She doesn't look
She doesn't see
Opens up for nobody
Figures out, she figures out
For an 11 year old she was quiet
Too quiet they would say as she sat reading by the window
Ignoring their comments as they sat baffled
She wouldn't talk to others
Though they put that down to a change in accent
She didn't play outside
Though they said it was a change of climate
They knew so little, those doctors
No on believed she had figured it out,
If they themselves even had
Narrow lines, she can't decide
Everything short of suicide
Never hurts
Nearly works
She'd seen the marks on the person she knew so well
The subtle change from patchworks of purple and blue
To streaks of angry red across the wrinkling wrist
One by him
The other by her mother
She didn't understand, the others had come and gone
Some were nice, some where not
But none of the other men had ever laid a hand on her mother
She'd been scared at first
So scared that next time he would hit to hard
Or the lines would stick and indirectly he would kill her
Next time it might be her, not her mother, he came after.
Something scratched its way out
Something you want to forget about
So far she was safe
He had no interest in a quiet, British 11 year old
To busy reading to notice the abuse
He liked it that way, her innocence
Like the others he failed to realise she knew it all
worse she knew what it was doing to her mother
That the end was near
He realised though
One day
June
It was cloudy
The first winter rains falling across the barren earth
Part of you
That will never show
You're the only one
That'll ever know
Strike One:
She's yelling
Mouth without a mind
Leap without a thought
She's yelling at him to stop like her life depends on it
And someone's does
Suddenly a red face is above her
Boiling with rage as purple veins threaten to pop at the end of his pointed little nose
"What'd you say?" he spits before the backhand comes flying
Red, wrinkled skin coming into contact with soft, pale flesh
It burns, hisses with pain as she cries out
Tumbling towards the tiles with force, tears running down a purple stained face
Clutching her cheek in terror and pain and surprise and terror all over again
Next to the sobering woman
Nothing happens
Take it back to when it all began
Take your time would you understand
What it's all about
What it's all about
Strike two:
He stumbles down the hallway
Stinking of sweat and smoke and booze
Ladies as well
"Where are ya?" he screams and they huddle closer together
Mother and daughter
United at last
She struggles out of a firm grasp
Braving the wall of terror
Finding strength in the fact her mother is on her side
It's the first time in her life that has happened
She choses to ignore that the woman doesn't stop her from facing him
"You" he screams before she can get in a word
"You!" is all she hears as she is shoved against the wall
Her whole young, innocent self shaking with pain and terror
Not surprise though, she's past that
He's laughing she realises with disgust as fairy's dance past her eyes and she falls to the ground
Barley holding consciousness as the pain gets worse, vibrating up her arm, taking her over, blanking out her mind so all she can feel is terror and horrible, Aching
Nothingness
The laughter is changing
Becoming softer, more choking
He's crying she realises with disgust
Crying that he's sorry towards her little, battered frame
Her little, battered mother
He's saying he's sorry and she's shaking her head, slinking towards the stairs before turning and running
Hiding beneath the covers her father sent from England, lighter so she would not grow hot in the Australian summer nights
Nothing happens
Something scratched its way out
Something you want to forget about
No one expects you to get out
All on your own with no one around
Strike Three:
Its early morning now
She wakes with a choking start
Spluttering and breathing heavily after the dream that had met her earlier
Yet, it hadn't been a dream she realises as she fingers the angry, blistering bruise against her cheek
"No" she whispers, curling in a ball, rocking backwards and forwards in tears
Tears of pain and terror and realisation
How long had her mother endured this?
They're fighting down stairs
Big, angry words of rage are being thrown back and forth
Her name is mentioned and she slinks down the stairs
Hiding behind the wall
Suddenly words aren't the only thing being thrown and her mother hits the floor
A deafening thud and crack that can't be natural
"No" she screams in a moment of blind horror
Running towards the figure standing over the bleeding woman
She runs at him with all her force, barrelling into his side
She falls to the floor, her shoulder still blaring at her from yesterday
He's laughing again,
The sound ringing in her ears like bells, filling her senses as she's lifted easily from the ground, arms of booze swaying her form side to side
Shaking her, almost dropping her, shaking her
Suddenly she hits the floor and knows that she can't hold on any longer
She's too far beyond tears to stop
To far beyond pain to feel anything except numbness
To exposed to the world to be the innocent 11 year old the doctors told of
She can smell sickening alcohol
Can feel nothing but numb and aching pain
Can hear nothing but his laughing cries of anguish as he collapses against the broken pair
Saying he's sorry
And
As the world around her blacks out finally
She can almost hear the sirens coming to her rescue
Though whether they will reach her in time
She does not know
Something scratched its way out
Something you want to forget about
She wasn't supposed to survive
Neither was her mother
Not in that house
All on their own with him
Her own with him
Yet, despite it she had felt something that had never been present before
And unity between both her and her mother
Something so strong
Something which carried them away to survival
She can't move her right side; the soft hospital bed is squished against her
Everything still hurts but it's a dull, medicated ache compared to her mind and soul
Nothing will replace that face
Above her
Above her mother
A face ready to kill with anger and passion and alcohol
But, she reminds herself, she survived
No
They survived
And maybe from now the two of them will
Together
She even manages a smile
No one expects you to get out
There's a person sitting next to her
Has been all night, and day, and night
For three weeks she has stayed there
Guarding the small, blonde haired angel of a child that no one can believe survived
The angel stirs and she sits up straight, noticing the smile gracing her lips for the first time
"Good afternoon" she whispers, stroking the blonde locks affectionately.
Two little green eyes screw shut as she turns towards the voice
Praying to a God she's just getting to know that it's who she wants it to be
"Leila" she murmurs, face dropping at the site of the woman she had come to know as her confidant, her friend, her mentor
"Where's momma?" she asks, tears already threatening to spill down her innocent bruised cheeks.
"Oh Katie" is all she can say in return, brushing the child's hair away
She can't lie
Not now
Not after what's happened
"Oh Angel" she whispers, brushing a feather light kiss against the bandaged forehead
"She had to work sweetheart"
All on your own with no one around