Mouth McFadden sighed as he rounded the corner that led to his best friend's apartment. He tried to brace himself as he knew it was gonna be another one of "those" days. But that's what friends were for and he knew he had to be there for her. With his arms full, he used his foot to gently kick at her front door and help announce his arrival.
"Haley! It's me! Open up!"
There was silence at first, then he heard the sobs being muffled by tissue. He nearly jumped from his skin when he heard a loud explosion like sound as she blew her nose. How could one so little make such a loud and big and overly wretched sound?
"Come in. It's unlocked."
He let himself in and smiled, walking over to her as she sat looking dejected on her couch.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"
"My life is over."
His grin broadened as he handed her the grocery bag.
"Then you might as well enjoy a little comfort food in your last days", he joked. "Let's see. I have chocolate chip cookie dough. There are Doritos in there. Enough Hershey's chocolate to induce a sugar coma. Frozen pepperoni pizza. Cheap red wine and what would feeling sorry for yourself be without a couple of pints of ice cream?"
She rubbed at her already reddened nose.
"Cherry Garcia?"
"You got it."
"Oh Mouth, you're a lifesaver. I mean that. What would I do without you? What did I do before I met you? Oh yeah, that's right. Back then I was actually sane and not a stupid member of the stupid FBI. My life wasn't miserable then."
"What can I say? I am the Will to your Grace, you know, except for that whole gay thing. Anyway, prop your feet up, eat until your stomach hurts and tell me what in the world is so bad."
She wiped her tears once more, long enough to dig into the ice cream.
"I'm an idiot."
"Don't say that."
"I'm a klutz."
"You're not that bad."
"Everybody hates me."
"Not me. I don't hate you, Hales."
"Well, everyone except you."
"I don't believe that."
Haley raised an eyebrow.
"Need an example? Watch this. Tobey!" she yelled. "Here, Tobey. Come to Mommy. Sit on my lap and let's watch TV. Let's spend a little quality time together."
The adorable mutt lazily made his way from her bedroom. He eyed the situation before coming over long enough to steal a piece of chocolate Haley had opened. When she beckoned him to sit on her lap, he yelped and sank to the floor, putting one paw over his eyes.
"Tobey is so awesome", Mouth laughed.
"See?" Haley began to tune up again. "Need any more evidence? Even my dog hates me."
"What happened?"
"It's work."
"Okay, I kind of got that. What about it?"
"I suck", she answered between mouthfuls.
"That's a broad statement."
"It's a true statement. Mouth, I don't think I'm cut out for this FBI thing. Everybody tried to tell me and now I finally see it. It's too much. I'm in over my head."
"Why would you say that?"
"For starters, my physical fitness scores, especially the running is nowhere near where it should be. I'm horrible. I barely meet the standards and I don't want to be the chick that's barely getting by anyway. I mean, they already look at the females closer and I definitely don't want to be the female they're talking about."
"And?"
"My bosses hate me."
"What else you got?"
"You know how I always complain about never getting in on any of the cool cases?"
"Yeah."
"Well, they tested the waters so to speak and gave me chance to take the lead on an interview in a fraud case and I totally screwed it up. I was terrible. My tongue got tied and I started sweating like a pig. I even stuttered. Mouth, when did I start stuttering? I looked like a complete fool in front of everyone. I could practically feel the steam coming out of my boss' ear. And you know what happened when I left the interrogation room? Guess?"
"I give up", he tried not to laugh at her.
"What else? I tripped. When there is something totally secure and out of the way, leave it to good old Special Agent Haley James to go out of her way, find it, bump into or trip over it and bust my ass."
The corners of Mouth's lips began to ache as he finally lost his epic battle.
"Sorry…"
"I am so glad you find humor in the fact that my career is going down the toilet."
"Your career is not going down the toilet and I'm not laughing at you."
"Are you laughing with me? Mouth, look at this face. Note the puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks and snotty nose. I am so not laughing here."
"You are adorable and cute and funny and the only thing wrong with you is your lack of confidence."
"Have you not been listening to me this whole time?"
"Of course I have."
"Okaaaayyyyy…"
"Your physical fitness?"
"Yeah, like I said it sucks so therefore I suck."
"Remember what you told me when you first started the program? You could barely run down the block without stopping for a rest."
"So?"
"So? So look how far you've come, how much you've improved. Haley, you have a lot to be proud of. So you're not where you want to be right now in that department. Big deal. Don't stress about it. Set a reasonable goal and work towards it. If you stay focused and work hard, you're gonna achieve it just like you've achieved everything else."
Haley made a pouty face.
"And my bosses? Bailey can't stand me!"
"Didn't you say he was a nerve racking, micromanaging, unpleasant know it all, tool?"
"Well…yeah. I mean, I guess that sums him up."
"Then who cares? You don't get paid to make friends, Hales. Go in there with your head held high and do your job to the best of your ability. What can he say if you do that? I'll tell you what, he can't say squat. You're a nice person with a cheery demeanor. Not everybody is like that. If he wants to go around with a stick up his ass all day, let him. That's not your problem."
"What about Alston?"
"He sounds like a pretty fair guy and he is your immediate supervisor. Didn't he give you a chance with the interview?"
"Yeah, a chance I blew."
"So you got nervous. It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's over. Now you know what to expect next time and I guarantee it'll go better."
"You sure have a lot of faith in me, Mouth McFadden", she groaned.
"That I do, now if you could just have it in yourself, we'd be in business."
"I can't help it. Forgive the 'woe is me' attitude but I feel so inferior, like a failure. I feel stupid and insecure and not confident. I feel like I don't belong."
Mouth turned and looked at her in the eye.
"Then get out."
"What?"
"You heard me. Leave. Heck, with your background and education, you'll find another job in no time."
"Yeah but that's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"I love what I do. It's what I want."
A smile came to his lips.
"Exactly."
"Oh you tricked me", she hit at him. "Mouth, you watch too much Dr. Phil."
"I was doing a little reverse psychology. I was trying to make you realize why you became an agent in the first place and don't blast Dr. Phil. That guy is way cool."
She smiled her first real smile as she dried her eyes again.
"I do, Mouth. I do love it. It's just that I have a lot to prove."
"Then prove it. But don't get scared and run away because it's not all hunky dory at first. Everything is s struggle. Besides, you have to crawl before…"
"Before I can walk. I know. I've kind of heard that one before."
"Look, Haley, I believe in you, okay? And I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass because I'm your friend. I mean it. I know what you're capable of, it's just a little rocky right now. Hang in there and things will get better. I promise you."
She sighed, letting her head rest against his shoulder.
"You're a good friend, Mouth. Thanks. I guess I just really needed to hear that."
"No problem."
"You rock. I seriously mean that. You're the Laverne to my Shirley. The Dorothy to my Rose. The…"
"Uh, Hales, I do have a penis."
She looked up at him and they both burst out laughing.
"And I'm sure it's a very nice one."
"Thanks…I think. Okay, this is getting way too weird here. Let's get off my penis and back to your woes."
"Let's not. Thanks to you, I feel better. We're gonna forget all about this little sob fest and finish the rest of this ice cream and then we're gonna put on VH1 Classics and dance really horrible to bad 80's music. What do you say?"
"Sadly, that kind of sounds like fun. Damn, I need a girlfriend."
"Who needs a girlfriend when you've got me?" she grinned.
"Yeah, yeah. Hales, all that stuff I said back there? Well, it's true. I believe in you. One day soon the timing is gonna be right and you'll get that chance you're looking for. Everything is going to turn out just fine."
She exhaled, trying to rid herself of all the stress, depressing thoughts and negative energy.
"I hope so, Mouth", she nodded. "God, I hope so."