Chapter Twenty-Five
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For a place where quiet was enforced, the hospital had too many sounds.
The constant beep of monitors, squeaking of beds being wheeled, IV stands rolling around, sheets stretching as nurses replaced them, and the murmuring.
It was constant.
Lindsay sat, prone and unresponsive for the most part, in the main hospital of Bozeman, listening to the murmurs of everyone. She was able to block everything else out, people's questions about what happened, Evan asking her exactly how she found them, impersonal faces asking the same question over and over: was she all right? Lindsay could block it all out, but not the tiny muted, indistinguishable murmurs and it irked her. This was a hospital. Couldn't they shut the hell up?
Lying on a hospital bed, she wanted to curl up, cover her ears, and close her eyes.
See nothing, hear nothing, know nothing.
Block out her parents' faces and her own screams, they were dead, they were gone. Katum's taunts; she had told him that it didn't matter what he had said, but that was still back when she had hope. Even as he died, Katum had managed to take something from her.
She wanted to be left alone, but the minute she and Scott had entered the hospital, there had been questions, though she was barely aware of anything. People pulling at her, demanding answers; their voices were so loud and their faces were so close. Couldn't they see she was in pain? Couldn't they leave her alone? Lindsay barely registered that Scott was most likely going through the same thing nor did she recognize that half-way being mobbed, her brothers with grim and warning faces had escorted her safely to the quieter confines of the hospital.
But there were still murmurs there too. They were everywhere. How was that possible?
Lindsay almost welcomed the pain as the doctor cleaned and bandaged her grazed arm, along with numerous cuts and scratches from the rocks. She just curled up on the bed afterwards, eyes open and unblinking.
She didn't notice Noah sitting in the lone chair in her room. Didn't notice his brown eyes, rimmed with red, skimming the patches of dried blood on her skin from where she cradled her mom and dad tightly to her chest, begging them to come back. She was a traumatized empty shell, just like when she was younger, when she ended up being the lone survivor of a heartless massacre. Ironic that it was the same hospital.
Noah's heart broke even more as he continued to gaze at his broken sister. Unlike Evan, he had caught more than a glimpse at his parents' bodies. That sight followed by his obviously catatonic sister made him want to bury his face in despair.
Why did tragedies always hit his family? Lindsay in particular. She was strong, he knew that, but she wasn't invulnerable. He was afraid she would never recover and when he had heard from Chief Carter that Lindsay had gone against orders to come to Montana, Noah knew Lindsay's troubles were not over.
Though her eyes were open and he was in her line of vision, Noah suspected that she wasn't seeing anything. The doctor had said that besides her minor gun shot wound and scratches she'd sustained along with lack of food, Lindsay was fine.
Physically, at least. Emotionally? The doctor had shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
Scott, to the best of Noah's knowledge, was doing fine and was not as troubled as Lindsay. It was from him that everyone had gotten the whole story.
It was with a heavy heart and a growing numbness and detachment that Scott had forced himself to get up. By the time, he had retrieved their packs, Katum's dead body, and built a fire, night had started to approach. Unwilling to leave Lindsay who had stopped her rocking, but maintained her tiny whimpers of agony and fierce grip on her dead parents, Scott was forced to wait until the first of morning's light to make the journey to a place where he could use their cell phones, leaving Lindsay to stand guard against nature's predators.
He wasn't sure if she had heard him, but it had taken him a good two hours of running and walking before the bars on his cell phone reached a full two. Scott counted himself lucky that by the time he had finished a very static-y call to Chief Carter and made it back to her, Lindsay had not moved and nothing with sharp teeth had wandered by.
Fanning the fire as their only means of signaling, it had taken the rescue helicopters a while to find them and then transport the entire party to the base of the mountain before zipping them straight off to the hospital.
Lindsay and Scott to hospital beds, Anna and Dale Monroe, along with Daniel Katum, to the morgue. Lindsay had to be pried from her parents; her grip tight, unwilling to be separated. The doctors nearly had to sedate her, for fear that she would break out of her shock and into full-blown hysteria.
Wiping at his tired eyes, Noah stood up and made his way over to his sister, gently running a hand over her hair. Pain and misery spread through him. Nearing the age of thirty, Lindsay looked more like a small child than a grown woman.
"Noah." Her voice was hoarse and scratchy.
In an instant, Noah was kneeling beside Lindsay's bed, one comforting hand still running over her unkempt hair while another clasped her hand. "I'm here Linds. I'm here." His own voice was croaked. He could not hide the tears that ran down his face, that had been running since the end of this whole tragedy.
Her eyes blinked and Noah could tell she was coming back to herself, out of her self-imposed coma. She stared at him for a minute before her face crumpled. "I'm sorry, Noah, I'm so sorry." She began crying and Noah gathered her in his arms, quietly reassuring her and eerily reminded that this was the last scene played out before she and Scott had disappeared on him.
"I-I don't want to be here Noah," Lindsay sobbed out before burying her face in his chest and murmuring, "I want to go home."
His heart lurched for a moment.
Where was home for Lindsay? Going to their parents' ranch would be a disaster. Did she mean back to New York? He wasn't so sure about her reception there. Noah settled the debate by merely saying, "We'll go to Evan's house alright? You fine to leave here?" Personally, he thought Lindsay was going to be needing some professional help, but the doctor said she was fine physically. A tiny nod and sniffle answered him. "Well then, why don't you change into the clothes that Hannah dropped off. She would've been here, but Jessie had to go to school and all. Said she'd come back later. And well, Evan is...taking care of a few things," he hedged, knowing that the oldest and most reliable of the Monroe children had been given the heartbreaking task of dealing with their parents. He got up, Lindsay reluctant to let go, and handed her a bag of clothes. "You change, Linds, and I'll talk to your doctor about checking you out." He tucked a curl that had lost its shine and bounce behind her ear. "I'll be right back."
When he returned along with the doctor, Lindsay was dressed and standing docilely by the door, clutching the bag tightly in both arms to her chest like a shield and keeping her eyes glued to the floor wanting to avoid any commiserative looks from the nurses. Her face was blank. The doctor had a disapproving look. "Ms. Monroe, I highly think that you should stay here for a few more days, to recover both physically and emotionally. We have many resident specialists and - "
"No," she cut him off softly. Her eyes stayed glued to the floor and she shuffled closer to Noah, as if seeking protection. "I want to go."
Noah wrapped an arm around his sister after giving the old doctor an apologetic look. "Let's head back to Evan's, huh?" he said quietly, opening the door as they made their way out of the hospital only to be confronted with Chief Carter and a few reporters.
As the flashing of the cameras began, the shouted questions, the microphones and tape recorders shoved in their faces, Noah cursed himself for not checking if anyone was waiting. He sent a dangerous scowl to the reporters beginning to flock around them, not the least bit considerate as he pushed his way, keeping a sheltering grip on Lindsay, who cowered in his arms, burying her face in his shoulders and covering her ears from the noise. Chief Carter popped on her other side, helping to guide the two to the car, but not without letting his own issues out.
"Missy, of all the stupid stunts to pull! First you go against your superior's orders and then mine?" Chief Carter shook his head. "That deserves at least a suspension for your cowboy tactics - "
"Charlie," Noah interrupted somewhat angrily. "Stop it. Look at her, would you?" His voice trembled slightly, upset at life's refusal for a reprieve for Lindsay. He glanced down at his sister, who stared unseeingly straight ahead. "I don't think she cares, much less hears you right now. Just save it, would you?" He didn't wait for a response, but continued to guide his sister to rental car that was still checked out in Lindsay's name. Tucking her into the car and besides a few calls, the drive was silent.
It was only when the two had firmly settled on the couch in Evan's house did Lindsay speak. Her voice was quiet and subdued, hitching in parts, especially when she asked about what was being done for their parents.
Noah draped at arm around Lindsay, holding her close, taking care to avoid her bandaged arm. "Evan and I...mom and dad's wills should sort things out. The entire town is helping out preparing for...the funeral, which Evan and I decided to be held tomorrow morning. Mom and dad...the doctors determined that they were...gone...two days ago." He looked down at her. "Time of death was Sunday, Linds; there was nothing you or anyone could've done yesterday." With a lump in his throat, he continued, "Without Katum or Dakin, we'll never really know what happened. Scott told us what Katum said and comparing it to the wounds, it was clear he was lying. Trying to rile you up. Scott told me what you said up there to Katum about him being nothing. I'm proud of you Linds."
"We'll never know..." she murmured, plucking at her jeans somberly. She would never know what exactly happened. Why her parents were killed in the first place and who had pulled the trigger. Without Katum or Dakin, she would never know. The thought did not sit well.
"There is still a search out for Dakin.." The two stopped talking when they heard the front door slam, followed by heavy footfalls. "Noah? Linds?" Evan called out.
"We're in here," Noah answered back. The final member of the Monroe siblings entered the room looking tired, but still strong as ever. He eyed the two and without hesitation, crossed over to take a seat on the couch, squashing Lindsay in the middle. Evan took her hand in his and the three drew comfort in each other's presence.
Running a hand through his hair, Evan announced quietly, "The mass for the funeral starts at eight tomorrow morning. It'll be short and closed casket." The bodies of their parents had been cleaned, prepped to wear their Sunday best, but it would be impossible for Lindsay to look at her parents without seeing the gunshot wounds.
They fell into silence again until Lindsay whispered reluctantly, "I need to call my boss." Her brothers nodded, having been told that she had gone AWOL, much to their utter surprise. Evan handed her the phone, uncaring of the long-distance charges. "I guess we'll leave you alone then."
She didn't let go and only snuggled deeper in the security of her older brothers. "Stay. I need you here." Bearing in mind the time difference, Lindsay felt it was better to call his cell phone instead of the office. After a few minutes, a familiar voice that brought both comfort and dread answered, "Taylor."
A brief pause. "Mac, it's Lindsay." She sounded so tired, her voice never rising above a whisper. She had screamed and wailed her voice dry in that cave. Her voice had given up on her, just like everything else in her. "I know it's not enough, but, I'm sorry."
She could tell Mac was a bit unprepared. He probably would have preferred to do this face to face. "I am disappointed in you Lindsay," she flinched, "but, I would be lying if I pretended not to understand what you're going through. This is something that we need to discuss when you return to New York." He paused. "I gather by the fact that you called that the search is making some headway?"
"It's...over." Lindsay squeezed her eyes shut and took a shuddering breath. "They're dead Mac." Her voice cracked. She could feel herself crumbling. "They're dead. I...I couldn't..." Hot tears began slipping down her face, streaking her already tear-stained face and she struggled not to choke.
Mac's voice was soft and steady, cutting through the anguish welling up inside her. "Lindsay, listen to me. It's not your fault. It's not. I want you to remember that." He took a deep breath. "Work through it Lindsay, and heal. It will take time, but I know you can do it. Deal with this and I'll see you back in New York soon Lindsay."
She couldn't stop the small hitch in her voice. "T-thanks Mac. I'll uh, I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Take care Lindsay." Mac hung up and though his words were sympathetic, Lindsay was still uncertain what the future in terms if her job held. She hung up the phone and handed it back to Evan. Swiping at her tears, Lindsay buried her face in her hands and let her brothers comfort her, soothing her with their words and ignoring the hitching in their own voices.
"I need to get back to New York. I took off against orders, after all."
Evan ran a hand through her hair, concerned. "So soon? Lindsay, are you sure you should be doing that?"
She shook her head, lifting her face. "I...I have to get back. I'm pushing it already." There's still stuff I have to take care of; people I need to see. Lindsay reached out to grip her older brother's hand. "I'm sorry for just dumping this on you, Evan."
He shook her apology away and pulled her into a tight hug. "It's fine; you've been through too much already. I'll take care of it." He released her and she felt Noah hug her from the other side.
"Are you sure you'll be fine? If you want, I can fly there too." Lindsay managed a weak smile at their protectiveness. Turning to Noah, she said, "You need to get back to your job too. Maybe not as soon as me, but eventually." She took a deep determined breath. "I can do this alone."
The two nodded, sadness hanging over their heads before Noah broke it, "Well, let's go book you a flight, Linds."
"Hey, it's me again. I know you don't want to keep hearing from me and I'm only stressing you out. But I had to tell you, if only to let you know, that she's not pregnant." Pause. "That probably hurt you more instead of relieving you, but I don't know how else to say it, Linds. I'm trying not to make things even worse, but it seems like all I do is bring bad news. I, uh, hope everything's going fine out there and I bet you're making Katum wish that he had stayed in jail. Everyone here is thinking of you." There was silence on the line for a moment. "I wish I could be there to help you get through this, even if you wouldn't want me there. Still though...you're not alone. Me, Stella, Hawkes, Mac...we're all just a phone call away. I miss you."
Her hand hovered over her cell phone. It all seemed so long ago. The hurt from his transgression had changed, morphed, and been taken over by the pain of the realization that her parents were gone. Thanksgiving and Christmas were holidays Lindsay had always looked forward to, though she couldn't always make it back to Montana. She would always call. Or they would always call her. She'd never hear their voices again. Who would she talk to without her mom?
Lindsay wasn't sure if she was ready to face Danny, but then again, everything was numb, including her feelings for him. Still though, she remembered the comfort that he had brought and her talk with Noah had forced her to think, really think. Danny was sorry. And he had shown that he wasn't going anywhere. Danny was still there, he was waiting. She sat on the bed in her brother's guest room in complete darkness, exhausted, but not wanting to go to sleep for the nightmares she knew would come, thinking.
It was her move, so to speak. Her hand began dialing.
A/N: In case any of you are confused, Danny's message is the one he made to Lindsay way back in chapter seventeen and she's only hearing it now. Anyone else excited about the new episode?! Finally!