Thanks for the reviews. ;)
Chapter 8.
Cracking his eyes open as early morning sunlight filtered into his tent, Jack saw that Kate's side of the mattress was empty, the blanket that had covered her the night before crumpled and discarded. It wasn't the first time that he'd woken up to find her gone; in fact, it was such a common occurrence these days that he should have been used to it, but he wasn't.
Weeks of falling asleep with her in his arms only for her to leave them again and it still hurt.
While he was determined to give her the space that she needed to work through her own pain, it bothered him that he had no idea where she went, or why, except to get away from him. She was never in her own shelter, or on the beach with the rest of their friends; once or twice he walked past Sawyer's tent, just in case, but to his relief, he never heard any trace of her there.
Juliet was shaking cereal into a bowl when he passed the kitchen, looking for someone he might have spoken to her that morning; he stopped when a thought occurred to him, one that had been tormenting him since he first realised that it might not just be grief causing the cracks in their relationship.
"Juliet? Do you have a minute?" he said, leaning back against the counter beside her. "It's about Kate."
She set the box down, her expression guarded, neutral, as she asked, "Is she okay?"
She might just have been waiting for information before reacting, but her careful response made him wonder if she knew something, or at least was anticipating it.
"That's what I'm asking you," he told her, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat that prevented him from being more specific. "You must have seen situations like hers before…?"
"You mean pregnancy loss?" she supplied, and he nodded, frustrated that he was a doctor and he couldn't even bring himself to say it. His mouth went dry every time he tried, and his chest felt heavy, as though his heart had been replaced with concrete.
"I saw it all the time when I was working as a fertility doctor," she agreed with a tight smile, pretending not to notice this momentary lapse of his composure. "Women would spend years trying to conceive only to lose their baby in the first trimester."
She waited for him to recover before adding, "Is there something I can help you with, Jack? You said you had a question – about Kate?"
"You can tell me about the after effects," he explained, grateful that she wasn't going to try to turn the conversation around and make it about him. He didn't want to talk about how he felt: he wanted to know what he could do to fix things, before he lost her for good.
"I know that you're worried about her, Jack," she said gently, "but it's been more than a month since she took that pill – she should be fully recovered by now."
"I'm talking about the psychological effects," he corrected her, and her expression changed, shifting into a frown. These weren't something he was accustomed to dealing with, and he wondered if she was the same. "She's been… different… since it happened. More withdrawn, if that's even possible," he finished, forcing a laugh, but the more he tried to convince himself, the less he believed that this was just Kate being Kate.
Juliet pursed her lips, staring down at the sand, and he almost reconsidered his decision to confide in her when he knew, like everyone else on the island, she had problems of her own, but the only other person he could think to talk to about something like this was Kate.
"Everyone handles it differently," she told him with a sigh when she forced herself to meet his eyes again, "but it's not uncommon for women to feel depressed after an abortion, especially if they feel that they weren't given a choice. It's normal behaviour—"
"Not for her," he insisted, but she shot him a hard look that said 'Do you want my help or not?'.
"What I was going to say," she continued when he fell silent again, urging her to go ahead, "is that she's probably still trying to come to terms with it. You just need to give her time."
"I've given her time and she won't talk to me, or let me touch her – the other day when I walked into her tent while she was getting dressed, she turned away, covered up, like she couldn't stand the thought of me seeing her," he confessed, wondering if he'd overstepped the bounds of their friendship by mentioning this when she let out an audible breath, reaching up to run a hand over her forehead. "It's like she's punishing me for choosing her instead of the baby."
"She's not punishing you, Jack," she assured him, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking. And why shouldn't she be? It was none of her business. "But don't you think you should be having this conversation with her?"
"You're right," he agreed, accepting the hint with a penitent smile. "I shouldn't be putting you in the middle of this. I'm sorry."
He left her there to finish her breakfast, striding up the beach until his eyes locked on Kate.
He wasn't sure how it had been since she'd returned to the campsite – or even if she'd left it at all – but at that moment she was crouching in the sand beside Claire and Aaron, chatting to the young mother while her baby amused himself grasping at her long curls.
Watching them as he approached, he felt a pang when he got hold of one and she laughed, freeing it and tucking it back behind her ear before leaning forward to whisper something to him. She looked so happy; so much livelier than the pensive woman he'd been living with all these weeks that it hurt him to think that he'd taken that from her.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked her as soon as he got close enough for her to hear him, and she looked up, alarmed.
"Sure," she agreed, her smile wary as she excused herself and followed him towards her tent, but she didn't look sure at all.
In fact, he thought she looked a little afraid of him, or at least of the confrontation that she sensed was coming.
"What's up?" she asked when they were both inside, out of view of the other survivors, wrapping her arms around herself. He expected her to be angry, defensive, but she seemed more ashamed than anything else.
It was unsettling, making him wonder why she didn't seem to think he deserved either of those things. He wanted a fight. Something. Anything that would give him a clue as to what she was thinking.
"I want you to tell me what's going on with you," he explained once he'd had time to adjust his approach, cupping her shoulders to get her to look at him.
"What d'you mean?" she asked, furrowing her brow, and he could tell she was only pretending to be confused by what he was asking. "I was just talking to Claire."
"What I mean," he continued, "is you act like we're okay – like you're not still mad at me – but you can't even stay the whole night in the same tent as me. What does that say about us? About where we're headed?"
He waited for her to erupt, to storm out, but to his surprise, the stony expression she'd maintained up until that point collapsed at these words. "I'm not mad at you, Jack," she insisted, her voice quivering as tears sprung to her eyes. "And I don't hate you, I just…"
She bit her lip, shaking her head as she seemed to think better of whatever she was about to tell him. "Please don't think that's what this is. It has nothing to do with you, or what you wanted me to do – I swear."
When she wouldn't offer him anything more, he didn't know what to say, so in the end he just nodded, pulling her close while she clung tightly to him, burying her face in his chest.
I know she didn't tell him, but don't worry, he will find out very soon, and when he does... let's just say I'm very excited! Everything (all of their lies, the treatment) is going to come to a head!
Next chapter: More Jate, and Juliet learns more than she ever wanted to know about Jack and Kate's relationship! ;)