A/N: Okay…this chapter was interesting to write. It took forever because I wrote it like a million different ways…but this is the one that stuck out the most. So…do that read and review thing you guys do so well and let me know what you thought….I love constructive criticism and suggestions or anything of the sort! . Oh btw! I'd like a few reviews before I post the next chapter. Please and thank you.

Lily stared at the door in front of her. She knew James was inside, possibly with Sirius…getting high. Lily held her stomach and took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The scene was almost exactly how she had pictured it: James on a pouf injecting god-knows-what into his veins and Sirius on the one opposite him, smoking a cig. Lily could have been killed right then and she would've welcomed it.

"Lily?" James' voice said, but Lily wanted out. She started backing out of the room, but she was slow. Her senses were trying to catch up with her brain.

"Lily, wait!" James cried, running up to her and grabbing her wrist. She twisted and turned, but he wouldn't let go. "No, Lily! Not until you let me explain. Please." She couldn't stand to look at him; she couldn't stand to look at those piercing blue eyes, not now. Then Sirius' soft voice broke into her brain suddenly.

"Hear him out, Lily," he said softly. "You owe yourself that." But she knew what he was thinking, and why this affected him as well. He was the one playing both fields. He'd be the one picking both of them up at the end of the day, the one offering advice for the same situation twice. He wanted to avoid it. She forced herself to look at James and his perfect piercing blue eyes as he spoke.

"This was the last time, I swear. I just…I needed one more high." He closed his eyes for a minute and then looked at her "I'm stopping for you…I don't want to lose you." She felt like crying, but she knew she had to be strong, she couldn't let him see her break. Not now at least.

"I'm not mad at you, James. I'm not disappointed. I'm not…any of that." She closed her eyes. "I'm just hurt. Why?" She couldn't help the flow of tears that came flooding out of her eyes. "How could keep something like this from me?"

He was out of it, she could tell. He couldn't even keep his eyes focused on her. She wanted to hold him to her, and help keep him sane, help drain this drug out of him.

"Can we talk about this later…?" he asked, trying his hardest to stay focused on her. "I feel a little sick."

Lily rested her cheek against her shoulder and then whispered, "We can't talk about this later, James. There won't be a later if we don't talk about this now." She tried her best to keep back the tears that threatened to fall, but a few were spilling over.

He stared at her, waiting for her to speak He'd listen, but he wasn't going to make excuses for himself. He'd done what he'd done, and he couldn't take it back. Lily took a breath and then spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Why, James? Why?" James was taken aback by the question. He'd expected questions like 'How long?' and 'Where did you get the stuff?' But not…why.. He cracked a smile. Why was so simple.

"Because I wanted to." He let out a soft, melodic laugh. Lily closed her eyes; it was getting more and more difficult to breathe.

"Why did you want to?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. Sirius walked over to Lily and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Lily…" he said softly, "if you ask him any questions now, you aren't going to like the answers." Lily twisted out of his grip,

"Screw you, Sirius Black! You lied to me." Sirius stared at her with big eyes

"Lily, I…" She shook her head.

"Don't you dare try and justify yourself. I trusted you. You said you'd fix this. You said I didn't have to save him. You said you would. Sirius...You're like my big brother, if I can't trust you, than who can I trust?" Sirius shook his head.

"But Lily…You're still my sister. I'd still do anything for you – for your happiness. You have to know that." Lily felt like dying, this was all too much.

"Brothers. Don't. Lie." Sirius was stung by her words more than he could even express. Lily shook her head and turned back to James. "Look, I never wanted this. I never asked for it, James. You courted me. You made me fall in love with you. Now you have me. You have me heart, body, mind and soul, and I couldn't picture my life without you…but I can't watch you do this to yourself .It's killing me just standing here now." She inhaled deeply trying to catch her breathe, "James…is it me? Why…why are you doing this?" She was desperate now. She needed to fix him, and there was no other way around it. James looked as if his world was exploding.

"Have you ever just wanted to do something completely bad? Something that you know you could get in trouble for? Some thing that can ruin everybody's image of you? I wanted to do something to get my mind off it Lily…"

Lily looked confused, she glanced at Sirius and then back to James "Get your mind off what?"

James exploded then and it scared her a little bit "Of being so bloody perfect! I can't do anything when you're around Lily! NOTHING! You suffocate me! I can't talk to people! I can't have fun with my friends! Lily I feel like I'm your pet. Or your goddamn servant!"

Lily was shaking now, these words weren't true. They couldn't be…he had freedom…He did. She let him do whatever he wanted…This had to be the drug talking. Lily couldn't do this anymore. It was too much. Far too much.

"Screw you Sirius," she whispered, "And screw you too James." She turned and left the room without a second glance back at the boys.