, yuck."

"Oh, yuck? Have I ever heard you say that word before?"

"Too much time with the Yanks. Here's the plan: Capture Voldemort. Hold him until he repents, and his soul heals. Show him examples of love and faith. Love and care for him. Smother him in loving, happy goodness until his soul bits come home, and he, now restored to full soulness, becomes one of the good guys."

"Oh, yuck," Snape said with withering sarcasm. "Maybe there's a bit too much redemption around this place?"

"Maybe. What's happening with Abby's saga?"

"Here's a nice touch: Harry has collected the Horcruxes, and gives them to Arthur to take to the Ministry of Magic. He tosses them through the Veil."

"How are we carrying them?"

"In a sack."

"Hmmm… When we carried the locket we wore it, and it drove each of us bonkers. So much hate and rage, fear and anger, it began to make you think bad thoughts. I can't imagine carrying around a sack full of them."

"Well, Arthur's got it now. All that's left is Nagini and Harry."

"Does Arthur know what it is?"

"Yes. He's willing to do the job to make sure you all get home safely."

"How does he get into the Ministry?"

"He works there."

"Ahhh… Did Voldemort capture the Ministry in this reality?"

"I'm not sure. I don't see anything that says one way or another. But Arthur's sharp. I'm sure he can get into the Department of Mysteries if need be. Even with Death Eaters behind every door."

Hermione picked up the last of the entries. She settled down to read, it was several pages long. Not a saga like Abby's but not a simple plan either. While her eyes moved over the pages, Severus said, "Here's the climax, fight at the Ministry Part II. Yes, the Death Eaters have taken over the Ministry. Harry's at the Veil, waiting for Voldemort to show up, you and Ron are keeping the Death Eaters at bay. I'm back at Malfoy Manor, waiting to find out that Harry and Voldemort are in battle. Voldemort shows up. Long bit of exposition: 'I'm so evil. I'm so powerful. Now you die!' He and Harry are fighting. Harry tackles Voldemort, forcing both of them through the Veil. Voldemort lets him because he knows that you've been destroying 'fake' Horcruxes. You send me a signal, and I kill Nagini, apparate to your side, and the three of us begin killing Death Eaters right and left. Arthur and the rest of the Order have just descended on the Ministry to retake it from the Death Eaters." He scanned quickly, flipping through eight pages of text. "It's a big battle. We're much better fighters than in real life. Neville kills Bellatrix. Remus gets Pettigrew. Finally all the Death Eaters are gone, except me, but both you and Ron saw me fight at your side, saving both of your lives. The battle ends, and we're kissing. Ron is waiting pensively for Harry to come back from the Veil, and he does. Everyone lives, everyone is happy, and all the Death Eaters are vanquished."

"Nice."

"Yes, it's very tidy."

"Maybe I'll have to come up with a special category for most entertaining plan."

"It's not a bad bit of strategy, though. The double-crossed, fake Horcrux hunt idea is a pretty good one. Voldemort would have liked the idea as well. Especially if he thought he'd have a body waiting for him right after he died the second time. He'd be able to show everyone that he was the great unkillable wizard, and that Harry Potter was just some mortal git. He might have gone for that plan…" Snape looked very thoughtful. "Plus, Blond Sex God Malfoy doesn't show up anywhere but the first chapter. I was dreading that I'd have to read about him joining the Order or something."

Hermione scanned another plan, while Snape shuffled through the others. After a moment she said, "You know what I've noticed?"

"What?"

"In four years of this challenge, not a single entry has ever had anything to do with the Deathly Hallows. It's in the background information I provided them. Yet not one girl has ever decided to do anything with them. Not even to use the wand as a trap for Voldemort. Every single one of these girls can see the bloody things are irrelevant, but Dumbledore couldn't."

"Dumbledore was obsessed with them. Didn't you tell me that's how he ended up with the curse that killed his hand?"

Hermione looked like she was on the border of angry. "Yes, so eager to use the stone, he didn't bother to check to see what else might have been there. It just makes me so angry. We spent ages trying to find the meaning of his little puzzle, and then there was the debate about what to do with the damn things, and in the end it turns out we were just supposed to know about them, not do anything with them. He could have just left a Pensieve memory for us, but no, that would have been too easy. I had to figure it out based on a bloody kid's book and one fucking picture. Then on top of it all, he was a moron. He didn't come up with any sort of real plan. He just let us wander about in the wilderness, lost. He knew he was dying. He knew Harry would be taking over the hunt. He knew we'd be coming along, and he did nothing to really prepare us. It's like he wanted us to fail. Who in his right mind lets three seventeen-year-olds do that without any help? Take when we left the Dursleys: what was the point of that? To make sure you still had spy credibility? Moody died in that raid. Hedwig died in that raid. George was maimed, and all that really needed to happen was to have Harry apparate from his Aunt's home the minute he turned seventeen. The house would have been empty, so what if every Death Eater on the planet attacked it as soon as the protection went down? Harry wouldn't have been in there. The rest of the Order and the Aurors could have counter attacked." Her eyes were burning. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then did it again. "This isn't helping. Just thinking about all that wasted energy, all the shit that man made us wade through." She shook her head. "Let's hit the pool, I need to burn some of this off."

"The pool?" Snape felt cold at the idea. He didn't want to go for a dip in the pool if he could avoid it.

"Yeah, sometimes a good bout of exercise helps when I'm angry."

He found an alternative quickly. "How about we spar? Blow off more steam more quickly that way."

"Okay. I thought you liked swimming."

"I'd rather fight. You burn up more aggression that way. You look like you'd rather fight, also. Plus, all that I've been reading… It makes me want to see if I'm as good as I am on paper."