Chapter 62: In Which We Chat With Mum
"Hello, Mum."
"Hello, Hermione. John, it's Hermione." She heard her father pick up the phone.
"Hello, Dad."
"Hello, Honey."
"So, what's going on? Have you come to your senses and decided to move here and get free from that horrible Ministry?"
"Oh, mum. No, I'm not moving to Oz. Quite the opposite really. I'm calling to say I got engaged, and I…."
"Oh Hermione! How could you?" Her mother's voice was on the verge of breaking. "How could you let yourself be railroaded by that barbaric law?" Her father's lack of voice was a stony silence.
"I wasn't railroaded. I'm really pleased to be marrying Severus."
"How can you be pleased to be marrying someone who only wants you to say in the country?"
"Mum…."
"Any man who had wanted you for you would have found you before the law passed. He wouldn't have waited until you were matched up."
Then her dad started. "Severus? Not that professor you hated?"
"I didn't hate him. I just thought…"
"He used to be your professor?" asked her mum.
"He taught potions didn't he?" added her dad.
"How old is he? You're not wasting yourself on some old git?" Her mom fired back.
"What kind of lecher goes after one of his students?" The horror of the idea began to creep into her dad's voice.
"STOP!" Hermione's voice cut across them. "Let me speak, and I'll answer your questions. But remember, I am happy to be engaged. This is a good thing for both of us. This is bloody well supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life, a time I never thought I'd get the chance to have, and the last thing I need is you two doing all you can to suck all the joy out of it in the name of trying to protect me." Sulky silence carried across the line. When her parents got going they didn't like to stop. She used to just sit there and take it, but sometime after Sirius' death she realized life was just too short.
"Yes, Severus was one of my professors. During my six years at Hogwarts, he taught Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. He then spent a year as Headmaster before retiring from Hogwarts to write a book and run his own potions consulting business. He was a member of the Order of the Phoenix and a winner of the Order of Merlin First Class. He is considered one of the foremost minds in Potions in Britain…"
"Then why is he still single?" Jean Granger cut in.
"Because, like me, he lost his first love in the war, and hadn't done anything about looking for a new one until forced to."
"You see, it is just this law, he doesn't really want you…"
"Mum, if you don't stay quiet and let me talk, I am saying goodbye." Severus walked in, caught those words and saw what looked like steam coming out of Hermione's ears. He walked to her, placed his hands on her shoulders, and kissed her head. He mouthed the word "Courage!" and then left the room.
She took the quiet on the line for acquiescence. "No, neither of us would have gone spouse hunting had the law not been passed. But we are genuinely suited to each other. He is forty-four. His birthday is in January."
"Why doesn't he want a woman his own age?"
Click. Hermione rang off the phone. She knew rationally that their questions made sense. They didn't know Severus, couldn't know him, and her mum didn't trust any man. It was just immensely frustrating that they could not feel her joy and share it with her. She took a deep breath, and let it out, and dialled again.
The machine picked up. Real mature. "Hello, me again…" They didn't pick up. "I find it frustrating that you can't see that I'm an adult, fully capable of picking out a man of my own, and doing a good job of it. I'd like you to meet him at some point before our wedding. Call me, my new number is…" She said a brief good-bye to the machine and found Snape. He was sitting in his office, reading.
"Remember what I said about my parent's not having anything against you?"
He looked up and cocked an eyebrow. "Let's just say that was wildly optimistic. In fact, it looks like your view of how they'd see you might have been optimistic as well."
"That bad?" Severus felt appalled it could have gone that badly.
"Well, I'm no longer talking to them, and I've not yet managed to secure an invite to Sunday tea." She gave him a brittle smile.
"Me personally?"
"No, any male wizard I met through this law would have made my mum furious. As she said, 'Any man who wanted you would have gone for you before the law was made'."
"How could I have known I wanted you before I had you?"
"Rationality and my mum are not on speaking terms when it comes to this topic."
"What happens now?"
"We wait."
"What about the bride price?"
"Fuck!" Hermione buried her head in her hands. "I really didn't want to just have to go visit the Magistrate. I wanted us to be able to bind ourselves."
Snape wrapped his arms around her. "That was the ceremony I was hoping for too. But if need be, we'll visit the Magistrate, send in the paperwork, and then have a binding for us. No one is stopping us from getting the wedding we want."
The phone rang again. "Would you like me to get it?" Severus asked.
"I haven't told them we're already living together."
"Is that a problem?"
"No, that's not. My mum might actually like that, but it'd be a shock, and I want to keep this as calm as possible." She went downstairs and picked up the phone.
"Hello Mum." Her father cleared his throat. "Hello Dad, ready to talk?"
"We're not the ones who hung up," Jean Granger said.
"Let me say it this way: are you ready to listen?"
"You've fallen madly in love with some arsehole who's only using you, and it's our job to shut up and smile about it. Yes, we know. We're smiling madly over here, bubbling with joy! Our only daughter's prostituting herself. We couldn't be happier." Her mother's voice no longer had any tinge of sorrow, just anger.
Once more Hermione took a very deep breath. She held it for ten seconds. Then let it out slowly. While doing so, Snape walked by and placed a headache potion in front of her. She drank it quickly. "There is no arsehole. There is no madly in love. There is no prostitution. I've found a man I want to make a life with. We're happy and compatible, and more than that we are immensely rational people who have weighed our options and decided this is the best course of action. You do not have to approve. It would be nice if you did, but it does not matter, come hell or high water I am marrying this man."
"Good for you!" Now there were smiles in Jean Granger's voice.
"This was a test?" Hermione's voice squeaked. "Mum, what the bleeding fuck is wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong with me. I just didn't want you making a mistake, and any man you didn't feel that strongly about is a mistake. Now, when can we meet him?"
Hermione let out a yell of frustration and Snape came running. "What?"
"All lies," she said. He looked confused. She waved her hand. "Later."
"Not all lies, we do have serious reservations about this man, but we're glad to see how much you like him. How about you bring him for tea on Sunday?"
"Yes, mum, that would be lovely."