Finally, an update! This one took me awhile, probably because I was busy on other things. I still think this could be better, but... oh, what the hell.
After a while, reflected Rose, one could get rather tired of dashing down spaceship corridors with bloodthirsty aliens chasing one. Not the Doctor, of course. As far as she could gather, the Time Lord had been doing it for almost an entire millenium and took the same childish delight in nearly getting fried every single time.
"Doctor, why don't we ever go somewhere peaceful?"
"What fun would that be?"
"Doctor, your definition of 'fun' does not appear to be the same as most other sentient beings."
The Doctor stared at her whilst running down the corridor. "Rose, did you actually use the word 'sentient'?"
"An' what if I did?"
"It has three syllables, Rose. That has got to be the most complex word I have ever heard you say."
"Are you implyin' somethin'?"
"Yeah, your vocabulary matches your taste in music- owww!
Tegan, Nyssa decided, was insane. This wasn't a very original thought, she knew. It was practically part of the criterion for traveling with the Doctor. After all, who in their right mind would want to go haring off with a crazy time-traveling alien with a questionable taste in clothing?
Me, she told herself firmly. I at least am not insane. At least I don't think I am...
But Tegan certainly was. No sane person would run down hostile alien corridors screaming, "Eat cold steel, alien scum!" and randomly blasting parts of the wall with a gun bigger than their arm. Although, perhaps humans were different... after all, they were descended from apes. What kind of cultured, logical species descended from apes?
"Yaaah!" Tegan shrieked. "Y'wanna piece of me?!"
Nyssa closed her eyes in embarrassment.
So that's why she didn't see the security officers until they grabbed her and pinned her arms behind her back.
Adric looked up, red-eyed, from the remains of his badge, to where the Doctors were still arguing.
"What's with that idiotic scarf, anyway?"
"You're a fine one to talk! Cricketer's outfit, with, of all things, celery!"
"I'm telling you, I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range!"
"Pathetic."
"You're calling me pathetic? I'm not the one with a hopeless crush on-"
"Shut up!"
The Doctors shut up as ordered. Adric did not look very happy.
"They... shall... pay," he hissed. "Revenge! No one breaks my badge and gets away with it!"
"Ummm... Adric? Are you feeling all right?" Five asked nervously. "Perhaps you'd like a nice cup of tea?"
"They shall pay. Revenge. Mwah ha ha ha ha!!!!!"
"Five exclamation marks," Four whispered in horror. "We're in trouble now."
Adric leapt to his feet and grabbed the Ninth Doctor's hammer from on top of the console. He laughed very disturbingly as he pulled levers and twisted knobs, hitting the console to a wild beat. The familiar groaning sound filled the air, and the TARDIS lurched, flinging the Doctors against the wall, where they grabbed onto wall fixtures for dear life. "What now?" Five asked in despair.
"No idea, my boy, no idea. But then, do I ever?"
Darth Sidious and Darth Vader watched on the monitors as Tegan bashed several security officers over the head with her gun. On another screen, Rose and the Doctor frantically raced down chrome corridors with plasticcy Storm Troopers in hot pursuit. Vader clapped. "This is better than the movies!" he exclaimed.
"Indeed," Sidious replied, offering him a large paper bag. "Have some popcorn."
They had finally reached the end of the seemingly infinite corridor. The Doctor was holding the sonic screwdriver to the door. "Could you please hurry up?" Rose hissed, with an anxious glance behind her at the pursuing Storm Troopers.
"Never rush an artist, Rose," he said wisely as the door sparked and the lock exploded, showering them with blobs of hot metal. "Come on!"
They raced through the door, and stopped as they found themselves face to helmet with another group of Troopers. These, however, were not as well off as the ones in hot pursuit. Their helmets had several dents in them and they were swaying as if drunk.
"Mad... woman... with... gun... and... no... fashion... sense..." one of them moaned, collapsing.
"Tegan!" the Doctor said with his trademark mad grin, and they were running down yet another corridor.
"Doctor, how do you know it's Tegan?" Rose asked, panting.
"Trust me," he replied. "It's Tegan."
They arrived at another door, but this time it opened to an erratic laser field blinking on and off. Beyond it was a stunned Nyssa cowering behind an enraged Tegan who was single-handedly holding off a platoon of imperial paratroopers. Her eyes had turned red.
"Help us!" cried Nyssa.
The laser field blinked on and off.
"I've got to time this perfectly," the Doctor said.
"Hold on a second..." Rose said. "How did those bashed-up soldiers get through?..."
It was too late. The Doctor had ducked through the laser field with his super-reflexes. "No, Doctor!" Rose called superfluously. "Don't leave me!"
"I'm sorry, sweet Rosebud, I have to!"
"A little help, here?!!" shrieked Nyssa, holding off the enemy soldiers with the sole strength of her Evil Eye.
"Ah, right, sorry," he muttered, leaping into the fray, stunning the enemy with his trusty sonic screwdriver and super psychic powers. They quickly beat back the enemy with their heroic strength and Tegan's berserk madness. And just when they triumphantly threw catcalls after the retreating troopers, they heard the welcome sound the the TARDIS materializing. Adric stepped out, eyes glowing in rage.
"THEY SHALL PAY!" he snarled in fury.
"Hold on old fellow, no need to get so worked up," Nine said calmly. "Here, give me your badge."
After some cajoling he was able to wrest it from the youth's clenched fingers. He held the two pieces together, flicked the setting on his trusty sonic screwdriver, and voila! good as new.
Adric started hyperventilating, then collapsed in shock.
"Poor fellow," Five observed as Nine and Four manhandled him into the timeship.
Suddenly a chilly voice blared through the speaker system. "YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET AWAY SO EASILY, DO YOU?"
"Well, yes, actually, we do," Nine replied bravely.
The disembodied voice huffed in annoyance. "WELL YOU ARE GRAVELY MISTAKEN. AND SOON YOU SHALL MEET YOUR DOOM! MWAH HA HA HA HA!"
"Are you related to the Master or something?" Tegan asked. "You've got the same corny lines."
"WHAT IS THIS MASTER YOU SPEAK OF? THERE IS NO MASTER BUT I, LORD SIDIOUS, EMPEROR OF THE... er...EMPIRE!"
"Come on, let's go," Nine suggested, and they all piled into the TARDIS, which, Nine realized with relief, was his own version, complete with personal interior decorating. She was a bit annoyed at having to deal with so many Doctors (who wouldn't be?) but seemed to be coping fine. He set the coordinates for Earth and started dematerialization.
"I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO LEAVE MY PRESENCE!" Sidious shrieked. Then said in a much more normal voice, "oh, bantha fodder."