Chapter three. Because I have been very bored and have written the next three chapters. So expect updates soon. Please review.
Oh yeah, and Nine/Rose shippers, please don't get offended. I myself am a Nine/Rose shipper. But the point of this story is to mercilessly parody everything about the show so it's all in good fun, folks.
Chapter Three: Use The Force, Adric, Use The Force!
So, our intrepid heroes are in a bit of trouble. But do not fear, they shall prevail! Because they are heroes, after all, and the heroes always win. Of course, a companion or two might die, because they're disposable, but who cares about them, and anyway I can't because I know how they all leave and this is definitely not it. But hey, it's a fanfic! I can do whatever I want! Mwah ha ha!
So, our intrepid heroes are in trouble. The Ninth Doctor is unconscious, he and Rose are about to be transported onto the Death Star, the Fourth and Fifth Doctor are gagged (under extremely loud protest) and they and Nyssa, Tegan, and Adric are currently being locked up in the brig of a ship with an extremely annoyed captain. Whatever will they do?
"What I don't get," Nyssa said as they were hustled along, "is why an extremely intelligent time traveler always teleports himself into trouble."
"Mmph mmph, mmm mphmph mmm."
"I mean, why not read the history books and go somewhere where nothing happened?"
"Mmphmphmph, mmm mph mmph."
"I mean, I should think even someone with fourteen lives would be a bit more careful."
"Mmph."
"Especially as you keep dying so young. I mean, how many other Gallifreyans on their fifth life are only 950 years old?"
"Mmm mmm mmph MMPH!"
"You know, I think I prefer you gagged."
Whilst this scintillating conversation was going on, Rose and the Ninth Doctor were being dragged to the transport room. Rose was proving to be rather difficult. She insisted on holding the Doctor's hand and weeping, "Oh Doctor, wake up! Oh Doctor, I love you!"
Nine was probably thinking something along the lines of, "My dear girl, I'm over a thousand and probably have great-grandchildren."
Or maybe he was thinking, "Oh Rose! I love you too! From the moment I saw you I knew we were soulmates!"
You never know, stranger things have happened.
But anyway, everyone was in pretty dire straits when Adric suddenly saw a transparent blue ghost.
It rather shocked him.
"Excuse me, are you a transparent blue ghost or has the pressure finally destroyed my brain?" Adric said in his usual polite manner.
"Of course I'm a ghost, you idiot boy!" said the blue transparent thing. "I'm the First Doctor!"
"Ah," Adric said politely. "Nice to see you."
"Aargh, you idiot!" the ghost cried. "Use the Force, Adric, use the Force!"
"The what?"
"The Force!"
"The what?"
"Oh never mind, just get into the TARDIS when you pass the cargo bay," the ghost of William Hartnell said exasperatedly. "Even this bunch of idiots should be able to manage that." He sulked away.
"Umm, okay," Adric said, puzzled but willing to please.
Therefore, when they passed the cargo bay, Adric hit one of the security guards on the head with his badge for mathematical excellence.
It snapped.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the unfortunate prodigy cried. All the security guards clapped their hands over their ears and backed away, letting the other prisoners drag the shrieking Adric back to the Fifth Doctor's TARDIS and dematerialize.
"Nice décor," Four said as he spit out the gag.
"Too bad," Nyssa said wistfully as Five removed his own gag, "I rather liked you with a rag stuffed in your mouth."
"Now we must go and rescue my other self!" Five proclaimed. "Oh, and that dumb blond too."
Tegan started telling dumb blond jokes as the pillar started to flash blue.