As usual, something was wrong with the TARDIS.
"You know, Doctor, I'm finding it hard to believe you passed your flying tests," Tegan grumbled. The Fourth Doctor and Nyssa were looking at the viewscreen and Adric was sulking in a corner, crying over his broken badge, so Tegan was indulging in her traditional sport of annoying the Fifth Doctor.
"I did! Flying colors! Toast of the Academy! Scout's honor!"
"So how come this thing keeps breaking down?"
"Well," Five said guiltily, "she's really in prime condition for her age."
"For her age?! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Well, this seems to be my ninth incarnation's TARDIS," he explained, "and you see, the things aren't really supposed to last for more than five hundred years..."
"And just how long have you had it?"
"Well..." he said, "I got her about six centuries ago, which would be nine centuries for this version of the old girl..."
"Four hundred years after it was supposed to be scrapped," Tegan said accusingly. Five stroked his beloved vehicle protectively.
"Well actually," he said even more guiltily, "I'm not sure how old she is. You see, I didn't exactly buy the TARDIS."
"You stole it," she said. It was not a question.
"Umm, yes..."
"Oh god," she said. "I've been traveling with a galactic criminal."
"Well I wouldn't exactly call it..."
"You can resume your argument later," Four announced, "for we have arrived."
"Ah, excellent!" Five cried, snatching up his cricket hat which had fallen off. "Let us go and rescue our erstwhile companions! Come on, Adric, Tegan, Nyssa! Let us proceed!"
Adric didn't look up. He was clutching the pieces of his badge with an expression of utmost despair and whimpering. Tegan made a face at the arrogant Time Lord. Nyssa rolled her eyes. And the Fourth Doctor said sharply, "My dear boy, I think I should be the one to lead, don't you?"
"Oh no, my dear fellow," Five countered. "I am the elder, and the more experienced." They started arguing this point. Tegan gave up and flounced out the TARDIS door, followed by a reluctant Nyssa.
"Where are we going?" Nyssa asked plaintively, looking about. They appeared to be on the inside of a rather gloomy and dismal spaceship.
"Somewhere else," Tegan explained briefly, and set off, leaving the Doctors to argue. After all, she reasoned, that was what they did best. They might as well do it when she wasn't around.
The Doctors didn't notice them leaving. They were so into the argument they wouldn't have noticed a Dalek if it had walked into the TARDIS screaming "Exterminate". All Time Lords are talkative, but the Doctor leaves the others in the dust.
Meanwhile, the Ninth Doctor woke up with a pounding headache. It felt like a Golgabang slug of the planet Froodoo was crawling in his ear and bouncing on his brain. He suddenly realized his eyes were closed and opened them a crack. The headache got worse so he closed them again.
He also became aware of a snuffling noise, and opened his eyes again, catching a glimpse of something bright pink. Ah, Rose, he thought. He debated saying something, but his throat felt far too slimy. Goodness me, I believe I've had an allergic reaction to a transmat beam. How interesting. Then he realized he was thinking like Five and choked in horror. He coughed quietly for a bit, then sat up. Instantly he was treated to an array of pretty colored lights with a side serving of extreme dizzyness. He opened his eyes.
"Doctor! You're awake!" Rose said breathlessly. She hugged him. He pushed her away absentmindedly and rubbed his eyes until they worked, somewhat. He could see big patches of varying shades of gray and a pink blob which was probably Rose Tyler. Hopefully it wasn't actually a Pink Rhino Lizard From Planet Zeta.
"Where the hell are we?" he asked.
"Um, I'm not sure," she said, her voice full of concern. "Are you sure you're all right? I mean, I was so worried when he hit you and you just collapsed, I mean, I don't know about your phisiology, I mean you're an alien, and when we got transported you seemed to have an allergic reaction, and I checked your pulse and do you know you've got two hearts?"
"Yes I did, thank you," Nine said sarcastically. "Hard thing to miss. Now can you please tell me where we are? My eyes aren't working too well."
"Oh well we seem to be on some sort of spaceship. I mean I'm not an expert or anything. It's not as fancy as the TARDIS, though. Just boring gray metal. We're in some sort of cell. That guy with the bad face job got these guys in white plastic to throw us in here."
"Fantastic!"
"I knew you were going to say that."
Meanwhile, Darth Sidious was, as always, being evil. Some people might call it mere petty cruelty, but he knew all he did was pure evil. It had to be. He was the chairman of the Evil Dictators and Tyrants Club.
"I don't like your face," he told one of the droids, and Sith-lightning electrocuted it. "Ha ha ha," he chuckled to himself, "that was always my signature move. Go clean that up," he snapped to his remaining robot servants, gesturing at the smoking heap of metal.
Just then Darth Vader walked in. Due to the fact that he was a walking metal scrap heap, he clanked as he moved, and, in some cases, creaked. "My lord," he said, bowing. Sidious frowned. He could never be sure, but he had a suspicion that Vader was always laughing at him behind that stupid black mask. Unfortunately, Sith apprentices were hard to come by, so for now he couldn't afford to electrocute the former Jedi. Plus, there was always a chance Vader would Force-strangle him back. Like all Sith Lords (at least, all good ones) he too had his own signature move.
"Yes, Vader? What is it?" Sidious snapped irritably.
"We have detected intruders on Level Five." He aimed his universal remote at the bank of monitors and enlarged one video image. Two humanoid females were proceeding down a hallway. One was wearing the traditional puffed-sleeve garb of aristocratic Trakken, the other some disgustingly tasteless assemblage that neither Sith Lord could identify. The second female was boldly striding along, hoisting a rather oversized laser gun, while the first was attempting to creep, staring nervously at the security cameras.
"Hmm. How very interesting," Sidious hissed. Then again, he always hissed (it was part of his public image) so that wasn't very unusual. "If I'm not mistaken, those two were on board that ship with the Doctor and his pet Mary-Sue."
"Indeed, my Lord."