Thanks for the reviews. Once again I was floored by the response -- it's been a while since I've written something people have gotten this excited about (Except "Middle Ground" which some of you will be pleased to know I'm working on a follow up to). I was going to update "Not Anymore" but I decided to keep going with this instead... ;)
Chapter 9.
It was true what they said about the second trimester: now that Kate's morning sickness had disappeared along with her usually narrow waist, she was determined to make up for not being there for Jack, if not by telling him the truth, then by trying to repair some of the damage to their relationship. She wanted him to believe that she wasn't avoiding him, at least not in the way that he thought; that she missed him as much as he missed her, maybe more.
That she still loved him, even if she wasn't sure that he would be able to forgive her.
Shifting onto her side, she traced the worry lines etched into his forehead with her thumb, startled when a set of strong hands wrapped around her, pulling her down on top of him.
"Hey," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep, and she saw that he was awake, eyeing her with a mixture of curiosity and hope. "You're still here."
"I am," she agreed, tensing as she wondered whether he could feel the way her stomach jutted out into the beginnings of a baby bump, but if he noticed this unexplained weight gain, he was careful not to acknowledge it.
He reached up to brush a stray curl from her eyes, resting his palm against her forehead with a frown. "You okay? You're a little warm."
"Yeah, I'm great," she assured him, forcing a smile, even though he was right: she did feel a little feverish. Juliet said that might happen: a side effect of whatever she was injecting her with to bring her immune system to where it was supposed to be.
He studied her face for a few seconds longer before dropping his hand to her back. "I've missed this," he told her, gripping her tighter, unaware of anything except the fact that she wasn't trying to resist him this time, and deciding that she was safe, she relaxed into his embrace, returning his kiss when he lifted his head to kiss her.
"Me too," she confessed when they broke apart for air, sitting up in his lap so that she could unbutton his shirt, but as he pulled her back down against him, nuzzling her throat, his hands slipping beneath the hem of her own, she began to panic.
He knew her body almost as well as his own: the width of her hips, the shape of her breasts, the tautness of her abs. If she let things continue the way that they were headed, he would notice the changes and it wouldn't take him long to figure out what was causing them…
"Stop. We have to stop, Jack," she told him, pulling away abruptly, yanking her t-shirt back into place when he let go.
"Kate, what…?" he stammered, sitting up and running a hand over his hair, his dark eyes full of confusion… and something else. He was hurt. He couldn't understand why she didn't want this as much as he did. "Did I do something?"
"No, I just… can't," she told him, hating herself for leading him on: for revving him up only to change her mind. But more than that, for allowing him to believe that she wasn't interested. That she didn't lie awake at night thinking about it. "I'm sorry – I guess I'm just not ready."
"It's okay, Kate, it's fine," he agreed, pulling his shirt back on, but as she watched him focus his attention on closing each of the buttons, she saw the muscles in his jaw clench, and she knew that it wasn't.
Far from it.
"Jack? I'm sorry," she repeated, kneeling beside him to touch his arm, drawing back when she caught the look on his face.
"I'm the one who should be apologising, Kate," he said after a long moment, his eyes fixed on the wall of the tent. "You lost our baby – you almost died. How could I even think about putting you through that again?"
He swallowed hard, struggling to keep his anger contained as he left her on the bed alone, and touching her stomach, feeling the slight protrusion there, she felt a stab of pain in her heart at the knowledge that he was beating himself up for just wanting to be closer to her.
"He wants to have sex," Kate blurted out that night as Juliet put her through the usual series of tests. As soon as the words left her mouth, she was afraid that she would see it as an abuse of their arrangement, but she wasn't sure who else to talk to.
"Well Kate, there's no reason that you can't," Juliet told her as she made another notation on her chart, but the rough way she tore the blood pressure cuff from her bicep contradicted her neutral tone, assuring Kate that she was indeed pushing it.
"Yes, there is," she insisted, lifting her shirt to stare critically at the ridge in her abdomen that seemed to have risen overnight. She had hoped to go at least another month without showing, until they were certain that the treatment would work, but with each day that passed it was becoming more and more noticeable that she was pregnant. Soon it would be unmistakeable. "I have to do something to convince him that things are still the same between us, but if he sees me, he's gonna know."
"So tell him," Juliet insisted, putting her instruments down and turning to face her when she didn't answer, knowing that she was right. He had to find out eventually. She was running out of time.
"Kate, you're almost fifteen weeks along," she reminded her in a softer tone, leaning back against the bench. "That's longer than any other pregnant woman has survived on this island. Your nausea has stopped, your respiratory system seems to be working fine and you're not in a coma. It's not necessary for you to keep it from him anymore – in fact, given the stress that it's putting you and your baby under, I wouldn't advise it."
"I don't even know what I would say to him," she confessed, fighting back the tears that sprung to her eyes every time she saw the look on his face when he realised that he'd been manipulated. They were supposed to be past that. "I didn't just lie about taking the pill – I've been lying to him for weeks, putting him through hell. What if he can't forgive me? What if he doesn't want me – either of us?"
As she tried to sit upright, her free hand falling across her stomach, she was hit by a sudden wave of dizziness, and she had to lie back again. She didn't know how high it was, but the fever seemed to be getting worse: she could feel herself sweating, but her skin was like ice, and she found herself dimly wondering if Juliet had put the air conditioning on inside the hatch. It shouldn't be this cold…
"Kate? Are you okay?" she heard her ask, her voice rising in concern when she sank back against the headrest, closing her eyes as she waited for it to pass. "I think what we should be talking about are these new symptoms…"
"It's nothing – I'm fine," she managed to choke out, afraid that Juliet would refuse to keep treating her if she thought that the risk had increased, but she didn't feel fine at all.
Next chapter: Kate and Juliet bond over the sex of the baby as Kate's health takes a turn for the worst, and in Chapter 11, the moment you've all been waiting for: Jack finds out!... ;)