-1Kokoro Kara

By Lady Callista

AN: See full notes at the beginning of the first chapter.

This fic is rated M, cause I know it's gonna have K&K lime and lemon goodness. If you are underage please go enjoy some of the other wonderful stories on this site.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, or anything relating to it, and have the utmost respect for all the people who created these wonderful characters. The quotes at the beginning and end of each part were all found on the Internet, mostly listed as anonymous. If anyone knows of one that actually belongs to someone please let me know. The few that are by famous people I've said who they're by.

Last time…

"KAORU!!!"

Kenshin's voice screaming her name woke Kaoru from her wonderful dream, and the terror in his voice erased all sleepiness from her body as she got up and rushed to his room.

Chapter 3: Shinri

OoOoOoOoO

"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you start?"

OoOoOoOoO

Kaoru hurriedly slid open the sliding door to Kenshin's room, taking the time to close it behind her so that they didn't waken the rest of the house. She ran over to his bedside and quickly knelt down beside him, putting a hand on his arm and shaking him awake.

"Kaoru!" Kenshin's yell permeated the air as he leapt to consciousness.

"I'm here. It's okay. Everything is okay." Kaoru said quickly as he awoke, sitting bolt upright and nearly jerking his right arm out of its sling as he reached for his sakabato. "Just lie still, calm down, I don't want you to hurt yourself worse."

"Kaoru…" Kenshin whispered. He seemed utterly lost for a moment, and his voice seemed deeper than normal, then suddenly he spoke in his normal rurouni tone. "Kaoru-dono, sessha is sorry to have woken you."

"Oh, cut that out." Kaoru snapped, annoyance bubbling over at his words. Normally she found his polite way of speaking cute, especially since many men never bothered to be polite to a girl like her, but having been woken from a dream that was beginning to be everything she'd ever wanted, she was only annoyed by the rurouni before her. "I know you feel like you should carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you don't have to do that." Her voice gentled, and she almost whispered, "You don't have to carry all your troubles and worries alone."

Kenshin shifted, turning on his side so that he faced away from her.

"Please, just this once, let me be the strong one." Kaoru whispered, tears coming to her eyes as he rejected her help. "Let me help you. Onegai. Onegai, anata…" She trailed off as what she'd just said registered.

Kenshin turned back to face her, his eyes huge in his petite face.

"Ana….Anata wa baka desu!" Kaoru said finally, trying desperately to cover her slip. (See the Jap/Eng glossary if this is confusing to you, but this slip doesn't work in English so I had to write it this way.)

Kenshin raised his eyebrows. "Oro?"

Kaoru was relieved he didn't press the point, although she was sure he'd noticed it. "Let me be strong." She whispered. "Just for one night, don't worry about me, or anyone else. Let me carry your worries."

Although Kenshin reached out for her hand, and held it when she offered it, his eyes slid shut in defeat. "No one else deserves all the burdens sessha carries. And of all people, you would be the last sessha would wish to carry them."

"Because you don't think I'm strong enough?" Kaoru's voice broke as a few tears slid down her cheeks.

"Iie." Kenshin whispered, his face showing pain. "Because you are innocent. You have never killed, and you do not deserve the burdens of one who has."

Kaoru took a deep breath and tried one last time. "Kenshin. During your fight with Enishi, the others were talking about you finding your truth. Saying that you couldn't have been there if you hadn't found it. What is your truth?"

Kenshin almost smiled, and his eyes opened to lock with hers. "To be strong and protect all those who suffer within my sight. To never kill again, and to bring others as much happiness as possible." He let go of her hand, and raised his to her cheek, brushing away the few tears that trailed down it. "To see even one more smile…"

Kaoru smiled as he'd intended her to.

"Vowing to the sword and soul, my life of battles will be followed through." Kenshin said softly as his hand dropped from her face.

"Your truth is the same as mine." Kaoru said finally, brushing her fingers over the scar on his cheek and recalling the night when he'd told them how he'd gotten it. "To protect others. To bring happiness to them. To see them smile…"

"Kaoru-dono…sessha…" Kenshin began.

"Iie." Kaoru snapped, misinterpreting what he was going to say, and fed up with always being seen as less than then men around her. Hadn't she beaten Kurogasa's spell? Hadn't she always protected and cared for her friends? Hadn't she fought and beaten the Juppongatana? "We fight for the same reason. The fact that you're better at it than me…"

"Iie. Iie, that is not what sessha meant. I meant only that the reasons we fight are different, and that…" Kenshin said weakly.

"And that what?" Kaoru forcibly checked her temper, and managed to ask.

"Kaoru-dono…"

"Onegai, not Kaoru-dono. If I could have one wish granted at this instant in my life it would be that you stop calling me that."

"Oro?"

"Gomen, Kenshin." Kaoru whispered. "I may regret this tomorrow, but tonight I'm just tired, and fed up, or whatever else you want to call it. I understand that you give all women that formality, but at the same time it's like you're creating an artificial distance between them and yourself. A distance between yourself and me. And I don't…"

"I understand what you're saying." Kenshin said, and Kaoru immediately noticed the lack of the polite and formal "sessha," although she wasn't sure if he meant he understood why she didn't like being called -dono or if he was referring to what they'd been talking about before. She realized it was the former when he went on. "Demo, you didn't live my life. You haven't lived in my world, and…"

"Mou, Kenshin." Kaoru spat. "Why can't you just accept the fact that I don't care what happened before I met you? You're one of the kindest, gentlest people I know, and…"

"Tomoe said that." Kenshin said randomly. "In her diary, which I read part of all those years ago. She said that my one flaw was that I was too kind to be a hitokiri."

The distant, broken way he said it almost broke Kaoru's heart. "Tomoe-san was right. You have the largest heart of anyone I know, and…"

"Iie, Kaoru-dono, don't…"

"ANA!!!" She let out a scream of frustration, not at all concerned that she might wake Yahiko, or any of the others who were probably staying the night to make sure Kenshin was all right. "Please, onegai, if I can ask just one thing of you. At least for tonight." She tentatively acknowledged that what happened now might not be true by the light of day. "Onegaishimas, can you just use my name? I've always called you by yours, and it seems strange that…"

"Kaoru." Kenshin said simply, although there was nothing simple about the flip-flop Kaoru's heart did when she heard it. "Kaoru-koishii." His hand snaked back up to rub her cheek. Apparently some things were just easier in the dark.

Kaoru could swear her heart stopped when he called her that.

Although there had been nothing simple or easy about using just her name, or worse yet, her name with an endearment rather than an honorific, Kenshin found it rolled rather easily off of his tongue. The fact that he'd wanted to use it for months, that's he'd wanted to make her his woman as all his opponents assumed she was… But if anything would destroy their relationship, that would be it, Kenshin thought instinctively.

"Anata." She repeated her earlier slip hesitantly, but this time made sure it was clear what she meant. "Before you say anything more, let me say two things, please. First, and most important, is that I understand what you want, no, what you need to make of your life, and I respect and honor you for it. And second, I want to be at your side while you do it. Don't turn away from me again, Kenshin. Please, let me help you."

His eyes went huge in his face when she said she wanted to be by his side, and Kenshin felt like his world was flying apart. To hear her say that, after being at his side had nearly gotten her killed… Maybe it was a weakness, maybe he was just weak tonight because he'd had another nightmare about losing her, but he wanted her at his side. "And that would make Kaoru smile?" He whispered as he trailed his fingers over her face.

"Hai, it would." She smiled at seeing the acceptance in his face. "Oh, yes, it would."

TBC…

AN: Thanks for sticking in there. Please look forward to the next part, and let me know what you thought of this one. And stay tuned to hear Kenshin's reply.

Japanese/English Glossary (in order of appearance; if it's in the glossary of a previous part it will not be in here, as I trust my readers to have a good memory.)

Shinri: Truth, as in a principle or concept

Onegai/Onegaishimas: Please, as in asking for something. The second is more formal.

Anata: In Kaoru's first usage, (aka just the word anata) it's roughly the same as the English sweetheart or honey. It's a term of endearment used by a female towards a man that she loves.

Anata wa baka desu: Literally, you are an idiot. (Okay, here's why this slip had to be done in Japanese. "Anata wa" means "you," but it's something that's almost never said in conversation. It's considered impolite to use the pronoun 'you' in most circumstances, so they use the person's name instead. What Kaoru normally would have said is "Kenshin no baka," or "Kenshin wa baka desu," the first of which translates as 'idiot Kenshin,' the second of which translates as 'Kenshin is an idiot.' However, since she'd slipped and used anata, which by itself without the "wa" means sweetheart, she had to find a way to cover that. And that's my Japanese lesson for the day.)

Iie: No.

Demo: But…

Mou: There's no exact translation, but just imagine a sound of utter female frustration and contempt at one man in particular or men in general and that's the translation…

Hitokiri: Depending on whether you follow the anime or the manga, this translates as either "assassin" or "manslayer," which in my opinion are very different but the people doing the translating apparently don't see much of a difference in. Don't get me started on this.

Koishii: Beloved, or sweetheart. A term a man uses for a woman he loves.