The Ebb and Flow
Chapter 9: No Regrets
Author: Knowhere
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Nothing.
AN: Well, this is it. The last chapter. Hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.
Summary: Literati. The ebb and flow of a relationship. Charted from its beginning infancy, to its development, and further into its maturity. Due to the age difference, Jess and Rory begin their relationship solely as a friendship. AU.
"What am I doing here?" Rory looked around, keeping a death grip on Jess in one hand and a cup of punch in the other.
"It'll be fine."
"No, no it won't." She curled her toes in her shoes, already feeling the effects of wearing high heels. Her feet were going to be sore before they ever got to the reception. "And why did I agree to be a bridesmaid? Was I out of my mind?"
Jess nuzzled her cheek in response. "Why don't you think about the hotel room waiting for us in a couple of hours. It's like our first getaway."
"Yeah, some getaway," Rory scoffed. "We didn't choose the location, we had schlep our way all the way here, and I'm stuck in some dress that with my luck, will probably fall off, or burst apart at the seams." She tugged the strapless dress, fearing that it would expose more than it was supposed to. "It's so tight, they had to tape me in here. Tape, Jess. Did you hear that? There should not be tape anywhere near here."
He grinned at her being so grumpy. "I like the dress." Jess cocked an eyebrow and pretended to leer down the front. "Has potential." He stepped closer to whisper in her ear. "If you're taped in there, does that mean you're not wearing a bra?"
Rory flushed. "I'm not saying anything."
Jess pursed his lips, considering her response. "Hm, I'll just wait then. I'll find out when I take it off."
"Jess…" Rory whined. "Seriously, I don't think I can do this. How can I stand there and pretend to be happy for them when I'm not?"
His expression sobered. "Rory, you know your parents weren't that happy. Your mom told you so herself. Isn't it better that they parted ways instead of staying together, fighting all the time?"
"I don't know." She took a sip of punch and winced. "It's just, it's my family, you know? It's hard to see your dad say 'I do' to some other woman who's not my mother."
"I know." He hugged her close. "That's why I'm here. To whisper innuendos in your ear so that you won't fall apart."
"How about we make a run for it?" She gave him her puppy dog face.
He pretended to consider it. "The best I can do is offer to sneak you a glass filled with something alcohol. But if I get caught and arrested, my official story is, 'Gee, Officer, she told me she was twenty-one.' "
She laughed softly. "Fine. Glass of champagne for later. No, make that a couple glasses."
Jess imitated a disapproving tsk-tsk. "Don't want to get drunk young lady, someone might take advantage of you."
"Oh don't worry. I'm going to give him the advantage."
Jess chuckled. "Come on, I think you're supposed to be in a room where they cage all the bridesmaids together and they worry about their hair and makeup and compare notes on men."
Jess waited on the sidelines for Rory to complete her bridesmaid duties. She posed for pictures, let people fluff her hair, and walked into the reception area on the arm of a groomsmen. When she was seated next to him, Jess felt her lean into his side. "Hanging in there?"
She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."
"At least you don't have to give a speech."
"Thank god for that." Rory picked up her water glass and took a sip. Reluctantly, she spoke. "The ceremony was beautiful though, wasn't it? I hate to say that, but it was."
"Yeah, I guess so."
Rory grinned and turned to give Jess a quick peck. He might be a sensitive guy who had no problems admitting it, but he probably drew the line at admiring the beauty of a wedding that really had nothing to do with him. "They wrote their own vows."
Jess looked confused momentarily. "Doesn't everyone?"
"No." Rory giggled.
He shrugged one shoulder. "What do I know about weddings?"
Without even knowing it, Rory held her breath as her father and his new bride walked into the room. People clapped but she couldn't. It was the end of her family. Yes, her mom had confessed that they had problems that didn't seem to have apparent solutions and that both her and Chris were equally unhappy with their marriage…but still, Rory thought. That's my dad. "Do you think he loves her like he used to love my mom?" Rory whispered.
Jess's arm around her waist tightened just a fraction. "I don't think Chris stopped loving Lorelai completely."
"Why not? Isn't that how it works? You stop loving someone and you want another life apart from them."
"I don't know, sweetheart, I really don't. Maybe the love just changes." Jess rubbed his face against her shoulder bared by the strapless gown that she wore. "Your parents were young when they first got together, you know? And they were young when they got married. Sometimes things like that just…change as people get older. Fizz out." Jess squeezed his eyes tightly together. Fuck. In his effort to calm Rory by examining her parent's relationship, he inadvertently mirrored their own relationship.
Rory didn't miss the implication of his accidental slip. She kept her eyes on the happy couple making their way onto the dance floor instead of turning to look at Jess. "Is that how you feel?"
"I," Jess paused. "It's not what I feel, it's…the truth." He wanted to smack himself. "Rory, please turn around."
When she did, she looked expectant. Not angry, just waiting to hear his response. "Yes?"
Softly, Jess tried to explain. "There are no guarantees, Rory. Nothing in life can be secure. Yes, maybe things do die down as people get older. On the other hand, look at those couples who have been together longer than they've been driving. Some of those are high-school sweethearts, you know?"
"That doesn't exactly make me feel better." Rory nibbled on her lower lip.
Jess chuckled ruefully. "No, it doesn't make me feel any better either. Maybe what makes it better is that I won't ever regret what we have. Even if for some reason it doesn't work for us. I…I love you. Right now. To be best of my ability. Nothing guarantees what I'll feel a week from now, a year, or twenty years. Same with you. But I don't regret a single minute I've spent with you."
Rory didn't know what to say. It wasn't the best reassurance. In truth, she wanted something more. Some big declaration on Jess's behalf that he would love her forever. That he wanted to marry her, love her forever, and take care of her. But seeing her dad dancing from the corner of her eye made her pause. He did look happy. Maybe he doesn't regret any time he spent with Mom, either. She nodded and kissed Jess gently. "I don't regret anything either."
With nothing else to say, he just held her as they watched the newlyweds gliding around the dance floor, each with a smile on their face.
Jess turned his wrist to check the time once again. Signaling to move to another lane, he sat up taller in his seat, hoping to see if there was any upcoming traffic. The sound of his cell phone pealing alerted him. Scooting forward, he tried to reach into his pocket. "Hold on, hold on," Jess muttered to the caller. "Damn." He hit the connect button without looking at the screen. "Yeah, Rory?"
"No. Jess, where are you?" Luke's voice filled his ear.
Jess rolled his eyes. This was the third time Luke had called him since starting the car. "Mexico. I'm driving; where do you think I am?"
"Are you almost here?"
Jess scowled. "I'm going as fast as I can, Luke. Cut me some slack, all right?"
"Slack?" Luke sounded incredulous while he whispered into the phone, "the ceremony is in ninety minutes. Where the hell are you?"
"Luke! Look, I'll be there, okay? Constantly calling me isn't going to make the car go any faster."
"She's graduating, Jess. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, since she is my girlfriend and I speak to her on an daily basis, I'm well aware of what today is."
"Well, you can't—"
Jess strained to hear what sounded like Lorelai whispering and giggling something that bordered on being inappropriate. "What's going on? Was that Lorelai?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah it was." Luke sounded embarrassed.
Jess's eyes widened. "Damn, Luke, are you and Lorelai—"
"No!" Luke stammered. "Well, I mean, maybe. Hey, it's none of your business."
Jess chuckled. "Fine, I'll get the story from Rory. Speaking of which, where is she?" He hadn't spoken to her since last night.
"Lorelai's doing her hair. She can't talk right now."
"Don't tell her I'm running late, okay?"
"What?"
Jess sighed. "I don't want her to worry. Besides, I don't think I'm going to be that late."
"That late?"
"Calm down, Luke. I'll get there. Don't call me anymore unless it's an actual emergency."
"Damn kid. Ever since you moved…" Jess hung up on Luke's muttered rambling.
Jess checked his watch again.
Tugging on his jacket, Jess ran across the courtyard to where the ceremony was supposed to be held. His tie hung undone around his neck. Craning his neck, he saw some students rising to receive their diplomas and he paused to listen to the announcer call out the names. He was already announcing the last names that began with F. There was no hope of trying to look for Lorelai, Luke, and whoever else showed up, so Jess made his way to the side where some parents were standing with young children who appeared to be too antsy to sit still on the lawn chairs.
As the Gs were called, row after row stood up with no sign of Rory. Finally, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore was called and Jess watched as Rory made her way across the stage, take a hold of her diploma, shake the offered hand, look over in the direction of what had to be her mom, and walk off. Jess's lips twitched in a smile, thinking about what they've gone through the last couple of years.
After Jess's graduation, he had been offered a job in Boston working for a local newspaper. He had initially declined the offer, not wanting to move away from New York but when the other job offers tapered off and wasn't as good as the Boston one, he and Rory decided that it was best for him to move. They parted much more reluctantly and with more tears than they had when he moved away from Stars Hollow the first time. It was going to be hard to maintain a long-term relationship and they both knew it. They were also afraid of the consequences.
When Rory was beginning her junior fall semester, they began to feel the effects of the distance. The phone calls went from daily to every other day because they were equally busy. From every other day it went down to a two times a week. They fought about things that should not have been issues between them. Jess couldn't make it for her birthday party because he got a last minute assignment. Rory had to cancel her plans to go visit him because she had a paper to finish. It was a rough patch and after a while, they agreed to take some time apart to focus on their own lives. It was hard. No longer lovers, their friendship suffered as well. They didn't know how to go back to being just friends when they had been intimate for so long.
But it made it work. The phone calls started back up and when Jess made the trip to visit her, they talked through the night. Jess told her about his job at the newspaper and Rory discussed her new roommate. When they covered all the surface ground, they dug deeper. They each confessed that they were scared. They didn't know where they stood in terms of their friendship and they knew that their relationship was on equally shaky ground. But they also knew that they missed each other. It was a mistake that they had taken their friendship and their relationship as a given. They stopped working at it and that's when it fell apart.
Jess took a few days off work and stayed with Rory. Slowly, they started to rebuild their relationship. When Jess left after the long weekend, it was with a kiss. The next day, he called and their phone conversations soon became light hearted and playful. Jess visited her more often, taking her out on dates as if they had never gone out before. Rory called nightly and they watched and played along with Jeopardy.
Almost three months later, they decided that they wanted to give it another try and recommit. True to form, Rory made out a list of things that they had to sign and agree upon before they were officially back together. They couldn't go forty-eight hours without calling one another. They preferred early morning and late night phone calls that way they got the feeling of waking up and going to bed together. At least once every two weeks, they needed to see each other face to face and Jess insisted that they had to make it an overnight stay. They alternated who made the trip to visit the other, although Jess ended up driving out to see Rory more than the other way around. It was just easier that way. They also agreed that if they had a disagreement, they had to fight in person. The last point worked. They stopped avoiding each other when they were angry and they worked through their problems.
It certainly wasn't easy, Jess thought, as he watched Rory disappear back into the crowd, but it was worth it. Picking up his cell, he hoped that Rory left hers on. "Jess?"
"Hey you." Jess's voice deepened at thought of her. "Sorry I was late. But I made it. I saw you walk across. You look great, by the way."
"Thank you." She sounded like she was smiling. "I knew you'd come. Luke was freaking out trying to keep it hidden from me. I should be upset, but I'm not."
Jess walked away from the crowd. "Good, but I'll apologize anyways." He adopted a playful tone. "Tell me, you wearing anything under that cap and gown?"
She giggled. "Yes I am, you lecher."
"So how long do you think we're going to have to sit through whatever your family has planned for you before I can get you naked? Preferably into the nearest bed?"
"There's the pictures I'll have to take with everyone and dinner. My grandparents are taking us out." Rory paused. "Where are you anyways?"
Jess looked around. "I'm over by the bleachers. On the right side if you're looking from the graduation platform. Where are you?"
"Hold on, I'm coming over to you."
Jess tried to peer around the people who were engulfing newly graduated students in tight hugs. Finally, he spotted the only graduate he cared about. In a flurry, she jumped into his arms and he held onto her bottom. "Hi there."
Rory smiled. "Copping a feel in public?"
"Hey, you were the one who jumped." Although he pretended to complain, he didn't set her on the ground just yet. "Give me a kiss first."
She complied, keeping it short and sweet. But when she pulled back, she rested her forehead against his. "Hi."
Jess smirked. "If you keep looking at me like that I'm going to drag you back to your dorm. Or better yet, just make off with you back to my place and forget about everything else." He let her legs slide back onto the ground.
"That sounds good."
"Probably not so good to the Gilmore grandparents though."
She stood taller to give him another kiss, this time lingering close. "Missed you."
"Hm, missed you too."
Her cell phone rang in her hand. "That must be my mom wondering where I am."
"Come on Girl of the Moment," Jess slung his arm over her shoulders, "let the celebrations begin."
"Here you go Rory, they say it's the best one on the market."
She smiled and accepted the gift graciously. "Thanks Grandpa." Peeling back the tissue paper she revealed a very shiny and expensive looking digital camera. "Wow, thank you."
Jess sat and watched as Rory took in gift after gift. No matter how big or small she accepted them all with a smile on her face as if they had just given her the world. When Rory finished opening them all, she surreptitiously checked her pile, noting that she hadn't opened anything from Jess.
"Looking for something?" Jess squeezed her thigh under the table.
"No." She smiled, hating how Jess could read her mind.
"Little liar." He chuckled warmly into her ear as her grandparents started to chat with Lorelai. Nuzzling against her hair for a brief moment, he whispered, "You'll get it later when we're alone."
Rory blushed, a pink hue immediately flooding her in heat. "Jess!"
He smirked. "Dirty mind. I wasn't talking about sex. But now that you mention it…" He snuck his hand higher up her thigh until she slapped it away. "Don't look so worried. I'm not really going to feel you up with your family at the table." Jess muttered under his breath.
"So you really have a present for me?"
"Of course."
She looked delighted. "What is it?"
"Just wait."
"No, tell me." Rory picked up another roll from the breadbasket and buttered it. "Please, Jess, please."
Jess looked over at Lorelai and saw that she was pointing something out to Luke. Richard and Emily were busy discussing the wait staff at the restaurant and how excellent the service was. "Reach in my pocket."
Rory scoffed good-naturedly. "I'm not falling for that one again."
"Come on, it's not a dirty joke."
"You sure?"
Jess smirked. "Promise."
"Okay." Rory's small hand reached into the pocket of his slacks but all she felt was a key.
Her confused expression swung to Jess who was looking at her in all seriousness. Softly, he spoke. "Wanna add the label of 'roommate' to that of 'girlfriend'?"
Rory's mouth fell open. "I…I—"
"Rory, are you okay?" Lorelai placed a comforting hand on her forearm.
Shaking her head as if to clear cobwebs, "yeah, yeah." Rory opened the little menu on the middle of the table. "What are we having for dessert?" Then the lights went off in her head as what Jess said finally clicked. "Oh my god!"
Jess chuckled as he reached over to rub Rory's arm. As the whole table looked at Rory in curiosity, Jess just raised an expectant eyebrow at Rory, giving her the decision of breaking the news. "Um, yeah, they have double fudge chocolate cake."
"Sounds good." Jess rested his chin on Rory's shoulders, trying to hold back his laughter.
Snug against Jess's chest, Rory toyed aimlessly with his hand lying lax in front of her. She twined their fingers together, reveling in the difference in skin tone, texture, and feel. From behind, she could hear the slight snore coming from Jess, signaling that he was exhausted.
Her eyes strayed to the nightstand where a solitary key was sitting. She smiled, thinking of how Jess seemed so nervous after they finished dinner with her family. He had been confident when he slipped that surprise to her, whispering those words that made her belly churn with equal parts excitement and anxiety. She was ready, she thought. Well, the part of her that wasn't ready was overruled by the enjoyment of the idea of venturing into such a commitment with Jess. She knew they were in it for the long haul, but after that little breakup a while ago, she learned not to take what they shared as a fact written in concrete. Their relationship was as fragile as anything else. Maybe it helped that they shared such an intertwined history, or maybe it didn't do squat. Either way, she knew that there wasn't anyone else she wanted to move in with besides him.
The sheets rustled behind her, his right leg looping over hers, clamping her tight. "Asleep?"
"Nope."
He nuzzled the back of her neck, trying to push away the hair. "So?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you think?" He levered up on his elbow to peer over her shoulder and down into her face. "I'm not trying to push or anything but…you wanna live together?"
Her smile was slow in spreading. "Yeah, I think that sounds pretty good to me."
He dipped down to taste her lips, the softness the undeniable feeling of his Rory. "Good." Settling on top of her, he lazily explored her as if he had all the time in the world. And with her moving in, he smiled inwardly, we do have all the time we want.
Holy fucking sh—. His brain cut off, loosing all ability to process anything but the feeling of Rory above him, riding his hips hard. "Jesus, Rory."
He watched, loving this position. It gave him free reign of his hands and just the sight of watching her take him was enough to get him off every time. The thought of Rory using him to feel good, in turn, made him feel fantastic.
Rory felt her thighs clench; she was close and knew it as much as she knew her own name. Her fingers curled, feeling Jess's skin that was slight damp with sweat. She could feel his hands gripped onto her hips, his own fingers digging into her skin, keeping their movements in tandem. He was waiting for her, that much she knew. Jess was ever the gentleman in bed. Ladies first, that was his policy. Though more than once when he was poised above her body with his devious fingers and tongue, he would smirk and tack onto his statement, ladies first…second…third…
Finding a rhythm that suited them both wasn't always an easy task. They discovered that early on in their relationship. Rory's body needed to be eased in and a too direct touch usually pushed her to a plateau, not off the edge. But Jess liked a more persistent touch. The best for them was to have Rory climax first and once she finished the first, she usually was ready for another go around, this time with Jess.
Her muscles tightened, gripping him. Rory whimpered and her back bowed right into him. Jess caught her, easing Rory into his chest. Jess held back his own climax, wanting to wait for her. Smoothing her hair off her face, he smiled. "Good?"
At first, Jess's vocal tendencies in bed stole her own ability to form words due to embarrassment. Jess had no qualms whatsoever to ask how her orgasm was. And if her answer wasn't up to par, he usually doubled his efforts with a quick grin gracing his features. But after a while, Rory no longer blushed like she was on fire when he prodded for feedback. In fact, she liked it. Though she never told him as much. It pleased her that he would put so much effort in making sure she was satisfied.
Rory nodded and cuddled into him. She knew he wasn't going to wait more than a couple more heartbeats. Couldn't wait. When she felt him grind his molars, she cupped his face, her fingers catching the curve of his ears. Slowly, she moved on him, the movement faster and more direct. When she lifted up on her knees, he held her still above him, taking over and thrusting up into her.
She settled down on his hips once more, grinding her pelvis into him and he locked his arms around her like a vise, bringing her flat into his chest as he pumped up into her. Once, twice, and he was gone. His neck was thrown back, the muscles corded tight. At the feel of his climax, Rory held on a few more seconds, feeling her own coming within reach once again. She buried her face into his throat, licking an absentminded path up and down until she found her own release again.
Jess's fingers found their way into her hair, shifting and tucking behind her ears. "Hey roomie."
Rory rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me this is the way you wake up your roommates."
Jess laughed. "Just you."
She snuggled down into him, giving into the moment and momentarily pushing back the need to get up and shower. She had things to do today, but she wanted five more minutes with the man beneath her.
A man who was only a boy when he was her friend. A boy who sheltered her when she needed to be held. The boy who became a man and later, her lover. He was a lover that went beyond just the sharing of bodies. He had given her his heart long before he gave his body.
And it was the heart that she treasured.
That delicate prize that was hers to keep.
Hers to love.
AN: That's all. Hope you've enjoyed it.
My writing notes are posted on forum.
Please read and review.