Flames flickered across the charcoal grey wall as Sam sat alone in her living room, watching the fire dance from her place on the sofa. She had been home for hours now, frozen in the same spot feeling the same emotions that had consumed her for weeks. A year ago, she had expected her life to be something very different. This time last year, she was dealing with newfound celebrity after she became a so-called hero in the hostage crisis at the Metrocourt. She had expected to still be with Jason and hopefully have a child on the way. Instead, she was alone in a penthouse suite that she would have traded for a second chance.
Of all her past sins and transgressions, lying to Lucky would forever be at the top of the list. The deception she had concocted toward his children was inconceivable and inexcusable. Part of her had known that he would never be able to forgive her. She wanted so desperately for him to do just that, but putting herself in his position made it so clear. If someone had done the same thing to Molly and Kristina, she would want to kill them. The pain she had caused, no matter how rooted in unyielding pain and anger, was beyond awful. Two children who had no control over their destinies had been hurt because of what she had done. She wished that she could take it back, but she couldn't. She could only move on from here.
Reaching behind her, she flicked off the tall silver floor lamp and took another long sip from her cabernet. She had bought the bottle when she was in on her last trip to Europe, filming scenes for Everyday Heroes. She had planned on giving it to Lucky on their first night in the cottage together. Now, he would never taste the aged wine, and she would never spend another night in his arms. They would never live together, share a life together or even be in the same room alone together. No matter what happened, ghosts of relationships past would always be there to haunt them, and that was Sam's fault. She had done this, and for the first time in her life, she needed to take responsibility for that. She couldn't blame anyone else because there was no one else there.
She thought about downing the rest of the wine and heading to bed but decided to head out to the terrace for a few minutes of reflection. She hadn't spent much time out here since the breakup because it brought back so many memories. Closing the glass door behind her, she immediately headed for the hot tub. It had been covered for months, unused in the harsh and unrelenting New York winter. Brushing her bare hand across the cover, she brushed away a dusting of snow. This was where it all began. Her entire relationship with Lucky was cemented the night he finally gave into what they had both been feeling. Only later would that lust turn into love.
Inside the pocket of her cotton robe, Sam could feel her phone begin to vibrate against her thigh. Setting the goblet down on the ledge, she retrieved it and checked the screen. Surprised at the name flashing across the screen, she quickly flipped it open. "Hello?"
A soft chuckling sigh met her skeptical greeting, immediately sending shivers through her petite frame. "Don't sound so surprised," Lucky teased softly. Sam smiled to herself, relieved at his warm tone. "I need to ask you a favor."
"Anything," she promised immediately. It didn't matter what he asked for, she would do whatever he needed. "What's going on, Lucky? You don't sound right."
On the other end of the line, Lucky squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Sam had easily been able to pick up on his different insinuations and moods early on in their friendship. It killed him now to think how well she knew him. "It's Lulu," he confessed. "She's missing. I can't go into much more than that because I don't want to put you at risk. I'm working on it and until I tell you otherwise, I need for you to keep this to yourself with one exception. I need you to go visit with Nikolas and tell him what I'm up to."
"Are you sure you want to do that? He's still in this hospital," Sam reminded him. She didn't want to question Lucky's request but still feared for her cousin's well-being. The past few months had been so hard on him, and the thought of bringing him any more pain was too hard to swallow. "I don't want to have to tell him unless there is really something to have to tell."
"I know you don't," Lucky retorted knowingly. "I wouldn't ask you to do this unless I was absolutely sure, but if something happens to either of us, he needs to be prepared. I know it's a lot to ask, but if I don't come back, I need you to promise that you'll take care of Nikolas for me. He is going to need a lot of help in the next few months."
"First of all, you are going to come home with your little sister, so we don't even need to think about that," she insisted. "And as for being there for my cousin, I have planned to be by his side all along. When you rescue Lulu, we can all be there for Nikolas. You have to go into this believing in yourself, Lucky. If you can't do that, then I will do it for you."
Lucky raked his fingers through his hair self-consciously. He wanted to say so many things to her. He wanted to make her see that he still cared, even if he couldn't fathom why she had done the things she had done. Instead, he gave her the truest part of himself in case he never got the chance again. "I need to tell you something, McCall, and I need you to just listen to me without interruption."
His request scared Sam, but she knew that she had to give him what he needed. They were facing an impossible situation, and it was clear that there was something that he needed to get out. "You can tell me anything, Lucky."
With a small smile, Lucky turned away from his companions and looked toward the moon. They were posted a half-mile away from the monastery, working out the last minute details of their plan. He had promised himself that he would call her before going in there because there was still one thing that had gone completely left unsaid. "For as long as I live, I will never understand why you did the things you did. No matter the pain or anger, I can't imagine hurting two innocent children out of hate for someone else," he said. Sam gasped and started to replay, but Lucky put her back in her place. "Just listen. With that said, I'm starting to realize that I don't have to understand it. It happened, and I've accepted that. All of that doesn't change what has happened between us. It doesn't change how the core of my heart feels. The biggest part of me knows that I shouldn't feel this way, but that part of me knows that I can't help it. I still love you, Sam."
Stunned silence was her only reply. Small tears had sprung to the corners of her eyes, slowly slipping past the brink to roll down her tanned cheeks. There were approximately two million things Sam wanted to ay, but only four words seemed to fit, "I love you, too."
"I know," he retorted. "After all of this, I really do know that. Look, I have to go, but I couldn't do this without you knowing how I felt. I'm not sure what it means or if anything will come out of this. The only thing I am sure of is that I do love you, and that we will try to see what is still between this if I come home."
"When you come home," she corrected him bravely. "And you will come home, Lucky. You have something to come home to. You have your brother and your sons. You have me."
Dillon watched Lucky hang up the phone and shove it back into his pocket. Jason had wandered off as well, his silver cell plastered to his ear. He could hear his cousin's soft laughter. If he listened carefully enough, he could hear the occasional word or phrase. From what Dillon had gathered, Jason was talking to Carly, the only person on the planet who could elicit such a reaction from the cold and calculating mobster. As someone who had once had such a connection to a Spencer woman, Dillon could relate. He only hoped that he would have the chance to have a similar conversation with Lulu very soon.
He had thought about calling his mom to tell her about the plan but thought against it. She would only worry about her son and Lulu or even worse, tell Luke. The last thing anyone needed was the patriarch to make his appearance with grandstanding plans of saving his daughter. He was still recovering from heart surgery, and the last thing Dillon wanted was anything that would slow him down. Besides, Luke had always managed to show up just in time to save Lulu while Dillon had been there all along to support her. It was his turn to get that glory moment. For once, he didn't want anything (or anyone) to stand between them. After the past two years, they deserved to have that.
Jason reappeared by his side and silently handed over a robe for Dillon to change into to. Offering the limo as his private dressing room, the younger man slid into the backseat. Replacing his vintage tee and faded jeans with plain khaki pants and a white shirt, he was doing his best to become the part. He patted down his trademark wild hair and pulled the hideously ugly brown robe over his clothes. Lucky only offered a smirk when Dillon emerged from the car, muttering to himself as he tied the black cord belt at his waist. The detective could laugh all he wanted. Dillon didn't care what anyone thought; he just wanted to bring Lulu home.
Wandering away from the other men, he left the two of them to work out the logistics. They were used to doing this sort of thing, and he trusted them to come up with the perfect plan. Alone, he may have never relied on them. However, he knew that Lulu believed in Jason and Lucky, and Dillon believed in Lulu. They would do whatever they had to do to bring her home just like he would. He glanced at them once more before slinking to the cold ground and leaning back against the towering oak tree. Closing his eyes, he wanted one last moment alone to gather the courage he would need. He wasn't at all surprise when his mind drifted back to a moment on a hot summer night when they had stood alone together on the docks, staring out at the water. It was before the abortion, before he knew the truth. It was a moment of perfection, one that had comforted him more than she could ever know.
"That's a Spencer for you," Lulu joked. "We're cool in a crisis, and we talk a great game 'til we really win, and then we lose it in the follow-through."
Dillon looked at her with an amused smirk. "I'm sorry, is that a warning?"
She stared distantly at the water below, the breeze the strands of blonde hair that had managed to escape from her ponytail. "Neon red lights."
He couldn't help but smile as her gaze lifted to meet his. Clad in a long red skirt and yellow tank top, she looked so beautiful in even the simplest attired. "Okay, I…maybe Luke, maybe Carly, maybe even Lucky from to time, but Lulu, not you. Not you."
"Dillon, no," she insisted frustrated as she brushed past him. There was a definite feeling of exasperation as she crossed her arms over her stomach protectively. "You don't even know me, Dillon."
"I don't know you?" he challenged. A sudden burst of wind came up from the harbor and whipped his sky blue shirt around him as he followed her across the pier. Dillon dropped his voice to an intimate tone that could only exist between lovers. "Okay. You laugh out loud at comic strips. Your favorite ice cream is vanilla caramel. You twist your hair when you're anxious. You hum to yourself when you're alone – or at least when you think you're alone – but not on a bad day. I could go on…"
Lulu turned to stare at him with an awe-inspired smile. "How do you…?"
"Because I pay attention."
She refused to see the amazing woman that he could see in her. Dillon didn't know it at the time, but it was because she knew the entire truth. "Dillon, no," she countered. "You forgot the part about me being selfish."
Dillon scoffed at her inability to see what was so clear to him. "Oh, the part about you? Okay, all right, fine," he conceded. "You're impulsive and you're totally defensive and you never do anything halfway, but you're not selfish…"
They had argued for a few more minutes, her trying to tell him the truth and him not wanting to see it. He had held onto her tightly, standing behind her with his arms wrapped firmly around her waist. In those moments, he just wanted to feel her against him, to be connected to the girl he not only considered his best friend but someone he was beginning to love. In the end, he had reached out for her and pulled her into a kiss.
"Dillon, I am extremely flawed," she reminded him again. It was another warning, another opportunity for him to escape from this spiraling situation.
"So? I'm extremely flawed," he pointed out. "So am I, so is everyone. Who cares about the flaws? You're beautiful and you're smart and you're fun, and you're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."
"That's my line."
Coming up on two years later, Dillon couldn't believe how clearly he could recall every detail of that conversation. They had gone to the boardwalk that night, chasing each other through the funhouse and sharing a carton of nachos before riding the rollercoaster. He could still feel her tiny hand in his when they walked from the garage to the boathouse. He could remember everything about waking up with her in his arms the next morning. Everything after that night became a blur of anger, pain and heartache – a time in his life that he would change completely if given the chance. He was being given that second chance tonight by having the opportunity to be the man to save her. He hadn't saved her that summer when he should have been there. Dillon would not let her down this time.
They had been sitting quietly for so long, not another word passing between them for what seemed like hours when Nikolas finally turned to look at Nadine. He had once heard his mother talk about seeing Luke for the first time after the rape. She hadn't meant the very first time she had seen him after the incident but about the first time she had really seen him. She had found a way in her amazing capacity to love and forgive to see past all the agony and terror to the truest part of him. Even after all that, she had looked at him and found the man that she would forever love.
Well, looking at Nadine in the chapel wasn't exactly like that for Nikolas, but he could finally understand what the message of the story meant. For the three months that had passed since Emily's death, he had been going through the motions of living without ever really connecting to anyone. However, the strong blonde woman sitting before him had changed that without his realization or permission. She had worked her way into his life, and suddenly, he had looked up and seen her place. His emotions were still indefinable, but they were there. For the first time in months, he felt something other than pain that was real.
"Thank you," he whispered softly, his dark eyes locked on her wide blue orbs. Not a trace of embarrassment or discomfort masked her face. He didn't scare her at all. Since the night of the ball, he hadn't felt that at peace in his own skin. Suddenly, it didn't seem to matter that he had a brain tumor or could lose sense of time in any given moment. The only thing that mattered was whatever was going on in this safe, comforting room. "For the first time in a long time, I feel like it's finally okay to be me."
Nadine smiled at him warmly while resisting the urge to reach up and cup his cheek in her palm. The feelings she had for Nikolas were beginning to change into something much more than a nurse should feel for a patient, that a friend should feel for a friend. She knew that there was too much going on in his life for them to have a real chance right now. He was dealing with his own mortality, let alone the loss of his fiancée and soulmate. She had to forget how she felt. "It's always been okay for you to be you, Nikolas," she promised. "But you're welcome. I'm glad that I could help you."
"Don't do that," he ordered firmly. He knew what she was trying to do. "Don't distance yourself from me because that's what you think you should do. I don't need you to protect me from you. Don't pull away."
"I'm not trying to protect you," she confessed, finally breaking his gaze. She turned away, afraid what she would find if she looked back at him again. "I'm trying to protect my heart. You're not the only one that stands a risk of getting hurt. It's not what I think I should do. It's what I have to do."
Neither of them wanted to feel what they were feeling. Between the bad timing and the confusion that consumed both, it was far from an ideal way to fall in love. And while they were far from making any kind of grand declarations of unconditional love for the rest of their lives, the feelings that sparked such an intense connection were already there, brewing just below the surface. "We'll figure this out," he promised. "Just don't leave me before we get the chance."