True to her word, Nadine returned just after sunset with Nikolas' son in her arms. Lesley had dropped him off, explaining that she had planned to visit her daughter that evening. She made arrangements to pick up Spencer at eight o'clock in time to get him in bed for the night. Under ordinary circumstances, she would have never left her great-grandson with a virtual stranger, but Nikolas seemed to trust her. After everything he had been through in the past few months, he needed as many people in his corner as possible.
Walking down the hall with the toddler on her hip, Nadine finally understood why anyone would want to be a parent. She had always liked kids but had long felt disconnected from that maternal instinct that women always talked about. Passing by the slightly confused nurses and doctors, she tried to imagine what it would be like to be Spencer's mother. The little boy had already lost his biological mother and the woman that would have likely adopted him. He had lost so much without ever knowing what he had or realizing that it had happened. She could relate to that kind of loss, and her heart went out to the little boy he would be in a few years, asking all the questions that only his father could answer.
Slipping into the neurology ward, she signed herself in as a visitor and attached a plastic badge to the strap of Spencer's denim overalls. He seemed content with her, giggling as she tickled his sides playfully. When they arrived to Nikolas' room, he was still asleep from his afternoon. Unsure of what to do but not wanting to leave in case she woke up, Nadine settled her and Spencer in an armchair in the corner. He settled into her lap and looked at the bright pages of the book she was trying to read to him. He listened for awhile before becoming bored. Instead, he began turning the pages himself, pointing and laughing at the different circus animals.
"He likes you," Nikolas called from across the room. Nadine looked up over the edge of the book and smiled uncomfortably. She wasn't sure how he would react to seeing another woman with his son. "Spencer is usually pretty good with people, but he's quiet. I haven't seen him like this for a long time. Not since…"
Nadine could finish the sentence for him but decided not to. "Lesley wanted me to apologize that she couldn't stay. She told me to tell you that she was going to go visit your mom and would be back to get Spencer by eight," she informed him. "I hope you don't mind that she left him with me. I could kind of tell that she was reluctant."
He shook his head insistently as he sat up. "Of course not," he assured her. "Lesley knows that I trust you enough to watch Spencer. I wouldn't have had you call her if I didn't."
She watched him swing his tanned legs over the edge of the hospital bed and pad barefoot across the cold tile floor. He knelt in front of her without any reservation, not even thinking about how he would look like. Nadine knew that he was always polite and usually followed a strict set of matters protocol, but around his son, he became another person. She poised Spencer on the edge of her knees and bounced him lightly while Nikolas swung the boy's feet back and forth. Spencer giggled in response, throwing his dark head back in utter joy. "I think someone is happy," she laughed along with him. Nikolas didn't reply as his gaze fixed on the little boy. Nadine leaned down to help transition him into his father's arms.
"Thanks," he retorted as he stood up. Spencer reached up and threw his tiny arms around his father's neck. Nikolas bent his head in response and laid a gentle kiss on the crown of his head. "All day when I am here, I miss this. Every minute I'm away from Spencer, he is the only thing I can think about. Emily and I talk about him a lot. She keeps reminding me that I'm going through all of this for him. It reminds me a lot of what you said earlier. In fact, you two have been telling me many of the same things."
Not sure how to respond to that, Nadine uncrossed and crossed her legs. "I'm only telling you the things that I would want to hear if the situation was reversed," she replied. "I know how to help you get through the grief part. I've loved and lost the person who cared most about me in the world. But this tumor, I don't have any clue how you should deal with it. I just know that you have to, and this little boy should make you want to."
Nodding slowly, Nikolas looked down at Spencer and made a funny face to elicit another of his trademark giggles. He knew that Nadine was right. He wanted to be there to see all those things that his mother had missed with him and later with Lulu. He didn't want to leave his son alone in the world to be an orphan. He knew what it was like not to have parents. If there was any way, he would not do that to his son. As he looked over Spencer's shoulder, his eyes caught Nadine's. "He's not the only thing that makes me want to live."
It was night in the dark, cold confines of her room, and Lulu was growing more and more restless by the moment. She had tried to nap earlier but woke up twenty minutes in after a tumultuous dream about Dillon. Since then, he was the only thing she could think about. She had thought about him a lot since he left, especially in here, but nothing had ever been this insistent. It was like she couldn't think of anything else. She had thought that dinner might help, but as she stared down at the plate of pizza, it only reminded her of him even more. They'd eaten it together in the lounge at the hospital, one of the few Quartermaine traditions that she could get behind.
Standing up, she decided to take a walk around the room to stretch her legs. It's not like she had that far to go, but at least she was doing something. She paused at the door to see if the guard outside was talking but all she heard was silent. Making a circle around the room, she tried to count how many steps it took to make a complete lap. With each one, she would stop at the door. Finally, on the eighth round, she could hear a soft one-sided conversation coming from the hallway. Pressing her ear against the door, she tried to make out what he was saying.
"Morgan knows that she's missing?" the guard asked. "Who is this kid that's started looking for? I know that it's not that weird computer nerd that Corinthos has working for him or that brooding guy that follows her around all the time. I just talked to the boss, and he says that the two of them are working with Zacharra. They're so far off the path that they'll never find her here. I'm not sure why Morgan is working independently."
Lulu thought for a moment, trying to figure out who could be working with Jason. It sounded like Logan and Spinelli were working with Johnny, so it couldn't be the three of them. She decided that it was probably Milo. He was the most likely candidate to assist Jason in the search for her. They had barely spoken in months, but he would still care that she was missing. Spinelli had probably told Jason before venturing off with Logan. Knowing Jason, he feared that the so-called Jackal would only cause more trouble.
"Quartermaine?" she heard the guard say. "You mean that right family that lives in the white mansion on the hill? I didn't know she was connected to them. I guess that would explain why the kid is looking for. Blondie's stock value just went up."
Dillon. There was no way that Dillon was the one that was helping Jason, but it was the only way the conversation would make sense. There were no other young males in that family unless he thought of Ned as being young. It had to be Dillon. Tears sprung to her eyes immediately as she began to shake again. Before that moment, she had begun to accept that no one would ever find her. However, she knew immediately that Dillon was going to come through. He had gone to Jason for help and together, they would find a way to bring her home. For the first time in too many days, she had hope.
"I'm here, Dillon," she whispered. "Oh, God, I know that you can hear me. Dillon, you have to find me. I need you right now more than I have ever needed you. You're the only one who can do this. Just follow your heart. It will lead you back to me. It's always led me back to you."
Sitting alone at a corner table at Kelly's, Lucky reached down to turn off his cell phone while he waited for Elizabeth. He was restless from too many hours of thinking, his brain completely fried from everything that was weighing him down. He raised his hand to signal Mike for another cup of coffee before heading over to the jukebox to play his favorite song. As he settled back in his favorite seat, Elizabeth came bustling into the diner with a red down parka over her lavender scrubs.
"Sorry I'm so late," she apologized, sitting down in the chair across from him. "We had a woman in labor come right as I was getting ready to leave, and I had to help walk the new nurse through admittance. Then, there was traffic on Clover. It's just been one of those days."
"No problem," he retorted. Mike had brought another cup of coffee to Lucky as well as a spiced hot tea for Elizabeth. They had been ordering the same thing for years, both while she was a waitress at the family's diner and in the years since. "I know you're probably surprised that I asked you here to talk considering everything we've been through, but I don't really know who else to talk to. Usually, I would go to Nikolas with this kind of thing, but he's a little busy. I tried Lulu, but no one has seen her for a few days. Since Logan's gone, I figure they must have headed out of town for a little breather. Things have been hectic for everyone since Christmas."
Elizabeth nodded. "I know that things are still strained between us, but we've always been friends, Lucky. If you need me, you know that I'm going to be here for you. You've already given me the most incredible gift by agreeing to keep this secret and be a father to the boys. I owe you so much more than just a conversation."
Lucky shrugged. "You're letting me be apart of Cam and Jake's life. You have no idea how much that means to me. I'm the lucky one. You don't owe me anything," he promised. Leaning back in his chair, he could still see what had made him fall in love with Elizabeth in the first place. There were so many reasons he could hate her, but underneath everything, he would always love her. Right or wrong, she had meant so much to him for so long. He was still angry, but he couldn't hate her. "Look, I need to talk to you about Sam. I know that you hate her and can't be objective, but I need you to be. Can you do that for me?"
There was nothing she wanted to do less, but she could tell that Lucky really needed to talk to someone. It was one of those conversations where he needed to get everything out without anyone really saying anything back. She could give him at least that. "Talk."
"I never thought it was possible to be completely in love with someone and then want nothing to do with them until our marriage fell apart," he explained. "After that, I never wanted to feel that way again. It was pure hell and made us into two strangers that barely recognized each other. However, the minute Sam chose not to be honest with me about what she did, I was put in that exact situation all over again. She was so caught up in her own pain that she put our children at risk. I know somewhere in her mind she had reasoned that nothing would happen to them, but how am I supposed to get past something like that? She had such a reckless disregard for the people that I care about most in the world. Imagine what she would have done if someone did this to Alexis and her sisters."
She didn't have to think about it. Elizabeth knew exactly how Sam would react. It would have been much like Liz had reacted when she found out the truth from Jason. Still, her heart went out to Lucky. She knew what it was like to care about someone when you knew that you shouldn't. Emotions don't always play well with logic. "You can't tell your heart who to love," she said. "I will never understand why she did what she did, but I know that there has to be something good in her. There has to be for you to care about her so much. I've never heard you say the words, but I know that you love Sam. The only advice I can give you is to figure out if you can forgive and trust her. That's what destroyed us, Lucky. By the end, we didn't trust each other, and too much had happened to forgive."
Taking in each word, Lucky knew that she was right – both about their relationship and his with Sam. There was so much he had to think about, and each fact was hitting him all at once. Feelings were at war in his mind, and he had no clue what the end result would be. He was about to thank Elizabeth for her insights when Jason came rushing through the front door with Dillon at his heels. Lucky waited for the mobster to ignore the fact that he was there and start to talk to Liz. He was completely shocked when it was Elizabeth who was ignored. "We need to talk."
"About?" Lucky asked sarcastically. He had nothing constructive to say to Jason right now.
"It's about Lulu," Dillon answered. "She's missing."