Disclaimer: I don't own CCS
Oh, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Chapter 9 :: You Love Me, You Love Me Not?
Now that she thought about it, even since she was still a 3rd grader, Tomoyo Daidouji always wondered about one thing: Love.
She was no novice for it –her natural warm endurance and cares were quite proofs of how she understood completely the concept of giving love towards others. Towards her mother, towards Sakura, towards Li, towards Touya, towards all those countless people that she genuinely considered important... But even after all of those, she was still in the green field when it concerned the certain other form of love.
Loving a man as a… well…man, was entirely a different notion with loving a family or a friend. And in this field, admittedly, this Tomoeda sweetheart knew nothing.
For years, her feeling towards Touya had been mistaken as one. Sometimes she found it funny, if only she hadn't met Eriol, perhaps she would never have understood the idea of falling in love with a man and–
Wait.
The woman literally knocked on the wooden table to urge the jinx out. Now, now… there mustn't be any absurd idea of her feeling this whole new sensation just because of Eriol…
"…I think I'm falling for her,"
The incident that happened a couple nights back at his manor was surely one of the trigger of her whole shifting of feelings. After Eriol's…er… confession and his unconsciousness afterwards, Nakuru had come to the rescue. Apparently, the Moon Guardian had just finished her night walk or something and together, they pulled the drunken Eriol back to his room. And after which, Tomoyo just bid a very quick farewell and left his manor and…
Tomoyo slapped her own forehead. She swore that should be the LAST time she remembered such meaningless, drunken confession like that. Seriously, what did she expect? Him falling for her?
…
Truthfully, yes… perhaps that was what she expected –what she wanted.
No.
More knocks on the table. Jinx, jinx…
Although, on the other hand, she feared the karma.
It was not that falling in love with Eriol (or being loved by him) was that bad of a suggestion. In fact, days and days she spent together with him made her see the whole new light of him. She realized that he was so much more than he might seem –a truly caring guy underneath layers of his perverted, egoistical personas. He had been her very good friend. She was really comfortable with him, but yet at the same time, he could set fire on her womanly side. Eriol was, indeed, a very attractive guy –she wouldn't deny the fact that she was having casual crush on him. But now… as time passed… she realized that her feelings towards Eriol may not be a mere crush.
And that was what… scared her like hell.
To fall in love with someone who already loved another person…
((But he mentioned that he was starting to fall for you… Isn't that a start?)) her inner retorted. To this little voice, Tomoyo shushed it up.
Her ringing cell phone gladly interrupted her thoughts.
Eriol.
Even the sight of his name on the caller-id jolted her senses. Staring in doubts, Tomoyo decided to ignore the call –just like what she had been doing for… er…19th time that week.
Yes, she had been ignoring his calls, had pretended not to be home when he visited –she had avoided him with all her might. She wouldn't complain if nowadays a 'coward' mark would be stamped on her.
The ringing finally stopped and Tomoyo unconsciously released the breath she didn't know she was holding.
But the next moment, her phone rang again. This time, it was from Nakuru Akizuki.
She flipped her cell phone opened. "Yes, Nakuru?"
"Hurry. You must come. Master is terribly sick. Need You," said the feminine voice between ragged pants.
If Tomoyo weren't in the condition of logically-inept, she would be able to analyze better and determine the whole hidden plot behind.
But no.
She was a dense woman who had the highest possibility to fall in love.
And one thing about falling in love that she needed to comprehend.
Even the most illogical thing became logical, that was pretty much the idea.
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"Does it take Ruby Moon to lie about my condition to make you finally see me?" was his first sarcastic comment once her confused and hurried figure appeared inside his room.
"Wha…" she didn't manage to finish. Her breath had been labored to run (yes, run) all along to the Hiiragizawa manor and rushed into his room. Embarrassed, she tried to recollect back her falling poise. "Y-you tricked me?"
"If that's required to. You seem to forget how manipulative I could be. Although I didn't originally thought you would fall for such a lame lie, Daidouji-san,"
Tomoyo huffed, suddenly feeling very stupid. "If I am not needed then –"
"If you're not needed then why would I go into such ridiculous trouble asking Ruby to fake my illness?" he cynically retorted. "Sit down. We need to discuss a couple of things,"
With her whole unclear feeling toward Eriol, Tomoyo knew it wouldn't be wise to get that close towards him. So, dumbly, she stood rooted to her spot.
"Daidouji-san, it's not that I'm gonna bite you or anything. Come here," he authorized.
She found her legs betraying her and she moved forward to sit on the chair next to his bed. After all, if people said they could not resist a Daidouji's charm, they should see how a Hiiragizawa use his charm. "What?" she asked.
"Why are you avoiding me?" he shot the question straight.
"I-I'm not avoiding you!"
"Tch. Oh really?"
Such obvious distrust made her give up. "Alright, Hiiragizawa-san. I'm sorry that I have… avoided you these following days but –"
"Why?" he interrupted, eyes gazed hollowly at the wall. "You don't know how much I…" he murmured silently, almost indistinct to her ears. "I was worried. I thought you…" he trailed.
She waited.
He cleared his throat. "Never mind,"
Silence.
1 minute.
"A few days ago…," he began again. "When we spent time together in the bar…"
Such unwanted memory (and confession, duh! Stop remembering it now, Daidouji!) made its quick way to her mind. "Y-yes?"
"Nakuru told me I got drunken,"
"You did,"
"Did I do or say anything weird?"
"I think I'm falling for her,"
…
"No,"
He eyed her suspiciously. "No? Not a single word?"
"No. Not a single word,"
"Ow. That's…good, I guess…"
Silence.
2 minutes.
"Is that all what you want to talk about?" she asked finally.
"…Yes?" he replied unsurely.
"Well if that's the case, I think I should –"
He grabbed her hands.
Tomoyo looked back.
Still looking below to hide his embarrassment, he murmured, "Stay."
Such gentleness tore her heart. She wished he could be more harsh or egoistical–anything beside being tender. Because if he was being kind with her, she would have her hope high. And if she had her hope high, imagine how hurt would it be when reality slapped her back down. Like, ouch.
"Why?" she asked him, pure curiosity.
"I…I want to be with you a little longer,"
"Why?" asked Tomoyo again.
"B-because…" he looked flustered, and she almost felt sorry for asking him his reason. But before she could take back her question, Eriol had continued and gave her the answer, "Because I think I'm deeply attracted to you, Daidouji-san,"
She had heard this a couple days ago in his drunkenness, but still… hearing it straight from his mouth when he was in a completely aware condition was… well…different.
Hell, it was different.
And double hell, did he just say that he might have… liked her?
Oh God.
His deep voice continued. "And if I'm not mistaken, you're currently facing the same problem as I am,"
She didn't reply in instant. Oh, she must have been very obvious to him… "Y-you're too proud. I don't –"
"You don't?" he looked up, calmly challenged her.
For the rarest time, Daidouji Tomoyo feared that certain challenge.
"Well, perhaps…"
"Perhaps what?"
"Perhaps… I, too, am attracted to you," she said slowly. 'Perhaps' was surely such an understatement for her.
Eriol let go of her hand, retreated back, and pondered. "This is bad,"
"Real bad…" she agreed.
Silence fell for the 3rd time. And while Tomoyo busied herself so that she didn't need to look at Eriol, the bespectacled guy did the contrary –his eyes were somewhat glued to such pretty picture of the beautiful lady. It calmed his heart just by seeing her, and yet at the same time, her simplest movements (her mute sigh, her fingers tapping nervously, her pursed lips…) could drive him crazy with…
…Wanting.
Like what happened in Sakura-Syaoran's wedding, he couldn't control himself.
"B-but… you love Mizuki-san," she stammered and regretted immediately that she had spoken so. Her crumbling heart… it would require strength to gather them all back…
…
"Whatever that will happen to us from now on will not affect the way you feel about Touya or the way I feel about Kaho,"
Stab.
"Really?" she asked, more to herself.
Eriol refused to answer that certain question and moved along with his next argument, "Besides…the chemistry between us… it must be only for temporary,"
He should have seen it. He should have seen the great disappointment that colored her amethyst eyes and her instant fake smile. But he didn't. And thus, a dear woman's heart broke without him knowing.
"Yes…temporary," she spoke, more as a reminder to her own self. She could NOT let her feeling for Eriol grew bigger.
"But…" he continued as looking back at her eyes. "Would you be mad if I say that this moment, I want to be with you more than anything in this world?"
Not mad, Sir. But hurt. Deeply.
Like, heck… this moment? Did such feeling only last within a period time?
But sadly, even after her woman ego bruised so deep inside, she wanted to admit all along that she craved for being with him –more than anything. Sadly. Yes, Tomoyo realized such a pathetic excuse of a woman she was.
"Aren't you afraid?" she asked as retreating back once she felt his body inched closer and his lips drew near her. "Of what may happen between us? That it may run deeper and will just destroy us in the end?"
He pulled back slightly and gazed deeply at her. "Oh, I'm afraid. Deadly afraid. You don't know how much self control I needed to stop my mind thinking about you. But… then I thought… we'd just better let things flow as they are. We may currently are having crushes toward each other. The best way to overcome it is by facing and enjoying it. Let it pass, and then we'll be back on track to pursue our true mission…"
"But –"
"I know what you're thinking. But please, Daidouji-san… right now… let's not think about anything… We'll figure this out… eventually…" he leaned down again to capture her pink lips.
This time, she let him.
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An hour after Tomoyo finally went back home (after their rounds of…ahem…deep, passionate kisses), Eriol sat on his living room couch, still with big grin plastered on his face.
Really. He knew he was looking really stupid right now, but he just couldn't help it. He was feeling very good. Even after having hundreds of experiences with women, kissing, and certain something more, Eriol could easily state that never had he felt the way Daidouji Tomoyo was making him.
This was even different from his Kaho's experience.
And even again, this was so much… sweeter…
Tomoyo made him… happy.
Of course, his conscience kept reminding him that this was temporary.
This better be temporary.
If it wasn't, he would fall to a whole pitch of troubles…
Of happy-go-merry troubles?
An extended stupid grin was formed on his gorgeous face.
His doorbell rang, cutting the thoughts off. Sighing, he yelled, "Ruby Moon… can you open the door, please?"
When he received no reply from his guardian, Eriol grunted and walked to the door himself. 7 PM, he didn't normally have guests at this hour (or at any other hours actually), so he wondered who this could be, but one thing for sure…
Mizuki Kaho was the least he expected to stand on his doorway.
TBC
A/n: Sorry if I confuse you with the whole contradictions that happened in Eriol and Tomoyo's minds. That's basically the idea of this chapter: loving someone but you know you have to prevent yourself from falling deeper… :)