Water
The weather grew harsher as the year continued and I watched the lake go from water to ice. Zabini would always wonder why I stood with my nose pressed against the dorm window, staring at the water, willing it to unfreeze, to warm, to change, to do the impossible and conquer nature. When I was fighting to befriend you, the water was giving up. It pulled me down into it, slowly and surely.
I went home for winter break, my cheeks rosy when I embraced my mother and father. I excitedly told them about all of my friends, you particularly. When my father asked what house you were in and I told him, he raised his hand as if he would hit me. My mother screamed and he stopped, but the true damage was done. I sat in my room for the whole day on Christmas. A house elf dropped my gifts at the door. A little light inside of me prayed that somehow, on one of the tags, your name would appear.
I cried when it didn't. The water seeped down my cheeks and onto the pillow I was pulverizing. You repulsed me, you made my family hate me, you made me hate myself, you made none of the things that I used to love matter. But still, I couldn't resist you.
Breakfast
I wasn't sure how exactly to treat you when I returned to Hogwarts, bruised. Should I stay close to you or should I try and shut you out of my life completely, hoping to retain a bit of normality? You answered that question for me when you came up to the Slytherin table at breakfast. There was a bit of cream cheese on your chin and you spoke to me.
"How was your holiday?" you asked. I blushed and felt the eyes of the Slytherins around me.
"It was…" I started. Shouldn't I say good? Shouldn't I lie? Shouldn't I make pleasant conversation? "…horrible."
"What? Why?"
I missed you.
"Oh, nothing. Did you stay here over break?"
"Yeah, it was so cool with the school being like almost empty. You could run around the hallways and scream and nobody'd really care."
The thought of him doing that made me laugh. "I think I'll stay next year."
"You should. We'll keep each other company."
Not even the disapproving glare of my housemates could knock the smile off of my face as he walked away.
Winter
The dead of February may have buried many in sorrow but that was when we grew closer. We kept each other warm with conversations and study hours. I helped you with History of Magic and you helped me with Defense Against the Dark Arts. I forgot how my family felt about you, because whenever we were together, everything outside of us seemed to go away. I was still eleven years old and I still didn't understand the power of love and the power of hate.
I did understand, though, that I wanted you to be sleeping in the bed next to mine at night so I could whisper to you until late hours and see you smile when you awoke. I did understand that I wanted everyone in Slytherin to like you and everyone in Gryffindor to like me so we could all be friends and we could all be happy. I did understand that the best times of my first year at Hogwarts were times that it was just you and me, whether we were watching the snowflakes fall or laughing about Professor Quirrell or whispering our secrets.
For some reason, when winter ended, I suddenly felt empty. When before you had me to sit with in the library, now you had all of your Gryffindor friends to accompany you as you ran through the fields and stared at the sunlight. It's not that you disappeared when the ice melted; you just seemed to fade a bit.
Rain
It was a warm day in April but it was raining. It was raining hard. You could see it out the library. You could hear it singing when it hit the rooftops. You and I were sitting in a corner of the library, unable to do work, silently staring out the window.
Rain seemed to put some damper on everyone in your House. Gryffindors on a whole tend to see the rain and then fall right back into bed for the rest of the day. You, however, made me love the rain. It meant I had you all to myself
I was about to open my mouth to say something trivial, something witty, something conversational, something useless when I paused and saw your face. It was so beautiful with the cloud's solemn silver light illuminating your sorrow and your desperation for brighter beams. You wanted your Gryffindor friends. You wanted to be excited. You wanted to scream with laughter. You wanted everything I could not give you.
"Sorry," I whispered.
You looked at me, about to ask why, but you seemed to realize it. You smiled and reached over to ruffle my hair. I blushed.
Broken
I forgot to check the calendars, so I didn't realize until after my last final was over that summer was here. Joy was in the air, for who could be sad that three months of blissful freedom had arrived?
Well, other than me, of course.
What was I supposed to do for three months without you? Three months where I would shiver at every passing moment despite the sunlight's power. Three months where I would stare at the sky and know that somewhere, you were happy while I was not. Three months broken until I could come back and maybe be fixed.
I sought you out on the Hogwarts express on our return trip. I was so happy when I saw your bright face in the compartment, but you were not alone. You were laughing at some joke Dean Thomas made. Your Gryffindor friends. The ones who hated me.
I didn't say goodbye to you that year. It took all I had and more to hold the tears until I was alone in my high-ceilinged bedroom.