Kokoro Kara

By Lady Callista

AN: See full notes at the beginning of the first chapter. Oh, and sorry for the long quote at the beginning of this part, but it was just so pretty.

This fic is rated M, cause I know it's gonna have K&K lime and lemon goodness. Eventually. I promise. Really, just hang in there, I am getting to it. If you are underage please go enjoy some of the other wonderful stories on this site.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, or anything relating to it, and have the utmost respect for all the people who created these wonderful characters. The quotes at the beginning and end of each part were all found on the Internet, mostly listed as anonymous. If anyone knows of one that actually belongs to someone please let me know. The ones that are by famous people I've said who they're by.

AN2: In case no one has realized it by now, I'm mostly writing the scenes that I feel go in between the gaps in time given in the last manga (#28). For anyone who hasn't read this, I realize that might be a little confusing, so if anyone wants I'll recap what goes on in the scenes from the manga so that you know where my scenes go. Let me know.

Chapter 5 – Sayonara

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"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

-David Harkins

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"Do you want to go tonight or tomorrow?" Kaoru asked quietly as her and Kenshin entered the hotel room they had reserved in Kyoto. Just over a week had passed since the fight with Enishi, and although Kenshin's right arm was still in a sling, most of his other wounds had begun to heal rather well. Looking at him now, clothed in his normal maroon gi and white hakama, one would never know he'd almost died a week ago.

"Tomorrow, sessha thinks." Kenshin replied as he set his bag down along the side of the room. "It took longer than expected to get here, and we are both tired."

"Should we get something to eat, then?" Kaoru asked as she set her own bag next to his. "I'm kind of hungry."

"That would be good." Kenshin replied, his face inches from hers since she'd moved close to set down her bag. "Then we can rest, and we can go see her early tomorrow." Although his words remained simple, the look in his eyes showed he wasn't thinking much about what he was saying.

Kaoru's breath caught as she stared into his violet eyes, and her own eyes widened in shock when she noticed a few flecks of amber starting to manifest. The eyes she'd only ever seen him show when he was angry now seemed to be coming to the forefront when he was anything but. "Kenshin…" Her eyes grew even wider when she noticed his attention had shifted from her eyes to her lips.

Suddenly he inhaled deeply, and took a step back from her. His voice took on a light tone, the rurouni's voice she knew so well, "Where would you like to eat?"

Kaoru tried to shift herself back to normal as quickly as he had, but her voice was still slightly breathless when she replied, "Anywhere close by is fine. I am fairly tired after the journey."

She could remember the first time she'd journeyed to Kyoto, the anticipation of seeing Kenshin again making the 250 miles seem like nothing.

Although she'd had his company to enjoy this time, it was still a long and exhausting journey. And although she'd finally gotten him to drop the –dono from her name, mostly by threatening to call him Kenshin-sama like Misao did to Aoshi, she still didn't feel that they were any closer to each other. He hadn't touched her once since their journey started other than to assist her with things, and their conversations, while friendly and not at all strained, hadn't been about anything important.

She wanted to recapture the closeness they'd had that one all too brief night, when she'd called him anata without being self-conscious. When he'd put his hand on her cheek when he was awake, and she'd held that hand in both of hers while he slept. When, unknown to him, she'd stayed at his door long enough to hear him whisper 'koishii.'

"Sessha believes there was a place just next door." Kenshin said as he moved towards the door, carefully not looking at her. He wanted to kiss her so badly, wanted to hold her, caress her, and tell her he loved her. But before he did any of that, he wanted to say goodbye, finally, to Tomoe. "Shall we go?"

"Hai." Kaoru said softly, her body and voice now fully under control. She followed him, and went through the shoji when he held it open for her. Unsure of herself, she reached a hand backwards as he followed her down the hall, and was relieved when he took it gently in his own, squeezing it for a moment in reassurance before they entered the main room of the hotel and he let it go.

OrOoRoOrOoRo

The next night…

"Arigato…gomen nasai….sayonara…"

Kenshin's words from earlier that day, as they'd been leaving Tomoe-san's grave and she'd asked him what he said to her, continued to echo through Kaoru's head as she sat in their hotel room meditating. They'd decided to stay the night in Kyoto and leave early the next morning. They'd had dinner together at a restaurant down the street, and afterwards Kenshin had said he wanted to go for a walk. Interpreting easily that he wanted to be alone for a little while, Kaoru had said simply that it would give her a chance to meditate.

Yet all she could think about was his words. The first she understood perfectly, she'd said it as well, although for different reasons. The second she also understood. It would be impossible to know Kenshin and not understand. The third she thought she did, yet it was hard for her to believe he'd ever truly say goodbye to his past, or to Tomoe-san in particular. It was so much a part of him. It was why he'd chosen to live the life he now lived.

Although, the wise part of her replied, moving on doesn't mean forgetting the past. Saying goodbye to Tomoe-san doesn't mean she never existed, doesn't mean he won't still miss her or remember all the things he learned from being with her. It just meant that he was going to move on.

Kaoru smiled full out at the thought of that, and it was to the sight of her kneeling in the middle of the room, hands on her legs, and with a brilliant smile beaming on her face that Kenshin was greeted with when he entered the room after his walk. He froze in the doorway for a moment, his blood rushing so loudly he was sure she'd hear it. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and he had no idea what to do other than stand in the doorway and admire her.

"Kenshin?" Her voice drifted softly across the room, although her eyes were still closed. He wondered for a moment how she'd know he was there, for she hadn't reacted as if she'd heard the shoji when he opened it.

"Hai." He replied, stepping fully into the room and closing the door behind him.

Her eyes opened then, and she turned to look at him. "What are you thinking about?" She asked in the same quite voice.

"Why do you ask?" He countered as he took a few steps closer and knelt down to be on the same level as her. There was no way he was just going to blurt out the thoughts he'd been having about her.

"Your presence changed." She said gently. "I can always feel your kenki when you're nearby. I felt you enter, and then I felt a flare up that normally I only feel when you're fighting. It usually means you're mad, but tonight it feels different somehow."

Kenshin could only gape at her. Although he'd always used his kenki to sense her and the others around him, he'd never known that any of them could do the same with him.

It shouldn't have surprised him really, he thought rapidly. She wouldn't have been able to break free of Kurogasa's paralyzing spell unless she had a strong kenki of her own. He'd never realized she'd been trained to use it though, since that was the only time she'd ever really demonstrated it. He'd just assumed she'd been untrained and the stress of the situation had made her do it without realizing what she was doing. Making a note to himself to pay more attention in the future, although when he was in the same room as her his thoughts often scattered so much it was difficult to pay attention to anything, he considered how to answer her.

"Strong emotions always affect the spirit." He said simply. "Normally, the only thing I allowed myself to feel that strongly was anger. And even then it wasn't a matter of allowing myself to feel it, it was more that I was pushed far enough I couldn't control it."

"But you're not angry now, ne." Although it was mostly a statement, there was just enough hesitation in the last word to make him realize how uncertain she was.

"I'm not angry now." He said, looking in her eyes. "But I am feeling strongly."

"Are you sad?" Kaoru asked worriedly, wondering if coming to Kyoto had been a good idea. Wondering if he was regretting bringing her with, despite what he'd said earlier.

Kenshin smiled at her innocence and scooted closer, till their knees almost bumped. He almost wanted to tease her a little, but the genuine worry that shone in her eyes quickly had him deciding against that. "A little, maybe." He said honestly. "But I know why my kenki changed, and it wasn't anger or sadness."

Kaoru raised a hand from her knee, reaching out to him, and he took it and cradled it gently in his one hand, the other still being in a sling. He'd held her hand the same way as they were leaving the graveyard.

"It changed because I walked in the room, saw you, and wondered how I got lucky enough to have such a beautiful woman waiting for me." Kenshin smiled as her eyes grew huge, and did scoot forward now so that their knees touched. Sometime during his walk, most of which he'd spent thinking about Kaoru, he'd decided it was finally time. He knew a part of her was still uncertain if he was truly going to stay with her or not, and even the part of her that knew he would wasn't sure about his feelings for her. It was obvious to him, and their friends, that she loved him, but he knew he'd kept his own feelings much more hidden.

Releasing her hand, Kenshin slowly reached out and caressed her cheek. "Thank you for coming here with me."

"Thank you for letting me." Kaoru replied automatically, her eyes still huge in her delicate face.

Kenshin let his fingers slid slowly down her cheek, caressing the side of her neck for a moment before taking her gently under the chin, running his thumb over her lips. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips as soon as his thumb moved, and it was all he could do to not moan at the enticing gesture, especially as it was done in complete innocence.

He leaned in closer to her, and the catch of what he hoped was anticipation in her breath almost undid him. He leaned past her face, brushing their cheeks together for an instant as he whispered, "Will you let me kiss you?"

Her face tilted towards his, and her eyes slid shut. "Please." Her voice was barely a whisper.

He slid their lips together, barely touching, then let his eyes slid shut as well as he was overcome by her sweetness and the explosion of her own kenki. His answered, and he could swear the room itself grew warmer. He deepened the kiss slightly, and could feel both nervousness and excitement from her. He didn't want her nervous at all, didn't want to push her. So although a part of him wanted to never stop kissing her, and in fact wanted to do a great deal more, he pulled back gently and slid his hand around her neck, touching foreheads for a moment before he moved away.

Kaoru was both overcome with sensation and decidedly annoyed that he had pulled away. She'd wanted the kiss to go on forever, having waited it seemed like that long for it to happen. Yet there was no way she could be that forward with him. Letting her eyes drift open as he pulled back, she smiled at him and was rewarded with a smile in return.

"Let's get to sleep." Kenshin said after a moment. "The earlier we leave tomorrow, the sooner we can get home."

"Home." Kaoru beamed at him. "That sounds good."

Kenshin hadn't been lying to Enishi when he said that Tomoe no longer smiled for him because he could no longer see her. And that was okay.

Now Kaoru smiled for him, and that was more than he had ever hoped to have again and all that he needed.

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"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

-an Eskimo proverb

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TBC...

Japanese/English Glossary (in order of appearance; if it's in the glossary of a previous part it will not be in here, as I trust my readers to have a good memory.)

Sayonara: Goodbye. Despite it's usage by most Americans, this is not just what you would say whenever you're leaving. It has a nuance to it that means you're not sure when you're going to see the person again. In the scene when Kenshin leaves for Kyoto in the Shishio arc, he uses the term sayonara, showing that he's probably not going to see Kaoru again for a long time, if ever. Traditionally, when one is leaving the home, say on an errand, they wouldn't say sayonara, but would say "Ittekimasu," which translates as "I'll go and come back." When leaving someone, one can also say, "Jaa, mata," which translates literally as, "Then, again," but is used colloquially for "see you later."

Shoji: The sliding doors used in Japanese design.

Gomen nasai: I'm sorry.

Kenki: Swordsman's spirit, something only a person with a very strong spirit has. Kenshin's and Yahiko's both make the leaves snap around them, and although we never really see Kaoru with one, it was always my impression that was how she broke the paralysis. Through sheer force of will and fighting spirit. Which is basically what kenki is, so I've chosen to say she has it.

Ne: At the end of a sentence, it's loosely the same as "isn't that right?" or "isn't that so?" It's added when you think the person will agree with the statement you just made.