Chapter 21: All Over Again

The nightmares began a few days after I was discharged from the hospital. Every night I relived it all in bits and pieces; a thousand gash marks, being dragged down a hallway, every word that horrible man had said to me. It wasn't long before I was afraid to even close my eyes.

I didn't tell anyone; I chalked it up to post-traumatic stress and did everything I could to work around it (however unsuccessful this was turning out to be). One night I woke up in a cold sweat with my next-door neighbor banging the hell out of my door. She said I'd been screaming for almost twenty minutes, she was about to go back and call the police when I finally opened up.

Despite the fact that I knew I should say something, I couldn't. I'd already been through the whole "victim" thing and had more than my fill. I hate it when people worry about me; it makes me worry in this giant vicious cycle that doesn't get anyone anywhere. So I kept my mouth shut and resigned myself to getting less sleep.

But that was the least of my problems. My boss completely freaked when she found out what happened, which led to a decrease in the number of my assignments (only for the time being she said, but the look on her face when she saw my arms and neck said it would most likely be longer, if she didn't fire me altogether…). On top of this I had to start taking a cab to shows - not just because I was terrified of walking there myself (I'll admit it, I was), but because everyone I knew insisted on it as well. So now I had less income and the cab fees were eating their way into my savings. There was no way I would be able to survive like this for long.

Then of course there was the issue of Lestat. I expected him to be waiting in my apartment as soon as I got home, but there was no sign of him. My guess was that he was giving me time to cool down. Since our last two encounters hadn't ended well for him it was easy to guess why; not that most of our little rendezvous hadn't ended in shouting of some kind, but seeing as this time it revolved around a few of his fellow vampires kicking the shit out of me, it was understandable.

He was going to come eventually, though. I was doing my best to mentally prepare for it. I suppose I didn't completely blame him for what happened anymore. I tried to remember that night he had sent me home in a rush, that he was protecting me. He would have stopped it if he could… The words of that man were burned into my mind, "Lestat has done this to you…He knew that we would come for you, but he did nothing to protect you…Forget him…Hate him…" I fought them off as nonsense, yet they always returned; in the daylight and in my dreams they echoed through my head. I didn't want to see him. I never wanted to see another vampire ever again. I wanted to go back to the world that made sense, the world without Lestat.

But he would come, whether I wanted him or not.

He was sitting on my couch reading another one of my stories when I came back from a show. I wasn't surprised. I locked the door and put my bag down gingerly (the bites were now only bruises, but they still hurt like hell). I started to make coffee, ignoring him like he was ignoring me.

Finally, he put down the papers and broke the silence. "How was the show?"

"Fine."

He stood up off the couch and looked at me, I kept my eyes averted. "How are you?"

"Fine."

He moved to face me across the countertop. "Is 'fine' all you're going to have to say to me tonight?"

I looked him square in the eyes, "That depends entirely upon you."

"You don't seem angry anymore."

"Will my being angry make you leave?"

"No."

"Then there you have it," I said sarcastically, "I'm not angry."

"Of course you are."

"Yah, well seeing as it doesn't make a difference…"

"It does, you should be angry."

"Ok." That caught me off guard a little.

"You got caught in the crossfire of something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, and for that I am sorry."

I gaped a little, "Thank you?"

"What Marcus did and said to you…"

I cut him off, "Wait, how do you know what he said to me?"

Lestat was slightly taken aback, "Well, I saw…"

"You saw what? How could you have seen that? You weren't there!" My face was turning red; this didn't make any sense.

"No, of course not…"

"Then how did you see it?" I demanded, banging my fist on the counter and instantly regretting it.

He looked down, "The dream…" He let the words fall.

I was horrified, "How do you know about my dreams? I haven't told anyone!"

"Dreams?" he asked, looking as confused as I was.

"Yes dreams! What have you done?"

"I only called one…"

"Called? Called what?"

"I had to see what had happened, you wouldn't tell me…I had to know."

"Oh my god…" I had to stop for a second to let it sink in. "You mean it was you giving me those nightmares? You son of a bitch! I can't sleep at night! Every time I close my eyes I have to relive it! You're just as much of a monster as he is!"

I was screaming. I had rounded the counter and started hitting him as hard as I could. I was so angry I couldn't see. He grabbed my wrists but let them go again when I cried out in pain. He reached out again but I moved away, gently rubbing my bruised wrists.

"You have to understand! I had to know! I only did it once; I had to see your memories! I didn't do it to hurt you!"

"Of course you didn't." I shouted, "And yet somehow I always end up hurt!"

"Evie, listen to me!"

"No! I'm done! I don't want to have anything more to do with you. Get the hell out of my apartment!"

"I'm not leaving until you calm down and talk to me."

"God dammit Lestat, just leave!" I sank down into the corner of the couch as the tears began to fall.

He sat down next to me and tried to pull me to him but I pushed him away as hard as I could and buried my face in the arm of the couch.

"I haven't been giving you whatever dreams you're having now." He said, his voice wavering a little. "You have to know that I wouldn't do that to you."

I pulled my face out of the cloth, "But you did find it necessary to do it to me once. Excuse me if I don't see a difference."

"I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry for everything. Marcus was right, I didn't protect you like I should have."

I sat up, resigned to everything, "It doesn't matter Lestat, what happened happened; you'll excuse me if I've had enough of vampires forever. Please, just leave me alone." Even I could hear the weary desperation in my voice.

"No."

I covered my face in my hands, completely overwrought with frustration. He took my left hand gently in his and asked me to look at him. I was still crying, so I looked the other way.

"Evie, please." He said quietly.

I turned, angry and ashamed of my tears. "Lestat, I asked you to leave…"

"I can't leave you now. Marcus will come after you again. You're still in danger."

"I don't care." I shook my head, fighting back more tears.

"He's the one sending you those dreams, Evie. You have to let me help you."

I just shook my head again; I didn't have any fight left in me.

"You're stuck with me, kid, I'm not going anywhere." He was starting to sound like the old Lestat.

"Fine." I said, defeated, and stood up. "I'm going to bed. I'd like to get some sleep so why don't you go ahead and get to work on that."

"Of course." He smiled and stood up as well.

"And no, you're not invited." I said firmly.

His smile waned and he sat down again.