Chapter Twenty-Six

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot

The sky was dark gray and somber.

A fitting mood for a funeral as Lindsay stood next to her brothers watching the polished wooden caskets descend into the ground. Nearly the entire town of Bozeman was standing silent behind her in the last moments that the Monroe children had with their parents before they were buried.

Anna Monroe. Dale Monroe. Loving mother. Loving father. Dearly missed by those that loved them. The inscriptions on their headstones were short, but poignant.

After being lowered and flowers tossed, everyone made to leave although the majority stayed, gravitating toward the three siblings, causing Lindsay to cringe away. She didn't want to hear how sorry anyone was. No one could be more sorry than she was, could feel as much pain as she did, not even Noah or Evan.

A familiar bulk walked into her vision with blond hair and green eyes. "Hey," she whispered as Scott approached her. Noah and Evan were fielding the rest of the town offering their condolences. Her eyes roved over his face, finding tiny scratches and cuts on him that were almost identical to the ones on her own.

He shuffled closer to her. "I heard from Noah that you're leaving this afternoon, to go back to New York. I think you're crazy, but...I never did fully understand you, Lindsay Monroe." He reached out a hand and cupped her cheek, lifting her face. His green eyes searched hers. "With everything we've gone through, I feel like it's made us closer, but at the same time, I'm still losing you, even if I didn't have you in the first place." He licked his lips, looking pained. "I do care about you Lindsay, but...I'm fine if it's just as a friend. I'm here for you, no matter what. Even when you get back to that big city of yours, if you need me..." With slight hesitation, he leaned over and kissed her softly on her cheek. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Lindsay grabbed his hand as he pulled away. "Thank you Scott, for everything." Her eyes were sincere. "And I promise, I won't be a stranger. I owe you so much." He nodded once, sharply, before moving over to Noah. Tears rose to her eyes and she glanced back at her parents' tombstones. I love you mom, dad. I'm so sorry.

An hour later, Lindsay, still dressed in mourning black, set aside her traveling bag and turned to her brothers at the airport. She took a deep breath, taking in her surroundings before musing, "It seems that the only reason I come back here recently, is to deal with problems. But you know what? Even with everything that's happened, I still have so many other memories and I would much rather remember those than anything else."

Evan wrapped her in a hug, minding her injury. "Good girl," he murmured. "Don't forget to call if you need anything. Take care of your arm too." He released her into Noah's waiting arms. "Same goes for me too, Linds. Like for instance, if you need me to beat up anyone, it's no trouble. And if worse comes to worst, there's a spot for you on west coast, although I'll have superiority and all – oof. " He was relieved to see her smile, even if it was a small one and didn't reach quite reach her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." Lindsay let go and grabbed her carry-on, hearing the announcement over the public speaker. "I'll let you know when I get settled in."

It was with heaviness in her feet and heart that Lindsay walked away from the comfort of her brothers and boarded the plane alone, feeling uncertain and anxious. Sitting in her designated seat, she fidgeted, unable to stay still. She was an adult and only she could solve her problems, but all Lindsay wanted to do was curl up on her bed and hide in her apartment. The plane prepared to take off and as it lifted off the ground, leaving the Montana landscape behind, Lindsay dearly wished that she could do the same for her problems and pain too. Shame life didn't work that way.

--

Then again, New York presented its own set of problems for her and as she waited for a free cab at the curb with her luggage, they all came rushing back to Lindsay. She sighed. If there ever was a time when life was testing her, this whole month was it. So much had happened, so much had changed, in so little time. Lindsay knew that she was not the same person who had left New York and that though she had her family's support, it would be nice to have her friends at her back. The message Danny had left and Mac's words had given her hope, but at the same time, the last thing Lindsay wanted was sympathetic looks and the constant repeated question of whether she was fine or variations there of. That is, she contemplated as she got into a cab, if she still had a job, a place there with them. To that end, Lindsay gave the cab driver her address. She would drop off her bags and head straight to the lab. Lindsay just wanted this all to be over.

She had garnered some looks from people when she walked into the building and up to the lab, but they were probably wondering where she had been all this time, a full week gone. She hadn't run into any of the team and part of her was thankful.

Stepping off the elevator, Lindsay could see Mac standing in his office and she took a deep breath. There was no point putting the discussion off any longer. Striding along the hallway, she knocked quietly on the glass door, watching Mac's surprised expression. Clearly he wasn't expecting her to return to New York so soon. He beckoned her in and she soon stood just inside his office, slightly rigid but mostly resigned to her fate. Lindsay had, after all, brought this on herself.

She could feel Mac's eyes on her, cataloging the tiredness in her face, the tiny scratch marks and cuts on her face, neck, and hands, the beaten stance and black ensemble, resigned shoulder slump, and her eyes. Gone was the rich spark of happiness and excitement and replaced by misery and suffering. It radiated off her in waves. She looked like she had already been broken and pushed over the edge and was now just lying crumpled on the ground, taking the beatings life was giving her.

All the fight had left her.

"I didn't expect you back so soon," he commented, carefully staying away from asking how she was. She looked frail enough as it was. "I thought you would want to stay a while."

"The funeral was this morning and my brothers are taking care of my parents' property. I thought it would be best if I returned as quickly as I could, there's still stuff I need to take care of." Her voice was subdued. There was no inflection in her tone and she just stood there, offering no further information.

Mac nodded, his concern mounting. He headed to his desk.

Lindsay's eyes narrowed as she observed her boss moving slowly to his desk. "Mac, are you alright?"

"I got shot last week, Thursday in fact." He sat down in his office chair.

"You too? Man, this has been a rough week." She elaborated at his questioning glance, gesturing at her left arm. "Minor, dodged a bullet up close that took some skin and a bit of muscle." Her lips quirked. "As long as I don't try to lift anything really heavy, I'll be fine."

"You sure?" Lindsay nodded solemnly. The pain from her wound was nothing compared to the loss of her parents. "Very well. I've given some thought to this Lindsay and I am disappointed in you. When I gave you an order, I expected you to follow it, despite any personal feelings. I was doing it for your own good and you instead took matters into your own hands. I'm very sorry for your loss and for what happened, but things could have always become worse. You dodged a bullet Lindsay, that might not have been the case. I don't know the particulars of what occurred, but some of your actions were completely irresponsible and downright reckless. You endangered yourself and others around you while leaving still more people worried and concerned. During your time here, you've become an invaluable team member, but there have been times when you've lost control and now with this, it's got me concerned about how you'll react in the future. I would like to know that you won't go off half-cocked the next time something tragic happens." Mac sighed, eying Lindsay's silent, but defeated stance; one he attributed not to his lecture, though he was certain she was listening, but to everything that had happened in Montana.

He had called Chief Carter again that morning, wanting to know what to expect when it came to his employee's emotional state and was told that she had been the one to find her parents' bodies and that Lindsay had been in a catatonic state while in the hospital. "A part of me wants to suspend you Lindsay, but taking in everything and because I do care about what happens to you, I'm putting you on probation. For the next couple of weeks, you are restricted to the lab working on evidence that the rest of the team bring to you as well as any other back cases. I am also taking you off the promotion grid and a formal reprimand is going into your written file. I also want you to set up an appointment with the departmental psychiatrist as well."

He waited for her to argue with him on the last point, but Lindsay just stood there with a dead look in her eyes and knew his CSI had a long way to go. He wanted to send her straight home, but had the feeling that doing so would only make her worse, Being alone with her thoughts would not be good; as much as he hated to admit it, Mac thought that this was one time where keeping Lindsay busy would do her more good. Besides, Stella was in the lab somewhere and Mac was hoping that Lindsay might be more receptive to opening up to the other woman rather than him. "Are you feeling up to getting back to work right now?"

Lindsay looked at him with pain and sadness lurking in her eyes, but also determination and lucidity. "Stella is in the lab somewhere; she's working on a robbery by herself. You can help her with the evidence." Mac wanted Lindsay to completely steer clear of any murder cases if he could help it until he could be assured that she could handle it. Lindsay nodded and turned to walk out when he called out, "Lindsay? I'm sorry and it's good to have you back." She graced him with a quick lifeless smile and left, leaving him to sigh once more.

AN: One more major issue to deal with and that being Danny and Lindsay's confrontation. Next chapter! Thanks for the reviews!