Thanks for the reviews. I've resigned myself to the fact that this chapter isn't going to go down too well with some of you, but I was due for an update and this is the way I planned it. That said, I've watched THE SCENE a couple of times and I'm not bothered by it -- while I have always been and will always be a Jater, I actually thought it was sweet. It was nice to see Jack getting the love he deserves. But for those of you who disagree, all I can say is remember, we now know that two years from now, Jack will STILL be in love with Kate... ;)
Chapter 4.
What did I just do? Juliet thought as she watched Kate retreat along the beach, hurrying back to Jack's tent before he had time to realise that she'd left it.
What she was asking was impossible – that's what she should have told her, but instead, she'd agreed.
You're only doing what she wants, she reminded herself, What she begged you to do, and for a while, it helped, until she noticed them sitting in tense silence at dinner, Jack's expression more strained that she could remember seeing it.
She could still picture his grin when she told them that Kate was pregnant, before reality caught up with him and he realised what that meant. He was a good man: gentle, kind, loving – one of the sweetest Juliet had ever met – and yet he was torturing himself because of those qualities, because he'd acted out of love in giving Kate the advice that she was determined not to take, even for him.
And for better or worse, he loved her, even if she didn't always deserve it – could Juliet really live with Kate's death on her conscience if she failed and lost her, and their unborn child too, knowing how it would destroy him? He would never forgive himself for putting her at risk, and he would never forgive them for shutting him out either, and if he did, he still wouldn't be the same man.
There were too many ifs, too variables, too many ways for her to add to the pain he was already nursing, when if she left it alone, it would heal. She couldn't do it; she couldn't be responsible for hurting him like that.
It should have been easy for a seasoned liar like her, but the night before she was supposed to convince him that she'd given Kate the follow up drug, she found that she couldn't sleep, shifting uncomfortably as she tried to figure out a way out of it.
Once she did that, she was committed; the two lives that mattered more to him than his own were in her hands. It was enough to make her want to run back to the Others' camp, where she could at least kid herself into believing that she could maintain a professional distance.
When she gave up on trying to sleep and left her tent, she was surprised to find Kate out of hers, sitting alone on the beach. Watching her slip her hand beneath her shirt, touching her lower belly so tentatively that she barely seemed to make contact, Juliet wondered if she was having second thoughts too. It would make it easier for her to get out what she needed to say.
"Does Jack know you're out here?" she asked her and Kate started, jerking it away, the spell broken.
"Juliet. You scared me," she said, shooting her an accusing look as she shifted, drawing her knees up to her chest. "And no, he doesn't," she confessed after a beat, her voice softening when Juliet joined her. "I told him I wanted to sleep in my own tent tonight."
Seeing how sad she looked as she turned to stare out to sea, Juliet almost felt sorry for her. The choice she was facing must be worse than the one she was struggling with. "He didn't try to stop you?" she asked, her heart aching for him when Kate shook her head. It wasn't like him to admit defeat.
"Maybe you should tell him," she suggested gently when an uncomfortable silence fell over them, taken aback when Kate cried, "No", loud enough to wake the nearest tents.
"No," she repeated at a more reasonable volume, her eyes hard as they shone in the darkness. "I'm not telling him anything until I know it's gonna work, and you can't either. I'm counting on you."
That was exactly what Juliet was afraid of. "That's just it, Kate," she told her with a sigh, realising that she was never going to get another chance as good as this one. "I don't think it is going to work. I've tried everything and the women still die. You might not care about that, but I know for a fact that Jack will."
Even though all Juliet had done was be honest, Kate recoiled from her words as if she'd been slapped. "So you're just gonna give up? You don't wanna piss him off, so I should just take the pill and forget it ever happened?" she retorted, tears springing to her eyes as she scrambled to her feet.
Juliet tried to think of something she could say to convince her; something that would make her understand that had nothing to do with Jack choosing her, or the tension that had always existed between them, but Kate was still too emotional, too defensive to hear her out.
"You know, I thought you were on my side," she spat, swiping at her eyes angrily as she turned to go back to her tent. "I actually thought we were in this together."
Juliet continued to sit there long after Kate had gone to bed, thinking about what she'd said. As infuriating as it was, nothing she or Jack did could make her see reason, enough to admit that the baby she was carrying wasn't meant to be, at least not on this island.
If she were someone else – anyone else – Juliet would have let her learn this the hard way when she gave her life for a child she had no hope of meeting, but no matter how she tried to justify it, she couldn't deny the fact that Kate was right about one thing:
They were in it together.
Kate's mind was made up: she was going to have her baby or die trying; the only difference was that with treatment, they might actually stand a chance of surviving.
Juliet was still sitting there the next morning when Jack came to collect the second pill: the one he thought would facilitate the miscarriage. One look at the deep lines etched into his forehead told her that he hadn't slept either.
"Why don't you let me give it to her?" she suggested, reaching out to place a hand gently on his arm, hating the fact that she was being forced to manipulate him again, even though there was a chance that he would thank her for it later: both of them.
"This isn't your problem, Juliet," he argued, stiffening almost imperceptibly under her touch, but while his tone remained firm, determined, his eyes told a different story. He didn't want to do this. He wanted someone to take the choice out of his hands.
"Let me, Jack," she insisted, "Please," some of the pressure on her chest releasing when he nodded, giving her the permission she needed to help him, even if it wasn't in the way he thought she was offering.
Kate was perched on the bench in the kitchen, cradling a bowl in her lap as she pushed its contents around with a spoon; she looked apprehensive when she saw Juliet approaching, setting it down and folding her arms instead.
"If you came to try again, you can forget it," she told her, licking her bottom lip as she cast a guilty glance at Jack, who was watching them from across the beach. "I told you – I can't."
"Then you better listen to me," Juliet agreed, lowering her voice, and Kate's eyes widened. "Right now, Jack thinks I came over here to examine you, to make sure you're ready for the next step, so I need you to come with me to your tent."
"You've changed your mind? You're gonna help me?" Kate repeated as she slid dutifully to her feet, a hint of incredulity creeping into her tone. "Why?"
She doesn't trust me, Juliet thought, forcing herself to remember why she'd decided to go along with something that was likely to blow up in her face. She thinks I'm going to let them die.
"Make no mistake, Kate," she told her, meeting her gaze. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for him."
Next chapter: Jack tries to deal with what's happening... ;)