The Ebb and Flow

Chapter 6: Blindsided with Acceptance

Author: Knowhere

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Nothing.

AN: Times are a-changing. (heh, heh...)

Enjoy!

Summary: Literati. The ebb and flow of a relationship. Charted from its beginning infancy, to its development, and further into its maturity. Due to the age difference, Jess and Rory begin their relationship solely as a friendship. AU.

Her voice sounded weird and when he asked again, Jess heard her repressed sob. "Rory?" He gestured to his phone and covered the mouthpiece while whispering to Danielle, "I have to take this outside."

Danielle gave him an odd look but nodded as Jess made his way from behind the booth and out of the restaurant.

Once he was one the street, he turned up the volume on his cell, hoping to hear a response this time. "Rory?"

She just sniffled into his ear. "Yeah. I'm here."

"What's the matter?" He waited a few beats and still heard no reply. Jess knew they hadn't lost the connection though, he could hear a rustling of what was probably tissues and the unflattering noise of a nose being blown. "Rory, sweetheart, what is it?"

"It's Dean, he," she hiccuped, "we…broke up."

He ran his hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ." Jess sighed. "Did he hurt you, Rory?"

She didn't respond.

Jess's heart constricted. "Rory, answer me right now. Did he hurt you?"

His tone must have goaded her into language because she hurried to explain. "No, no, he didn't hurt me. Not like you're thinking."

"Well, what am I thinking?" Jess's voice hardened.

"You're thinking that he," she waved a hand around even though Jess couldn't see it. "Well, it's not. It's not like that. You know Dean's not that kind of guy. He would never physically hurt me."

Yes he knew, but there was a primal part of him that just reacted. The part that wanted to protect her, consequences be damned. He sighed, feeling a small weight lifting. "Rory, what happened?"

"We broke up."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Yes, I got that, but what exactly happened?"

She scrubbed her face with another Kleenex. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Rory," he admonished.

"No, I don't want to discuss it."

Jess dropped it, understanding the feeling of not wanting to talk but craving the comfort of knowing someone was there. "Okay. It's up to you."

Rory sighed, crawling under her covers and closing her eyes. "Sorry I called you. Were you on a date? It is Friday night after all."

"Don't give it another thought." He dismissed the statement quickly. "Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"Lorelai there?"

"No, she had to work late. She doesn't know yet."

He glanced down at his watch, seeing that it was only about seven o'clock. "Just…try to get some sleep, okay?"

"Yeah."

Jess returned to his date but left the restaurant alone five minutes later.

Jess wondered why he was driving all the way home when he could have easily just spoken to her on the phone. He had never done this before. Not even the time when her dad was supposed to show up to spend the weekend with her but cancelled at the last minute. Rory had been really upset but Jess comforted her over the phone and it seemed to be enough.

He parked his car across the street and went around to the side of the house. He knocked on the window and heard a dull thudding noise. "Rory? It's me."

The curtains parted and she looked surprised. "Jess? What the hell are you doing here?"

He smiled and climbed through. "Well, you sounded so sad."

"You came all this way?" Rory's face crumbled with a feeble smile and she stepped into his arms for a hug.

Jess sat down on the bed with her. "It's not that long of a drive." He brushed off the comment.

"You're such a liar." Rory chuckled.

"I couldn't just let you be alone, stewing and all that."

"I'm not alone," she pointed to the lump by the pillow. "I have Howard."

Jess sat with his back to the wall and rested her between his bent knees, laying her on his chest. "You want to talk about it now?"

"No." Her voice muffled into his shirt. "Wanna listen to my new CD?"

"Sure." He turned on the speakers by her bed and angry chick music filled the room. He laughed silently but didn't say a word as she just sighed and snuggled into his embrace.

"I miss this."

"This, being?"

She closed her eyes and rubbed her face into his shoulder. "Us. Do you ever miss it?"

Jess considered her question, realizing that she was probably emotionally exhausted from before. Rory normally wouldn't be asking such questions. "Yeah."

"Sometimes I wish," she started to drift off, "there was more."

Jess's eyebrows knit together at the possible implications of her words. He didn't reply since she had fallen asleep. He did, however, reach down to take her hand and lace their fingers together. Weird, he thought, as he examined the appearance of her lighter fingers twined with his darker complexion, how he didn't have a problem with crawling into bed with her, letting her sleep on his chest, but the idea of holding hands...

But it was late and he didn't want to examine why it felt so good to feel her fingers tight to his. Jess also didn't want to think about why his chest tightened when he heard Rory mumble that she wanted more. He turned off the light and held her close.

"Rory, what's this?" He held a sheet of paper in his hands.

She was busy digging around her piles of books by her bed to notice that Jess had been nosing around the paperwork on her desk. "What?" Jess had come home for the weekend, a break before he took his finals. She rooted around for the new book she wanted to show him.

"This." He held it up and waved it around. "This piece of paper that begins with 'Rory Gilmore, congratulations, you've been accepted into New York University.' " Jess's voice tightened. Though he had strongly suspected it, she never explicitly told him that she was applying to NYU. In fact, if he remembered correctly, she deliberately left out NYU when they were discussing her choices. Jess picked up the other acceptance letters that littered her desk. There were a few. Some that could be considered more prestigious than NYU, others that were fairly on par.

"Oh." Rory stood up but make an effort to move to the side of the room where he was standing. Having read it a week ago, she knew what that it said.

"Rory, what the hell is going on?" Jess's fists tightened into the paper, crinkling it.

She made a face. "Why are you yelling at me?"

He blinked a few times, unbelieving. "Why am I yelling at you?" He shook his head. "What the hell did you think would happen?"

Rory's mouth dropped open and she started to get angry. "I thought you would be happy!"

"Why the fuck would I be happy?"

Stalking over to his side of the room, she ripped the paper from his hands, smoothing out the wrinkles he made. "Don't swear at me."

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." Jess grabbed her elbow as she tried to walk past him. "We're not done yet. Tell me what this is."

Rory rolled her eyes and yanked away from his grasp. "Gee, Jess, I think you can read. What does it look like?"

"Don't fuck with me, Rory." His eyes dared her to admonish him again for cursing.

Rory ground her back teeth, her jaw locking in building frustration. "Why are we fighting about this?"

"You hid this from me. Months ago, when I helped you fill out your college applications, you didn't mention a word about applying to NYU." He pointed to the other letters. "You lied to me."

"I didn't lie," Rory mumbled. "I just didn't say anything."

"You're not skirting away on a technicality."

Rory whirled around and threw her hands up. "I still don't understand why you're mad about it. So I didn't tell you, big deal. It's not like we tell each other everything."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Rory, you tell me what you eat for dinner and when you're planning on wearing your lucky t-shirt."

"So what?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were applying?"

"What difference does it make?" She yelled. "It doesn't mean anything. It's just an application."

"If that were true," he matched her tone of voice, "you would have told me. And it's not just an application. We both know that."

"You don't know anything."

"What kind of game are you playing here?"

"I'm not playing any game."

Jess shook his head. "What's going on, Rory?"

"I just thought it would make things easier!" She cried out.

"Make what easier?"

She walked quickly over to him and raised a fist, hitting him square in the chest. "Us, you big jerk! I thought it would make things easier on us. That maybe we could finally be together!"

He held her upper arms, stilling her anger, but his voice wasn't calm. It was downright pissed off. "We can fucking well be together even if you went to another school!"

Rory's shocked gaze met his equally surprised one. They suddenly fell silent. For the first time, they spoke the words aloud. They never broached the subject of being together. They just didn't discuss it, not avoiding it but not totally considering it either. After the talk they had when she turned eighteen, they never touched the topic again. It was understood that Rory didn't expect anything and that Jess felt the same way. Or at least, that's what they thought happened.

While Jess did seem to call more frequently and was more affectionate towards her when he visited, he still never went beyond their usual hug. After Rory and Dean had broken up, Jess didn't mention any of his dates, but Rory had figured he was either just keeping his privacy or that he was going through a self-induced dry spell.

This was the first time either had voiced aloud the idea of being together and it was obvious that they had each been separately thinking of it.

"Jesus, Rory." Jess groaned and sunk down into her desk chair. "Let's just back up for a second, okay?"

She sat on her bed. "Okay." Rory fidgeted and picked at the lint off of Howard's soft brown fur. "Why are you upset? Because I didn't tell you? I didn't think it would be such a big deal. It wasn't like I knew I'd be accepted from the beginning. I didn't see the point in telling you if it wasn't a sure thing."

Jess rubbed his face and sighed. "Yes, I'm upset that you didn't tell me."

"Why?"

"Because, Rory," Jess met her eyes, "because you're clearly thinking and making plans for us without telling me."

"What's the point in bringing it up if there was a possibility of me not being accepted? I just…didn't want to get my hopes up."

"How could you make a decision like this without telling me? It's a big deal, even if you weren't accepted. Just the thought of you applying, what that implies…" He trailed off, letting her fill in the blanks.

"Because I didn't want to have this conversation with you if it wasn't going to be an option for us." Rory waved a hand, gesturing at the space between them. "We don't talk about this. Us. Not really. And it was clear that we didn't expect anything to happen with that conversation we had on my birthday."

"Rory, I'm not…" Jess looked away. "Rejecting you. You've blindsided me with all of this. First I find out that not only have you applied to NYU, but that you got in. And now you're saying that you did it in hopes that we would get together."

Rory remained quiet.

His voice calmed down significantly. "How long have you been thinking about it?"

"Since I was picking schools to apply to."

"And why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

Rory sighed. "I didn't want to hear you say no."

"And you were so sure I would?"

Rory rolled her eyes and replied sarcastically, "I know you Jess. You would have said no. Don't deny it."

He relented, knowing it was probably true. "I want you to forget about NYU. Don't even consider it as an option."

Rory's head whipped up quickly. "What?"

Jess kept an even tone. "You heard me."

"Why would you ask that of me? How could you ask that of me?" Rory got angry again. "Who do you think you are to make these decisions for me? For us?"

"That's just what it is Rory! A decision for you. Not for us. Don't you understand? I don't want you to make such a big choice in your life based on me and whatever you might feel."

" 'Whatever you might feel?' " His casual dismissal of her feelings hurt more than anything else.

"I didn't mean it like that, Rory. You know I don't."

"No, I don't know. I don't know anymore!"

Jess stood up, getting in her way. "Rory, this has nothing to do about what we feel for each other. Listen to me!" He cupped her chin and brought her face up, tilting her so that they met eye to eye. "It has nothing to do with it."

"Then why are you making it all about that? You make it sound like I'm choosing a college based solely because I have some sort of silly crush!"

"I'm not demeaning your feelings. Same as I'm not denying what I feel for you. There's no point in running away from these feelings anymore. It's obvious we're thinking about it. I know it's no longer a matter of age. You're old enough to make your own decisions. And I'm damn well going into it this time with my eyes open and my hormones in check."

"Then why wouldn't you want me to go?"

"This has to be about what's best for you! You! Not me, not us, just you! I don't want you to choose NYU and if something happens down the road…" He released her chin but pulled her body in close, keeping an arm banded around her back. "I don't want you to regret anything. I don't want you to end up resenting your choice because you sacrificed something that might have been better for you. If something else is more suited for you, then we can…work around it if that's what we both want."

She closed her eyes and finally got what he was trying to say, why he was so upset.

"Do you understand now?" His voice softened.

"Yes." She buried her nose into his sternum, breathing in the scent of his laundry detergent. "But I'm not going to scratch NYU off the list just because you told me to."

He wanted to argue, but he saw the logic of her decision. "As long as NYU is the best choice for your education, then okay, consider it among your choices. But only because it's good for you."

"Deal."

She read the name on the buzzer and was about to push it when the door opened for someone else. Knowing that it would be a bigger surprise if she just showed up at this door with warning, she headed into the elevator and waited impatiently for it to get to his floor.

Jess had moved out of the dorms and into a two-bedroom apartment he shared with Paul the roommate a couple of months ago. From what he told Rory, she knew he was excited to really be on his own. She knocked twice, a sharp rapping of her knuckles.

The door opened with and Jess's face with quickly etched with worry. "Rory? What's happened? Are you okay?"

She broke out into a wide grin and jumped right into his arms. Rory shook the piece of paper in his face, too close for him to actually read the words. "A scholarship, Jess! Almost a full-ride!"

Jess stumbled and supported her weight by cupping her bottom. He moved them to the kitchen counter and sat her on top. "What are you talking about?"

"I just found out that NYU's giving me a scholarship!"

"That's great." He smiled.

"That does it, I'm going to NYU. Think of all the money I can save up for the future. It's the best choice all around."

"Are you absolutely sure? Positive?"

"Yes! I promise you I've thought about it. I've done my research. I've compared all of the school's writing programs. I've made my pros and cons lists but this clinches it. A scholarship!"

Jess's features split with a grin. "That's great, sweetheart." Impulsively leaning in, he kissed her. The counter brought her at eye level and he just framed her face with his larger hands and fitted his mouth over hers. It wasn't a kiss like the one they shared when he turned twenty-one. That time had been sweet and chaste. This was reminiscent of the kisses they shared that night in her bedroom when they were tangled up in limbs and struggling to find release.

His mouth opened up and when he nipped playfully at her bottom lip, she giggled. He too smiled into the kiss and he moved his hands down to her back, resting it on the curve on her spine. Jess bent her head back and he tasted her again. Rory's restless fingers sought purchase and grabbed onto his shoulders, kneading him like a cat. She opened up and tentatively touched her tongue to his, experimenting with shy licks.

Jess brought her closer still, moaning at the feel of her tongue sliding wetly along his. He sighed and pulled her to the edge of the counter, using his hands to wrap her legs around his waist. "Hold onto me," he managed to mumble before reconnecting their lips again.

Rory whimpered slightly when he kissed a hot path down the side of her jaw and to the sensitive skin behind her ear. "Jess?"

"Almost there." He kicked his bedroom door close and toppled along with her on the bed. Rory giggled and he smiled with her. "Is this okay?" He shifted his eyes to mean them lying on his bed.

Rory nodded and reached for Jess, pulling him down on top. His hands fitted along the sides of her ribcage, the pads of his thumbs in reach of her breasts. He pressed down, feeling her small nipple tighten in response. Lowering his head, he kissed her again. Softer this time; a slow worshipping of her lips, a mapping of the contours. Rory shifted her legs and bent at the knees so that Jess could fit his hips right into hers.

She sighed and absorbed the feeling of him. Where she was soft, he was hard. His stomach, chest, legs, and sex. His hips were lean and she could feel the tension that vibrated off of him, proof that he was holding back. Rory buried her hands into his hair, feeling the short strands under her fingertips. Jess pulled back from the kiss, lingering pleasantly, kissing her a couple more times. He rolled onto his side, pulling her into his chest.

Jess smiled and softly tucked her hair behind her ear, keeping them close enough to feel her breathing. "Let's slow down, okay?"

Rory nodded, grateful for the moment to breathe. "Okay."

He ran his hand up and down her side, dipping behind to her back, resting briefly on the small of her back, his fingers mischievously sneaking under the waistband of her jeans. "Did you take the bus here?"

Rory snuggled into his chest, tucking her face into his throat. "Yes."

"Your mom knows you're here?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Good." He nodded and brushed a dry kiss on her forehead. "Come on, let me take you out to dinner to celebrate." Jess got up and reached for a jacket.

He insisted on driving her home that night, citing that he didn't want her riding the bus so late by herself. Rory didn't argue and enjoyed the trip in silence. They only interrupted the comfortable tranquility with brief bubbles of conversation and the occasional moments when Jess reached out to take her hand over the gearshift.

Jess mostly concentrated on the road and they both soaked in the knowledge that they had irrevocably changed their relationship. And this time, it was decided and agreed upon with no regrets or hesitations.

AN: Want to read a few more tid-bits and behind the scenes stuff? Check out my (somewhat) extensive notes about this chapter in the forum.

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