General Writing Techniques
Applying to the Harry Potter FanFiction
Volume 5: Romance vs. Fluff
A/N: I hate author's notes-they disrupt the flow of what you're writing, but one is really needed here. This is going to be written by my sister, who has her own account (pippagethetook01), because, as the girl, she's more…mushy, and stuff.
-Rudolph-o
Seeing as how I have already been introduced, I'll just proceed into the beauty, sappiness, and full frontal snogfests that are all part of the one topic my brother is too macho to discuss.
Welcome to Romance: the seminar about the balance between your two characters that are in (sweet, sweet) love. In most situations, these will be your two main characters, and the romance is the only plot in the story.
Well, if that must be the case, you have to do this justice. I know there are bunches of little fluffy stories out there with no plot other than:
How many sex scenes can I fit into a one-shot?
Does he/she like me?
So what I'm saying is that if you don't want my brother (if you haven't figured it out yet, that would be Rudolph) to flame you, follow these guidelines.
Part A: FLUFF
Ron and Hermione
By: supersexieslytherin007
Hermione walked into the Great Hall. Ron was shoveling food into his mouth and Harry waved and asked her to sit next to them. "Hi guys," she said, as she said down and started complaining about her homework and how she would have to skip meals to get it done.
Ron listened to her talk, gazing into the chocolate orbs of her eyes.
Stupid song
That doesn't have anything to do with the story
Other than the fact that it makes me want to vomit
And that it says something about love somewhere…
Hermione was trying to focus on what she was saying, but she couldn't tear her eyes off of Ron's ocean blue spherical nerve bundles compiled of pupil, cornea, retina, and iris.
More stupid song
About love or something like that
Touchy-feely like swallowing a teddy bear
Or petting a week-old golden retriever…
Ron looked away and blushed. Hermione did too. Then, suddenly, they kissed each other on the cheek, and then they made out right there in the Great Hall.
"I didn't know you felt that way!" They both said after the snogfest. But it was all okay, because this is just a one-shot fluff and the only people who enjoy reading it are 11 year old girls with posters of Orlando Bloom plastered on their lockers.
The (sappy, mushy, grossly stupid, long-awaited) end.
You may have noticed there were little or no spelling errors, punctuation errors, or grammatical mistakes. There usually aren't, but don't ask me why, I'm really not sure. If you're going to write a fluff, don't post it. They're stupid, plot-less stories that are written to satisfy the person's loveless life. And isn't that sad?
The worst fluff is DEFINETELY the Hermione/Ron, because it's not only fluff, it's cliché. And that's totally not cool.
The other example may be better classified as lemon, but I think it also counts as fluff to a certain extent-the "Mayflies in mating season" kind, where everybody sleeps with everybody.
Ripped
By: harrysslut
Lavender walked into the common room, pulling down her shirt in the front to reveal a good amount of cleavage, which the insane author will usually elaborate on. Harry looked up with just enough time to enjoy the view and stood up and put his hand on Lavender's shoulder. She turned around, and for no reason, they made out, then took it up to one of the dormitories and had wild, passionate sex for the entire night, which the author will tell us all the intricate details about. Then, Lavender did the same thing with Ron, Neville, Draco, all the staff, and random other characters including Mrs. Norris.
The End
This is the mindless "two sentences I could read to my mom" story that you really wish you'd never read.
So, Doctor Pippage, what is the cure for this disease? I have to say that if you're going to make a romance story that you want to be a good Fanfic, shoot for at least five chapters. Also, don't make the romance the main point of the story. You're just gonna look stupid, because Harry Potter itself is not a romance book. Do you get what I'm saying? If you're doing a fanfic from some Nicholas Sparks story, the romance should be the main point, but not in Harry Potter. Get it? Got it? Good.
So, the guidelines I mentioned earlier are as follows:
-If there are less than 5 sentences you could read to your pastor, perhaps you should (ahem) go a little lighter on the details, eh?
-If the story's plot is hanging on the question, "DOES HE/SHE LIKE ME?" delete your story and then shoot yourself.
-When all your reviews are from the cliché busters telling you that it's a worthless, sappy fic, believe them. Or me. I may be out to get you!
Thanks, and to all you tweenie-boppers with laptops, don't make us flame you.
-Pippage, AKA Kara Gretel Rhinehardt