General Writing Techniques
Applying to the Harry Potter FanFiction
Volume 7: How to Rate a Story. Really, it's not this Hard!
Normally, I would call this nit-picky, but after a few incidences of horrible ratings, I've decided to grace you all with one more chapter of General Writing Techniques. That's right.
So, let me tell you a bit of what happened to me.
I was browsing the "Just-In" menagerie, when a story caught my eye. Rated T for mild language and slight sexual references, it said. Now, kids, may I remind you that I'm not against a little well used profanity, and if the sexual references were fitting to the story, I'm all for it. The summary sounded interesting (I won't write it, half because I don't remember it and half because I don't want some author up my butt about it), so I checked it out.
I'm reading along, and the author drops an F-bomb in dialogue. I had to wonder if the story was really properly rated. But I went on, hopeful that there was some good story in there somewhere.
None, I might add. Boring story.
I keep reading, being the gallant soldier of all fic-dom that I am, and I get smacked in the face with about fifteen "fck"'s in about five paragraphs.
I began to lose hope in the author. Not only was the story crappy, but there are little kids on the site! I am here to be their protector, and ask you idiots to at least RATE YOUR STORIES correctly!
So, Rudy, you're asking me, after making us sit through that boring monologue, are you going to give us something worthwhile, or are you not even going to replace the brain cells of ours you just killed?
And the answer to that is:
Rating a Story
The fun way to look out for the little kids on !
Hello, authors! I'm Rudy, your guide to rating your fics! Here are a few basics you'll need to remember for the test on Friday! Remember, it's worth 25 of your final grade!
The ratings:
K- Means "I could read this to my mom without blushing once, and she would make me a cookie for writing such a clean story!"
If you are going to rate your story as such, it must have ZERO offensive language, drug/alcohol use, sexual references…anything. It should be PBS-worthy.
K+- Means "I could read this to my mom but I wouldn't get a cookie!"
K+ is the equivalent of PG. Keep it clean, but you can add more adult themes in moderation, perhaps a darker storyline, stuff like that.
T- Means "I don't wanna read this to my mom, but I'd rather do that than die!"
PG-13, style. Here's where things get a little tricky. As far as language goes, anything more than 1 f-word merits a 'M' rating. Sex may be mentioned but not…explained. There can be mild drug/alcohol use. Violence is permitted to the Lord of the Rings level. No Patriot yet.
M- Means "My mom would ground me until I was 21 if I read this to her!"
The explicit, the grotesque, the adult. Welcome to the banned book section. Basically, anything too (insert offense here) for T gets shoved in here. People are dying and you know exactly why. They're also pregnant and you were pretty much there at conception. They're doing drugs up the wazoo and you might as well be the dealer.
So, kids, in closing, be smart. There's nothing that makes someone look stupider than a badly rated story.
Or a bunch of typos.
Or plaid pants.
It depends.
-Rudy