Disclaimer: Many thanks to JK Rowling for her wonderful works. They are hers and hers alone. I have only borrowed her characters for a while and built my own little fantasy around them. There is no pay involved for me in doing it.
Chapter 12Hermione took a little time to refresh herself as she bolstered her own resolve, before she flooed to Snoop and Ron's apartment. She dropped out of the fireplace with a little surprise, as they didn't have any protection charms up to stop her arrival.
She called out her arrival as she stepped further into the room, "Snoop? Ron? Anyone home?"
Ron stepped out of their kitchen and sniffed contemptuously, "Georgie, honey, you have a guest."
"No, Ron, I…" Hermione started, but he had already disappeared back into the room.
Snoop came out a moment later to greet her. She looked a bit nervous, but still smiled warmly at her friend, "Hey, HG. What brings you here?"
Hermione met her in a hug, "Missed you." Then she pulled back and said, "And, I want to talk to him. We haven't had a disagreement this bad since school, fourth or fifth year. I can't keep going like this."
Snoop looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry. He won't talk to me about it either."
"Great! Now, I'm messing up your relationship," Hermione said as she fell back on the couch. "I'm so sorry."
"No, no, we're fine," Snoop rushed to tell her. When Hermione just looked at her unbelieving, she took her friend's hands and said with a tiny smile, "Really, HG. He's intent as ever on starting that big family he has planned and has worked very diligently at it."
Hermione laughed a little at her friend's eye wiggle, "Okay, got it."
Then she pulled back and stood up, "But, I have to try again, Snoop. I want my friend back." She had to breathe deeply to stop the tears from falling, "I miss him."
Snoop pulled her into a brief hug, "I know. He misses you, too. He's so stubborn, he won't admit it, but he does. He and Harry had a shouting match about it a couple of days ago, too. And, I know Ginny has been giving him grief. Hell, at dinner Thursday, his mother was even shooting him 'I'm so disappointed looks' all night long. I think I'm the only one not going at him about it all the time. You need to find a way to make him understand this whole forgive and forget Malfoy thing, HG. He just doesn't get it. He won't let himself. And, he can't understand how you could choose Draco over him."
"But, I didn't!" Hermione exclaimed. "I would never do that!"
"But, you did," Snoop said gently. "At least in his eyes, you did."
Hermione felt her shoulders droop once again and nodded in agreement, "I suppose he could see it that way. But, I never intended to do it. I mean, I did tell him I wasn't going to stop seeing Draco, but that didn't mean I wanted to walk away from Ron."
"You need to make him understand that, HG."
Hermione nodded and looked to the kitchen door. She hadn't heard a pop, so she knew he hadn't left.
"Okay, here goes nothing," she whispered more to herself than to Snoop.
She felt the squeeze on her hand and heard, "Good luck, hon," as she began the walk toward the door.
Hermione squared her shoulders before she pushed the door open. He stood at the counter across from her and looked out the window. Not quite knowing what to say, she silently crossed the room and placed her arms around his middle.
He stiffened in her arms, but didn't pull away. It gave her a little hope.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "Please talk to me, Ron. I need you."
He didn't turn to her, but asked quietly, "Are you still seeing him?"
She knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but she nodded against his back and answered, "Yes, Ron, I am."
Then he did pull away. He walked across the room, sat heavily on a kitchen chair and just stared at her.
Since he hadn't left entirely, she took it as a sign that he would at least listen and slowly approached the table. At his silent nod, she took a seat across from him.
"I know I hurt you. And, I am so terribly sorry for that. You know I love you and I wouldn't want to hurt you for anything in this world. I didn't mean to make it seem like I had chosen him over you. I'm sorry if it seemed that way."
He sat back in his chair and stared at her for a moment before he said softly, "So, if I asked you to stop seeing him, would you?"
The pained look on her face was his answer and he got up to pace the room as he spoke, "See! You would do it again. Choose him! I don't get it. Why? What is so great about that damned condescending git that you would throw away our friendship over him?!"
"No, Ron, I don't want to throw away anything," she said as she got up and went to him. "I want us to go back to being the way we were. I miss my best friend. I want us to be able to talk and share our lives with each other."
When he raised a brow at her, she knew what he was about to ask and turned away, "Please don't say it. Don't make me choose. It's not fair, Ron. And, you know it! You and Snoop get to be happy and in love. Harry and Ginny get to. Neville, Luna, Charlie, Bill, George, everybody we love gets to be happy with someone they love, why not me? Why don't I deserve to be happy, Ron? Why?"
Ron found it hard to breathe as he watched her pace back and forth. He didn't want to believe what he had heard, but he couldn't ignore the fact that she had practically admitted to being in love with Malfoy. A part of him, the part that wasn't angry, betrayed and hurt, almost laughed at having figured it out before she did. But, the rest of him only felt more of the three as it hit him once again that it was Malfoy that made her feel that way.
He did a quick check of his own feelings to see if his judgment was born from jealousy. He immediately rejected the idea, he loved his wife more each day. He settled on the one thing he could understand and cling to, his unending hatred of, "Malfoy!"
Hermione stopped her pacing and looked at him in surprise. The vehemence with which he said the name made her realize her battle was going to be harder than she'd planned.
She tried to keep her voice neutral as she answered, "Yes, Draco, Ron." She kept talking when she saw him about to interrupt, "Why can't I be happy with him? Why don't I deserve at least a little of what everyone else has, finally?"
He refused to answer that question as he didn't know what to say to it. She did deserve her happiness. More than any of them, as she had spent so much of her life fighting with and for them, that she had put her life, her needs, on hold. She deserved to be loved and worshipped. But, he couldn't accept a former Death Eater, especially Malfoy who had made their lives so miserable, as the person to be that for her.
"Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy here," he answered instead. "You know my reasons. I'm sure if I pulled his files and showed you the things he'd done, you wouldn't be so keen to defend him to me! He's hated you, belittled you. Treated everyone like dirt underneath his spit shined boots! He's evil incarnate and so far beneath you, dammit! If we are truly friends, you can't ask me to accept something so wrong."
Hermione sat heavily in the chair she had recently vacated and looked down at her shaking hands, "I know what he's done, Ron. I know what he did and he's told me more about it than I think even you and Harry know. And, I've made my peace with it. He's worked hard for the past few years to earn back some respect, from others and from himself. I don't know what to say to convince you he's not the same person. When did you stop trusting me?"
"It's not you," he said as he turned away from her tortured face. "I trust you with my life. I think you know that. But, on this Mione, you're wrong. You are going to get hurt. He's going to show his real self sooner or later, and by then it will be too late for you. I don't want you to get hurt any more. And, he's going to, believe me."
He moved across the room to kneel in front of her and take her hands in his, "When did you stop trusting me?"
"Ron…"
"No, Mione, listen to me. You're letting your emotions get in the way of reality on this one. I know it probably feels oh so perfect right now. But, that's the way he wants it. He knows you haven't had a lot of experience in this area and he's using that. He's setting you up, hon. Get out of this now. You'll find your real 'someone,' I know you will. Hell, I'll help. I know a bunch of guys that would love to have you on their arm."
She shook her head at him and pulled her hands away, "I'm not an idiot child, Ronald! I know when I'm being used. I fought beside you for eight friggin' years. I know what it's like to be set up. And, I may not have your many years of experience in the dating world, but I'm not stupid!"
"Oh Mione, I'm not saying you're stupid," he said and took her hands again. "I'm not. But, this isn't the same thing as fighting in a battle. This is your heart. Your beautiful, fragile, innocent, loving, giving, forgiving heart, Mione. I can't bear to see that bastard twist it for his purposes, whatever they are. I won't stand by and watch you get ripped to shreds when he shows himself for the ass he is. I love you too much. Please trust me and end this. We'll find you someone more suitable, I swear. And, you'll forget this little, whatever, ever happened. I know it."
Hermione smiled sadly at him. She heard the hope and honesty behind his words. And, she longed to hug him in reassurance, but she held herself in check. Reassuring him meant letting go of Draco and she was not ready to do that, not yet.
"So, I'm only allowed to be happy with someone you approve of?" she asked, careful to keep her voice soft. "What if you're wrong, Ron? What if he is the one for me and I let him go before I get to find out? Would you be happier if I was miserable and alone? I know you don't like nor trust him. But, Ron, I do. I don't know how to explain it to you, but I do. And, no, it's not just lust or whatever speaking. It's not like he's my first crush, babe."
He smiled a little at the reminder of their long past relationship. Then, she continued, "We're not children any more. And, if I get hurt in the process of getting to where you and Snoop are, then I get hurt. That's life, right? And, hey, I could be the one to hurt him, you know?"
He didn't smile, she saw the hope flicker in his eyes and quickly squelched it, "No, Ron. I'm not pulling away from him. Not now. Not yet. I need to see where this goes."
"But he's…"
She maintained the soothing voice she had begun with, "I know, I know, alright?! He WAS a Death Eater, he WAS an ass, and he WAS an insufferable git in school. But, Ron, just like us, he grew up. I accept that you don't see that yet, but trust me and know that I am a big girl and can take care of myself, okay?"
He looked at her for a moment and an image of her from their ball fourth year flashed in his mind. She had been naïve, and brave, and so sweet in her giddy joy over having been finally noticed as a girl. He saw that same look of hope, happiness, and awe in her now. He hated to be the one to take that light out of her eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to let go of the past and see Draco Malfoy as anything but what he used to be.
He leaned forward and placed his hand on the soft skin of her cheek, "You know I love you, right?" he said softly. He waited for her hesitant nod before he continued, "And, I always will. And, I will always be there for you when you need me; that will never change. But, on this, Mione, I can't support you. It kills me to see that look right there in your eyes, disappointment and hurt, and know that I caused it, but there is nothing else I can say or do. I love you too much to lie to you. I can not accept Malfoy as a part of your life. I can barely accept that he walks the streets freely every day. But, know this, when he shows his true form, I will be here for you. I promise not to say I told you so, but to only be there and help you get through it. Our friendship is too important to me to do anything else. But, until you get past this…thing…you have with him, I can't be…I just can't be…us. I'm sorry."
Hermione looked into his eyes and saw the resolve and the pain. It would have been so much better if he had ranted at her; that she knew how to handle. But, this raw pain and honesty leveled her.
With a brief nod of understanding she stepped closer and hugged him tightly with her eyes closed against the tears that threatened to fall.
"I love you, too. We will get past this, I know it, somehow. But, for now, I understand how you feel and you know where I stand. I'm sorry it has to be this way." She stepped away and looked up into his sad eyes, "We'll talk again soon, I hope. Please tell Snoop I'll call her later."
With that, she apparated away.
Ron watched her disappear and closed his eyes in loss, grief, and disbelief. He quickly thought back over their conversation and shook his head. He just couldn't figure out how they'd ended up where they were.
How did this happen? How could she possibly think that jerk could change? It doesn't make sense! She knows me. She knows I only want what's best for her. Why can't she trust me on this? Hell, why isn't anyone listening to me? Not, Ginny. Not even Harry. I don't get it. What the hell? My best mate in the world defending that…arse! What is going on here?! I need to talk to Harry again and this time, I want answers dammit!
"Georgie?" he called to his wife.
"Yes, Ronnie?" she asked as she slowly entered the room with a sorrowful smile. He knew she had heard the pop of Hermione's departure and would be there for him, no matter what. But, he also knew he was ripping her friendship with Hermione apart.
He shook his head at her unanswered question and saw her shoulder sag a little. "Listen, honey, I hate this as much as you do. More. But, I'm sorry, I just can't let the past be forgotten like they all seem to be doing. There was too much pain and hatred involved for it to all just go away."
She walked over to sit on his lap and softly kissed him, "I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I just wish…"
"What?" he prompted.
"Nothing," she mumbled and made to get up.
He pulled her back against him and said with a grin, "Just say it. I won't get mad. Promise."
When she just shook her head, he lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, "Georgie, I love you and I know you want what's best for everyone. Thank you for trying so hard to stay neutral about this, for me, but talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, please?"
"Well, I just wish you and she could work around it, you know. I mean, she obviously sees something in him that you don't, or won't. You keep seeing the kid you grew up with. And, I just think maybe you should, I don't know, trust her more."
She felt him tense beneath her and quickly added, "I don't mean to get to know Dra… Malfoy any better, or try to spend time with him. Not at all, nothing like that. But, maybe you could try talking to HG more. Maybe let her tell you what she sees in him. And, then, if he does hurt her in the end, you two won't have to work around your disagreement for you to be there for her when she needs you. Does that make sense?"
Ron hugged her to him and nodded against her shoulder, "You know, that's not a bad idea, I guess. I mean, I have to hold down my bile while she spouts about what a great guy the ass is, but at least I would have my friend back, mostly."
"Exactly," she smiled. Then she leaned down to kiss him, "But for now, how about I take your mind off all this for a while?"
He smiled roguishly at her as his hands slid up from her hips slowly, "Well, if you insist."
"Are you sure you're okay?" Draco asked for the third time.
"Yes, dammit. Stop asking me that!" she snapped. Then she blew out a breath and sighed heavily as she switched the phone to the other ear. "Shit! I'm sorry, Draco. This isn't your fault and I shouldn't be taking it out on you. Forgive me."
"Well, it is, kind of," he answered. "I'm sorry."
"And, would you please stop apologizing? You aren't responsible for Ron being a stubborn, unforgiving pain."
"Well, Mi, you have to admit he has a lot to be pissed about. And, no real reason to forgive me," he sighed. When she didn't respond he asked, "Okay, so is there anything I can do to help tonight? To make you feel any better?"
She smiled at the phone, "No. I just need to get in the tub with some candles and a book and let this afternoon go away for a while. I'll be fine."
"You still want me to come over tomorrow night?" he asked.
She heard the hesitancy in his voice and shook her head. With a light laugh she answered, "You trying to get out of our first real date, Malfoy?"
"What? No!" he answered quickly before he realized she was teasing him. "I, uh, okay, so six, then?"
"Yep," she answered.
"What can I bring?" he asked.
"Well (beep beep)…hold on, my call waiting is going off. Hold on. Don't hang up," she ordered.
"Hello?"
"He's an ASSHOLE!" Beth screamed into the phone.
Hermione's feet hit the floor and she was standing ready to run to her friend as she spoke, "What? Who? Beth, are you okay? Where are you?"
Beth laughed bitterly, "I'm downstairs. Can you ring me up? The damned door's locked."
"Of course," Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "Hold on."
She pressed the numbers on her phone to release the building's front doors and then flashed back to Draco.
"Draco?"
"I'm here. Everything okay?"
"I think so, but that was Beth and she's on her way up. She didn't sound all that happy with her date."
"Well, then I am going to let you go. I'll call you in the morning, okay, lov…okay?"
Hermione's breath hitched at his slip, but she stopped herself from asking him about it. "Oh, okay. Um, okay. Talk to you in the morning."
He smiled at her obviously flustered answer, even as he blushed like a teenage boy, "Sleep well."
"Night, Draco."
She hung up the phone and smiled to herself. He almost called me 'love!' Does that mean he…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud pounding on the door.