Thanks for the reviews. Some of you are gonna hate me for this chapter and think I've gone over to the dark side because it's a little Jacket-heavy (which is why I was afraid to post it!), but I think it's clear where Jack's heart lies... ;)
Chapter 5.
More than half an hour had passed since Kate went with Juliet to her tent and Juliet still hadn't emerged. Even with the examination beforehand, Jack wasn't sure that it should be taking her this long just to give her a pill; remembering the look on Kate's face when he asked her to do this for him, he found himself growing more apprehensive with each moment that he was left imagining.
She hadn't cried or argued this time, but he knew better than anyone that she was capable of putting up a good fight once her mind was made up; that was what scared him about this whole situation: she was being compliant, and that wasn't the Kate that he knew. Or loved.
In fact, in the two days since they'd started the process together, she'd come to feel like a stranger to him.
"What happened?" he asked, intercepting Juliet as she stepped back out onto the beach, heading straight for her own tent.
She stopped, her ice blue eyes boring into his, and he couldn't tell what she was thinking until she said in a tone that suggested he should have figured this out, "She was very upset, Jack. She didn't want to do it, but I told her how the other woman died—"
"And she took it?" he pressed, cutting her off, more determined than ever to keep her from meeting the same fate. It was bad enough that he was going to lose their baby; he couldn't lose her too, not when it had taken him so long to find her.
She hesitated again, and he was afraid that she was trying to figure out how to break the news that Kate had backed out in spite of the additional risks, but then she agreed. "Yes."
That one word filled him with a strange combination of hope and relief, sadness and regret. If he could get Kate through the next twenty-four hours without complications, she would live, and life on the island would continue as it was before. He just wasn't sure how much before. "So what do we do now?"
"We wait," Juliet told him, seeming to relax as she switched over into doctor mode. Jack couldn't say that he blamed her: this wasn't supposed to be part of her job. In a perfect world, it wouldn't be, but his world was far from perfect. "The cramps started a few minutes ago, and there's some light spotting, which is a good sign – it means the medication is doing its job. I gave her something for the pain and told her to rest. If everything goes well her body should expel the foetus in a couple of hours."
He tried to acknowledge her effort to keep it impersonal by listening with the same clinical detachment, but he couldn't stop his heart from constricting, or the bile from rising in his throat at this description. It wasn't just a cluster of cells, like a cancer: it was a child, his child; the one that he'd made with the woman he loved.
"I should go see how she's doing," he told Juliet, desperate to set things right between them, even if it was just by showing her that this was hurting him too, but before he could reach her tent, he felt Juliet's fingers dig into his bicep, slowing him down.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Jack," she argued, scurrying alongside him, and he thought he detected a hint of panic in her tone.
"Why not?" he demanded, rounding on her when she refused to let him go.
"Because she doesn't want you there," she insisted, and he stopped, all of the air rushing out of his lungs as though she'd sucker punched him.
"She told you that?" he asked, fumbling for any excuse he could find not to believe her. He knew that she still had feelings for him: was it possible that she was lying? That she was counting on the disintegration of his relationship with Kate?
"Yes," she agreed, her piercing blue gaze locking on his, and he felt his resolve to reject what she was saying outright slipping away along with his hope for any kind of future for him and Kate. If she couldn't find it in her heart to forgive him… "She specifically asked that you stay away, and the last thing she needs right now is for you to upset her anymore than she already is."
"So that's it?" he repeated, shaking her off in his frustration. "I'm just supposed to let her go through this alone?"
He wanted to hit something, to feel the pain and the satisfaction of seeing the destruction he'd caused, but the other survivors were already shooting them curious glances. He was supposed to be their leader; he couldn't make more of a scene than he already had.
"She won't be alone, Jack," Juliet corrected him, softening, her voice low and gentle, and he thought she looked a little hurt. "She has me."
While he trusted her to do her job, knowing that she would be there in his place wasn't enough to satisfy him. He wanted to be the one to take care of Kate, to console her and share her grief, but he knew how crucial the next few hours could be this far from a hospital, so throwing his hands up in defeat, he stormed past her tent, into the jungle where he could be alone to process.
Whatever she was thinking; whatever she was feeling, it was clear that she still saw it as his fault. Maybe even hated him a little. He couldn't see how they could ever come back from that.
And maybe it was, because he'd given in to his desire for her in the first place. He knew how dangerous it was, and he'd allowed himself to forget, long enough to destroy the trust that they'd worked so hard to build.
He was so caught up in this loop of self-pity and guilt that he didn't notice when it began to get dark; he was still sitting there what must have been hours later when his eyes fell on a light moving through the trees, and Juliet appeared, her tense expression relaxing when she saw him.
"You shouldn't be out here, Jack – it's not safe," she told him, digging the end of her torch into the earth, and perching on the log beside him.
She seemed to expect a response, but his throat ached, and he didn't trust his voice, so they sat in silence instead, until she confessed, "It's over."
She didn't have to explain what these words meant, because he knew. It was gone. All of it. The baby. Kate. Everything.
"Is she okay?" he managed, even though he knew that she couldn't be, not when he'd broken the most important promise that he'd ever made her.
"Physically, she's fine," Juliet agreed, staring out into the darkness, and he was grateful for that much, "but she's hurting, Jack. She just needs you to give her some time."
He tried to nod, to show her that he understood, but all he could think about was how much he needed her, and as he did, he felt the first tear slide down his nose, to his cheek, coating his tongue with the bitter taste of salt.
He scrubbed at his face with his palm, swallowing the sob that followed, but he felt like his lungs were being squeezed in a vice, and as he struggled to fill them with enough air to keep breathing, he couldn't stop his shoulders from shaking, or the anguished sound that escaped from somewhere deep within him.
He didn't realise that he was crying until he felt Juliet's arms around him, larger than Kate's, and yet somehow more delicate, lacking her fierce strength; the strength that he needed now. She wasn't what he wanted, but just for that moment, he let her comfort him, burying his face in her shoulder as she whispered, "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so, so sorry."
Next chapter: Back to Kate as Juliet takes her to the medical station to begin her treatment, and some Jate! ;)