Kokoro Kara

By Lady Callista

AN: See full notes at the beginning of the first chapter.

This fic is rated M, cause I know it's gonna have K&K lime and lemon goodness. If you are underage please go enjoy some of the other wonderful stories on this site.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, or anything relating to it, and have the utmost respect for all the people who created these wonderful characters. The quotes at the beginning and end of each part were all found on the Internet, mostly listed as anonymous. If anyone knows of one that actually belongs to someone please let me know. The few that are by famous people I've said who they're by.

Chapter 2: Itami

OrOoRoOrOoRoOro

"A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone's face."

OrOoRoOrOoRoOro

"He hasn't woken up yet?" Megumi asked softly as she walked into Kenshin's bedroom, where Kaoru still sat at Kenshin's side.

"No, not yet." Kaoru whispered, misery evident on her face. "But it seems dreams are haunting him so. I wish he would wake." She replied, the stress of the last hour showing in her movements as she turned to face the doctor.

Kenshin's dreams seemed to have been getting progressively worse, for although he moved very little he'd been calling out more and more, and his face was a study in despair and pain.

"Megumi-san…" Kaoru began hesitantly as the kitsune started checking Kenshin's wounds.

"Hai?" The older woman stopped her ministrations and turned her attention on Kaoru.

"Why does he seem so broken?" Kaoru whispered. "It's not just from the fight. And why does he seem to be having such nightmares? Why is he calling out to me? He found me, he saved me, so why doesn't he remember that in his dreams?"

Megumi's face took on a look Kaoru couldn't describe, and she turned back to examining Kenshin. "That should be for him to tell you when he awakens." Megumi said after a few moments had gone by in silence.

"You won't tell me what happened?" Kaoru asked in disbelief. No matter how Megumi had treated her, she'd always been clear and precise when it came to the health of others, particularly if that health was Kenshin's.

Megumi's face actually took on the saddest look Kaoru had ever seen. "It should be for Ken-san to tell you. Believe me, you'll understand once you hear it. Coming from another it would…well, it wouldn't be the same." Megumi replied, then hesitantly added, "He would hate that I knew this, yet alone that I said it, but it was impossible to not see how much he loves you. Even if he can't say it, even if he never acknowledges it or acts like it, never forget that he loves you. That may be all that gets him through this."

Kaoru turned to fully face Megumi, wanting to ask what she meant by that, but the kitsune had already left the room. And unknown to Kaoru, she'd left because the tears were already running down her face. Although she'd accepted long ago that Kenshin was meant for Kaoru, it still hurt the doctor's heart to realize that no one felt about her the way Ken-san did about Kaoru. Perhaps no one ever would…

Kaoru turned back so that she was again looking at Kenshin, and again took up his left hand in both of hers, as his right one was so badly wounded Megumi had put it in a sling. Her thoughts were flying by. It was her greatest hope that Kenshin would love her one day, and she'd wondered for months now if he did, at least a little. Certainly he liked her and considered her a friend, that was obvious, but to hear that it was apparent he loved her….and from Megumi of all people… Kaoru didn't know what to think. How long she knelt, considering just that, she didn't know, but her thoughts came to a screeching halt when she suddenly felt a flare of Kenshin's kenki. She looked up at his face just as his eyes opened and he yelled her name.

"I'm here, Kenshin." She said quickly, rising up on her knees and leaning over him so that he could see her without moving. "I'm right here. Everything is okay."

The panic left Kenshin's eyes, and he reached up with the hand she had just released and ran his fingers down her left cheek. Her eyes grew wide at the touch, not because she objected to it but because he'd never touched her in this way before.

"You're all right." Kenshin whispered half to himself, eyes closing in relief, although his fingers stayed on her cheek, his palm tilting slightly until he almost cupped her face in his hand.

Kaoru's eyes grew even wider at the caress, and she unthinkingly tilted her face until her cheek rested fully in his hand.

Kenshin's eyes snapped open and locked with hers for a moment before he moved his hand away from her, letting it rest on the futon as he looked around the room. "How did sessha get home?"

Kaoru looked around the familiar room of his bedroom at her dojo, taking a moment to both relish that he'd called it home, and regret that he'd dropped his hand. "You collapsed right after the fight with Enishi." In my arms, she wanted to say, but didn't. "We got you back on the boat and it took us home. We've been back for about half a day. Megumi fixed you and everyone else up, and you're going to be fine."

"Did you see anyone in town?" Kenshin asked quietly.

"Ana, no." Kaoru replied, confused as to why he would ask that. "It wasn't yet dawn when we returned, so we saw no one."

His eyes shut again. "Then you don't know, because no one in our group would have told you."

"Know what, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, sitting back down on her legs and almost reaching for his hand before she realized that now that he was awake, she shouldn't do that.

"What Enishi's jinchu against me really was."

"What do you mean, what it really was?" Kaoru asked. "He kidnapped me, he took me away from you just as Tomoe-san was taken away from him."

"Hai, just as Tomoe was taken away from him." Kenshin replied, eyes finally opening again and meeting hers. "He made us believe you were dead."

"NANI?"

"He…he had a karakuri made of you, and he left it in the dojo. Left it with a sword through your heart, and a cross-shaped cut on your cheek." Kenshin's voice broke as a few tears fell down his cheeks, and he looked away from her. "Sessha thought you were dead."

Kaoru stared at him in horror. Everyone thought she was dead? Kenshin had thought she was dead? She tried to imagine what she would do if he was dead, and couldn't. She couldn't imagine living the rest of her life without him. And if he had even a fraction of the feelings for her as she did for him…

"I'm not dead." Kaoru replied finally, not knowing what to say. "I'm right here. I don't think it's that Enishi didn't want to kill me, I don't think he could."

"You can't imagine what it was like…thinking…" Kenshin began, then cut off as his voice began to shake. "Gomen. Sessha should not burden you with…"

"Oh, Kenshin." Tears running down her face as well, Kaoru did reach out now and take his hand. "No, I can't imagine…"

"You should not worry." Kenshin replied, although his hand did grip hers tightly. "As you said, you are not dead, and everything is alright."

"I've never thought you were dead, but I worried once or twice that you might be, and that was…" Kaoru abruptly cut off as she noticed his face beginning to close down.

"Sessha is sorry for all the worry he caused you." Kenshin said finally, his rurouni mask fully in place as he released her hand. "For now, you should go rest. Sessha needs to do the same." And with that, he closed his eyes.

Kaoru felt her tears beginning to come faster at his abrupt dismissal, but he was right that they both needed to rest. In her case, it was because she'd been up all night worrying about him.

"Sleep well." She said simply as she rose and left the room.

Kenshin kept his eyes shut after she left, but couldn't sleep. While one part of his mind was cursing him for sending her away, the other part was reminding him that most of the danger she'd been in over the past years had been because of his past returning to bite him on the ass.

He had to distance himself from her now, while he still could. He had to leave her, before he really did get her killed.

He thought of how hard it had been to leave her when he went to fight Shishio, and didn't know how he would find the strength to do so again. But he knew he didn't have the strength to live through her dying again, which was sure to happen if he stayed with her. As long as he knew she was alive and well, he would be able to be content. As these thoughts ran around and around in his head, he finally gave in to the demands of his body and fell into a restless sleep.

OoOoO

Kaoru slid open the door to her room an instant after leaving Kenshin's room, moving quickly to make sure that she didn't run into anyone. She didn't think she could handle talking to anyone.

She tossed her futon out quickly, changed, and laid down. "Kenshin…what are you thinking?" She whispered to herself as she tossed and turned. "You were so happy to see me…why did you push me away just now?" Her thoughts ran in a downward spiral, depressing her more and more as she realized there was only one reason for his action. For somewhere in the spiral, she'd realized an awful truth. He hadn't just thought she was dead, he'd blamed himself for her death. In his mind, it would have been the same as if he'd killed her himself, as he had his first wife.

"Baka." She muttered, half wanting to go back into his room and beat some sense into him. Didn't he understand that she knew what she risked being with him? Didn't he know that she would die without him?

Tears streaming down her face, she fell into a restless sleep.

OoOoO

Slight lime ahead

"You can't imagine what it was like…thinking…" Kenshin began, then cut off as his voice began to shake. "Gomen. Sessha should not burden you with…"

"Oh, Kenshin." Tears running down her face as well, Kaoru did reach out now and take his hand. "No, I can't imagine…I can't imagine what I'd do if you were gone."

He squeezed her hand tightly. "Sessha…watashi wa…I thought I lost you."

"You'll never lose me." Kaoru said, reaching out with her other hand and ghosting her fingers over his face. "Remember, I told you I want to stay with you forever."

Instead of freezing in shock like the last time she'd said it, this time he smiled and leaned his face into her hand. "I would like that." He whispered

Kaoru smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm glad. Because otherwise I'd have to beat some sense into you until you saw things my way."

"I wish to avoid that." Kenshin smiled back at the teasing tone in her voice. "Come down here, and show me how glad you are to see me."

Kaoru laughed, and leaned down to kiss him gently on the lips. It didn't feel like the first time they'd kissed, because it felt so familiar. Yet what started as a gentle brush of lips soon became much more, as each was starved for the other due to the time they'd been apart.

Kenshin let go of her hand, sliding his up her back as she leaned over him more, placing her hands on either side of him for balance. He let his hand rub gentle circles on her back, relishing the fact that he was touching her. That she was letting him touch her. He slid his hand up to the bare skin of her neck, rubbing gently. And unintentionally gripped harder when he felt her tongue slip into his mouth.

Kaoru smirked internally at his reaction, and then gasped when his own tongue came out to duel with hers. She felt his hand slide over her back again, and was amazed when she felt him untying her obi was only one hand. She felt it loosen a moment later, and although it did slid down slightly, the way it was wrapped around her body kept it from falling off completely.

Kenshin sat up then, forcing her back to her knees as he kept their lips locked. His hand moved around to her front, and slid inside the now gaping fabric of her kimono to gently cup one of her breasts. "You don't know what it was like thinking I'd never see you again." He broke the kiss enough to say. "Never be able to touch you again." His hand squeezed gently as he landed a kiss on the side of her neck that had her gasping. "Never be able to kiss you."

"I've waited so long for you to kiss me." She whispered back. "I never want you to stop."

His only reply was to passionately kiss her again, his hand shifting her kimono even more until it fell off of her shoulders and her beauty was revealed to him.

His mouth slid over her body as his hand had a moment ago, down her face, her neck, and just as he was about to take one peaked nipple into his mouth…

"KAORU!!!"

Kenshin's voice screaming her name woke Kaoru from her wonderful dream, and the terror in his voice erased all sleepiness from her body as she got up and rushed to his room.

TBC…

OoOoO

AN2: So, yeah, when I originally wrote that scene, it started to get citrusy like this, but I didn't want to do that so soon plus it's not in character for them at all, but at the same time I wanted to write it…. So I just did both. Hope that little bit of lime will hold you over until I start getting into the more romantic part of the story. Please look forward to the next part, and tell me what you thought of this one.

Japanese/English Glossary (in order of appearance; if it's in the glossary of a previous part it will not be in here, as I trust my readers to have a good memory.)

Itami: Pain, bodily or mental suffering

Kitsune: The fox of Japanese mythology, known for cunning and stealth. It is the animal Megumi is often compared to in the manga.

Karakuri: a doll that looks real

Gomen: I'm sorry.

Baka: Idiot