okay here's another chapter...please read and review... disclaimer: i dont own anything
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If possible, since we found out about the baby, Ron and I have been even better
If possible, since we found out about the baby, Ron and I have been even better. We've been spending even more time with the family and now that I'm entering my fourth month of pregnancy we feel comfortable enough sharing our bit of news with the rest of the Weasley's. It's becoming much more obvious anyways, I'm getting dressed right now for our weekly Burrow visit and I notice that my pants are much tighter than usual. I remember during my previous pregnancies that towards my fifth month and by my sixth were when I gained most of the weight from each baby. I smile at the early signs of our baby and when I go to the living room to floo to the Burrow, I give Ron a wink and pat my stomach and he smiles at me.
Upon our arrival, the kids rush off to find their cousins which leaves Ron and me in the living room alone for a few moments. Suddenly a wave of nervousness comes over me, which Ron picks up on. "You okay baby?" He asks me as he puts his arm around me.
I allow myself to sink into his arms and reply, "I'm alright, just a little nervous I guess. What if everyone just starts thinking about last time?" I shudder at the thought of the family's potential reactions, and rather abruptly I start thinking of Lizzy. I've been thinking about her a lot lately and in some strange way I feel like this pregnancy is actually helping me get over what happened, except for the random hormonal outbursts of course.
"Mione, everyone is going to be happy and supportive, they won't be thinking about Lizzy," Ron says softly in my ear.
I turn and give Ron a deep kiss and when I pull away I leave my arms wrapped around his neck and gaze up at him until I hear a throat being cleared behind us. We turn to see Arthur standing in the entrance to the living room, "Sorry kids, Molly was just wondering where you got to."
He was clearly embarrassed about finding us in an intimate moment, but he was hiding it well, "Don't worry Dad, we're coming in right now." Arthur left and Ron smiled down at me and gave me one lasting kiss before we walked into the kitchen to join the rest of our family.
We had arrived at the Burrow a bit later than usual so we had started eating very quickly after we got there. Sitting at the dinner table with all the Weasley's, their significant others, and children, made me a bit nervous to be announcing bringing another redheaded wonder into the world but thankfully Ron sat next to me and held my hand throughout the entire meal. As we all finished I decided it was time so I nudged Ron who took it upon himself to get everyone's attention.
"Okay everyone," it went a bit quiet at Ron's voice; "Hermione and I have something we'd like to share with you." Ginny started grinning and Harry put his arm around her, clearly delighted at the prospect of being able to talk openly about the baby, and I continued, "Well, it appears that there will be another new addition to the Weasley family."
The reaction was immediate: everyone was up out of their chairs and hugging me and Ron. Hugo didn't quite understand, along with most of his younger cousins, but James and Rose did and they were happy as well. Suddenly, with a flick of Molly's wand, dinner was cleared and dessert was being served along with congratulatory glasses of champagne for everyone but me and I felt secure again that I was part of a family that would support me no matter what. I have to admit that I was a bit blown away by the reaction they all had- it was more than they had ever cared before but I guess that's because they all know what we've been through.
Sitting in the room with everyone and basking in their happiness while they all tried to claim to be the next namesake gave me a sudden rush of nausea. What must they think of me? Are they only happy because my last child died? Do they think I'm replacing her?
Suddenly I can't help but leave the room so I quietly excuse myself and try to hide my tears as I run upstairs to the bathroom, hoping no one notices my absence or at least the state I was in when I left.
It doesn't take long for me to hear a knock at the bathroom door and when I ask who is there I'm surprised to hear a masculine voice ring out, "Hermione, its Bill." Bill? That's weird enough in itself- he isn't especially loquacious when it comes to situations like this, so I let him in and he closes the door.
"Hermione I know you're upset, but I don't know why. I figured it might help to talk to someone who isn't a stranger, but that you don't know that well, after all, there are some things you can only tell a stranger," Bill says this calmly and quietly as he sits down on the floor next to me.
The tears in my eyes are back and I take a deep breath, "Bill I'm sorry, I know I should be downstairs celebrating with everyone else, and it's not that I don't want to but sometimes I can't help getting these rushes of madness and believe me the pregnancy hormones aren't helping."
"Hermione, don't for one second think that we have forgotten about our niece," Bill says this quietly and I look up to catch his eye. "When you announced that you were pregnant down there, we weren't thinking that you were replacing Lizzy, we were thinking you were adding to the three children you already have. Losing her was a tragedy and the ability to move on like you have isn't easy, but that's who you are and that's who my little brother is. You two are strong, stronger than most people would've guessed before the war, but it is a strength that isn't questioned anymore."
Bill is always so calm and even as he speaks these words his tone is the same as usual, perhaps a tad more passionate, but I can tell what he's saying is something he believes in and I'm truly touched. "Thank you Bill," I pause and add quietly, "I really miss her."
Bill simply put his hand on mine and replied, "I know."
After a few more minutes of regaining my composure and I stood up and looked at Bill, "Okay how do I look?"
He smiled, "You look great."
"Oh no, everyone is going to assume I've been up here crying and then they're going to ask questions," damn me and my inability to hold in my emotions, but I am surprised when Bill has a grin on his face.
"I figured you didn't want anyone to know so I said I was running up to my old bedroom to look for something, everyone's downstairs still and my guess is that Ron will be up here soon to check on you but we can avoid that if we get down there right now. Just don't tell anyone we talked and then we won't have a problem," I smile at his thought, he might be almost ten years older than me, but we still had a lot in common, it's funny though because he's a lot like Ron and he's a lot like me; kind of a blend of us both.
"Thanks Bill," I smile and he lets me go downstairs first where I go back to the kitchen and sit down next to Ron who instantly leans over and gives me a kiss just next to my ear, on my jaw line. I smile when he whispers in my ear, "Everything okay baby?"
I nod at him and take his hand in mine and we continue the Weasley family celebrations which last considerably later than usual so when we get home instead of explaining to the kids about having a new sibling we just put them to bed and decide to do it in the morning.
The next morning Hugo is the first up and I become aware of this when I feel him jump on the end of our bed and crawl up and collapse on top of Ron and me. I was sleeping peacefully in my usual spot across Ron's chest and couldn't help but thank god I'd put a t-shirt on after we'd made love the night before when I woke up to my son basically bouncing on top of Ron trying to wake him up. Ron was trying to ignore him and continue sleeping, but he'd definitely woken me up and once I rolled over and watched from my pillow as Hugo tried to wake Ron up, I was surprised when Ron's eyes shot open and grabbed Hugo, tickling him as punishment for disturbing our rest.
Hugo's giggles made me smile and once Ron stopped tickling him and started lifting him into the air above us and spinning him around he finally asked to be put down. Once he'd calmed down and Ron had given me a kiss good morning, Hugo asked, "so what does this mean if we're getting another Weasley?"
Ron and I smile at each other and he decides to take the reigns on this particular conversation, "Well buddy it means that in about five or six months you're going to have a little brother or sister."
Hugo looks a bit confused, "but didn't I already have one before?"
I'm a bit startled at his question, but I decide it's important for us to answer it honestly, "yes honey, you did, but see little Lizzy was born sick and we lost her," I can feel the tears in my eyes.
Hugo seems to understand that this is an upsetting topic and before I know it he is in my arms hugging me, "I'm sorry mummy, don't worry though, I won't let anything happen to my new little brother or sister. I'll protect them." I smile through my tears at my son's chivalry and Ron wraps us both in a hug. Rose comes in a few minutes later and joins us on the bed.
"Is this about you being pregnant mum?" she asks right away.
I smile, "Yes Rose."
She looks around the room for a second and then says quietly, "I'm happy for us mum." That's enough to send me into tears and so we spent at least another twenty minutes just laughing and playing with our kids in our room before we all finally went out to the kitchen to make breakfast.
The months of my pregnancy seem to fly by and before I know it it's my 34th birthday. All of the doctor's appointments have gone well, and we are expecting a little mystery baby in late December, early January. Rose turned nine in June, a month after Hugo's fifth birthday, and suddenly with this pregnancy I feel a lot older than I thought I would at 34. Ron and I decided not to find out the sex of the baby so for my birthday present Harry and Ron are painting the nursery a pale yellow colour that would work for either gender.
I'm sitting in my kitchen at the table, while Harry and Ron are in the nursery and Ginny is making my birthday cake. All the kids have been running around all day, but Ron promised to keep an eye on them so I'm trying to not let myself worry about them too much. I can't do much anyways considering that I'm definitely becoming the size of an elephant at a rapid rate, a fact that Ginny is having a great time with.
"Oh come on Hermione," she smiles, "it is kind of funny. You never got this big with the other ones and I totally got huge with Lily, it's only fair that I get to take the piss out of you this time."
I smile and shake my head as she declares the cake finished. It's only four in the afternoon and I'm exhausted which makes me very thankful that we decided to only have a small birthday for me this year. Bill might drop by for cake later, he's been very helpful and supportive throughout the entire pregnancy ever since he found me upset in the bathroom and Ron and I have appreciated it greatly. Ron always looked up to Bill and Charlie a lot while we were growing up but I never really realized why until I became closer to his family during our marriage. They were really amazing brothers to have.
Ginny sits down at the table next to me and asks me, "Okay what are you thinking about?"
I smile, "I was actually just thinking about how wonderful it is to be a part of your family. I'm so lucky I got so many fantastic siblings out of this whole marriage thing," I reply well naturedly.
"Yeah too bad you had to have Ron too," Ginny jokes and we both laugh.
"Nah, you and I both know that I'm the lucky one here. Ron is basically the best person I've ever known, getting to marry him and have a life with him is a dream… even if he pisses me off sometimes," I reply and we chuckle again.
The boys wander into the kitchen and grab a few drinks out of the fridge before sitting down at the table with us, "All finished," Ron says to me, "Happy Birthday." I smile as he gives me a quick kiss and takes my hand in his.
Two hours later we're all finished dinner and I'm sitting with the kids at the table while Ron, Harry and Ginny get my birthday cake ready. I hear a pop in the kitchen and know that Bill must've dropped by like he said he was going too, and my thought was confirmed when I saw a tall red haired Weasley walking out of the kitchen with the others, singing happy birthday as loud as they could and encouraging the kids to scream.
I smile as I look at the cake in front of me and consider what to wish for. The thought comes quickly and I wish in my head for more happy, healthy children and blow out my candles. Once the cake is cut up and everyone is feasting on the masterpiece that Ginny created, Harry brings up the subject of baby names.
"Okay so what are we going to call this little guy or gal, have you two talked about it at all?" Harry looks like he's waiting for confirmation that there will be a Harry Weasley in the works. I smile at Ron who takes the reigns.
"Actually we have talked a bit about it but we haven't gotten too far," he looks at me and I nod, giving him my okay to talk about Lizzy, "I think if it's a girl we'd have her middle name be Elizabeth after her big sister."
A sad smile is shared around the table, and I add, "Yeah… there will never be another Lizzy, but we would like to honour her memory somehow."
It's Bill who speaks first, "That sounds like a great idea," he says, and adds after a few more minutes, "And what if we have another Weasley man on our hands?"
Ron and I have already agreed on our favourite boy name, but we'd never give that detail yet just in case it's not a boy. "We really haven't thought about boys names to be honest."
Ginny's face lights up, "Does that mean it's a girl and you're just not telling anyone?"
I laugh at her enthusiasm, "No Gin, if we were having a girl you'd know about it. We just haven't really discussed names thoroughly yet."
Ron winks at me and the conversation slowly turns to Quidditch so Ginny and I clear the plates and wander into the living room to find all the kids sitting around a chess match between Hugo and Lily.
"What is going on here?" I smile at the kids as I lean back to sit down with them and Ginny helps me to sit then joins me.
Rose looks up shrewdly and answers our question, "We're having a chess tournament. Hugo always beats everyone but this time Lily and Hugo both beat the same amount of people so we're having a chess showdown. I think Hugo's going to win though, no one can beat my little brother, not if Dad taught him." She looks so proud of her brother and Dad when she says this that I can feel tears coming to my eyes, damn hormones.
Ginny laughs, "I don't know, I bet Lily can give him a run for his money."
Hugo and Lily were both sort of quiet compared to a lot of their cousins, and so they didn't respond but instead concentrated on their game. Ginny and I watched with our kids until Ron and Harry came into the living room and Ginny moved to the left so that Ron could sit next to me. All of us sitting together in the same room with our kids made me smile even more; they are all at such great ages.
James is ten, Rose and Albus both just turned nine, Hugo just turned five a few months ago and it won't be long before Lily is six. It's too bad Lizzy couldn't have been here, she'd be about two and a half now; her birthday was in February. I would feel bad for our next child, just because his or her closest siblings or cousins will be a few years older but with the rate of Weasley reproduction there are plenty of cousins to play with.
It feels good to be able to talk about Lizzy and think about her again. It makes me ache that I don't have my third child with me everyday but it's now become an ache that I accept, not one that I run away from. I'm glad that at 34 years old I've finally figured out that I can't control everything… well not quite everything.