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I had definitely forgotten how good it feels to wake up in Ron's arms in the middle of the night after we've made love
I had definitely forgotten how good it feels to wake up in Ron's arms in the middle of the night after we've made love. I remember when we first started sleeping together I used to wake him up in the middle of the night all the time for another go. After we had Rose I guess we were just too exhausted all the time to comply with my cravings, and I'm actually totally exhausted right now from our busy day… and yet, all I want to do is wake him up. I love how he holds me when we sleep. The sound of his breath and the way his body feels like it was meant for me to use it as a pillow.
I pick up my head and place a few light kisses on Ron's chest, to gage his reaction and I'm delighted when I hear him softly mumble "Er-my- knee" in his sleep. I chuckle and kiss my way up his chest and up his neck and by the time I reach his lips I get an almost full response and slip my tongue into his mouth to wake him up the rest of the way. This elicits a soft moan from him and I smile when I remember that we're both still naked from earlier. Ron started getting hard immediately when he woke up with my naked body against him, so instead of wasting time, I decide to take things into my own hands and straddle him very quickly after a few short, hot minutes of fondling.
Ron's reaction when I take him in was worth it- his eyes opened very quickly in shock and he placed his hands on my waist to help me ride him. It doesn't take long before we both climax and this time I don't even roll off of him. I feel him slip out of me and get comfortable lying on top of his body, my head back in its usual place on his chest.
"God I missed this," Ron says as he kisses the top of my head. I know exactly what he means and reply, "Yeah, it's been way to long since a late night encounter took place." After a few more minutes, Ron's hands get still on my back and his breathing shifts and I know that he's drifted back to sleep. Still on top of him, I let sleep take me away as well.
I feel someone on top of me kissing my neck and I smile as I wake up and then Ron's mouth is covering mine. He kisses across my jaw line and under my ear love and I hear him whisper in my ear, "You did such a nice job of waking me up last night that I couldn't resist returning the favour." I'm definitely awake now as his hands are all over my body…
After our morning romp, I notice that its midmorning on a Sunday and our kids still aren't up. "Baby isn't it weird that the kids haven't come running in here yet?" Ron nods and we silently and reluctantly decide to get out of bed and put our clothes on. Once dressed, I walk to where Ron is standing and give him a deep but short kiss. "Thank you for last night," he replies and kisses me again, "and of course for this morning."
I kiss him and respond, "Baby, it was as good for me as it was for you." I kiss him once more and then lean in and whisper, "I forgot how amazing it feels to have you inside me." I can still see the shock on his face when I pull away and feel a twitch against my leg. "Come on Ron, we don't have time for another go right now." We both laugh and leave our bedroom hand in hand. Taking a peek into Hugo's room tells us he's still asleep and when we look into Rose's room we find her reading another book.
We both enter the room and sit on each side of her bed and she puts the book down, smiling. "Honey why are you reading in here?"
Rose looks a bit uncomfortable and Ron and I share a look of terror and pray to Merlin that she didn't come into our bedroom.
"Well I got up to go to your room but I could hear you guys in there and you sounded busy so I just came back in here to read," she tells us innocently, while my mind is exploding. I can't believe I let my eight year old daughter hear me in the throws of passion with my husband. She doesn't seem to know what's wrong with it though, and asks, "Are you two happy again?" My heart breaks when I hear her say this, with traces of vulnerability in her young voice. I don't think I could talk right now if I wanted to, thankfully Ron answers for us.
"Honey, your mum and I love each other very much and we always have. I know things have been off for awhile now but I things are going to get better again," he says softly and strokes his daughters cheek. She smiles and says quietly, "good, because I didn't like it when you two were sad."
Ron and I move at the same time and hug her together, "Don't worry my sweet little girl, we aren't sad anymore." I can feel tears in my eyes when I say this, and thankfully Ron puts his other hand on my back and assures me he's still there. I give him a teary smile and decide it's time to get up, "Okay, let's go make breakfast."
With that we all head out to the kitchen and Ron makes breakfast while I read with Rose. After about 20 minutes of noise, Hugo comes out of his room rubbing his eyes and walks straight up to me and starts climbing into my lap. I laugh a bit and pick him up and he sits with Rose and me as we wait for Ron to finish breakfast. I can't believe I've been so absent from my life for so long when I had such an amazing family to be with, thank god things are different.
Okay, it's been six weeks since I decided things were going to be different and man have they ever been different. I just recently stopped going to the muggle therapist about two days ago, on Wednesday, because I really do feel that I'm way past where I was and I would like it if now when I need someone to talk to I go back to talking to Ron about everything, which I have been these past few weeks and it's been great. It feels like we're newlyweds all over again. Sneaking kisses around the office and making love every night, sometimes more than once, it's completely refreshing.
We've gone to all the Weasley dinners in the past six weeks, and things seem to be back to normal on that front as well. Less awkwardness and people now count on seeing me there again, which is a very nice feeling. Ron and I arrive at work together every morning after dropping the kids off with Molly and we have lunch everyday and leave together every night. Even people at the Ministry have finally stopped giving us a bewildered stare when they see us together again.
It's late in the afternoon now on a Friday and Ron will be coming into my office soon so we can go with Harry to the Burrow to pick up the kids and then head to Harry and Ginny's for dinner. I pack up the rest of my work and look up to see Harry coming into my office.
"Knock knock," he says as he walks through the door. I grin a little, "What can I do for you Mr. Potter?"
He rolls his eyes at me and replies, "Ron's on his way, I was just bored watching him finish paperwork so I thought I would come and visit my favourite sister." I laugh, "How nice considering I'm your only sister."
Harry gets comfortable on a chair in front of my desk and brings up the subject of kids. "I can't believe how old all my kids are getting, James is going to be at Hogwarts in a couple years and then Al, and then my little girl too. It's kind of hard to believe that we were that age when we met each other."
"I know what you mean, with how much reading Rose does I think she's going to be an even better student than I was- plus she has the advantage of growing up around magic, and then my little guy will go too. The house is going to be really quiet. Especially when your kids and our kids are gone," I reply and hope he doesn't detect the sadness in my voice, but it's Harry, so he does.
"Mi, what are you thinking?"
"I don't know Harry," he gives me an incredulous look that says 'as if there is anything you don't know,' and I continue, "Well I can't say I'm not happy with two kids, I just always thought I'd have more. Well obviously you know that considering what happened two years ago, but I really just didn't think something like that would happen to us." I can tell Harry is unsure how to respond, I never talk about what happened unless it's with Ron so I guess I understand his hesitation.
"Mi, we aren't too old yet. You and Ron can still have more kids. You're in your early thirties. If that's what you want then you guys should do it," he looks sincere and I feel tears in my eyes just as Ron walks in and I try to wipe them away without him noticing but he definitely does.
"Potter what did you do?" He doesn't sound mad, but definitely concerned.
"Oh no Ron he didn't do anything, we were just talking and I got sad about stuff, it's not his fault," Ron kisses my forehead and puts his arm around me and Harry looks a tad uncomfortable.
"What were you talking about?"
"Kids," is my response and I know that Ron gets it.
"Oh," Ron strokes my hair, "Sorry Harry, not your fault." Harry looks slightly relieved and I laugh a little at Ron's reaction.
"Okay enough of this, it's Friday night and we have plans so let's go get our kids," I smile and grab my jacket while the boys doddle around and we leave my office and head up to the Atrium and seconds later we're at the Burrow.
We can hear the kids in the kitchen with Molly and we all head in that direction together. When we enter the room a red headed child is running at me and I scoop him up to find that it's Hugo, and he is very happy about something.
"Hello Molly," I say as I notice her looking at Hugo in my arms, she returns my greetings as Ron and Harry start packing up the kids stuff and I smile at Hugo and ask, "Okay now what has you so excited?"
Hugo is still smiling when he whispers in my ear, "Grammy made cookies today," I laugh at his excitement at such a simple act, and at the same time I'm a bit worried that we're going to have a lot of very excited kids with us for dinner tonight.
Harry and Ron have everything together so we take the kids with us as we floo over to the Potter's house for dinner. Upon arrival it's clear that Ginny has been home for a few hours because the entire living room is set up for the kids to play and the dining room has the table set for adults, with the kitchen ready for kids.
"Oh Gin you didn't have to go into all this effort for us," I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek in greeting.
"Oh no, it's not a problem at all, I got home a couple hours ago and just decided it might be nice to be able to have some adult conversation tonight, but I bewitched the kitchen and living room to sound an alarm if anything too serious happens- we can't take any chances with James and Al around these days, I swear, they got all the mischief maker genes from Fred, George, and Harry's dad."
I laugh at Ginny's comment and agree, knowing that Hugo has been following around his older cousins for a while and seems to constantly be a little bit more of a trouble maker afterwards. Harry and Ron had finally joined us in the kitchen and after they both greet Ginny, Harry finds us some wine while Ron wraps his arm around my waist and gives me a quick kiss on the neck. I lean into his body for a second and move to kiss his mouth and after getting more than a little caught up in the moment we hear someone clearing their throat and when we pull away we find Ginny standing there with an absolutely humongous smile plastered on her face.
"Okay guys, as much as I love that you're back to your old selves, I really don't need to see it in my kitchen," she chuckles as Harry returns and she helps him by grabbing some wine glasses as Ron and I just smile at each other. We used to be fairly shy about public displays of affection but after the first year or two of our relationship we found that we couldn't really keep our hands off each other regardless of where we were and we get considerably less embarrassed about it now than when we were younger.
Harry passes us each a glass of wine and the conversation turns to the usual updates on how everyone's work is going and we enjoy small talk for a few more minutes before Ginny announces that dinner is ready so Ron and Harry go and gather the kids to get them into the kitchen while I help Ginny set out their plates. By the time we get the kids seated with their dinner and get them to promise to behave while we sit in the other room, I'm very hungry.
Sitting around Harry and Ginny's dinner table reminds me of when we were all first married and I can't help but feel a tad nostalgic. I smile at the memories when I hear Ginny say my name, "Sorry Gin what was that?"
"Oh I was just talking about how strange it's going to be when the kids are all at Hogwarts," she replies casually and I notice that Ron seems to be listening carefully and grips my hand a little tighter, knowing that I have issues with this topic.
"Yeah, I know, it's strange. It feels like just yesterday that they were little babies and now it seems like they're all grown up," I reply with a hint of sadness in my voice, "I mean, Hugo's turning five soon and Rose will be nine and…" I trail off as I'm reminded of our other daughter. I know that the others can tell what I'm thinking about and I'm not surprised when I feel Ron stand up from his chair and crouch down next to mine. He kisses me lightly on the forehead and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
I didn't really notice that I'm crying, not until I felt a tear drop off my cheeks and hit my hands that had been resting in my lap. I smile through my tears, and realize that I've totally ruined the mood of our dinner, "Oh I'm sorry guys, I didn't really see this coming," it's true; I suppose I cry a lot, but I'd already had an outburst earlier with Harry I really just didn't see this happening at all.
It's Ginny who speaks first in reply after a few minutes of silence, allowing me to stop crying and Ron to go back to his chair. "I'm sorry Hermione; I really didn't mean to bring up…" I smile sadly in return and assure her, "No worries Gin, believe me this isn't your fault. It happens a lot," I decide to break the ice a little, "just ask your husband, he made me cry at work today."
Harry looks a bit scared by the glare he's receiving from Ginny, but quickly jumps to his own defence, "Well I didn't mean to, I mean, I didn't…" Ron laughs at his stutter and claps him on the back while winking at me, I can always rely on Ron to change the subject, "Harry she's kidding, Ginny, really don't worry about it, let's just finish our dinner because I am starving."
"No surprise there," I say as the conversation starts to lighten up again. "Oh Gin, your mum made cookies earlier so if the kids continue to be really hyper all night you know where to place blame," we all chuckle a bit at the thought of Ginny getting mad at her mum, and I'm not surprised when she replies, "Damn that woman, she knows what those cookies used to do to us when we were little, is this her way of getting revenge?" this elicits more laughter and the mood is much better as we finish up our meals and Ginny announces that it's time for desert.
We learn quickly that desert for the adults is in fact specialty alcohol flavoured in deliciousness over ice cream while the kids who are still shockingly hyper from earlier get very miniscule portions of ice cream without the added dressing. The kids are finished much quicker than us adults and they all disappear from the kitchen to the living room where Rose, I'm sure, is reading while the rest play chess or exploding snap.
Once we're all finished Ron and Harry head to the living room to make sure nothing is getting broken, or, as I suspect, to talk about the Quidditch game that was being played that evening. Ginny and I use our wands to quickly wash the dishes and clean up the place from dinner and suddenly we're talking about very important issues while we stand in the kitchen nursing a couple glasses of wine.
"Okay Hermione, I know that you don't want to talk about this and that this is probably a really inopportune time, but I have to know, what is it with the children growing up topic that makes you cry every time it comes up? I mean, obviously I know about what happened, but is that the only thing there is to it?"
I've always admired Ginny's candidness, envied it even, but always hated it when it was used on me and I have never hated it as much as I do in this moment. I surprise myself when I find that I'm not crying, and my guess is because I've done a lot of crying today already. I take a few minutes to get my words together and I slowly reply to Ginny.
"Well Gin," deep breath, I can see the curiosity in her eyes coupled with worry, "it makes me sad because I always wanted to have a lot of kids and now when I think about our only two kids growing up and leaving for school it just makes me feel like I've done something wrong by not having more, and I'm sad because one of my children will never get to grow up. I mean, obviously the more simple reason is that I'm still wrecked over what happened and I just want more children, but I'm scared."
Ginny nods her head in response and I feel like she already knew the answer, "well you two have been back in action for almost two months now right?"
I nod and grin a little sheepishly, "Yeah, I guess it has been that long."
"Well why don't you two start trying again? You're in your early thirties Hermione, that's young enough to be able to have more kids if you really want to, and if you start soon then there won't even be that much of an age difference for Rose and Hugo."
I nod; it's actually kind of nice to hear from another woman near my age that having more kids could easily be a real possibility. "Yeah I know, but," I pause, "as much as I want more kids, Ginny I'm terrified." I can see confusion in her eyes and I sit down and look at the table in front of me before continuing, "what if the same thing happens again? I can't do that again Gin, I won't survive it again."
I'm not looking at Ginny anymore, but I can feel her understanding as she comes over and sits next to me at the table.
"Hermione I need you to look at me for a second," I slowly comply and when I do I notice tears in her eyes and she speaks in a soft tone that she rarely uses, "Hermione, you are my best friend in the entire world and the closest thing I have to a sister. Ron is my favourite brother and I couldn't love the two of you more, and what happened to you two is the worst nightmare for any parent. I can't imagine what you went through, or what you're still going through, but the chances of that ever happening again are incredibly slim, and the Hermione Granger I know wouldn't ever let anything like the possibility of failure or fear hold her back from something she really wanted. Would she?"
As I process her words I notice that the tears are no longer in my eyes, and I know that she's right, but I've changed. "Gin I'm not as strong as I used to be, I can't tell you how much this broke me," I say it quietly, like a little kid ashamed of doing something bad.
"Hermione, we have watched you for the past two years. We have seen you be a shell of your former self and turn into someone none of us recognized. We have seen the best and the worst of you and let me tell you right now that you are still as strong as the day I met you because you have put this behind you, or at least you're trying to. Not a lot of people could go through what you went through and be okay like you are today. You're not perfect, and you might never be, I mean how could you be? Losing a child changes a person, but I'm telling you that you have not changed so much that you aren't the same hard headed, brilliant, and strong, woman you've always been." Ginny was in tears now, and she had definitely brought mine back out.
I look up at Ginny and give her a brief smile and then stand and give her a hug. We hold each other as sisters while we both cry for the pain we've endured and I whisper softly in her ear, "Thanks Gin, you're the best sister I could've ever asked for."
A soft tap on the kitchen door breaks us apart and we realize that in all likeliness Harry and Ron had heard that entire conversation. Our guesses are confirmed when after we say come in, Harry comes and hugs us both with obvious tears in his eyes and Ron stands back a little bit wiping his eyes. I approach him and bury my head in his chest and he wraps his arms around me, making me feel safe and loved.
Once I finally pull away, I realize that this topic really did need to be acknowledged, with honesty. "Gin, Harry, I know I haven't been an easy person lately," I chuckle a bit when Ron adds "or ever," under his breath jokingly, "but thank you both for being there for us, it really has meant a lot. We couldn't have asked for better friends." Ron nods and wraps his arm around me and I can tell that Harry and Ginny are happy that we value them so highly.
"Okay, enough of this sadness, why don't we all go into the living room and tell the kids the story of when Ron threw up slugs?" We all laugh at Harry's comment, and decide to follow him into the living room where we find Hugo and Lily both asleep, clearly tuckered out from the sugar rush they'd been on for the hours previous. James and Al looked up to something and sat down immediately after we walked in which made us thankful we went in when we did. Rose still had her nose in a book but took it out when she noticed all of us come in and put it down.
"Mum what are we doing now?" she asked curiously.
I smile and look at Ginny who answers quickly, "we were thinking we'd put a movie on for you kids for awhile. Anything in particular you'd like to watch?" The kids quickly agreed on a movie and once they were settled the four of us retreated back to the other sitting room where we continued drinking wine and catching up on recent and past events.
"Okay, truth time guys," Harry pauses, "what really happened down in the Chamber of Secrets?"
Ron and I share a grin, "uhmm, I don't know what you mean Harry. We got the basilisk fangs and came right back. Why?" I hope I lied well.
"Well you two were missing a long time, then when you came back you made big with the grand gestures and seemed to forget there was a war going on."
Ron and I laugh, and then he responds, "Alright fine, when we were flying out of the chamber I told her I loved her, but she didn't get a chance to respond until the infamous save the house elves incident."
Harry and Ginny nod in understanding, and I decide to turn the tables a bit, "Alright, your turn, during George's wedding, what were you two really doing when you were missing for an hour?"
Ginny looked at Harry and smiled and then, with seemingly no difficulty, replied, "I believe we were conceiving James in the broom shed at the Burrow."
We all break out into laughter, Ron laughing but with a face of disgust, "I guess we all suck at being stealthy."
We chuckle a little harder and continue to catch up until Ron notices the time and we decide that it's time to get home. We hug everyone goodbye and head back to our house and I feel truly thankful that we went over there tonight.