I own nothing but my own ideas, Lys, and Sam. I give all major props to JKRowling.
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Sitting here now, years later, I wish I could say that Lys and I grew closer over the first years we were in Hogwarts. I wish I could say that we talked constantly and eventually became a couple all in the first year. We didn't. That wasn't our pace. I'm not even sure if you could consider the speed we moved at as a pace. I was especially shy for the first year or two that we were at Hogwarts. And when I say year or two it's no exaggeration.
I would come back to Hogwarts year after year and nothing would change between us. I would always make a vow to myself that "this year would be the year". It never was. Things seldom turned out the way I planned them to. While I came back silently making promises to myself to make Lys mine, Lys came back to school looking better than ever. Year after year I would watch as she came back with a new hair style or a face that showed she was getting older. By third year her uniform started looking very, very good on her; especially her blouse.
I remember watching her in the common room as she would have an animated conversation with Sam or Lily, or both. She never ceased to amaze me how easy her smile came to her lips. She was one of those people who can make you feel better by just looking your way with that smile on her pretty face. Sometimes, when I'm having a particularly hard day I think about her. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, and I cannot help but feel my lips turn upward.
I'm sure by now I have made myself sound like a stalker to this girl who barely looked my way. This is not true and I apologize for making it seem that way. Just because we never developed a relationship in those first awkward years of Hogwarts does not mean we weren't friends. We would have conversations and take the occasional trip to the library together. Once or twice we were even partners in potions class. I know, I know, it sounds slightly childish and like I was getting excited over nothing, but back then, it was a big deal.
For the most part my time at Hogwarts was either spent, studying, getting into mischief with the Marauders, or worrying about the full moon. The full moon is never a pleasant thing for someone with my...er...condition. I grew up with parents telling me that I should try tobe as normal as possible, that I should try and keep the "monster" inside of me. I know that they meant well, but this lead to a lot of sleepless nights for me when I was younger.
The muggle dictionary defines a monster as an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure, one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character, a threatening force, an animal of strange or terrifying shape. When I looked this up at the tender age of ten, a few days after the word was tossed into the conversation over dinner, I was very upset by it. Is that how I was seen? Was I really a threatening animal that deviates from acceptable behavior? Naturally I knew that when I transformed I lost control, but is that how people would see me when I was in my own skin?
School is hard enough for children, but forchildren with secrets, it's just torture. Between trying to be accepted, worrying over classes, and making sure no one finds out that once a month you have to leave the grounds to transform into a...monster there isn't a lof of time to just sit back and enjoy oneself. I had never told anyone about my lycanthropy before, I wasn't about to tell either. But somehow the Marauders got it out of me. I remember the day all too well.
It was a cloudless day in April, winter was on its way out and spring was rolling in. I had just had just gotten back from my transformation and was up in the dormitory trying to sleep it off, as though it was a hangover. It was a Sunday afternoon and most of the students were outside enjoying the preamble to spring. I had just shut my eyes, feeling sleep take over me when I heard a thumping up the steps and then the door swinging open.
"Lupin, we need to talk!" I heard the seriousness in James' voice as I felt three bodies sit on my bed. I waited a moment than sat up slowly, still feeling weak from the night before.
"Guys, I'm not really feeling up to it right now. You know that I was feeling ill again last night, hence why I stayed in the hospital wing again." I said, using my alibi I had always used.
"Cut the crap, Remus. We know you weren't in there last night." Sirius said looking bored, as he leaned up against the banister of my bed. "We snuck into the hospital wing after hours; it was empty...except for some fourth year Huffelpuff who was projectile vomiting everywhere..." He said looking up at me. I was backed into a corner.
"Oh...well...er..." I stammered. I didn't know what to do. I had never before had to verbally tell someone – let alone three people – that I was a werewolf. What if they didn't want to be friends anymore?
"Come on Remus, it can't be that bad...just tell us. We are your friends after all." Peter said gaining approving looks from James and Sirius. That had to make him feel good, I just shrugged.
"Lupin, you can tell us. If it's this serious we're not going to go around telling anyone." James said looking at me seriously. I could tell that he meant what he had said, I felt slightly reassured.
"Listen, it is serious. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore after you find out, but please don't tell anyone." I said seriously. Knowing that I could accept them leaving me because of my problem, I could not however accept the entire school finding out about it.
"Stop being dramatic and just tell us." Sirius said with a sigh looking up at me. I took a moment before I started. I was nervous and it just felt weird telling them.
"I...I'm a werewolf. Have been for a few years now..." I said just getting it over with. I looked down ashamed of what I turned into every month. I didn't want to see their faces when the shock subsided and they realized I was a monster.
"Brilliant!" James said under his breath almost instantly. I was confused; didn't he know how horrible it was? "Remus, why did you think we were going to cut and run?"
"Don't you guys realize how dangerous it is...to be talking with me, to be friends with me? I'm a werewolf! As in once a month, last night in fact, I go and change into a horrible creature!" I said seriously, trying to make them realize what I went through.
"Don't you realize that we are your friends no matter what? I don't see how talking to you now is all the dangerous, I mean what you become doesn't dictate how you are the rest of the month! We're not going anywhere Lupin. You are stuck with us!" Sirius said honestly. He was a strong believer in being friends no matter what; he would never go against a friend. I appreciated him for that.
"There has to be a way we can come and be with you during you're transformations...you know, to make it better." James said looking towards the sky as if trying to find the answers in the canopy.
"Woah, I draw the line there! You can't! It's too dangerous...I'm too dangerous." I said honestly. There was no way I was going to let them come with me. I wasn't about to risk biting any of them.
"No...We're going to figure something out, and then we'll really be together all the time. Just give us time Remus..." Sirius said defiantly.
There was no getting them away from the idea. Soon after that they figured out that if they could try and become animagi then they could come with me on the full moons. However, you needed to be of age to become one, unless you did it illegally; which eventually they did. But that's a story for another day. I fear that I have strayed too far from the cause of this story to begin with.
As I was saying before Lys and I had quite a few conversations, and after each of them I would feel better. I would feel like there really was a chance between us. We were alike in so many ways it was scary at times. Whether we talked about a class, professor, or Quidditch match, we would always find something to laugh about even when our conversations would get intense and intoxicating. Lys was a very intelligent person and it showed in every way imaginable.
It always seemed to amaze me at how understanding Lys could be. She was quiet by nature but her personality was louder than any words could express. She was sympathetic to the younger kids when they would get picked on, but she also knew how to fit in with the older students as well. I think that's because of her two elder brothers that were in Hogwarts for a few years with us. Either way she really knew how to mesh with others and yet stand out incredibly.
There is one time that has always and will always stand out in my mind. I think it was the first time when I could actually throw the world love into my thought process where Lys was concerned. It was during our fourth year, October I believe. It was one early rainy Saturday morning and I had just gotten back into the common room after a night full of pain and suffering. It was – of course – the night after the full moon. I couldn't even make it to the dorms, I collapsed onto the couch. This was about a year before the guys became illegal animagus' so I was still riding solo on the full moons.
I soon realized that since it was still early and due to the rain most students would not be up until way later. Rain does make people sluggish so I knew I'd be safe for at least an hour or so. My clothes were damp and I looked down to see a huge gash on my arm that was still bleeding. I had no idea how it had gotten there, I must have scratched myself during the full moon. This was something that happened often, unfortunately, if you don't believe me I have plenty of scars to prove it. I was trying to clean up my arm when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I felt myself begin to panic slightly.
I instantly relaxed when I saw Lys come down the stairs. She was wearing muggle clothes – jeans and a sweater and her hair was down. Yes, I can still remember her outfit. I was slightly shocked to see that she was up already; she must have felt the same way judging by the look on her face. She smiled softly and walked over to me, she hadn't seen my arm yet.
"Good morning Remus, you're up ear- Remus what happened to your arm?" She asked looking genuinely upset. She sat down next to me on the couch and we were definitely close, our thighs were touching and I could smell the clean scent of her shampoo. I found it hard to concentrate for a moment or two.
"Oh...it's nothing I just cut it on something. It'll be fine..." I said, feeling bad that I had to lie to her about it when she looked so worked up over my injury. I tried to cover it up, but she just pushed my hand out of the way. She had started to roll up my tattered sleeve. The feeling of her warm skin on mine put there so freely was simply electrifying.
"Nothing? Remus, this is really deep, here let me help you bandage it up." She said honestly, she looked over at me, holding out a hand for me to give her the bandages.
"Honestly, you don't have to do that, Lys...I'll be fine." I said trying to act brave in front of her. I couldn't quite meet her eyes as I told her that.
"I know I don't have to, I want to, that cut looks really painful and you'd never be able to bandage it properly by yourself. So stop being so bloody stubborn and give me those bandages!" She said asserting more authority than I had ever heard her give. I was slightly taken aback and slightly turned on. Sheepishly I handed her the bandages. "Thank you!" She said shaking her head slightly smirking.
"You are welcome. Going into a career with healing?" I asked conversationally, as she pulled out her wand. She cleaned out the wound, advanced magic by far. She then took the healing ointment I was about to put on it, and put some onto the gash. She shook her head slightly.
"No, not really...well maybe, I hadn't thought about that. It's just with two elder brothers you learn how to fix wounds, and to be more assertive when boys think they are too tough to be helped out by girls." She said raising an eyebrow slightly. She picked up my arm and blew on the gash slightly, trying to help the ointment sink in, as well as trying to make me go crazy. It worked in both manners. I cleared my throat slightly.
"I don't think I'm too tough to be helped out by girls...I just didn't want you to have to clean my slightly disgusting arm. I wanted you to be able to enjoy breakfast today." I said rather smoothly. James and Sirius had been rubbing off on me, I must admit.
"I've seen worse and I have a very strong stomach, so don't worry about it." Lys said with a grin that told me she was enjoying this as much as I was. She put the bandages on with a gentle hand and looked up at me. "Was that so horrible?" She asked teasingly.
"Extremely," I teased right back. "Thank you very much; I couldn't have done it that well." I said honestly.
"Well obviously, it's much easier when you have two hands to work with instead of one." She said with a smile. She sat back on the couch, as she regrettably let go of my arm. We were still very close though, and if I were bolder I probably would have taken her hand in mine. I wasn't that bold however.
"I guess that will do it." I said with a sigh as I sat back on the couch as well. I looked over at her and noticed just how close we really were. "So, how are you?" I asked for some reason my voice becoming soft.
Lys smiled one of her easy smiles. "I'm doing pretty good right about now. How are you?" She asked softly, keeping eye contact with me.
"I too am doing pretty well." I said honestly. Knowing that my answer would have been completely different had she not come down here. "You're up rather early today." I said keeping the flow of conversation going.
"I couldn't really sleep that well. I was hoping to get to breakfast early, and then go for a walk outside to try and clear my head a little bit, but the current state of the weather is not permitting that." She said honestly motioning towards the window. The rain was coming down harder than before as the fiery fall colors seemed to drown on the trees.
"I'm sorry that your day has been ruined already." I said honestly. I watched her for a moment, I noticed how in the fire light her eyes seemed to sparkle even more, and that the illumination lit up her features just right.
"It's not completely ruined..." She said softly, smiling at me. It was then that I knew she returned my feelings. Maybe not as deeply as me but, all in all, she had feelings for me. "Would you like to go down to breakfast with me? Maybe go the library after that?" She asked softly. Who was I to refuse some breakfast and a nice trip to the library after the night I had had?
"I'd like that." I said with a smile looking over at her. I was glad to see her smile after I said that.
That was a really good day for me, all things considered. Lys and I went to breakfast together, and fell into an easy conversation that lasted until we were in the library. We spent most of the day together, talking, laughing, and randomly doing things. It was definitely nice to just be with Lys and getting to know her better.
One thing that really struck me was that she didn't ask how I got the gash on my arm. She didn't need to know the details as to how I could have hurt myself in such a manner. The only thing Lys was concerned about was the fact that I was hurt and needed help. I don't know what I would have told her had she asked, and I'm sure it would have been pathetic. The one thing I do know is that the entire time I was with Lys, I felt no pain.