HAPPY VALENTINES day to all.i decided i needed something happy to happen in this story since it is valentines day so here ya go. the song i put in was one of the ones i had been thinking about using for Jude to sing but i think i've finally decided on a different one but i just couldn't let this awesome song go to waste. can anyone guess the name of it? ok well PLZ R&R. oh and i know its not technically about this story but i have a poll up for my other story and i keep forgetting to say so so if you have read the other one plx check it out. i own nothing of instant star.

Wildness unleashed

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

As I unplugged the tub, and stood up to rinse off all the soap, I thought about what had happened in such a limited time. I had pretty much lost everyone important to me, although some weren't as bad as others.

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Listening to the song now playing on my I-pod I couldn't help but relate to it just a bit. Every time I look at Tommy or even think of him I feel like my hearts falling apart again and again. Which really just makes me mad. I mean he screwed up why should I have to pay?

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

He just frustrates me so damn much!!! I could just be sitting there not even thinking about him, and then suddenly I realize I haven't an I feel proud of myself. That is until I realize that I had to have just thought about him to have thought that. I know eventually I'll get over him but it seems to be taking much to long.

Finishing drying off my body I started on my hair. Looking around I remembered I had put all my clothes on my bed so I didn't get any of them wet. Stupid me I hadn't even thought of a robe. Hitting my forehead with my hand for forgetting something so obvious I tipped my head upside down as I finished drying my hair, wanting to make sure I got it all dry. As I walked out of the bath room I looked up and I couldn't believe what I saw.

Tommy. Standing in MY doorway. All I could think of was what right does he have to come in here uninvited!!!! Then as a cold breeze slid through the room my mind picked up on the obvious. I was NAKED and Tommy was just standing there looking at me. I knew I should move away cover myself up but I just couldn't get my body to listen I felt like I was stuck, frozen with shock. Looking into his eyes I saw pure lust in them. I felt myself responding to that, even though I really didn't want it too.

When he took a hesitant step toward me I was a little shocked although not enough for me to actually move or get some clothes. Then all of a sudden he was right in front of me, and then he was kissing me, hard, right on the mouth. At first I was to surprised to do anything other than just stand there, completely unresponsive. Then he ran his tongue over my lips, begging entrance. I snapped I admit it. I gave him what he asked for, opening my mouth all the while sliding my tongue out to meet with his. We must have kissed for at least 5 minutes when I felt him move his hands up from my hips, which I realized somewhere in the back of my mind, were still naked, up first to my ribs slowly moving them up until they reached the undersides of my breasts. When he stopped their and didn't go any farther I almost forgot to breathe. Then, as if seeing I was just as desperate as him, he went up even higher and squeezed both of my breasts lightly.

After that I'm not really sure what happened but all of a sudden we were on my bed, and then Tommy was naked, and I was begging him for more. One second I was on top and then I was underneath him and he was inside me, and other than the brief tinge of pain, it all just felt like pure heaven. As his thrusts started getting faster and faster I knew something was coming. The whole time I had felt something building something I couldn't really describe but I knew I wanted badly, real badly. All of a sudden I felt my body begin to shudder and I felt the most exquisite pleasure ever in my entire life.

"Tommy" I moaned almost to quietly too hear, as I started coming down from the high I had been on. I became aware that Tommy was still moving inside of me. I started thrusting back, wanting him to feel what I just had. I felt him start to shake and he had the weirdest look on his face I had ever seen. It seemed to be a mix of pleasure and pain.

Afterwards we just laid there, completely relaxed. As I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep, I suddenly opened my eyes wide. What I'd done hit me? I had slept with Tommy, lost my virginity to him, even though I hated him, even though him and Sadie were dating. How could I be so stupid? I was supposed to hate Tommy but looking at him I couldn't muster up any emotion other than love. I couldn't let Tommy know other wise he might use it to hurt me and I didn't think I could take that again. Looking at Tommy I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how hot he looked naked and in my bed.

I am so screwed.