-1Chapter Four
The right thing?
The silence that greets him when he enters the front door of the house gives Derek a moments pause. There were days the silence was normal. Meredith would be off running some errand or another, taking Eva with her. Today wasn't one of them days. The dark SUV she drove sat in the drive, and Eva's diaper bag sat at the bottom of the stairs, both signs that his wife and daughter were home. Which made the silence rather eerie. Hanging his jacket on the coat tree to his left, Derek sighs. Most likely, Eva had decided to crash after an over active day and Meredith was enjoying a nap herself.
"Meredith," he calls softly, not wanting to wake her if she is sleeping. A quick perusal of the bottom floor leads him to finding her on the back deck. He could see her through the large windows that faced the lake. There is a light blue throw draped around her shoulders. Shoulders that were drooping. Opening the French doors that lead outside, he calls her name again. This time she looks over her shoulder at him. He frowns. Her cheeks were damp with tears. "Are you alright? Eva? The baby?" His heart pounding, he kneels next to her.
"No. Eva's fine. And...I'm fine. I think. I don't know." With shaking hands, she wipes at her cheeks. No sooner has she cleared the last trace of tears when a new batch starts. "I did something Derek. Something I...maybe...shouldn't have done."
Using the pad of his thumb, he wipes a tear drop from her trembling chin. "What did you do? Whatever it is, I'm sure it isn't worth beating yourself up over." He has grown use to her emotional outbursts. From day one of her pregnancy, she has been like an emotional rollercoaster. Happy and laughing one minute, crying buckets the next. Until he knew for sure what had brought her round of tears on, he wasn't going to panic or become upset.
"No. I do. I do need to beat myself up over this, because I should have just kept my mouth shut. I should have just called Izzie...told her the situation...and...and let her decide. But...no...I had to open my big mouth. And now..." She trails off as she bursts into a sob. She hates being so emotional. Oh, she knew it couldn't be helped. Pregnant or not, she would have felt horrible for what she had done. The extra hormones made things worse, though. She was a sopping mess of emotions.
"And now," he prompts. Derek learned long ago that it was just best to let Meredith get her rambling done before asking questions.
"And now Alex is over there. I told Alex about Lexie." Meredith looks at him, her blue-grey eyes full of torment.
Derek is taken aback for a moment. The secret of Lexie Stevens had been well guarded by them all for the last ten and a half years. There wasn't a single one of them that didn't have emotions invested in the girl. Whatever had driven
Meredith to tell Alex, it had to be big. She wouldn't just tell him. Not without reason. "Okay," he says slowly. "Do you want to tell me why?"
Shoulders hunching over even more, she buries her face in her hands, sobbing. It takes her a moment to compose herself. "When Izzie was pregnant, I use to wish all these horrible things on Addison and her...daughter. Which is extremely childish, I know. I didn't mean it though. I didn't mean any of the bad Karma I sent her way...Kylie's, not Addison's."
Wrinkling his forehead, Derek brushes a lock of hair from her face. It was sticky with tears. "Is that why you told Alex? Because you had some misplaced guilt for wishing Addison and Kylie ill-will?" It makes no sense. He himself was guilty of wishing Addison ill will. The woman had turned Mark into an even bigger ass than he had been. She had taken a father from Lexie. Hell, he was even willing to go as far as to say she had taken the love of Izzie's life from her. He could still remember the day Lexie had been born. Izzie had sat there, holding that beautiful little baby, sobbing. She had sat there crying, telling that tiny baby how sorry she was. When he had asked Meredith what Izzie had to be sorry for, Meredith had told him Izzie was sorry for not realizing she loved Alex sooner. Maybe if she had, he wouldn't have turned to Addison.
"No. Kylie's sick, Derek. She...she has cancer. And...when Alex was sitting there...telling me they were out of options...that…that the doctors thought her best chance was a sibling…" her voice cracks. She sniffles a bit, letting out a shaky breath. "He...he said he couldn't see having another child with Addison. Not when it's sole purpose was saving Kylie. He...he said he didn't want another reason to have Addison in his life. He moved here because he didn't want to watch his daughter die, Derek. I couldn't just...not say anything. I had to say something. Right?"
Sighing, Derek stands, pulling Meredith to her feet. He takes her place in the chair, then gently settles her on his lap. He wraps his arms around her much the way he would have Eva. He kisses her forehead, making soft murmuring sounds. Nothing he had to say would matter. Knowing she was loved, that was what mattered. He could do that. He could make her feel loved. For good measure, though, he murmurs in her ear, "Yes. You did the right thing."