Thanks for the reviews. For anyone who's wondering (or cares!) my mum is doing much better now. This might be a good time to warn you that this fic is winding down. I only ever meant it as a one shot and there really isn't much left to say!
Oh, and I'm not sure how many of you have heard this (or want to hear it!) but Damon Lindelof just dropped a huge clue about the spectacular "thing" in the season finale -- it happens off the island! And supposedly at least half of it is a Kate flashforward, possibly picking up after Eggtown! ;)
Chapter 13.
Kate's temperature had dropped to 100 degrees – only slightly above what it should be – but after almost losing her too, Juliet wasn't taking any more chances.
The days she'd spent unconscious were some of the worst of her life. She was pretty sure that, for as long as she lived, she would never forget the look in Jack's eyes as he ran with her through the jungle, or his grave expression as he sat at her bedside hour after hour cooling her overheated skin, waiting for a sign that she hadn't left him.
It was the kind of love that Juliet had only seen a few times before – and she saw a lot of love dealing with so many couples – and it pained her to know that in a different life, she could have had that: had Jack. She could have been the one to love him, to comfort and support him; she could have been his.
Now she never would be.
She was keeping Kate on bed rest until she was confident that she wouldn't relapse, but with Jack caring for her, only leaving her when she ordered him out to take care of himself, her strength was returning and so was the bond that they'd always shared.
The one Juliet had envied since the first time she saw them together.
The gift she'd given them should have left her with a sense of joy and accomplishment, but while she wanted to be selfless, her heart ached with the knowledge that in less than five months, Kate would give birth to the first girl on the island in seventeen years, and Jack would love her even more for it.
They would be a family, and she would lose him: all because she loved him too much to watch him lose her.
"Hey," a voice said, startling her out of her thoughts, and she flushed when she recognised it as Jack's. If he had any idea what she was thinking, that just for a moment, she'd allowed herself to contemplate how different things might have been for her if she'd failed…
Forcing a neutral look, she turned to see him coming towards her from the direction of the tents.
"Mind if I join you?"
She didn't know how else to answer, so she nodded. "Go ahead."
He lowered himself into the sand beside her, drawing his knees up to his chest. "So this is where you've been hiding," he teased her, even though she wasn't far enough from camp that he couldn't have spotted her. "I feel like I've hardly seen you."
She tried to match his friendly tone, but she couldn't keep the bitterness from creeping into her tone. "Well you've been busy," she reminded him, feeling guilty when she realised how unfair this was. After months of thinking Kate hated him, and then almost losing her, he finally had her back. She couldn't really blame him for wanting to be with her.
"How is she?" she asked, to cover her shame.
"Better. She's asleep now, which is probably for the best. She's starting to drive me a little crazy, asking when she can leave the tent." He shook his head, feigning irritation, but he was grinning, and Juliet could hear the affection in his tone.
As crazy as it drove him, she knew that it was the little things like this – the things that made her challenging – that had led to him choosing her. It didn't make sense, but when had anything where love was concerned?
"She's definitely stubborn," she agreed, uncomfortable with the open adoration she saw in his face when she glanced over at him.
"Tell me about it."
His expression grew serious as he turned to stare out into the dark ocean, and she could see that he wanted to say something. "Listen, I just want to thank you, for everything," he told her when he'd had time to gather his thoughts. "I don't know what I would have done if…" He swallowed hard, leaving her discern his meaning.
It was the conversation that she'd been dreading since the night she confessed everything, including the gamble she'd taken with Kate's treatment. "You should know that I never encouraged her, Jack," she insisted before he could tell her again how stupid it was. "I made the risks very clear from the beginning – in fact, I tried to talk her out of it – but she was so determined. She would have gone through with it with or without my help—"
She trailed off when she realised that he was smiling. "I know."
"You're not going to blame me some more?" she asked, confused by his reaction. She'd spent the past few days bracing herself for anger, hurt, disgust, but not this…
Seconds later, it was gone, replaced by that tortured expression she knew all too well. "No. If anything, you should be blaming me."
"What do you mean?" she pressed, touching his arm to get him to look at her when he refused. "Why should I blame you?"
"You saw her… she's…" His face contorted with grief, and she wondered if he still thought Kate was going to die, until he went on, "She's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me and if you and Kate hadn't…"
She could see the tears in his eyes as he struggled to voice the thought that was causing him so much pain, and she felt her heart go out to him. "What kind of man kills his own child because he's afraid to have faith? Kate knew – she tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen."
"You weren't trying to hurt her, Jack – you were trying to save Kate," she reminded him, saddened when he shook his head, clenching his jaw, and she saw that as far as he was concerned these were both the same thing. It shouldn't matter anymore – with Kate's pregnancy intact, it was a moot point – but somehow, it did.
"Sometimes when we love someone so much that we don't know how to be without them, we can't help putting those feelings ahead of everything else – even what they want," she told him, and as she said it, it occurred to her that he wasn't the only one who could benefit from the advice.
While he was struggling to hold onto Kate, she was fighting the same realisation, trying to convince herself that she was what was best for him when he had other ideas. "It isn't always fair, and it isn't right, but it's human. No one ever said letting go was easy."
If Jack had any idea what she was really saying, he was tactful enough not to acknowledge it. Instead, he flashed her a lopsided grin as they both allowed for this to sink in. "Are you a doctor, or a philosopher?"
She pretended to consider this for a moment, before grinning back. "Maybe a little of both."
As they continued to sit in companionable silence, she realised that while it wasn't everything she'd hoped for, she was grateful to have him in her life. It made being marooned on the island a little less lonely.
"I'm gonna go see if Kate's awake, take her something to eat before she decides to get it herself," he told her after a while, getting to his feet.
"You wanna join us?" he added as an afterthought. "Maybe you can explain to her why it's in her best interests to stay in bed."
He held his hand out to her with a hopeful smile, and seeing how determined he was to include her, she took it. It wouldn't always be easy, and it might not be as satisfying, but if she couldn't be his, she could at least settle for being his friend.
"Sure. Why not?"
Next chapter(s): I could have left it there but I know you all want to see the baby so now that Juliet has gained what she needed from the experience, and Kate and the baby are out of danger, I'm going to skip ahead a few months to the birth and the name... ;)