Falling Tears

Chapter IV

Carrying the Scars of the Past

After his visit to the dungeons and encounter with Hermione Granger, Draco walked into one of the many lounges located vastly throughout the Manor. He sat in one of the leather covered armchairs with his hands folded out in front of him.

He stared emotionlessly into the hearth, where a fire was roaring and crackling fiercely. The flickering light flashed across his face and the auburn flames danced in his eyes, which held so much guilt and heartache within their abyss.

Draco swallowed and winced as he thought of Hermione sitting against the dungeon wall, all alone in that cold, dark, foul place, without any hope of being set free. She didn't have anyone there for her, no one to love her.

He closed his eyes; nothing he did seemed to numb the intense pain that was constantly present within him. It felt like a thousand arrows all piercing his heart at once. But more than anything, what hurt him most was the strong feeling that he was becoming his father. It was almost unnoticeable and Draco had always been trying to hide the horrid truth from himself as well as others.

However, he knew that he was already heading down that road. He had seen it in Hermione's eyes, they held an exact reflection of his own. She looked at him the way he looked at his father.

In both hers and his were traces of abandonment, broken trust, betrayal, and countless painful memories.

Draco shook his head. He had caused these things to be present in her. He had hurt her, and betrayed her trust.

She had loved him, but he returned that with disregard and ridicule.

He would never forget the look that passed in her once lively eyes when he first looked at her in disgust and loathing. It was the time when he first called her that foul name, Mudblood.

She had hidden well from her friends and all the others around her, the truth that it had sunk in and hurt. But, she couldn't hide it from him. She hadn't been the same since.

Draco, sighing, looked down at his hands as a tear, glistened by the flames emitting off his unblemished face, slid down his cheek like a drop of rain running down a smooth pane of glass. He had hurt Hermione and it changed her, just as his father had done, changing him.

He knew how much everything his father did hurt unbearably, and now here he was doing the same thing to Hermione, who was one of the few people who had really loved him.

He was becoming more like his father than he had thought. Pushing away Hermione's love and replacing that with hate all because of what he had been taught. Likewise, his father Lucius pushed his son's and wife's love away, solely based on the teachings of his master, Lord Voldemort.

Wincing, Draco thought back to that memory, which had brought him the most unimaginable pain he had ever had to endure, both physically and emotionally. It had made him feel, for the first time, the true reality of rejection…

… (Flashback…8 years ago…) …

"Please Father! Please don't leave again! Please!" 7 year old Draco Malfoy frantically pleaded.

Lucius, however, only shoved past his son and continued his way to the door. Draco, his face full of distress, chased after him and started tugging on his father's coat, "Father, please…don't go." His young voice was frantic and insistent.

Lucius' face was bitter with rage and he turned to Draco and slapped his hands away. Draco stopped and looked down at his hands that were beginning to swell, and his throat began tightening up. His bottom lip began to quiver and he looked up at Lucius trying to hold back the tears that attempted to seep out of his eyes.

"Father…" he begged, "If you go to that bad place, you'll kill people." His voice trembled and he stood staring up at his father threw blurred eyes.

"KEEP YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE MOUTH SHUT DRACO!" Lucius yelled in uttermost fury, "AND KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!"

A tear trickled down Draco's face young face and he swallowed painfully, "Daddy…I…" He started to say but then suddenly received a slap across the face that sent him sprawling on the floor. He let out a painful cry and Lucius glared down at him in smite.

"Don't you EVER call me daddy again! YOU HEAR ME? You know better than that you useless excuse for a son!" He tried to control his breathing but his voice still held a slight sneer, "Now…what was it you were going to say? Come on SPIT IT OUT!"

Draco stopped caressing his face for a moment and looked up at his father, "I…" he paused and choked back a sob.

"WHAT IS IT DRACO?" Lucius insisted fiercely.

"I…love...I l-love you, Dad." Came his small innocent voice threw a tear swelling throat.

That did it for Lucius Malfoy and he laughed scornfully making Draco flinch. "Love Huh?" Then he grabbed the collar of Draco's shirt and jerked him up of his feet.

"Love is a weakness; those who feel it only feel pain. You will always lose the ones you love." He snarled.

Draco looked into his father's cold grey eyes and felt, for the first time, afraid of this man.

Lucius saw this and smirked scornfully, "Love will never get you anywhere."

Draco looked down at the floor beneath him where his feet dangled, "Well, I can't help it, I do love you dad." Then he looked up at his father, "Don't…don't you love me to?"

But, this was obviously too much for the older Malfoy, and losing all control of himself, he threw his son towards the stairs behind them.

Draco hit the floor with a loud crash then tumbled down the staircase, hitting ever inch of his tiny body as he did so. When he finally reached the bottom, neither a cry nor a scream left his bleeding mouth, only the silent tears that now flowed freely down his bruised face in hot streams which stung at the cuts.

"Y-you…don't l-love me anymore d-dad…" he whispered in a quivering voice.

The physical pain coursing mercilessly throughout his body was slightly numbed in contrast to the sudden realization and excruciating truth that he had never had his father's love. That his dad hadn't ever cared for him at all, and his reasoning was that he had failed him.

Whimpering, Draco slowly lifted his head and looked up at his father, who was standing at the top of the staircase fuming. "What did I do?" he asked in almost a whisper, but loud enough for his dad to hear.

Suddenly footsteps could be heard entering the hall and Narcissa Malfoy came rushing in, her face containing alarm and unease. She halted when she saw Lucius slowly descending the stairs, then looked down at Draco, her eyes widening and let out a terrifying scream, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

"What I felt I must." Lucius answered.

Narcissa looked from him to Draco, who was by now lying in pool of his own blood. "How could you do this?" she continued through tears, "HE IS ONLY A CHILD!"

Lucius' eyes narrowed and he pointed his wand at her, "SHUTUP! STUPID WOMAN! THE ONLY REASON I MARRIED YOU WAS TO GET AN HEIR!" he looked down at Draco in disgust, "AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU GAVE ME! THIS DISGRACE!"

Narcissa looked at her husband, her mouth hung wide in shock and hurt as the room grew silent. "Lucius…" she started softly, "I…Loved you."

He shook his head, "Stop gaping at me, and live your miserable life." Then he stormed out of the room and into the stormy cold night outside.

Narcissa watched him go, tears streaming down her beautiful face. Then she looked down at Draco and knelt beside him. She tried to help him to his feet, but to no avail as he collapsed right away. She noticed that most of the blood was flowing from his back where a large gash was revealed, affecting his ability to stand.

Closing her eyes, Narcissa sighed and Draco clenched his teeth as the pain in his back began to take hold. She took him in her arms and cradled him lovingly. "I will take you to St. Mungos hospital, they will heal you."

… (End Flashback) …

Draco, still staring into the fire, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to rid the memory from further haunting his mind.

He sat up against the seat while leaning his head back against it. His breathing was heavier and the sweat poured down from his forehead as the flames of the fire glimmered across his bare chest, being exposed by his half unbuttoned shirt.

His golden hair clung to his face and he had to close his stinging eyes that threatened to shed tears.

His back started to ache, as it always did whenever he thought back to that memory, and he gritted his teeth as he felt the familiar seething burn running down his spine. There was a permanent scar that ran across the lower portion of his back as an eternal remembrance of the betrayed love he thought know one else could ever compare to.

How wrong he was though, as he felt he had done the same thing to Hermione without even thinking about it.

He opened his eyes, which glistened with unshed tears, and looked into the unabashed fire, as he thought of her, "Hermione…" he started in a parched whisper, "Why does this hurt so much?" he swallowed and looked down at his hands, "Do I still love you?" his eyes wavered slightly, "Do you still love me?"