Disclaimer-I own nothing, I often dream of owning Jason, but I always seem to wake up...Damn...
Do you want to be widely entertained?
People to know your name?
Do you crave fame?
Well they say "things aren't always what they seem to be"
Even your greatest fantasies
You won't believe your eyes
Won't even recognise
The wonderment that lies
Behind the shimmer and the lights
Is it true what they say?
Is it all just fun and games?
Or is there more behind the makeup,
And the faces full of paint?
-Enter The Circus by Christina Aguilera-
(Sanura's POV)
"Don't take it personally my dear...you're Josef's dirty little secret, always have been always will be. You should feel special, he hides you away for a reason."
Coraline's words from all those years ago still echo through my mind when I'm alone. She was right, I was Josef's dirty little secret. She seemed to think it was an honor, I felt like he was ashamed of me, like I was a mistake he didn't want other vampires to find out about.
I sighed as I knelt down in front of the graves. My mom had died ten years ago, and my father followed soon after, I came back for the funerals, of course, no one else knows that. I hadn't seen my sister since she was 13 and I told her how much I hated her. Seeing the 46 year old woman standing at the grave side was harder than you can imagine. It took everything I had to keep from running out of the shadows to hug her.
"It must be hard, you two being in heaven...looking down on your daughter who's fallen so far from grace."
I placed the red roses on their graves and fought back tears. I should have been here for them, to hold their hands as they passed.
But instead, I was hiding away in Europe, away from everyone I cared about. Of course, even if I was in LA I wouldn't have been able to be at their side...because I had went missing 23 years earlier.
Missing, that's what the paper called it. A 17 year old girl gone missing from local club...I still have the news clipping tucked away in my jewelry box. Part of me that I couldn't let go of.
I sat down in front of the graves and sat there in silence. They wouldn't want me here, I am an abomination. I had no soul...They were always the righteous Catholics that everyone looked up to, everyone envied them for their spiritual strengths...
I wonder what people would say if they found out that the 'Uber Catholics' had a daughter that was a vampire?
I shook my head, that was a stupid thought, no one would ever find out, so why even think about it?
I wonder if they thought when they got to heaven I would be there waiting for them. I know they thought I was dead, they had a gravestone made for me and it sat next to theirs.
"Sanura Forester..." I read the name like it was foreign to me. After Josef turned me it was important for me to change my last name, he wouldn't let me change my first, no matter how much I protested, he thought it was pretty. And heaven knows, if Josef always gets his way.
"You really shouldn't live in the past my love, it's not good for you."
I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice. "What are you following me now or something?"
"No, but I was taking a walk and I could smell you..."
I laughed. "You know, if you weren't a vampire I would take that offensively..."
He sat down next to me, I still refused to look at him.
"It's not your fault...that you couldn't be here for them."
"I know, it's yours." I finally turned my head to look at him, he closed his eyes at the sting of my words. "Why are you here Josef? It's not like you care if I'm hurting..."
"How do you know that I don't?"
"Because you caused most of the hurt...if you really cared you wouldn't have made me hurt in the first place."
"I didn't mean to hurt you..."
"Really? 'Get the hell out' is normally used as hurtful word...wow..my mistake, I must have been overly sensitive."
"I was angry at the time...but I got over it."
I sighed. "Then why didn't you come after me? All you had to do was apologize..."
He shook his head. "I thought it was to late..."
I stood up and looked down at him, my heart broke, I bent down and kissed him."I let you hurt me once, I'd rather climb in an oven than to let you do it again." I left him sitting at my parents graves. It took everything I had to walk away.
I shut my car door without ever looking back, nothing was going right, I was supposed to be getting over him, not falling further in love with him.
I laid my head on the steering wheel and cried. Europe was sounding really good right about now...