Samantha McCall sat quietly in a canvas director's chair, taking in the chaos that ensued around her. She could hear the new producer barking orders at the set designer, meticulously explaining the color palette she had detailed in their production meeting earlier that morning. Just as she had that morning, Sam tuned out the conversation in favor of the comforting silence floating around inside her head. She rarely paid attention to anything at the studio these days other than her lines and even that was only because she was contractually obligated to complete another season of Everyday Heroes. When the cameras weren't actually on her, Sam spent nearly every waking moment thinking about and regretting what she had done to Lucky.
It had all started out as a malicious plan to get back at Jason and Elizabeth. Sam had never even entertained the possibility that she could care about the police detective, let alone actually fall in love with him. However, in the aftermath of her breakup with Jason, Lucky had been the solace that she so desperately needed. He had been the one person to sympathize with her, the one who could understand how she was feeling at any given moment. When she had set up Elizabeth, she had destroyed any real chance she had with Lucky. She had never meant for anyone to get hurt, but her intentions didn't really seem to matter. She just wanted revenge on the wholesome nurse who had stolen her life. Instead, she ended up losing everything all over again.
She could still remember the night in Nikolas' barn when Lucky found out that Jake was really Jason's son. The heartbreak and disbelief in his beautiful eyes had broken her heart in an instance. She regretted keeping the secret for so long. When he found out that she had been on the lie, the situation only worsened. That anger didn't even begin to compare to how he had reacted when she had finally revealed the truth about her other antics. Between the kidnapping and the faux attack in Rice Park, it had all just been too much for any one man to handle.
Sam had expected him to yell at her, but she wasn't prepared for the eerily calm silence that came after her confession. He had stood their stoically poised in front of her, gazing into her eyes as if she was a stranger. She had tried to go to him and apologize, anxious to hold onto the connection she knew was slipping away. He had recoiled immediately, moving away so that she couldn't touch him. It was as if he was afraid her fingertips would burn him. In a way, she already had. She had put the boys he loved as his own children in danger, and from where Lucky stood, that sin was unforgivable.
"We've all done things here that we regret, Lucky," she reminded him, knowing that her attempt was pathetic at best. "You set up Jason last summer out of jealousy. That's all this was. I just wanted to get back at Elizabeth. I didn't even think about Jake and Cam. I wanted her to hurt as much as I did."
Lucky stared at her, his eyes cold and distant. "That's the difference between you and me, Sam," he replied calmly. "You wanted revenge. You were thinking about yourself. Every choice that Elizabeth, Jason and I have made has been about those children. I may not have much good to say about either of them, but at least they have thought about Cameron and Jake first. They never even entered your mind."
"Only in that moment," she argued. "Since we started spending time together, you know that I have thought about those kids. I have wanted to make this situation easier for them. I didn't want to get in the way or confuse them. I know that what I did was wrong. I know that I hurt them. But I'm different now. You changed my life. Don't you see that? You have to forgive me, Lucky. You have to forgive me."
"No, I don't have to forgive you," he countered, shaking his head firmly. He cringed inwardly at the wild tears streaming down Sam's beautiful face. Even in his angry state, his first instinct was to lean forward and wipe them away. Still, he forced himself to stand still and let the tears come. She deserved to feel this pain after what she had done to the children. "I won't forgive you. I can't, Sam, I just can't."
Sam was snapped back to reality when the designer's assistant stomped by, muttering angrily about the new changes. Reaching up, she began to absently finger her necklace without realizing what she was doing. It had been a gift from Lucky for the New Year. The pendant was a butterfly, the symbol for a new beginning. He had told her that they were going to start 2008 off from scratch together. Yet, Sam had never felt more alone.
The fifth floor nurses' station was buzzing with activity on the unusually busy Tuesday morning. A mid-winter blizzard had rolled into Port Charles last night, leaving a fresh blanket of white snow on the city sidewalks and driveways. They had already had three sledding accidents, two falls and a half dozen pulled muscles from shoveling. Epiphany Johnson was directing incoming patients to various rooms while the other nurses worked busily to fulfill her orders. In the midst of it all, an even-headed Nadine Crowell was helping calm down a rambunctious seven-year-old who had cut his ankle ice skating at Rice Park. Once his ankle had been securely wrapped in gauze, she gave the boy's mother directions on care and excused herself for a temporary reprieve in the lounge.
Alone in the dark room, Nadine finally allowed herself a moment to breathe. She was in the twelfth hour of a double shift, running on pure adrenaline and bad hospital coffee. After a three-hour stint in the emergency room, Patrick Drake had asked her to come upstairs to neurology to assist on a surgery. Before then, she had a half-hour to check on her patients. Once she had calmed her frazzled nerves enough to function properly, she headed for the eighth floor and back to work.
The eighth floor wasn't much different from the chaos on the fifth floor. Tuesday was a heavy surgery day for the neurology staff, and Patrick and Noah Drake were two of the best surgeons on the Eastern Seaboard. Patients traveled from all over the coat to have a procedure from the expert doctors, and each time she got the chance to assist, Nadine knew that she was seeing the very best of the best at work. She had been especially proud when Patrick had asked her to help on Nikolas Cassadine's case. He was an important figure to the people of Port Charles and a key benefactor of General Hospital. Having the doctors at GH trust her enough to look after Nikolas meant that she truly had a chance of outliving her sister's reputation horrific actions.
In the short time that she had been working with Nikolas, she had come to learn a few important things about the infamous Russian prince. In addition to his unconditional devotion to the very kind and now-deceased Emily Quartermaine, he seemed to love his son very much. Nadine admired the strong connections Nikolas had built, reminding her very much of her own past. Nadine rarely spoke of her days before Port Charles to anyone, but it didn't mean that she had forgotten where she had come from. The memories were never too far from the front of her mind, and the more time she spent with Nikolas, the harder it was becoming to forget them.
"Good afternoon, Nikolas," she chirped as she rushed into the room, clipboard on her hip. Nikolas smiled up at her warmly from his hospital bed. She could tell that she had caught him in mid-conversation with Emily but chose not to comment on it. He knew that she knew, and that was enough for now. If he felt like talking about it, he would come to her. She had been through her own grief and knew the process well. Nikolas couldn't be rushed, but she trusted that he would come to her when he was ready. "How are you feeling today? Any changes that I should know about?"
"Afraid not," he answered. Running his fingers absently through his coal black hair, she could read the frustration in his chiseled features. "Lesley brought Spencer to visit this morning. I got to spend some time with him. It was nice to see him, even if it was here in the hospital. I miss being with him every day. I guess we're not much of a family anymore."
Nadine thought about her own family for a moment. Her father had died, her sister was comatose and her mother had virtually disappeared off the face of the earth. She was all alone with only her memories to keep her warm at night. "Families change. Things happen. That doesn't mean that you can give up on life. You still have your son, and for his sake, you need to give him everything. Hold onto that. It's more than a lot of people have."
Nikolas studied her closely for a moment, remembering Emily's earlier words. She does know – just look at her. He used to be such an observant person and he couldn't understand how he hadn't seen her sadness before. "I know, you're right," he conceded softly, mustering a smile for her benefit. "Look, I'm sure you have a lot to do, but I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I haven't been spending enough time with Spencer. Could you look in on him for me and see if my grandmother will bring him back for evening visiting hours?"
"Of course," she retorted with a wide smile. She had learned in nursing school that she shouldn't get too close to a patient, but with Nikolas Cassadine, convention just didn't seem to apply. There was something about the case, about him, that drew her in. She knew that she could make a difference here, even if it was just to help him get through his grief. If he wanted to see his child, Nadine would find a way to make it happen. When she had originally come to Port Charles, she thought that it was to see her sister, Jolene. Now, she was beginning to see that she had come here not only to save Nikolas, she came here to save herself.
In her brief twenty years on the planet, Lesley Lu Spencer had only ever truly loved one guy, and that had been a disaster. Now, she was split between two men that seemed to love her, and she couldn't find it in her heart to give all of herself to either of them back. Since the abortion nearly two summers ago, Lulu had worked hard to get over Dillon Quartermaine. The struggling director had been her first love and the only guy who had ever managed to make her feel vulnerable. She wasn't sure if she would ever get over that.
With Logan Hayes, she had tried to convince herself that it could be easy. She had a new beginning where that year of her life didn't have to matter. He was her way out from the guilt, from being known simply as "Luke Spencer's daughter" or "that girl who got the abortion." He didn't care who she had been before him, only the woman that she was with him. There was no judgment behind his motives, but there had been deception. She had been part of a bet, a deal that ended with her being betrayed and him losing the girl that he had learned to love. Still, she had managed a way to forgive him because she didn't really love him. She didn't care enough about Logan to have her heart broken by him. The only man capable of such an act was gone, and for the time being, she planned on using the former soldier to clean up the broken parts.
Her plan had been working until Johnny Zacharra showed up, once again shaking her seemingly perfect world to its very core. He was dark and exciting, the antithesis of Dillon in every way. Completely undependable and forever walking dangerously close to the edge, Johnny made Lulu feel alive in a way that many would compare to her mother's infatuation with her father. However, unlike the great Luke and Laura love story, Lulu didn't want to have a life with Johnny. She just wanted to use him to feel numb. The danger excited her and kissing him brought that familiar rush of adrenaline to her veins. It was only a temporary escape from reality, but it gave her the luxury of hiding from the truth. Whatever it cost to her relationship to Logan, Lulu thought it was worth it, or so it had been until she was kidnapped outside Kelly's that cold night.
Now, nearly a week later, she was still locked in the dank confines of the stone room. From her few visitors, she had gathered that she was in a monastery. Her captors hadn't driven her long, so she knew that she wasn't too far from Port Charles. Other than that, she really had no idea what was going on. No one had told her who was holding her hostage or why. The only thing she knew for sure was that it had something to do with Johnny. She had lost all sense of time by now. Her only activities besides sleeping and eating were thinking about the past. One by one, she had retraced each and every moment of her life. With all its twists and turns, ups and downs, her mind always came back to him. It always came back to Dillon.
Before he had left Port Charles, Dillon had told her that he would stay for her. Lulu wanted to be selfish and ask him to stay, but she was afraid that she could never be worth him giving up his dream for her. He wanted to make movies, and this was his chance. She loved him too much to deny him that awesome opportunity. It had the power to change his life. Dillon had already changed hers. He deserved this.
Slumping against the cold wall, Lulu drew her knees up to her chin. She wrapped her arms around her body and began to rock slowly, recounting the conversation they had shortly after her father's surgery. They were both so angry and stressed out, coming off the grief of Georgie's funeral and Luke's near death episode. She had been so hateful and distant, wanting to push him away. "I'm sorry, Dil," she whispered to herself, rocking gently as the tears began to fall. It was hard to remember that day. She knew that if he saw how weak she really was, how much she needed him, there was no way Dillon would leave Port Charles. There was no way he would have left her.