A/N: Hi! Another chapter done. I bet you all are so happy about that. You know I never quite explained this fanfic to anyone. I meant to but I guess I never really did. Everyone gets depressed, no matter who you are. It's all a matter of if you let it rule over you or not. Edward never was the type to let anything stick to him and ruffle his feathers. I always wondered what would happen if he did. And this is the end result. A lot of people go through this every day and I'm not one to point a finger. I have these problems too, which I guess is the reason why I'm so good at writing out AWOL scenes that portray a character as "crumbling apart." That is my specialty and I hope that I can piece him back together, making that my next best thing.

I realize I never dedicated this thing. I will do so now. I dedicate this fanfic to Roo. She's my heart and star. I dedicate this to Manda. She's the reason I wake up in the morning and not jump in front of a car. I dedicate this to my reviews. Love you all so much. I dedicate this to all who suffer from depression and SI. I wish them happiness that I could never give. I dedicate this to everyone who deserves to live and love.

That means, I dedicate this to everyone.

Enjoy.

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Chapter 4- Spilled Lifeblood

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Ed walked blindly down the street, a drizzle hazing over his vision. He stepped into a growing puddle and heard the splash echo from far off. Everything seemed distorted and nothing looked real. Sighing, Ed looked down at his feet shuffling along and listened to the misty rain as it lightly bounced off the ground, thunder rumbling above. No one was outside and voices of the normal commotion of Central were deathly quiet.

'Alone in the rain…how cliché…perfect time for a murder too…only to have me clean up afterwards.' Ed stopped walking and looked up into the dark sky, just out of the circle of light scattered by a light pole. 'I never wanted to do this…but I have to admit…it's the only thing I'm good at…and it's the only good thing that bastard of a father gave me. Why'd he have to leave? It almost feels like…he didn't love us enough to stay…not even Mother. He should've been there.'

Anger flared to life inside of Ed as he balled his hand into a fist. He quickly looked down the street he was on and started walking again. 'All Mom wanted was for him to be there. I couldn't even do that for her. I couldn't do anything but condemn her soul to the hideous world. I wish I could undo it all…and sometimes…I don't want to be in the rewrite. Wouldn't it be better if I disappeared? I can fade away just like the wind…a mist never to be seen again to curl around your feet and send a chill through your body.'

Ed turned out of the deserted marketplace and headed into town, walking in and out of the circles of light in the darkness. 'But…to disappear like that…it's selfish. Would Al…anyone…miss me? Even…Roy?' A faint, sad smile played across Ed's lips before turning into a frown. 'No…not someone like me he wouldn't. I'm just the small guy he picks on and makes fun of…I'm not worth it to him…Damnit.'

A roil of emotions surged over Ed's features before a calm nonchalance prevailed. 'Well, if it's going to be like this, I might as well see what he has to say to my face before leaving at least. I'll finish my mission and send it back to him…alone…depending on what he says.'

"But…" Ed muttered, stopping again to think. "Should I go right now? He'll be mad at me for leaving the hospital…and it'll influence what he says." He sighed before continuing to walk in a heavier rain. "I guess it's for the best. After all, he doesn't like me that much anyways."

A bitter smile plastered itself to Ed's face as he quickened his step to get to Roy's house. 'If I'm lucky, he just might turn me back out into the rain or…not even let me in at all. I don't know what will happen if he makes me stay as he yells at me…or he won't talk to me, ignoring I'm alive. I don't want that…not again, and not from him. I need to stop this, but…it would hurt too much to feel like that again. After so long, you would think I would be used to disappointment and the hurtful sting of rejection.'

Ed rubbed his temples, a dull pounding forming. "I really need to stop thinking so much. It'll be my downfall one of these days. But, I don't know how to turn my damn head off."

Sighing in frustration, Ed tried to keep his thought process on silence and focused on reaching Roy's door without a cold. By the time he reached the foreboding doorway he didn't want to knock. A light was on in the only visible window from the front of the building. Biting his lip, Ed anxiously looked around in the gloomy dark before taking a step forward. The light in the window suddenly turned off, making Ed jump and search his surroundings. Nothing appeared around him so he relaxed his muscles slightly. The door to Roy's house opened and startled Ed. He quickly took a few steps back the way he had come and watched from the shadows as Roy emerged, locking the door behind him.

Roy slowly walked down the few steps to the sidewalk and waited under a light pole, a calm air surrounding his being. Ed took a step toward his colonel, but refrained from calling out to him. As soon as he was standing right outside the circle of light surrounding Roy, a sleek car pulled up and the back door opened. A voluptuous blonde with the air of prosperous influence came into view, giggling as she attached herself to the colonel.

"Oh honey! I've missed you! Why are you waiting out in the rain? You'll get your nice coat all soaked through. Let's go already. I don't want to ruin my dress," she complained, tugging Roy toward the car.

"Roy…"Ed whispered, taking a step back. Roy immediately turned his head and surveyed the darkness; eyes alighting on Ed. Eyes wide as he realized he spoke out loud, Ed clamped a hand over his mouth, stifling a whimper.

"What's wrong, baby? Aren't I enough to look at?" The blonde posed seductively before stomping her foot, pouting.

"Huh? No, that's not it. I could've sworn I heard my name…" Roy turned back to the blonde and helped her slide back into the car.

"Honey, are you okay? My psychiatrist says that if you're hearing things that you need to sleep more. Or you're just crazy, but-"

Roy slid in after her and shut the door, the conversation lost to Ed's ears. He snorted lightly at the blonde's phrase, trying to hide his emotions for the meantime. 'That's like the pot calling the kettle black.'

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Envy moved in the darker shadows, silently laughing at poor Edward's predicaments. 'He could've called out to the dark haired one but he stayed quiet. Have I already gotten under your skin, Edward-kun?'

Edward seemed to feel the piercing eyes on his back as he quickly swung around and looked into the shadows. Envy took a quiet step back into a darker recess. Edward shivered as a chill passed over him, hunching his shoulders. He put his gloved hands in his pocket and turned away from the colonel's house. He slowly walked in the direction of his and his brother's house. Envy's face split into a grin as crept behind him, his gaze following Ed's every move.

'I hope you like me there, because I'm not leaving you any time soon. Be careful where you lead me, Ed-kun, or I just might have to strike.'

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Edward slammed the front door of his house behind him as lightning lit up the sky behind him, rain falling in hard sheets. A brilliant flash of light from the lightning outside lit up the small living room before darkness returned. No lights were on and the shadows stretched out in odd angles, making you see one thing before you blink and it's gone.

Ed slid down the door and rested his head back against it. He sighed and looked up at the doorknob. 'I guess someone fixed the lock. They didn't bother to use it though. I don't even know why I did it… I just wanted… I don't know what I want. It hurts to think about the pain but…it won't go away.' As if to answer Ed's thoughts, his heart sent out a dull throb, making him wince.

'Why doesn't anyone care that I'm here…alone…in the dark…scared…? Why did Roy have to run off with that floozy when I was right there? I couldn't even call out to him… It hurts so much to know he walked away…and didn't even look back. He left me alone… I don't want to be alone anymore.'

Ed closed his eyes and saw his dream through his mind's eye. The Dark Ed raised his hand and held it out to him. "Come…I'm right here. I won't let you be alone anymore…" He seemed to say, calling out to Ed in his mind.

Ed carefully stood up and hollowly walked down to his room, a tear escaping his mask of indifference. 'Don't leave me alone… I don't want to be alone… Stay with me…please…'

He closed the bedroom door and looked at the small mirror that hung above his dresser. His eyes instantly changed to anger at the expression of weakness on his face. He grabbed the mirror and flung at the opposite wall, glass splintering. Shards flew in the air, catching the small amount of light there was, and twinkled forebodingly. The pieces landed on the bed and the floor, a hushed tinkle reaching Ed's ears.

'I can't be weak…not in front of anyone. They would just laugh at me. They don't even know…they don't even care! I hate this!'

An imaginary soft caress passed by Ed's ear as a translucent Dark Ed stood behind him, a calm smile on his face. "I can make you strong, Edward. You just have to let me in. I want to help you. I want you to be safe in yourself with me."

Ed closed his eyes and exhaled, a serene feeling fleetingly suppressing all the hurt and rage. 'But…'

"No buts, Edward. This is where you need to be. You remember it, don't you? Everything went away. Nothing could touch you. Don't you want that again? I'll be right there with you." Dark Ed walked around Edward's still frame until he stood in front of Ed. He held Ed's face with his hands and gave him a soft smile. "I'll never let you be alone."

A trickle of tears fell from Ed's eyes as he closed them, a shuddering breath being let out. He slowly sat down on the floor with his back up against the wall, his head bowed. Dark Ed sat down beside him, leaning against Ed so that the invisible weight would be felt. Ed unconsciously leaned over toward Dark Ed and blinked away the still falling tears.

"He doesn't care, does he?"

Dark Ed's smile turned sad as looked at Ed. "You know the answer yourself. It doesn't need to be spoken."

"Envy…he's coming back…isn't he?" Dark Ed remained silent but watched Ed closer.

Ed lifted his gaze and looked at the ghostly face beside him. "No one cares, do they?"

Dark Ed shook his head silently before disappearing. Ed bit his lip and rubbed his gloved hands over his face, wanting to rub away everything. Anxiety picked up in Ed's system, making him fidget. His boot clinked against something, making a small pinging noise. Ed uncovered his eyes and looked down at his boot. A lone piece of glass rested against his boot, jagged edge catching the dim light in the room. It shined up at Ed and called to him to pick it up.

Without thinking, Ed picked up the small piece of glass and pressed his index finger onto the sharp edge. A tedious spike of pain registered in Ed's mind as he kept pressing his finger down on the edge. The glass cut through the microscopic tendrils of cloth fabric and pressed into the soft flesh pad of Ed's finger. It pressed past the first layer of skin and cut through to a small group of capillaries working blood back to the heart. The damaged capillaries spilled out thousands of red blood cells to form droplets of blood that quickly soaked the center of the finger of the white glove. A trail of blood made its way from the tip of the glass down to Ed's thumb, rapidly gaining speed. Ed watched intrigued as the blood droplet touch the white fabric covering his thumb and quickly dyed red as the blood soaked the cloth. He quickly dropped the glass into his mechanical hand, entranced by the pinprick on his flesh finger.

'This blood is what makes me real…human. This blood is what killed so many and turned others away. Even my brother doesn't share this blood anymore. I am alone in this world with this blood to keep me living. I hate it. Envy wants this blood. I don't want it to be there. Go away…I should go away…I'll disappear with every drop spilled…I can be someone new…someone that people will like…'

Ed's mechanical hand gripped the shard of glass as he raised it to his gloved hand. Using his ring and pinkie fingers, he maneuvered his glove to rest on the arch of his hand. He pushed his sleeve down somewhat and looked at the pale skin that seemed to glow in the low lighting. Ed's eyebrow twitched as he lowered the shard to his skin, nervousness making his automail twitch.

'I can't do it…I have to…no, I can't…yes…weak will die…strong will be my new being…I can help people and actually be of some good. I won't be alone…but…I'm scared.'

Ed pressed the glass lightly against his skin and squeezed his eyes closed. Panic seizing his heart, Ed's hand shook and quickly sliced into his skin at the wrist in a diminutive downward motion. The air rushed from his lungs as the red, sticky substance welled out of the cut and poured over his arm. Time felt sluggish and his pulse slowed, stopping everything around him. The serenity washed over his battered mind and stopped the pain in his heart. He closed his eyes and fell into a light doze, a peaceful sleep awaiting him.

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The shadows outside parted to let Envy through to watch Edward from his bedroom window. He watched Edward's erratic behavior until Ed fell asleep on the floor. He raised an eyebrow and grinned wickedly. Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Envy turned away from the window and rested his back against the wall next to it.

"Tut, tut, dear Ed-kun. I must've gotten to you deep for you to do that." Envy ran a hand through his long hair and sighed. "You must be missing me, Ed-kun. I'll have to pay you a visit…real soon."

Envy shoved away from the wall and walked out into the shadows, the darkness consuming him from sight.

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Al grimaced as he watched Mustang climb into the car from the living room window. Mustang had asked Al to stay with him after the break-in, just in case something else happened. Al had weakly accepted the offer, not wishing to stay alone in the house. But now that he thought about it, he didn't want to be alone in Mustang's home either.

He sighed as he slightly turned from the window. 'Brother, I wish I could be with you…I want to know what happened.' Out of the corner of his eye, a spark of red was illuminated by the light pole outside before disappearing into the night. Al quickly turned and looked out the window, trying to see through the darkness and rain outside. 'It couldn't be…could it?'

Al rushed to the front door and threw the deadbolt, stepping out into the dreary night air. Nothing stood out to him and no color could be seen. 'Damn…I could have sworn…' Al invisibly worried his lip as he took another step outside before realizing how ridiculous it sounded. 'Ed should be in the hospital still. He wouldn't be out here. But…'

Al shook his head as he looked at Mustang's open, front door. 'I can't stay here. I need to go home and wait for him…like I always do.' Al slowly approached the open door and pulled it closed. 'I hope Mustang will forgive me but I just can't wait around anymore.' Al determinedly walked down the few steps to the sidewalk and strode out into the misty rain, hoping he wouldn't rust.

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Ed silently jerked awake, a pain stabbing into his head before receding. He moaned and rubbed his face with his mechanical hand, sighing in relief at the cool touch of metal on his burning skin. Bleary-eyed, he looked around his room, familiarity sinking in. Memories flooded back to his mind as he looked about the room and gazed at his flesh arm. His lips pulled into a frown as he stared at the rough cut on his wrist, but for some reason he didn't seem to care. The cut had coagulated and the blood flow had already stopped.

'Well, that was unexpected. I wasn't supposed to fall asleep like that…but I have been tired. Whatever…I need to clean this up before anyone shows up…just in case.' Ed gradually cracked his sore neck and leaned forward to stand up. The weariness of his body made him groan in frustration before letting it go. 'I'll just take a shower and go to bed. Yeah…that sounds nice.'

Ed stripped off his gloves and jacket, tossing them onto a chair in the corner of the room. He pulled his rain and sweat-soaked shirt off and scowled as his back muscles grew taunt and unforgiving. He dropped the shirt on the floor and sat on the bed, meticulously untying his boots. Kicking them away from the bed, he stood back up and opened his bedroom door, undoing the greasy braid that hung limply on his neck. He opened the hall cupboard and took out a big, fluffy towel.

In the bathroom, Ed kicked the door shut and tried not to let a shiver take over him. He ignored the callings and the whispers, setting his towel down on the sink. Instead, he undressed the rest of the way. He tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper and walked to the shower, turning the hot and cold knobs together. He refused to look into the mirror as he passed by it, not looking at his reflection. In the mirror, Dark Ed leaned against the wall and watched as Ed climbed into the tub and let the stream of water hit his tired body before vanishing.

'Roy wouldn't care about me like that. I've been staring after him lately…but…I'm nothing in his eyes. Why do I do this to myself? It hurts to feel those piercing eyes looking at me like I'm a freak…some short…short, yeah…freak.' A steady stream washed over Ed's hair, soaking it through. He closed his eyes and fought against a wave of nausea. 'I didn't do this to myself. No. It's his fault…it's theirs. I never wanted this. They brought it on themselves…damnit.'

He punched the tiled wall of the shower with his flesh arm, feeling the throb jolt up his arm and jar his senses. 'It's me. This is me. No one else…only me.' Ed grabbed a hanging washcloth and held it in the lukewarm water. He picked up a bottle of liquid soap and poured a generous portion onto the limp washcloth in his hand. He set the bottle back down and lathered his body, turning his back to the spray.

'Why did I even go there? He didn't even see me. I was waiting…why was I waiting? He would never see I'm right here.' Ed bit his lip and turned his front to the spray to wash away the soap covering his body, wincing when soap ran over the new cut. He stared at the cut as the water softly pounded on his chest, a faraway glaze hovering over his vision. 'What was the point of doing that? I don't feel different…do I? It's…nothing. It's just a phase, I guess. Not like I'm going to do it again…'

Ed shrugged off the uneasiness and let the stream of water wash away his uncertainties and qualms.

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The front door rattled open as Alphonse stepped through the threshold. Down the hall, the slow drone of the showerhead could be heard. 'What's that? No one should be here. Mustang said Ed wouldn't be home of another hour or so.' Al stared down the dark hallway before quietly shutting the front door, forgetting to use the new lock Mustang had immediately installed after the attack. 'What if it's the attacker come back for some reason? Should I call Mustang? No. I have to deal with this on my own. I want to save my brother too.' Al tried to muffle his heavy steps by taking steps on the balls of his feet, slowly making his way toward the bathroom.

About a door's width away from the bathroom, the shower stopped. Al froze to the spot and waited, heart beating too fast. 'What am I going to do? I can't do Alchemy like Brother can…but I can't die like he can.' Determined, Al crouched down on his knees and watched the door ease open.

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Ed gently towel-dried his hair before draping the towel over his shoulders. He sighed and grabbed his pants out of the hamper, pulling them on. 'Gross. I knew I forgot something. I hate going commando…but at least I feel better.' A tug at his heart had him looking over his shoulder to see Dark Ed in the mirror. He was beckoning Ed back toward the mirror. 'Feh. Yeah, right. Not going to do that, thanks.'

Ignoring the urgent tug on his soul, Ed gripped the bathroom door and pulled it open.

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Ending Note: Wow. Another chapter finished and so many people reading this. It makes me so happy but you know what makes me happier? Reviews. I love seeing the reviews you all send to me. It makes my heart so happy and light. I request at least four reviews (excluding you, Roo. She reviews to every chapter I post, so that means four from everyone else) before I post up my next chapter. They inspire me to actually write and hurry up because it reminds me that people actually like this thing. So in total, I hope to see five reviews.

Oh and I fixed a problem that I didn't catch until I actually looked. I had breaks in between the POV changes but the stupid computer had deleted them. I apologize for not catching it sooner and will be extra careful about uploading my chapters. It makes me feel retarded to not have noticed earlier.

Lastly, I will have two OC people in my story. They won't be that unfamiliar to you anyways. One is the doctor, who I'll name later, and the other is Dark Ed, or De. Dark Ed is my original character and just in case I inspired anyone about him, please ask before you take him. I love him and made him myself. I will gladly share with anyone that asks me for him.