(A/N Jesus Christ, I'm almost half-surprised you guys aren't saying 'go away, get off the internet, we don't need your stupid story here.' Sadly, I'm not dead, I'm way too dedicated to bringing this fic to life to die out so easily. So, without further ado, I present the finalized version of chapter 16...ooh, I can't wait for the lack of respons. (Sarcasm, just one of many services I offer.) Please enjoy and than consider responding...keyword: Consider)
Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, Ace Combat, or Halo. But I recently got a copy of Mass Effect, which is totaly awesome...GO BUY NOW!!!
Chapter 16
Ash unto Fire
(POV Shinji Ikari)
"Shinji…you need to come out of there sometime today." Misato raps her fist against the door, attempting to pull me from my inner thoughts. This being the fourth today, her voice seems more subdued than the first three times. I appreciate what she's trying to do, but I need to settle the rattling in my mind and find some answers while I rest.
It had all happened so fast, a judgment call that would spark several events and send everything hurtling forward. It seems that no matter what I do, it isn't good enough to settle everybody else. My hesitation caused the harm of another person, while also flaring the temper of another, bringing a storm of conflict into the locker room. Is there even a right choice for these kinds of situations, to decide whether someone lives or dies?
I used to think so. The belief that killing is wrong under almost any circumstance, to bring death to those who never deserved it is but a crime in our eyes. But when lives are at stake, we fail to look at the motives of the opposing party. This thinking is what caused the hesitation, but is it wrong to look for a reason to fight and defend myself? To one person, it didn't seem reason enough.
"Shinji, if you don't come out there, one of us is going to have to cook and your going to be the one stuck eating whatever we decide to make!" Misato's cooking, as revolting as the prospect may be, doesn't help to arouse me from bed when I lack an appetite to begin with.
"Just go ahead and start without me. I'm not hungry anyway." Apparently catching the message, the shadow cast in the slit between the door and carpet silently disappears into the light of the hallway.
I just need to get an understanding on what's happening. Pointless death, battles with humans, and no reason for why this is so. I need to ask myself this time, what are we fighting for? Maybe Misato will have the answer, and if not, maybe there's someone around who does. God, I wish Kaji was still around.
A drop of sweat rolls down the back of my neck, the temperature in the room is noticeably hotter. The air has grown stagnant with the air conditioner out of commission, along with a lot of other things. In fact, since we came back, a lot of minor problems have been popping up all over the apartment, annoying us with the incessant frequency they make themselves known. Bathing with only 20 seconds of hot water had been a fun one to find. So, how is it we get assigned to the same apartment as before, but in its sorriest state ever? Maybe it's just the way I'm destined to live the rest of my own, the whole stacked against me.
No sense in staying cooped up in this room if all I'm going to do is melt away. I roll my back off the futon, suddenly cooled by the onrush of incoming air. My eyes already adjusted to the lack of light, I have no trouble navigating the dark room to the sliding door. However, when the slider opens, my eyes are forced to squint at the high intensity of the hallway lights. Using my arms as a guide while my eyes refocus, I navigate down the hallway into the kitchen, where a dressed and apron wearing Misato attempts to make a very futile breakfast. I look into the empty living room, taking note of the fact that Asuka isn't there…or anywhere else in sight. It seems she hasn't come out of her room since we got back from NERV. Maybe she's going through a similar dilemma of Man-vs.-Eva.
"Well, I don't know about you Shinji, but I'm suddenly in the mood for cereal." Misato's comment catches me off guard when I turn to find her scraping what's left of 'breakfast' into the garbage bin. "So tell me Shinji, what's on your mind?"
"Nothing Misato." Let's see, lie number one right there.
"You know, when you say 'nothing Misato', it seems to me that you're actually saying 'Something's wrong, please pay attention to me Misato'." Her remark doesn't go without credit, she probably knows more about how I act than anyone else. But than again, 'unpredictable' just doesn't fit my persona. "Lemme guess, girl problems?"
Her eyes dart over towards Asuka's door, quirking back and forth between me and 'the door of no return'. I struggle to maintain a straight face since; honestly, Asuka isn't the greatest of my problems at the moment. Misato's face sinks back into its usual position. "It's about yesterday, isn't it?"
A simple nod of the head suffices as my response.
"Listen, Shinji, the things you did out there are nothing to be ashamed of. You were just a man following the orders of your superiors. The one you killed, her blood is on our hands, not yours. There's nothing wrong about protecting the places and people you care about and you should be proud for acting that way. It gives us faith in your abilities." She stops, sliding her hand across my forehead, forcing me to bite the tears of guilt back down. I killed 'him'…a girl…another person thrust into the same situation, who probably received a similar speech to this in some far of place.
"How old was she?"
"What Shinji?" Her hand retracts at the statement, brought back by my sudden outburst.
"How old was the pilot I killed?"
"Shinji, I don't think…"
"HOW OLD WAS SHE MISATO!!?" She backs off for a moment, her body shifted slightly out of the seat. She waits before finally sifting back into the center.
"We…don't know exactly. We can only assume that she was close to your age. Look, Shinji, this has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. If anything, this has to do with us, the ones who made you kill him. We ordered; you followed! There's nothing more to it." Oh, so it's about everyone else than. This is about justifying the actions of everybody else, just so I can do it again.
"To hell with your orders. I'll play no part in your senseless war." I stand up, flecking my bangs out of my eyes, allowing the sight of a shocked and disturbed Misato. I turn and make my way for the exit, not even bothering to grab anything on the way out. I cradle the knob in my hand just before feeling a pair of hands cinch my shoulders and force them into the wall.
"Dammit Shinji, just sit tight and listen to me. We…the Commanders and I, have placed all our trust into you. You're the only one we know who can get the job done. Can't you see that what you're doing is the right thing?"
"You have five other perfectly capable pilots, so why have me around just to screw things up?" Even Blaze had gone out of his way just to show me how uneeded I am.
"That's another thing. Shinji, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. Nobody is comfortable with the fact that we have pilots who aren't fully under our control. That's why we need you and Unit-01 to tilt the balance of power in our favor. By piloting your Eva, you ensure that we stay in control, even if the others turn on us." She describes the others as if they were a huge liability, something that could go horribly wrong, an accident just waiting to happen. But if that's true, than why do we still have them. Why are they still here if we don't need them so much?
"And what about Asuka? She'll have her Eva soon enough and than you won't need me anymore." But than again…
"Shinji, have you even noticed how Asuka's been acting lately? She's over their in her room thinking who knows what? And I'm not even sure if she'll be able to synchronize, much less pilot the Eva. We're giving her a fair shot at returning to the pilot's seat, but we all have our doubts." Asuka…without Eva? Surely something like that would put her over the edge like last time, or maybe even worse than before.
I peer down out the hallway entrance toward her door, almost feeling sorry that she's come all this way to have the odds stacked against her. There's a slit of hope in the fact that she decided to come back, but not much to make me feel better. If only something could swoop in and change her luck for the better…but there's nothing like that out in the real world. We'll live out our days in hell just like everyone else.
Misato gives my shoulders a violent shake, forcing me to return my attention to her eyes. "Please, you have to pilot Eva…are you going to leave us all here to die? Do you even care about what happens to us?"
Only every second that passes by inside the Eva, but what really scares me is what happens if I fail. Is that what I'm afraid of? Failure to the degree of abandonment! My life may not be worth much, but…
"Is life really worth that much to y-…?" My sentence cuts short at the sudden whap and sting of Misato's hand. The sudden sting causes me to tense up, staring back in fear of Misato's growing rage.
"Dammit Shinji, of course life is worth it even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. But if you aren't willing to fight for it, than you don't really deserve live!" Her hands shift from my shoulders to the wall, allowing Misato's face to come even closer, yielding a degree of fear I have never anticipated. Her arms tremble at the sudden stress of hanging her arms against the wall as tears appear to be on the verge of overflowing over her eyelids. Though, her rapid breathing, narrowed brow, and tangled hair make her appearance more frightening than sorrowful. "I can't give you all the answers Shinji, most of them you're going to have to find for yourself. But before you even consider leaving this apartment, you have to answer me one thing!"
Her hands shift to my cheeks, squeezing them forcibly between her palms before releasing them with a soft moan. "Why did you even come back here at all, just to sit here and moan?"
She releases me, not even waiting for an answer before going to the kitchen, her hunger probably gone with the whole ordeal I just put her through. Once again Shinji, you cause the grief and sorrow of another poor human being to resurface once more. Is there no end to this trail of suffering I drag behind me?
An eerie silence follows what had just been a thunderous argument, meaning I'm probably in the eye of the storm and the worst has yet to come. Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.
(POV Kouzou Fuyutsuki)
"You have disappointed me." My own voice rings out in a lash of conscious harm, angered at the sight of a weak spirited man.
He remains tall though, with his head lowered just enough so that the bangs of his hair leave his eyes in a dark shadow, giving the appearance of either anger or sorrow; whichever one he's feeling now I do not know. His arms remain tied behind his back, bound by two titanium braces at the upper and lower ends of his arms ending with the cuffing at his wrists. Aside from being bound and shamed, he is watched closely by two guards with their rifles pointed straight into his back, should he try anything wild or reckless. Lucky for us, this was all done with his cooperation or we might have actually had trouble getting him into those bindings.
"You've fallen a long way Captain, but I never believed for a second that you'd sink this low. Questioning and breaking orders, and than attacking Eva pilots in the locker room while forcing another to pull a gun on you? What do you have to say for yourself now?" My voice echoes in the large office, allowing my ears to hear my own message, but not the sound of a reply from the opposing man's mouth. "You do realize that if it weren't for the circumstances, there would be no reprieve from such actions?"
Again, silence, just the sound of circulating air from the ventilation shafts but no sound from the confined prisoner. Although I do not wish to force my hand, he has shown his refusal to speak, which might force me to do just that.
"Do you have nothing to say at all!!?" If he wants me to take action against him, than I'll be more than happy to oblige.
I stand up from my chair, slapping my hands against the desk with a hard whap, not even causing the proponent to flinch. I nod my head to one of the guards, who returns the gesture and grasps the butt of his rifle. With a solid motion, he slams the rifle on the back of the man's neck, causing him to stumble forward, but still somehow managing to stay upright. Again I give the guard a nod and he repeats the action. Once, twice, thrice, the butt of the rifle cracks against back of his neck until he finally falls to his knees, breathing sharply at the sudden outburst of pain.
But still, he bites his tongue, even as he kneels on the floor in obvious suffrage. I raise my head to give him one more when he himself finally lifts his head, revealing his eyes and face.
"I did what I had to." Well, it's an answer but not the kind I'm looking for.
"Yes, but did you ever think that what you did was wrong, that there was a better way?" Does he even feel guilt for what he did? The look in his eyes suggests that the man that once existed under that skin has passed on, the full brunt of his anger finally digging its way out.
"There's always a better way for almost anything, but you guys sure as hell didn't pick it either!" He may be right, what we did wasn't the best for anyone and the mission could have gone better were we better prepared. But than again, I'm not the one under review here. Another nod towards the guard ends with an additional smack to 'The Captain's' neck.
"Your impudence won't get you anywhere in this room. And we certainly don't look kindly upon soldiers who beat other soldiers for following orders." Shinji…a soldier? I have never really looked at it that way until now. A frightened child raised to be a scared little pawn in our own plans is a terrible act, a crime even. Sadly though, it's my job to stay emotionally detached from such matters, meaning there's no way I can relieve him of his burden. What a sinful existence NERV has…will God ever forgive our plights?
"Soldier? Ikari is no more than a meager child fighting an adult's war. There's no place in this facility for someone who cannot pull the trigger with the burden of morals keeping them weighed down." If only he could read my mind, but than again, it's not really my decision; it's Shinji and the UN's.
"You will learn to work with him or I will strip you of your pilot's status and personally see to it that you're tossed out the nearest exit! Do I make myself clear?" I never believed that it would come to this, but he leaves me no other options. Should I go lenient on him for this, than there'll be no end to Shinji's torment and I'm not ready to shove Blaze in the furnace just yet.
"Commander?"
"There's no question to it! Either you comply or I follow through with what I just said. Understood?"
"Yes…SIR." He barks his SIR rather sharply, either forcing it out or barking with disrespect. However, I can't really do anything about it so I'm just going to have to take that one.
I gesture to the guards, both of whom raise Blaze up from the floor and onto his feet, half-dragging him over to the desk and placing him upright. I point to the restraints and the guards remove them one by one until Blaze's arms are free. He raises them above his shoulders in an apparent stretch before bringing them to the back of his neck in a nurturing fashion. A sheet of paper and pen come out from my desk and are thrown out in front of him. The focused look he returns gives the silent statement 'so my freedom comes at a cost?'
"It's merely a release form. I'm sure two weeks of therapeutic time will help straighten this out." To answer his silent question, 'take a vacation or you're fired!'
"Sir, I don't need therapy! I simply need some time to myself, to straighten things out and resolve some…personal disputes." He shuffles uncomfortably at the sight of the form, his face tensing and eyes narrowing. He doesn't want to leave when he knows he has work to do, that part of him still remains strong. But staying here will only end in further damage to his already tarnished psyche.
"Agreed, and so I'm going to give it to you under two conditions. One, you sign the form, and this time tell us your REAL name. Second, I don't want to see you in or around the NERV facilities for a good two weeks. Other than that, you can do whatever you deem as necessary to propagate yourself naturally." He doesn't smile, but his face relaxes as he picks up the sheet and fills it out.
He sets the paper back down on the desk but snaps the pen hard out in front of me. "I guess you win this round Commander. But you really didn't have to have them smack me around so hard." He looks back at the guards with dissatisfaction, but he really shouldn't blame them for our dispute.
"How else would I get you to cooperate?" Even if he doesn't see it, that was a cruel joke placed over a forced situation. But only time will tell if any of my actions in this office are worth the salary it pays.
The Captain turns and allows the guards to restrain him once more, giving no acts of resistance or signs of frustration. With the cuffs back in place, they begin to march him out, but with one question left unanswered. "Captain!" His head turns at the sound of my voice. "What do you really think of the children's involvement?"
He turns his head, leaving me to stare at the back of his head. I prepare to have him thrown out for his refusal to answer, but quickly stop when he finally looks back. "Honestly, if it's what they've chosen, than who am I to get in their way?" His look changes into a stern warning. "But make no mistake, if you thrust anything else like this upon them than I won't let you restrain me so easily."
At the sound of those words, whether they are a threat or warning, the guard shuffles the Captain out the door and into the light. Curious, I pick up the fillout sheet and immediately scan the name printed at the top.
"Brian 'Blaze' Merindi." I read out quietly.
(POV Asuka Langley Sohryu)
Finally, the plunge into the entry plug, the sole moment I've been waiting for has finally arrived. I can feel my heart pulse under my chest, racing with excitement as the LCL fills my lungs. The liquid coolly kisses the inside of my body, lowering my body heat to a more moderate temperature. The lights flash in a daze of colors before finally settling on a view of the gray slab that is the Eva Harmonics Lab.
I can't wait to see her though, when I know she's actually hiding in here somewhere. It took the engineers long enough, but she's finally back together and looking better than ever. Mother, when we reunite, we'll be the most unstoppable force that NERV has ever witnessed, bringing vengeance to those who struck you down. But just having you around again will be more than enough in my mind.
"Double check the safety buffers…yes maximum settings. Hey there Asuka, are you ready to start the Harmonics test." The new Sub-Commander's voice rattles the microphone with her stupid question. Of course I'm ready, this is the reason I'm back here in the first place so just get on with.
"Can we hurry up and get started? Jeez, the more you people make me wait, the less I think that we're actually going through with this."
"Okay, settle down Asuka. We just have a few more things to set up, but I'll be here if you need anything." I don't NEED anything, what I WANT is to get this test going and the technicians sure are taking their time about it.
"Just tell me when we actually start."
"Alright than, I'll just go check on Shinji since you don't need my services." Dr. Akagi cuts the mic off and the sounds from the testing center cease to come in over the audio. But than again, I'm sure Shinji needs them more than I do after yesterday's battle, I even heard Misato yelling at him through the walls of my room. Talk about stupid, getting Misato all worked up like that. You'd think he acted that way just to get on her nerves or something?
The audio crackles back to life. "You getting those readings yet? …Alright, we're all set than…great! Asuka, the test is about to begin. Sit back, relax and concentrate on synchronizing, nothing more. Your best is all we can ask for, so don't blow it by doing something new."
"Yes ma'am, I won't fail this time." Such subsequent failure would mean the end of my days as a pilot…there's no way in hell that's going to happen.
"Ok, begin the test."
The Commander's voice passes through the LCL before disappearing behind the soft hum of Unit-02's drive core. The neural receptors link up, beeping off as they synchronize with different points along my spinal cord. The humming tickles my back, rubbing it softly with a million tiny, invisible fingers reaching out from the control chair. The control yokes massage my hands as they link up with the neurons in my arms and legs. Everything appears to be going smoothly, nothing I haven't felt before.
A loud bang sounds and the screen flashes out, powering down and revealing the entry plug's inner shell.
"What the hell…wha!!?" Something jumps from my spine into the seat, leaving the feeling of a large hole somewhere in my back. A ring of light flashes along the inside of the plug, whipping around behind me before disappearing at the far end. The hole in my back stings and whelps for a moment before finally settling down and stopping altogether. The lights come back on and the humming stops but nothing acts as if something went wrong. Did the connection fail...or did something else go wrong?
The Audio systems reactivate. "Congratulations Asuka, you just synchronized with Unit-02. We're gonna start recording data now, so just sit back and we'll let you know when the tests are done."
"What? But what about the flash and the sudden power-down? Don't tell me you guys didn't notice it!" Did it get by the sensors, or are they going to ignore my question?
"Notice what? All our data reads as green. You should be happy for once. After all, you're back where you want to be right, am I right?" No question there, this is where I want to be, but if they didn't notice it, than what the hell was that flash?
I shut off the com link, thoroughly isolating myself within the Entry Plug…and alone with Unit-02.
"Mother…you know what's going on, don't you?"
The sudden plunge into quite is the only answer I need.
(A/N It's far from over folks. Now that I'm getting the story back on it's own two legs...or maybe its four legs...anyway, it's back and going stronger than ever. Thanks for all the support. [Support is small, but strong, and hey, I'll take what I can get)