-1Chapter Five

Confrontation

From the moment the pregnancy test read positive, Izzie had known this day would come. Shortly after Lexie's birth, she had thought about calling him, telling him about their beautiful daughter. Then Meredith received first email from Alex. It had been short. Just a quick note to announce the birth of one Kylie Elaina Karev. There had been a picture attached. One that had shown Alex and Addison holding their tiny daughter with her spiky reddish blond hair. She couldn't call, not after seeing that photo. She couldn't destroy what looked to be a happy family. So, she had made the choice to wait. She would wait until her daughter asked about the father who wasn't there.

The question was asked sooner than she had expected. It had come when Lexie was only four. It was towards the end of preschool. Izzie could still remember that sweet faced little girl looking up at her, from eyes so like her father's, and asking where her daddy was, because she had a card for him. They had made Father's Day cards at school, and she needed to give her's to her father. It had been all Izzie could do not to cry. Instead, she had taken the card from Lexie, wrote a five page letter to Alex, telling him about their daughter, begging him to forgive her, and mailed it in care of the hospital where him and Addison worked.

The letter was returned two weeks later. If it had just been returned, it wouldn't have mattered as much. Except, it wasn't just returned. It had a rather nasty note scribbled on the back from Addison telling her to stay out of their lives. She had taken the unopened letter and stuck it in a box. The box was full of father's day cards and what not's that Lexie had made over the years, always trusting that her mother was getting them to her father.

Looking over at her daughter, she smiles faintly. She can't help it. No matter how ugly a situation was, one look at her daughter and the world was made right once again. Lexie smiles back at her, dimples indenting either cheek. Funny, she has never noticed how much Lexie looks like Alex until now. She has never had the guts to take their pictures and lay them side by side. She looks back at Alex, the faint grin fading. The question he has asked was logical. "She told me. I'm sorry. I...I can't imagine what Addison and you are going through."

Alex nods, his face growing more somber. There were a million questions running through his mind. That much was obvious. "I need to know if Lexie is a donor match for Kylie."

Izzie tries not to be angry. He has raised Kylie. From the moment she breathed her first breath until now, he has been there. Loving her, teaching her things. It was natural that she would be his first concern, but dammit what about Lexie? Wasn't he the least bit curious about her? Or was she just some useful commodity to save his other daughter? "Did you think I would say no?" That hurt almost as much as him not asking about Lexie.

"I don't know what think Izzie," he says softly, looking toward the garage. Both child and dog were soaking wet. Bell-like giggles echoed through the air.

"I know. And...I'm sorry. I truly am sorry Alex." God she is sorry. More than he would ever know.

It had been three weeks before her due date that she had realized she loved him. Realizing that had almost driven her over the edge. If it hadn't been Meredith and Cristina, Callie as well, she would sunk into a depression. Callie had been the one to make her realize that she couldn't think about herself anymore. She had to think about her child. She was no longer just Izzie. She was a mother. And mother's put their own feelings aside to do what is best for their child. She could almost hear Callie saying the words again. "I should have told you that night. Regardless of how upset I was about Addison...I should have told you. I was going to tell you. I was...you...if you don't believe another word I say, at least believe that."

"Yeah. I know. I put two and two together. After Meredith told me." Alex shifts around, looking at the damp ground. It was partially wet from the rain earlier, and partially from the running water hose. His discomfort is clear. For some reason it annoys her. This isn't easy for her either, but she isn't looking around and avoiding. No. She is facing it all head on. Even though all she wants to do is grab her daughter and run.

"I just...I didn't know what to do. When you told me about Addison...I..I didn't know what to do. So, I said nothing. I didn't want to put you in the position to have to choose. So, right or wrong, I made the choice for you. And...I'm sorry. I am." She couldn't say it enough. She is sorry. Not that her apologies amounted to much. The angry look Alex sends her makes that very clear.

"Stop it!" They both turn when they hear Lexie screaming. She is on the garage floor, covering her face with her hands while Button jumps on her. She loves the dog. Has loved him from the time she unwrapped the box he was in on her third birthday. It was when he jumped and got in her face that she became upset, the way he was now. Her fear came stemmed from being bitten by a neighbors dog when she was five.

"Buttons!" Izzie snaps. The dachshund looks up at her, then lowers his head. He slinks off to a dark corner of the garage. To pout no doubt. He knew better. She starts up the drive, Lexie meeting her half way. "Go inside. Get some dry clothes on. Make sure you put the wet ones in the washer, not on the floor." Kissing the smooth forehead, she gives Lexie a gentle push toward the door that led to the kitchen, via a washroom.

"Do I know him?" Lexie is staring back down the drive, where Alex stood waiting. Izzie's heart pounds. Would Lexie recognize her own eye color and smile?

"No. He's a friend. From my past. Seattle Grace." As usual, Lexie trusts what she is saying. Watching as her daughter slams into the house, she lets out a sigh of disgust. She should have just told her. She should have worked the courage up to tell her that Alex was her father. Except, then Lexie would get her hopes up. She would ask him about the cards she had made him, cards that were in a box under her mother's bed.

"Is that what I'm always going to be? A friend from your past?"

She jumps. She hadn't seen him come into the garage. "What am I suppose to tell her, Alex?" There. The ball was in his court. 'Please God,' she prays silently, 'let him want to be a father to her. Let him want to get to know her. She needs him.'

"I don't know, Iz." It is all she could do not to turn on him and scream. Didn't he even care? No. He probably didn't. He was just so wrapped up in Addison and her daughter, that he didn't care. Her eyes burn a bit. She wouldn't cry, though. Not in front him. She would wait until she was in the shower. That was the one place she knew she could cry without worry that Lexie would see and get upset.

"Then we stick with you're an old friend," she says tensely. She blinks a bit. Before she could stop it one tear slips down her cheek. It slowly wound down, pausing on her jaw before dripping onto her shoulder. She bites her lip, trying to keep from saying things she shouldn't. The anger of being a single mother for eleven years is welling up inside her. Before she can stop herself the words are spilling out. "Don't you care? Don't you care one bit about her? Or...what? She's just...just...something else to use to save Kylie? She's your daughter Alex. Your flesh and blood. And you don't care. You just...you don't care, do you?" Did she even want the answer to that? Probably not. It was better to know, though. "You wouldn't even be here if you didn't think she could save Kylie. If Kylie wasn't sick and Meredith had still told you, you wouldn't have come. I mean, why would you? We both know…" She stops. She isn't going to let him know that she loves him, that even now, so many years later, him choosing Addison over her still hurt.

"Is that what you think? That I don't care? What am I suppose to do, Iz? You kept her from me." He stops his jaw tightening.

"I didn't keep her from you! I wanted to tell you! I was going to tell you. You just didn't give me the chance. You were to busy telling me all about your upcoming marriage to Addison. And...the child you were going to have together. When...during that little speech...was I suppose to say what about my baby...our baby? When was I suppose to say something? I wanted to. I wanted to tell you...but, I just couldn't." The tears she had been fighting burst loose. They stream down her cheeks. "Then, when she was born...I tried to...I was going to call but every time I picked up the phone I couldn't dial the number because I didn't know how I was suppose to tell you. When I finally got the courage up to call, Meredith forwarded Kylie's birth announcement. And...I couldn't...couldn't bear the thought of destroying that baby's perfect world." She wipes at her cheeks. She can't explain how good it felt to just say all the things that has been bottled up inside.

"You should have done it. For Lexie. You should have picked up the fucking phone and called!" He is fighting not to yell. She knew him well enough to know that. Some things never changed. "Don't you think Lexie needed her father, too?"

"You think I don't know that! I know that better than anyone Alex! I'm the one who has to lie to her child. Me. Not you! Stupid fucking cards. Every damn year. Every year they make those stupid ass father's day cards...and...she gives it to me. To mail to you. She thinks I mail them to her father. To you. I tried that once, you know? The first one. I felt so sick that she didn't have a daddy to give that card to. So I sucked it up, wrote you a letter...telling you about her...put the card in there...along with a bunch of pictures. Got it back three weeks later with a nice note from Addison to leave you alone. I tried...and I know that she needed...needs you!" Her body is shaking. A weight is lifted, though. The weight of keeping it all inside.

The blood has drained from his face, leaving him a sickly yellowish color. His adams apple bobs up and down as he swallows. "You...you sent me a letter?" She nods, crossing her arms. It had grown a bit chilly. There was a crisp breeze that hadn't been there before. A sure sign that summer would be ending soon. "Was it open? When you got it back?"

Izzie shakes her head. "No. It wasn't open. Addison just wrote return to sender on the front of it. Then her little note on the back. She didn't know about Lexie, if that's what you're thinking. If she had...she would have contacted me. About Kylie. And the...the testing. She would have done what you're doing now. Used my child to help her's." Saying the words leaves an ugly, bitter taste in her mouth. It is the truth though. Alex is there because of Kylie.

He stares at her, making her shift around uncomfortably. She thought she buried her feelings for him a long time ago. Apparrently she hasn't, because they were rearing their ugly head. "I didn't come just because of Kylie, Iz," he says in a husky tone. For the first time, she notices the hurt in his eyes. "I love Kylie. She's my baby. Despite everything Addison and I have been through...despite what we did to each other...Kylie was right. When she first got sick, I was the kind of dad doctors hate. The one who showed up at the appointments with suggestions. Tried every last one of them too. None of them worked. Tried chemo. Watched her swell up. Watched her lose all her hair. Didn't do a bit of good. Slowed it down a bit, but didn't fix anything. Her last appointment, doctor suggested a sibling donor. Addison was all over that one. Wanted to run right down to the nearest fertility clinic. She knew better than to suggest having one the old fashioned way. I couldn't do it. Not even to save Kylie. I couldn't stomach the thought of bringing a child into this world just because their bone marrow might save their sister's life. Addison called me every name in the book. Said I was a sorry excuse for a father. That was always her favorite. I was a sorry ass father. I wasn't, though, Iz. Every dance recital, every school award, I was there. I might have sucked in the husband department, but I was a good father!" He pauses, running a hand over his chin. " I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay and watch her die."

Izzie's heart breaks a bit. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing at all.

"When Meredith told me about Lexie, my first thought was about whether or not she could help Kylie. I'll admit that. You can't blame me for that, Iz. You can't blame me for wanting to save my child." He is pleading now. Needing her to understand. She did. To a point she understood. It didn't' change that Lexie is her first priority even if she isn't Alex's.

"I don't blame you Alex. And...if Lexie matches...I'm not going to say she can't help. That you can't use her to help Kylie. But...what about her? What about Lexie? Where does she fit in your life? Or doesn't she?" It is a lot to lay on him. Asking him where the daughter he had known about less than an hour would fit into his life. She has to know though, for Lexie's sake. There would be questions when the testing started. She needs to have answers ready.

It seems like an eternity before Alex answers her. "She's my daughter, too. I'm not going to just walk away. I can't. I wouldn't have...if I had known...I can't just walk away."